My day.
You know I really should use this thing, all this crazy shit happens to me all the time and I never write any of it down. What if I want to write a book one day what am I going to do then, pull it out my ass?
Well frankly I’m not that creative, so I’ll just have to use my real crazy life to write this not so real book I never really planning on writing.
I guess today is actualy a pretty good to telling these tales of idiocy.
I was walking home from the comic book store today after spending my weight in gold on my marvel subscriptions and it was pretty hot out. The kind of dry heat that makes to thirsty. I was walking down the sidewalk watching the cars go by, wishing they were going a little faster so maybe they could create some wind. Finally I got to about the half way point to my house, a local gas station that sells slurpies. So I got myself a good old fashion grape slurpie and headed back out on my way.
Next to the gas station has always been this huge empty lot that is just paved with gravel I start walking past it, there is a lady with two kids walking on the sidewalk a little bit ahead of me. One of her kids is just a baby still in the stroller, the other a toddler older enough to walk but not much else, I’m guessing. The baby in the stroller throws the rattle it’s playing with out on to the ground and the mother bends down to pick it up. The lady way pretty damn attractive considering her age, so I was busy considering her ass. At that moment the toddler got away from her and startes running out into the gravel lot. She picked up the rattle gives it back to her baby and then shiftes her attention to her other child running off. “Brandon, get you butt back over here!” The kid laughes and starts running the opposite way “I mean it mister!” The kid just keeps running. Then I feel this great feeling, a breeze from a huge truck driving past me. This huge semi truck just zipped past me cooling me down something nice. I take a big glup of my slurpie and look up down in to my bag of comics for a second.
At that moment I hear the mother shriek, I look up and I see the truck is about to turn the corner on to another street, and the kid is running full speed and it looks like he’s going to intersect paths with it. “Brandon , STOP RIGHT THIS MINITE!” she screamed but the kid wasn’t stopping. She abandons the stroller and starts running after him, at the speed she's running it really doesn’t look like she has time to catch up and every time she calls out he just laughs. Sadly running on gravel in heels didn’t work so well and she trips and screams “SOMEONE HELP!” I soon realize I’m the only person close enough to do shit, and that driver doesn’t look like he is noticing any of this. I take off running full speed toward the kid, ditching my slurpie as I go. Soon I realize that kid is about seven steps from going right into the trucks path and I’m just about half way to him. I think as quickly and a can while the woman screams “WHY ARE YOU STOPPING!” I grab a rock off the ground about the size of my fist, and I huck it at that kid as fast as I could.
The kid has just reached the sidewalk and is about to walk right in front of the truck. The rock slams him square in the small of the back, he stops the truck whizzes past, most likely giving the kid a nice breeze too. The kid turns around, looks right at me and starts to cry like I’ve never heard. I sigh a huge sigh of relief and plunk down right where I am. I smile for a moment imagining how grateful this lady is going to be and how I must be a hero now or something, when suddenly I feel a palm slap me up the back of the head. “Hey buddy, what the hell is your problem!” I turn around to see the lady with a scowl of death on her face. “I asked for some one to help my baby , NOT THROW A FUCKING ROCK AT HIM” “But I saved his life!” I yelped “Yeah, and probably left a bruise the size of my head!” Then she walked over, took the kids hand and stated to walk off “Thanks for saving my baby, asshole.”
Well, so much for being a super hero!
Well frankly I’m not that creative, so I’ll just have to use my real crazy life to write this not so real book I never really planning on writing.
I guess today is actualy a pretty good to telling these tales of idiocy.
I was walking home from the comic book store today after spending my weight in gold on my marvel subscriptions and it was pretty hot out. The kind of dry heat that makes to thirsty. I was walking down the sidewalk watching the cars go by, wishing they were going a little faster so maybe they could create some wind. Finally I got to about the half way point to my house, a local gas station that sells slurpies. So I got myself a good old fashion grape slurpie and headed back out on my way.
Next to the gas station has always been this huge empty lot that is just paved with gravel I start walking past it, there is a lady with two kids walking on the sidewalk a little bit ahead of me. One of her kids is just a baby still in the stroller, the other a toddler older enough to walk but not much else, I’m guessing. The baby in the stroller throws the rattle it’s playing with out on to the ground and the mother bends down to pick it up. The lady way pretty damn attractive considering her age, so I was busy considering her ass. At that moment the toddler got away from her and startes running out into the gravel lot. She picked up the rattle gives it back to her baby and then shiftes her attention to her other child running off. “Brandon, get you butt back over here!” The kid laughes and starts running the opposite way “I mean it mister!” The kid just keeps running. Then I feel this great feeling, a breeze from a huge truck driving past me. This huge semi truck just zipped past me cooling me down something nice. I take a big glup of my slurpie and look up down in to my bag of comics for a second.
At that moment I hear the mother shriek, I look up and I see the truck is about to turn the corner on to another street, and the kid is running full speed and it looks like he’s going to intersect paths with it. “Brandon , STOP RIGHT THIS MINITE!” she screamed but the kid wasn’t stopping. She abandons the stroller and starts running after him, at the speed she's running it really doesn’t look like she has time to catch up and every time she calls out he just laughs. Sadly running on gravel in heels didn’t work so well and she trips and screams “SOMEONE HELP!” I soon realize I’m the only person close enough to do shit, and that driver doesn’t look like he is noticing any of this. I take off running full speed toward the kid, ditching my slurpie as I go. Soon I realize that kid is about seven steps from going right into the trucks path and I’m just about half way to him. I think as quickly and a can while the woman screams “WHY ARE YOU STOPPING!” I grab a rock off the ground about the size of my fist, and I huck it at that kid as fast as I could.
The kid has just reached the sidewalk and is about to walk right in front of the truck. The rock slams him square in the small of the back, he stops the truck whizzes past, most likely giving the kid a nice breeze too. The kid turns around, looks right at me and starts to cry like I’ve never heard. I sigh a huge sigh of relief and plunk down right where I am. I smile for a moment imagining how grateful this lady is going to be and how I must be a hero now or something, when suddenly I feel a palm slap me up the back of the head. “Hey buddy, what the hell is your problem!” I turn around to see the lady with a scowl of death on her face. “I asked for some one to help my baby , NOT THROW A FUCKING ROCK AT HIM” “But I saved his life!” I yelped “Yeah, and probably left a bruise the size of my head!” Then she walked over, took the kids hand and stated to walk off “Thanks for saving my baby, asshole.”
Well, so much for being a super hero!