Some reflections coming out of the school's library...
I'm currently reporting from Muzume's library, trying to get some work done since my brain has been so spinny. Not only has Momma stayed with us for a night, I stayed up too late on Thursday baking a pumpkin cake for Fidget's family, and then Friday, we didn't come home until after 2300 because of seeing said family. I awoke this morning to do back-to-back group exercise classes, then showered, packed up all of my school belongings and headed to Muzume. So far, I have accomplished what I needed for Research Methods, and am taking a much-needed break to check in here and say hello.
My arms are sore from this morning's classes, and I'm sad that my pass will be expiring soon. Granted, I will be going to class almost every night in the next week in order to use up the 20 passes that were bestowed unto me by the Groupon, so this should be interesting. I continue to not be too pleased with dance classes, like Zumba. I don't feel as though I have obtained a particularly hard workout and am so focused on trying to figure out the moves that I don't necessarily enjoy myself. The other classes, like Power (which is for power lifting barbells and weighted plates) and Kick (which is kickboxing!), I have enjoyed greatly and I leave feeling worked out. I have decided that should some more money come my way, I'll probably end up treating myself to group classes every so often. I do enjoy the classes, however, I couldn't warrant spending $420 for a year's pass since I have my own home gym. At this point, my exercise room has a treadmill, workout DVDs, free weights, tension bands, a foam roller, and now kettlebells, which were an anniversary present from Fidget. I think I could spend $15 a month on a group class versus trying to go more often because of wanting to get my money's worth. My other idea is to just keep jumping from gym to gym whenever a bit of cash comes my way. I keep seeing 20 kickboxing classes or even CrossFit (which totally terrifies me). I have also contacted Muzume's fitness team to see about group classes being offered and if I would be eligible. I know at CCC the gym was included with our tuition, but as a graduate student, I'm not sure if the same amenities are offered to me.
I sit here in Hunny's sweater and my coworker's jeans, slowly growing smaller and smaller. I now weigh less than I did when I graduated from high school, which is mind-baffling in the least. I can't even contemplate going back, especially since it seems as though my legs want to run. I've bought a gym pass for when we go to Florida, and I'm actually looking forward to running again, once these classes are over. Since Bluejay's fixed my DVD player upstairs, I might be able to get into some DVDs, though I think West Wing would make my legs fall off because I would be concentrating too hard. Maybe I could just restart with Angel or even Supernatural. I'm wondering if I could take our TiVo upstairs to get to Netflix or if the system would shut down.
These are things I worry about when my mind wanders. It's all planning, all the time.
Part of me feels utterly vain about last night. Fidget's family was quick to point out that my hair was lighter, but apparently didn't notice the 20+ pound weight loss. I tried to console myself by thinking that I wasn't wearing tighter clothes (though "new" to them, the pants were a size too big) and that relatively, 20 pounds is not a lot of weight since I was carrying so much on me before. I'm hopeful that by the time I see them again for Turkey Day, I'll probably be down another five or so pounds and maybe one of them will mention it.
Momma has continued to mention it whenever she sees me in one of my tried and true T-shirts. She stayed with us for a night earlier this week and annoyed me with her need to nap in the middle of the day, procrastinate and smoke cigarettes. I came home from a group exercise class and could smell that she had smoked in my house! Nevertheless, didn't make me too happy. Fortunately, when she'll stay with us for a span of days, I also have off so will be able to monitor her. I'm trying to convince her to go on a tour of the facility that Kayrin and I looked at last year in order for her and Da-ee to move back to Maryland.
It's amazing what age has done to her. Having her here makes my life very convoluted. Between work, school, exercise, and oh yeah Fidget, I have a very full platter. I can't necessarily call as much as she would like, which I have been working on establishing more firm boundaries. The napping during the day can be useful when I need to do some homework, which is how I'm trying to positively spin things. And not needing to go to work or school will be helpful when she's with us, as she has appeared to lose the concept of time and urgency. I was late to my class on Wednesday night because of driving up from Aunt Franny's house. I'll just need firmer boundaries.
Lately, I have become more grateful and more mindful of things happening in my life. Particularly with the addition of graduate school and the need to achieve it successfully (B or higher, or else there's dire consequences), I am more and more aware of a type of Maslow's hierarchy of needs that has developed over the past couple of weeks. Granted, I've always kept a copy of his pyramid in my planner, moving it from year to year. But now, I am focused on my home, my schoolwork, my health, certain friends, and lastly, my job. When things go awry in one of these areas, I am taking them with a shaker of salt versus the initial freak-out. I don't have the time, energy, or patience to freak out anymore, even in a comical way.
I am growing more and more grateful to those friends whom are giving me space and allowing me to get through these rough two years. I had been so angry and overwhelmed for so long, but something happened in D.C. I realized that regardless of history, if someone is no longer bringing me joy or having me be thankful for their friendship, then maybe that relationship is no longer worth my strife. My relationships with some friends have grown closer; I had folks deliver groceries to my house because they knew how short on money Fidget and I were, or make us dinner because they could see we were stressed. But those who send negative thoughts through my head? I'm no longer going to entertain them.
I have always been a firm believer in positive energy, putting it out into the cosmos for my fellow man or woman. Eventually, I know it'll come back to me, as someone will send happy vibes my way. My credit card was due and I didn't have the funds to pay it off; miraculously, my stocks split and I got a dividend check. I was so low on food that Fidget had to spend only the $40 Bluejay gave us when she stayed for awhile; Kayrin took it upon herself to have groceries delivered to my house paying on her dime. I am struggling with finding more clothes in my size as I continue to get smaller; Mimosa gave me a purple shirt (GO RAVENS!) that she had set aside for me and gave it to me at her wedding.
There are more friends who have been supportive, but this isn't an all-out shout-out. I'm more at peace now in this hectic life of grad school than I had been previously, and I am convinced that this venture will not only enrich my professional life, but my personal well-being as I embark on my future.
Now, back to class. Lord knows the readings and presentations won't wait for anyone...
... not even me!
My arms are sore from this morning's classes, and I'm sad that my pass will be expiring soon. Granted, I will be going to class almost every night in the next week in order to use up the 20 passes that were bestowed unto me by the Groupon, so this should be interesting. I continue to not be too pleased with dance classes, like Zumba. I don't feel as though I have obtained a particularly hard workout and am so focused on trying to figure out the moves that I don't necessarily enjoy myself. The other classes, like Power (which is for power lifting barbells and weighted plates) and Kick (which is kickboxing!), I have enjoyed greatly and I leave feeling worked out. I have decided that should some more money come my way, I'll probably end up treating myself to group classes every so often. I do enjoy the classes, however, I couldn't warrant spending $420 for a year's pass since I have my own home gym. At this point, my exercise room has a treadmill, workout DVDs, free weights, tension bands, a foam roller, and now kettlebells, which were an anniversary present from Fidget. I think I could spend $15 a month on a group class versus trying to go more often because of wanting to get my money's worth. My other idea is to just keep jumping from gym to gym whenever a bit of cash comes my way. I keep seeing 20 kickboxing classes or even CrossFit (which totally terrifies me). I have also contacted Muzume's fitness team to see about group classes being offered and if I would be eligible. I know at CCC the gym was included with our tuition, but as a graduate student, I'm not sure if the same amenities are offered to me.
I sit here in Hunny's sweater and my coworker's jeans, slowly growing smaller and smaller. I now weigh less than I did when I graduated from high school, which is mind-baffling in the least. I can't even contemplate going back, especially since it seems as though my legs want to run. I've bought a gym pass for when we go to Florida, and I'm actually looking forward to running again, once these classes are over. Since Bluejay's fixed my DVD player upstairs, I might be able to get into some DVDs, though I think West Wing would make my legs fall off because I would be concentrating too hard. Maybe I could just restart with Angel or even Supernatural. I'm wondering if I could take our TiVo upstairs to get to Netflix or if the system would shut down.
These are things I worry about when my mind wanders. It's all planning, all the time.
Part of me feels utterly vain about last night. Fidget's family was quick to point out that my hair was lighter, but apparently didn't notice the 20+ pound weight loss. I tried to console myself by thinking that I wasn't wearing tighter clothes (though "new" to them, the pants were a size too big) and that relatively, 20 pounds is not a lot of weight since I was carrying so much on me before. I'm hopeful that by the time I see them again for Turkey Day, I'll probably be down another five or so pounds and maybe one of them will mention it.
Momma has continued to mention it whenever she sees me in one of my tried and true T-shirts. She stayed with us for a night earlier this week and annoyed me with her need to nap in the middle of the day, procrastinate and smoke cigarettes. I came home from a group exercise class and could smell that she had smoked in my house! Nevertheless, didn't make me too happy. Fortunately, when she'll stay with us for a span of days, I also have off so will be able to monitor her. I'm trying to convince her to go on a tour of the facility that Kayrin and I looked at last year in order for her and Da-ee to move back to Maryland.
It's amazing what age has done to her. Having her here makes my life very convoluted. Between work, school, exercise, and oh yeah Fidget, I have a very full platter. I can't necessarily call as much as she would like, which I have been working on establishing more firm boundaries. The napping during the day can be useful when I need to do some homework, which is how I'm trying to positively spin things. And not needing to go to work or school will be helpful when she's with us, as she has appeared to lose the concept of time and urgency. I was late to my class on Wednesday night because of driving up from Aunt Franny's house. I'll just need firmer boundaries.
Lately, I have become more grateful and more mindful of things happening in my life. Particularly with the addition of graduate school and the need to achieve it successfully (B or higher, or else there's dire consequences), I am more and more aware of a type of Maslow's hierarchy of needs that has developed over the past couple of weeks. Granted, I've always kept a copy of his pyramid in my planner, moving it from year to year. But now, I am focused on my home, my schoolwork, my health, certain friends, and lastly, my job. When things go awry in one of these areas, I am taking them with a shaker of salt versus the initial freak-out. I don't have the time, energy, or patience to freak out anymore, even in a comical way.
I am growing more and more grateful to those friends whom are giving me space and allowing me to get through these rough two years. I had been so angry and overwhelmed for so long, but something happened in D.C. I realized that regardless of history, if someone is no longer bringing me joy or having me be thankful for their friendship, then maybe that relationship is no longer worth my strife. My relationships with some friends have grown closer; I had folks deliver groceries to my house because they knew how short on money Fidget and I were, or make us dinner because they could see we were stressed. But those who send negative thoughts through my head? I'm no longer going to entertain them.
I have always been a firm believer in positive energy, putting it out into the cosmos for my fellow man or woman. Eventually, I know it'll come back to me, as someone will send happy vibes my way. My credit card was due and I didn't have the funds to pay it off; miraculously, my stocks split and I got a dividend check. I was so low on food that Fidget had to spend only the $40 Bluejay gave us when she stayed for awhile; Kayrin took it upon herself to have groceries delivered to my house paying on her dime. I am struggling with finding more clothes in my size as I continue to get smaller; Mimosa gave me a purple shirt (GO RAVENS!) that she had set aside for me and gave it to me at her wedding.
There are more friends who have been supportive, but this isn't an all-out shout-out. I'm more at peace now in this hectic life of grad school than I had been previously, and I am convinced that this venture will not only enrich my professional life, but my personal well-being as I embark on my future.
Now, back to class. Lord knows the readings and presentations won't wait for anyone...
... not even me!