Almost 4 months old
Baby Sibol: 3 months, 28 days
I can't seem to keep track of weeks anymore, really. Sibol is almost 4 months old. Thursday is his 4 month celebration. I might make a small cake.
Lola and Lolo drove back home on Thursday, and now today (Monday), Grandma and Grandpa are in town. Transition after transition. Seeing Mama and Papa go home was rough on me, as well for them. I saw my dad give Sibol three kisses, play "Kick Lolo" one last time (at least for now), and then hand Sibol to me with his face turned away, almost in tears.
The night before, Mitch and I wrote them a heartfelt Thank You card for everything that they've done. Despite all the drama we had at the beginning (and in the middle, and in the end), I think they did a great job getting to know and taking care of Sibol. My mom sang him a bunch of made-up songs like "Inaantok si Sibol" and my dad patiently marched around with him, chanting in his baritone voice, to get Sibol to go to sleep. Aside from a few times when Sibol had gone too far fussy, it was nice to be able to take a break from helping Sibol accept his nap.
Next Monday I go back to work, and I think I'm slowly coming to terms with it. I need to find a way to manage my stress levels, get to work on time, and get home on time. I need to find a way to not let people at work get on my nerves. They don't need to take my emotional energy, and I should reserve half of my emotional bank for my new child.
Also, I am currently working on being mindful of my facial expressions, especially when communicating with Mitch and his parents. I would love it for Sibol to know his household as one that is truly loving, patient, and tolerant. I want him to not fear coming to me when something is wrong. I want him to believe that I will be there for him no matter what.
Is that what all parents want? What is it that makes them slip, let all the demons out, so that their child feels isolated, turning inward? I have all these high hopes that my relationship with Sibol will be nothing but good, but I've already seen myself behave with demons around family, and somebody I may lash out at him in a way that I'll regret. For now, I'm going to continue to practice this mindfulness so that it won't have to happen.