"Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 13]
Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 13]
Author: JCapzona
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.
Summary: The beginning of the end. [Part E]. “E” as in “Enough is enough.”
Author’s Note: Alright. So this took a ridiculously long time to think out because there were so many different routes that I could’ve taken that it slowly became a bit of a writing crisis... I couldn’t decide on what I wanted (story of my life) so I kinda just moped around, not wanting to start writing anything at all really, cause then there’s nothing to screw up. Right? Kinda like Lexie watching surgeries in the gallery… In the end though, an idea just hit me out of the blue while I was bussing to school. Yeah, I’m the cool kid who takes the bus to university. Yay. So I just went with that. I tried to throw something in for all the shippers (Nadia haters/lovers) so hopefully you guys enjoy this.
***Arizona’s Voiceover: *** As surgeons, you’d think we’d be experts at making decisions. After all, we make the call every day, the life or death ones, to suture or not to suture. That is the question right? But the funny thing? The sad wretched truth of it all? Is that we’re actually quite awful at making decisions. Yeap. We suck. And what’s more we hate the responsibility of it, the burden of knowing that if we make the wrong call, it’s on us. So we push away the thoughts. The doubts. The fears. The irritating voices that urge us to decide. Because we can’t. It’s too hard. And the scary thing is? Most of the time, we just don’t know.
The yawning rays of the late afternoon sun crinkled the sky in sporadic hues of fiery ginger and crimson as Arizona continued to floor the gas pedal in her Jeep Wrangler.
The term “death seat” is thrown around a lot these days, but at that moment, clutching the edge of her seat stiffly, Joanne knew she was closer to her demise than ever before. She threw a silent unheard plea of desperation towards the manic blonde driver beside her as the car shifted down the highway, screeching past several disgruntled drivers and leaving a trail of irate honking.
“Um…Arizona…I know you’re worried about…about…” Joanne felt her voice choke back from the speed of the car, the sheer momentum of Arizona’s driving was plastering her to the passenger seat. Joanne hesitated before continuing, not knowing whether the “C” word should be used at such an unstable hour of Arizona’s life. Mentally weighing the pros and cons, Joanne brushed back her brown hair and put on a reassuring dimpled smile before continuing cautiously…
“I know you’re worried about…about Callie…and I’m all for driving a couple notches above…you know…the speed limit…of the car…but don’t you think you’re driving…just a little…fast?” Joanne closed her eyes as Arizona narrowly cut off yet another car, swerving to the right with another bone-chilling screech. More profanities could be heard in the background of Joanne’s thudding heart, accompanied by the driver’s honking.
“Relax…I know what I’m doing…” Arizona smiled serenely, patting Joanne’s white knuckles sympathetically.
Frankly, it would be more reassuring for you to keep both hands on the wheel…Joanne thought silently as she closed her eyes again, unable to control the growing discomfort in her stomach as Arizona yanked the steering wheel yet again, plunging the Jeep around a curve expertly.
Joanne’s eyes widened in fear, but she had to admit, Arizona did seem to know what she was doing. For one thing, Arizona hadn’t crashed, something Joanne could not be more thankful for…and also, Arizona seemed to be exuding a certain vibe of confidence as she sped ahead, doubling the speed limit of the highway, she made many close calls but there was always an element of control in the risks that she took…
“What?” Arizona blurted out, feeling Joanne’s eyes evaluate her as she tried to understand how Arizona had gone from a nervous squirrel, too paranoid to go even on par with the speed limit, to a Nascar racer in three day’s time. Joanne would’ve commented on this, but a more urgent matter took precedence.
“Zoni…how…do you know where we’re going…I mean, Nadia didn’t really say where she would be on the third night…” Joanne questioned, testing the waters… maybe she shouldn’t have said the “N” word either.
“It’s the 3-KO. Nadia always does the same thing on the…on the third night…” Arizona’s teeth were grinding slightly as her fingers clenched down tighter on the steering wheel.
Before Joanne could question what the 3-KO was Arizona twisted the wheel ruthlessly and threw Joanne’s intestines against the wall of her stomach. Turning slightly green, Joanne pursed her lips together as she leaned back against her seat, mumbling a silent prayer.
Chuckling slightly, Arizona grinned and handed Joanne a paper bag.
“Please don’t barf in my Jeep.” Arizona spoke in a playful tone, albeit rather condescendingly.
Despite the gut-wrenching speed of the death cab, Joanne knew it was going to be a long ride back.
* * *
A low ominous rumble elicited by the clouds outside Callie’s apartment window gave her a spark of hope. Drumming her fingers on the kitchen counter, Callie ran through the wonderful dream excuse in her head “Oh hey Nadia! I guess we should…you know…probably cancel tonight’s plans cause of the…rain…”
Even in her head, it sounded pathetic.
The taunting dark blue that tainted the evening sky was laughing at her. Laughing at Callie with its rain-free presence, tearing away from her the ONE excuse she had been begging to be blessed with. Callie ran to the washroom mirror as she began looking at her appearance. She had chosen the black dress with a twinge of white pattern on the bottom, she wanted to look nice…but hot. And this one. This deep v-neck that she wore on her first day as a Mercy West attending…had the Mark Sloan seal of approval. For a second, Callie’s thoughts derailed to Mark… her best friend that had been MIA these last two weeks…a train of thought that was rudely smacked off the trail by the voice of a sardonic intruder.
“THAT’S what you’re wearing? On your third date. THAT’S what you’re wearing.” Cristina scoffed in disbelief after having popped her head into the bathroom door.
“What?! What’s wrong with it? And uhhh…it’s not a date Cristina. We’re just friends.” Callie retorted, visually inspecting herself one last time to make sure nothing about her was too suggestive. Nice…but hot. But not too hot. Ugh. This is going to be a painful night.
“Okayyy then. If that’s what you think. But I heard that your third dates get preeeeetttty steamy…” Cristina smirked, she had this uncanny ability to smile and still look offensive at the same time.
“CRISTINA! The third date rule doesn’t apply here not to mention the fact that we’re not even dating and I barely know Nadia….and…and so NO. We are definitely NOT having sex and…wait. How do you even know about the third date thing?!” Callie narrowed her eyes as she turned to face Cristina, she was equally annoying to be speak to face to face as she was through her reflection on the mirror.
“Say what you want Callie. Third date’s a sex date~” Cristina sang as she twirled around to leave the dumbstruck Callie to the growing monstrous anxiety that was overbearing her thoughts. Callie mentally kicked herself for getting that loud-mouth Bailey condoms from the clinic, condoms, which for the record, turned out to be an extremely awkward task since most of the doctors there knew about her and Arizona.
* * *
“Hey Cals! You look so gorgeous today! Ready to head out?” Nadia grinned with utmost innocence as she slyly eyed Callie as if she was a lion looking at a piece of sirloin meat.
Callie had been absurdly frozen upon opening the door and being hit by Nadia’s jaw-dropping appearance. Even with all her mental preparation Callie found herself succumbing to the seductive charm of Nadia’s carefully planned outfit which consisted of a white blouse fitted in a tight black vest. Nadia’s legs were once again the breath-taking highlights which were appealingly displayed under her short black skirt.
Nadia raised an eyebrow as Callie gulped, unable to tear her eyes away from the stunning image standing outside her door.
“Sorry Cals. I would’ve dressed nicer but I had to go to an emergency meeting about my art show next week.” Nadia apologized sweetly, knowing fully what the real reason behind Callie’s shock was. It pleased her to know that this effect was universal, even AZ couldn’t have garnered this kind of reception from the gorgeous brunette in front of her.
“Um….no…No. It’s fine…so where are we heading out to?” Callie mumbled as she fumbled with her keys, accidentally dropping them to the floor as she busied herself by closing her blue apartment door behind her. Great. Just what I need. A closer view of her legs. Callie mentally groaned as she clumsily bent down to pick up her eyes, biting down on her tongue as she averted her eyes from the blonde’s legs.
Nadia waited silently and watched the blushing brunette hastily lock up the door before suggesting the evening itinerary, “Oh, I know the most AMAZING place across town for dinner and they have these little cream deserts that are uggghh…soooooo good, that….”
“Uh...I prefer…to just um…go out for a couple hours and then just call it a night…” Callie cut in, hoping that the reduced amount of time spent with Nadia would help her little…situation. Callie knew she had feelings towards the blonde…but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to act on them.
“Well…that can be arranged...” Nadia whispered in a suggestive smirk before turning away and leading them down the stairs and towards the parking lot.
* * *
“Voila. Ladies and…ladies…welcome to Destination…Amazing.” Nadia gestured airily towards the giant violin that stood in front of them all the while beaming broadly. The bronzed metal instrument loomed tall and intimidating and exuded a feeling of pretentiousness with every arch in its design.
Callie moved to the grass beside the artifact and began admiring its presence, this artifact that stood beside the bustling highway…was so…well…actually…it seemed rather out of place to be honest…but there was this mesmerizing enticement about it….it was scary, but alluring.
Kinda like Nadia.
Callie arched her head upwards as she calculated how high this warped violin was…almost two
stories high…whoever made this, wanted it to be noticed. Of course, Callie had passed this giant violin on many occasions, but mostly she was just driving by, never really stopping to take a good look at it. Before Callie could continue her muse, Nadia had yanked her by the hand towards the mysteriously entrancing object.
“My first project as an industrial design major…it’s The Forgotten Violin.” Nadia whispered in Callie’s ear. The brunette felt every part of her body tingle as she drank in the words that were dripping with temptation.
“Why…ummm…” Callie had to clear her throat before continuing, noticing Nadia’s lingering fingers that were still gripping her hand softly. Callie was thankful for the darkness that was now blanketing over them as the evening pressed on and her cheeks became rosier “why is it called the forgotten violin?”
“Oh…” Nadia’s smile faded, almost as if she wasn’t expecting this question…Almost. Her delicate features were lighted by the gentle spotlights that surrounded the bronze statue and for a minute, she reminded Callie of a nicer, perkier blonde…one she hadn’t seen since that time in the elevator a couple days ago…
“It’s just…I had a violin when I was little…and I guess, over the years, I grew to resent it. I hated practicing it and I hated going to lessons while all the other kids got to have sleepovers and…play on the playground…and you know…kid stuff. My grandma really wanted me to continue playing though, it was her dream you know…” Nadia smiled, pushing her wavy blonde highlights back thoughtfully as she touched the bronze statue, tears were welling in her eyes as she paused, as if wanting the silent blowing of the wind to finish the story…
“But one day…when I was fifteen…I just had enough….I threw away the violin and I threw it ….on…on the ground…I broke it. And I left it there, because I hated it so much. It reminded me of everything I had lost…all the childhood memories that were stolen from me as I poured hours on hours practicing that stupid instrument…” Nadia continued as her eyes glazed over with emotion. Callie couldn’t help but tighten her grip on Nadia’s hand, almost willing her to continue by letting her know she was there for her. Callie pressed her free hand on the small of the blonde’s back and began rubbing comforting circles, she felt a sudden rush of compassion towards the blonde who seemed to look so bold yet so fragile at the same time.
“What…what happened to the violin?” Callie hesitantly asked, her voice was barely audible, as if to not disturb the reverie of Nadia’s memory.
“Nothing….for a long, long time, it was just broken…and I guess I didn’t really care about it…I was living with my grandma at the time, and the next day it was gone…I always thought my grandma threw it away, you know….kinda like a shattered dream. But then…couple years later, when she passed away, she left me with a note and a box….at first I thought it was just, you know, like one of her vases or some sort of antique she really liked….but then…inside it was the violin pieces that I had shattered…except…except it wasn’t shattered… it was glued back perfectly. My grandma glued it back. Piece by piece. And in the note…it said it’s okay Nadia…”
Callie couldn’t help but feel a surge of sympathy towards the blonde beside her and she watched silently as Nadia broke into tears, collapsing on Callie’s shoulders as she embraced the quivering mass. Who could’ve known…Nadia had always come off as such a …well… slut. But she was deeper than that. She was more real…deep down, she was more than just strikingly attractive…she was…beautiful.
“I’m…I’m sorry I ruined the night with…with that story…” Nadia sobbed quietly as Callie patted her head consolingly.
“It’s okay…I wanted to hear the story behind this….behind your art… it’s beautiful.” Callie whispered, as Nadia seemed to calm down a bit, pulling herself off Callie’s shoulders…
Callie found herself captivated by Nadia’s sparkling dark blue eyes, twinkling in the night…they reminded her of another blonde. And for the second time that evening, she found her thoughts drifting to Arizona…Nadia was leaning in now, her lips quivering slightly as they pressed down closer and closer towards Callie’s. Slowly, the noise of the traffic and the words from the story were drowned out and all Callie could see were the blue eyes that sparkled before her, the lips that grazed her own as they finally made contact. The hunger in Nadia’s eyes became evident to Callie as the swirls of blue darkened significantly, Nadia’s lips felt so soft and gentle and her scent of grapefruit perfume wafted towards her, her touch, her wavy blonde hair (which Callie’s hand’s were now digging through)…it was all so alluring…it felt so enticing…but also…kinda off.
Nadia pulled away lightly as she moved behind the violin. Confused, Callie followed the blonde only to discover a narrow staircase behind the masterpiece. Following suit, Callie climbed the stairs closely behind Nadia until they reached the very top of the bronze statue…on the way up, Callie couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong…someone was…not quite right.
They were at the tip of the violin body now, perched with their legs dangling beside the neck of the instrument. Callie felt Nadia’s hand grasp hers as Nadia spun her around to face her. Once again, the dark lustful pools of blue drew her in and Nadia’s lips were soon caressing hers…the feeling was back. The odd, inexplicable sense of uncertainty, of off-ness…
Callie could feel Nadia’s arms move tantalizingly down her back as she slid in towards her, their tongues were locked together as the kiss grew deeper…Nadia’s forcefulness grew casually and Callie opened her eyes to try and discern what this incomprehensible sense of oddness was from…the blue eyes were closed but the wavy blonde hair was there, the dimple was there…the…wait what?
The dimple. Singular.
And just like that it hit her.
Callie let out a gasp and pulled away as if suddenly waking up from the spell. Suddenly realizing why this suffocating sense of disaster was looming over her this whole time…
Nadia gave a bemused smirk at Callie’s look of shock and raised her eyebrow slightly; questioning this peculiar withdrawal that Callie had just conducted.
“Are you okay?” Nadia stifled a laugh as she slowly grazed Callie’s thigh, causing the brunette to twitch awkwardly.
“Umm…yeah. I’m fine. Sorry….I was just…it’s just…I don’t think…we should do this…” Callie closed her eyes as she tried to concentrate on her words and not the hand that was teasing her thigh seductively.
Nadia raised an eyebrow incredulously and gave her trademark charming smirk that was irresistible to anyone who was on the receiving end of it.
“I…I’m still in love with Arizona…and…and you’re….well…you’re not her.” Callie stumbled; unable to respond more coherently than what she was currently mustering.
Nadia shifted uncomfortably closer to Callie before whispering the next string of unfortunately alluring words, “I know. I’m not Arizona…I’m Nadia…I’m sex on legs…”
The suggestive coating on Nadia’s voice made Callie jump back, causing her to slide off of the bronze statue that seemed stable just moments before. With a resounding crack Callie hit the thinning grass beside the statue after falling off of the towering instrument.
* * *
“Oh my god…Calliope!” Arizona gasped after witnessing the fall. Without bringing the Jeep to a full stop, she jumped off the green Wrangler, leaving the door hanging open as she sprinted towards the lifeless form just metres ahead of her.
“Oh my god…oh my god…Calliope…Calliope…wake up!” Arizona crashed onto her knees as her fingers trembled across Callie’s stunningly beautiful body, mangled from the fall. Arizona’s terrified eyes were welling with tears as she darted to the oddities on Callie’s body, the obvious dislocated shoulder, the fractured arm…the weirdly angled leg…
“Oh my god…AZ…I ….I couldn’t catch her…she just…she just…slid off! I mean...that has NEVER happened before…I…is she okay?” Nadia rambled, having just leapt down the stairs towards the two. Joanne had appeared at the same time and was already dialing 911, reporting their location and situation to the operator.
Silent tears trickled down Arizona’s face as closed her eyes, images of Callie’s fall still fresh in her mind…Arizona’s sparkling blue eyes exuded the pain and agony she felt as she took in the lifeless form before her, if only she had pulled in quicker…if only she had driven faster…if only…
Joanne snapped her cell phone shut as she placed a consoling hand on Arizona’s shoulder, “The ambulance will be here in five minutes…don’t worry Arizona…”
Arizona bit her trembling lip as she nodded, unable to produce any more of a response. She looked down at Callie as she took off her own jacket and placed it tenderly onto her body, conserving her heat until the ambulance arrived. She wanted to hug Callie, to shake her, to yell at her to wake up, but her medical knowledge held her back…it was a huge fall…there could’ve been a spinal injury…it was best not to move her…best to leave her perfectly still.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Nadia whispered, unsure of what to say in such a situation. She saw the fierce glare shot to her from Arizona, a look of hatred that emblazoned those teary blue eyes.
“I told you to leave her alone Nadia.” Arizona whispered with forced calmness. The icy abhorrence in the atmosphere between them was evident as she slowly stood up.
“AZ…I’m sorry…I’m so…sorry…but she fell off herself… I didn’t push her! I swear!” Nadia pleaded, knowing that she should’ve just shut up and waited for the ambulance. Now it looked like they might need to call one for her too.
“NO.” Arizona’s voice was barely audible but the message was clear.
“Excuse me?” Nadia argued.
“I said…no. I TOLD you not to go after her Nadia, and even though I specifically asked you, instructed you, begged you, you STILL had to go after Callie, my Callie…so NO. You don’t get to go and pretend you had NOTHING to do with this. You don’t get to be all innocent and worm your way out of this one Nadia. Not today. Not on my watch.” Arizona’s determined look of steel would’ve warned any normal person that they should run. Run fast before Arizona got any closer. But Nadia…is not exactly normal.
“Look AZ…I said I was sorry…but really… I…I don’t see how you can pin this one on me…” Nadia’s speech was abruptly cut short by Arizona’s livid fist colliding sharply in her face.
“OWww! FUCK it Arizona! NEVER the face. Owww god this hurts like a…” Nadia howled as she nursed the burning pain in her eye where Arizona’s knuckle had smoked her, Nadia’s knees buckled down as she cradled her face in agony.
“That’s for making a move on Callie. AND for pushing her down that dumb violin thing.” Arizona spoke clearly; a slight grin forming as she reveled in the Nadia’s cradling form. As Arizona unclenched her knuckle and straightened out her fingers, she returned to sit beside Callie. The faint sound of the ambulance siren could be heard approaching from the end of the highway and within a couple seconds the paramedics had arrived.
Joanne had silently made her way towards Nadia offering her a hand. Appreciating the gesture, Nadia grabbed it, thankful for a friend at last.
“Thanks Joanne…god Arizona can be such a fuckin’…” Nadia began to rant before receiving a swift
stomp on the foot from Joanne, which reduced her to howling in pain yet again.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ONE FOR THEN!?” Nadia hollered, feeling her pain ricocheting from her eye to her foot.
“For the misuse of dimples.” Joanne grinned, flashing Nadia a dimpled beam before helping her up, this time for real.
“I hate you guys.” Nadia whimpered as Joanne helped her onto the ambulance after Arizona and Callie.
“And we hate you too.” Joanne smiled perkily as she slammed the ambulance doors on Nadia’s disgruntled expression. Joanne then made her way towards the unattended Jeep, thankful that Nadia was in need of medical attention and therefore would not be accompanying her.
***Arizona’s Voiceover: *** When we can’t make the decision, we have no choice but to go in blind. Put our faith in the scalpel, our hearts in our hands. As surgeons, we’re dramatic people with dramatic timing. And often, right when it matters most, right when the clock reaches zero, the answer comes to us.
Just like that.