two new entries

[jdvancamp]

I made a couple previously private entries, not private. So anyone interested can go investigate these previously hidden posts.

I don't think it makes a difference anymore if they can be read by people or not. No one is going to comment or care anyways... that actually really really depresses me, to the point where I may stop using this thing.

....

Comments

[markwaters]

Love is about selflessness, Jon. It is not about who you are, what you look like, your potential, your shortcomings or any combination of any of them. It is giving another person everything you have and not expecting anything in return. I believe that it is a concept that transcends human precedent -- and that is why so many relationships and marriages are doomed to fail

[jdvancamp]

I had a response cooked up to what you said Mark because there's a lot of insight in it... but in the end I decided that I don't actually know if I meant what I was saying. You're completely right about the lack of permanence in life... because I don't know what I think or how I feel from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour

[markwaters]

You go through the routine because that is what there is to do. You're in college, you have opportunities, you're healthy and alive and there are no reasons not to just take that step forward. It's your attitude that will shape your reasoning in the years to come.

[jdvancamp]

I guess. It's not a very appealing prospect at this point still. I'm hoping that maybe some counseling will help my perspective/attitude about things.

When I believe in that what I am doing is right, I can always envision the future in some way... even if it's not a realistic depiction of how things will be. I can't envision my own future anymore (or at least not a future I want), and that kind of sends me a strong signal that something is out of place. It could very well just be my attitude that needs adjusting and not anything in my life, but I need to figure this thing out.

Perhaps just giving in and taking medication is the solution right now. I have always avoided it in the past, but I dunno.

[_fancypants_]

Dude, I don't think medication is ever a solution. Did you see what that chimp did on Xanax? I wouldn't want you ripping off faces or anything.

[jdvancamp]

I agree with you, but I'm only considering because of a lack of other foreseeable options. I'm going to give counseling a fair shot before I make any decisions regarding medication.

I've been recommended to take meds in the past and I've always turned them down. I'm really afraid that I'll take anti-depressants and it will change me or something. I don't like the idea of my mind being altered like that. It's almost like your personality is being changed in a way.

I also confess to not knowing a whole lot about them, so I would also read a lot before I even considered it. I dunno, it just seem weird to think that a pill could somehow make me feel better.

[jdvancamp]

To address your question/comment about the chimp (which I kind of neglected to do) I did see that. It also probably isn't the best way to discourage me by bringing that up. If anything that is a reason for me to go on meds. I wish I had the capacity to rip faces off... it seems like a potentially useful skill to have.