(no subject)
Part of me wishes I'd been journaling this entire time, but I've been busy...honestly. Sibol is 2.5, almost 3 months, old and is getting chubbier and longer each day. He is currnently around 14 pounds and 25 inches long. He is roughly 60th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for height.
He is definitely past the sleepy newborn phase and is starting to be very alert and active during his waking moments. He likes to babble back at us when we talk to him. He enjoys the stars above his pack n play cribs. He enjoys the birds that spin above the Fisher Price rocking cradle (though it seems he's gets bored of them more easily these days). He likes looking at the bouncing chair's tiger, giraffe, and elephant. But most of all, he loves looking outside while one of us carries him around the house.
When I'm tired, there are moments I just want to set him down and do my own thing for a while. Other moments I hold him close, stare at him, fall deeply in love with him, and wish that he could stay this size for a longer period of time. He is an absolute delight, and I think as parents we are starting to figure him out. For example, at night he wakes up stirring and making small coughing noises. This means he's hungry, so Mitch picks him up, hands him to me, and I feed him for about 15 minutes on one side. After he's done, he falls back to sleep, and Mitch tries to burp him before putting him to bed. The horomone prolactin is apparently really prevalent at night, so my un-nursed breast is typically huge. A few weeks ago I'd have to pump to relieve some tension, but I think I've finally reached an equillibrium where I'm comfortable with the engorgement and don't worry too much about getting more stretch marks.
Feeding
Lately he's been feeding rather consistently, plus or minus 1 hour or so, at 8pm, 10pm, 3am, 5am, 8am, 11am, 1pm, 4pm, and 6pm. As his stomach has grown and he has been been able to sleep for longer periods of time, sometimes he will skip the 10pm feeding, or even a morning feeding. The longest stretch he has gone so far is 6 hours in a night. He hasn't really cluster fed for several weeks now.
We've also been starting to bottle feed him approximately once a day. My parents are here (Lola and Lolo) so I typically let them handle the bottle feeding in the afternoon. We started introducing the bottle a little late (8 weeks), so it took him a few tries and "You're not my mom" staring at Mitch or my mom to get him used to it. Now, it seems he can easily switch between the two.
Exercise and Self-Care
During the day, around 1pm (or earlier if I anticipate it to be too hot that day), we go on a walk around Greenwood. Sometimes our walks are accompanied with a friend, like Kristina, the Russian woman I met in Sharon Muza's birthing class, who birthed a son named Ben. But for the most part, it's just me and Sibol. The furthest we have gone so far together is Rosellini's. It was kind of a rough ride, to be honest. Sibol got a little frustrated on the way back, so whenever we reached some shade every few blocks, I would take him out of the car seat stroller, hug him, and walk around before setting him back in. He would cry again, and I'd cover the carseat with the blanket. By the third time of doing this, his cries got a little quieter, more spaced out. He'd fall asleep.
Most of the time, however, our walks haven't been too far. Just a few blocks here and there. I've been rotating between a few bakeries in the area to get some reading done while he sleeps.
I haven't yet started exercising, except for some breathing/core exercises here and there. I have a very mild case of diastasis recti, so until I see a physical therapist (this coming Tuesday) I've been taking it easy. Diastasis recti is when your abnominal muscles stretch and separate, which means that part of you is pudging out and your core is not as strong as it used to be. This can result in some back pain or additional separation if you do not exercise appropriately. So, once I get the clear I would like to cycle and swim again. It would be nice to get back in good shape, although if I may be honest I think I look pretty good, considering what I've gone through. I'm confident that it won't be long before I get back into a regular groove and target weight. (Not sure these cookies are helping. Last night I baked a batch of Alison Roman's cookies).
Parenting Groups
During weeks 2 to 10 we joined a Families of Color Seattle newborn parenting group. I really liked it, but Mitch often complains that he doesn't have much in common with the rest of the families and that one of the families lives too far (Bothell). The other family lives close, but the mother is a white woman who Mitch thinks often dominated the conversations with her feelings. Both families, in my opinion, were delightful in their own ways. The Bothell family was made up of two women, presumably in their 40s, a Filipina named Diane and a white woman named Lisa. The white woman gestated their baby, Ella, who was born of donor sperm and embryo. The family close by is a black (maybe mixed-race?) man named Richard and a white woman named Cashew who had just met three months prior to them getting pregnant. It's unclear whether their pregnancy was planned, but they decided to raise Zenny together anyway.
Both families are choosing to raise their children gender-fluid, which has sparked a lot of conversations between Mitch and I about how we are raising Sibol and interacting with our families. My parents make a few comments here and there that reinforce gender stereotypes but I haven't yet had the energy to confront of them directly. The most egregious example is when my mother commented that soon enough Sibol would be running around the house and that boys are "mas malikot" (more mischievous). I want to ask her, does this mean that if we had a girl who was malikot it would be considered improper/abnormal? or that if Sibol chooses to be quiet and 'more well-behaved' that would be considered strange? If Sibol hears my mom makes comments like that, it would also reinforce this notion that he should be malikot and to be othewise is defy what's typical and normal.
One of the books I read post-partum is called Parenting beyond Pink and Blue, which more or less argues that while many stereotypes can be 'backed up' by averages, many other stereotypes have no basis. Even when considering averages, stereotypes are not very useful, and in fact are very damaging, because personalities and skills are often on a spectrum. Even if on average boys are 'more athletic' by the time they reach high school, it would be harmful to take that fact on face value for a few reasons: 1) some girls are more athletic than some boys, and some boys are not athletic at all and that's still considered normal, and 2) that there is an element of sociology/social constructs that reinforce and enable boys to be more athletic.
Mitch and I have more or less decided that we would continue to raise Sibol with a male gender but to be mindful about having meaningful conversations with him and to allow him to explore different facets of his personality and skillsets. We might even advocate for certain kinds of policy changes at schools - i.e., to not run classes by separating by gender all the time. We'll see if that does anything.
When FOCS ended, the PEPS parenting group started. I'm less impressed with this one so far, admittedly in part because I'm one of two people of color among 7 or so families. Mitch mentioned to me (and I'm trying not to misrepresent his thoughts/feelings) that he admits that he might have some bias towards this group in part because he can relate to the pace of conversation with this group than the other. It reminds me of his family's style of communication; there are less pauses and thoughtful silences, and you kind of just have to jump in to say a word. I, on the other hand, don't relate to too many of the people or particularly enjoy the style of conversation...at least not yet. I'm trying to be open-minded.