Florida Vacation of 2009 with Shink...
[EDIT: This entry is back-dated as it was supposed to represent the vacation that Shink and I had in Florida. Unfortunately, I never wrote it on time, so I'm trying to catch up. /EDIT]
Arriving home Friday night after picking up Kermit, I came home to find Shink on my couch, bordering on comatose under the Sherpa. We eventually made dinner and shared it with My Friendly Neighborhood Jew, laughing too much as she drank from a floofy glass. Shink and I worked throughout the night, packing myself and cleaning dishes in an attempt to leave my apartment in a better state than we found it. We ended up having a Very Serious Conversation, which circled around the idea of taking a man home to Florida, regardless of the fact that we were not dating. I was actually somewhat terrified of coming home to my father with Shink, his eagerness about "Oh boy! A boy!" being annoying. Alas, we went to bed.
We woke up the next morning to snow. Which basically was me standing up in my bedroom, and going, "(Shink.)"
"Don't tell me."
"(Shiiiiiiiiiink.)"
"Nope."
"Fine." And I frolicked out of the room.
We drove the truck back to Pasadena in the snow that had engulfed Maryland, came back, and then I began doing dishes in my bra since we had to go to BWI. MFNJ knocked on my ceiling about getting ready to go, and I stood there, ordering Shink to take out garbage as I tried to do my dishes.
I really, really miss my dishwasher.
Finally boarding the plane, I settled in for a nap, but we could not get off the ground. We were actually grounded for over an hour to the point stewardesses were bringing us water. Finally, I made the Sign of the Cross, and tried to sleep, whereas Shink jumped about due to not being on a plane for nine years. We had some turbulences, but I was so tired I didn't even notice until I felt his elbow jab me in the side. And all I did was rub his arm sleepily, "I'm here."
I'm horrible to travel with, ha.
Finally, we landed in Florida, Da-ee picking us up in a snazzy new truck and taking us to a restaurant I had been going to for years. We then went to my parents' house, made up the upstairs bed, and settled in our respective rooms for a week. I relished being home with my parents; as different as my life is in the North, I miss seeing my parents in the flesh and hearing them argue. I long to argue, which could explain how my previous relationships ended. I just need someone to fight with me; it's how my parents show their love!
Sunday, I spoke with Momma, whom in passing made the comment of, "maybe it's time you move back to Florida." Which promptly flipped my shit. Momma has never asked me to come home; Da-ee, on the other hand, had every other breath "Come to Florida" which became his tagline. "Ah, you got a low grade? Move back to Florida." "You and (Hunny) got into a fight? Come to Florida." "Kermit's timing belt went up? Come home to Florida." And that was all within the first three weeks of freshman year!
As this was mulling around in my head, I showed Shink my high school, various houses I had owned, and for some odd reason, showed him the beach but never took him there. We ate Krystals (which are White Castles for you Northerners), and generally gallivanted through the beaches. I cooked my famous cola chicken, and Da-ee could not fathom that I could cook? Haha, I learned stuff!
I took Shink on a ride in a golf cart through the Village, then promptly in Momma's new car (whom she named "Snoopy") over the ferry and showed him malls and where Chess lived. I also spoke with Mike Roberts, whom ironically was leaving Cape Canaveral and was already back in California by the time I was further South. Momma made her amazing sgetti, and we all went to bed with full stomachs.
Tuesday, we loaded up Snoopy and began the trek to see Cape Canaveral. Which prompted many instances of "To the moon, Jess. To the moon" anytime Shink and I were in a group of people. Because domestic violence is funny. After spending the day looking at VERY BIG SPACE SHUTTLES, we began the trek North to go to St. Augustine. I have always enjoyed St. Augustine, though I seem to only take exes there, Beb and Thelma being two of them. Regardless, we had made reservations for a haunted hearse ride and promptly canceled it twenty minutes later because we were exhausted. We got all pretty, then tried to go eat dinner, only to have the place closed we had originally looked at. We found another place, ate amazing food, and sleepily drove the hell back to our hotel.
Now, I love staying at the Alhambra Inn in St. Augustine, but this time was a bit rough. Our A/C didn't seem to be working (or else Shink really was at a temperature of a hundred and werewolf) and our door wouldn't lock. But it was awesome, nonetheless. We slept in the biggest bed the two of us have ever slept in, which proved interesting as I didn't get punched in the head and he didn't get my hair in his mouth. So, St. Augustine was a success. We then got our tickets for the trolley tours and basically Shink absorbed all of the history that had been beaten into my head since the age of nine. My human EMF started blitzing out in the Old Jail, and then we were at the Fountain of Youth, wondering how many bottles of water we should buy for our friends. We went to Ripley's Believe It or Not, and I totally didn't believe it.
We drove North, landing at the Moose for dinner with Da-ee, me being in the lodge and remembering all the bullshit that had gone down in the past years. We tried to eat ham and potatoes, but Shink's nose wasn't working, and mine was confused; they made a cinnamon gravy for the potatoes, which promptly had me rinsing out my mouth in the ladies room. We shot a lot of pool and followed Da-ee home.
I got into a horrible knock-down, drag-out fight with Smurf over the phone that night, as she is my voice of reason, even when I don't want to hear it. I went outside to smoke, Shink followed me, and I proceeded to yell at him. (Apparently Da-ee woke up in the middle of this, and Momma calmly told him what we were doing- "She was on the phone. But now she's outside. He's with her."
"Why is she yelling?"
"I don't know, but she isn't yelling at us. Go back to bed, Carroll.")
Thursday, we took my own little demon to the vet. Socks, evilest kitty that ever kittied, was seen at the vet and saw some sort of Cat Whisperer. I think Shink thought I was bullshitting him until we got to the receptionist's desk and she said, "Oh, Socks. Yesss- his name is in all capital letters." He wasn't as evil as he has been in the past, but had some sort of weird eye funk that wasn't happening well for him. Then Da-ee had to give him drops, and I giggled a lot.
Shink made his double bacon BBQ cheeseburger meatloaf, and subsequently killed my parents. Poor things.
If that wasn't enough, he broke my parents' ceiling light! It was around 0400, and we had all gone to bed. I was laying down in my bed, trying to read one of Bluejay's books, when I heard a knocking. "Uh, yeah?"
"Can I come in?"
"I guess."
His sheepish head appeared in my doorway. Now, mind you, my father was sleeping in the living room; I don't quite know why I found the situation funny, but there you have it.
"What's wrong?"
"I think I might need your assistance."
"My assistance? With what? It's four o'clock in the morning!"
"Yes, well- I broke the ceiling light."
"You did WHAT?"
At this point, I put pants back on, slid on some flip-flops and go upstairs to see what Shink did to the ceiling light in my parents' loft. Apparently, while trying to take off his shirt, he hit the light pull, which smashed into the ceiling globe. Somehow, as my foggy brain was trying not to laugh too loud, my father's voice booms from downstairs, "REPORT!"
"(SHINK) BROKE THE CEILING LIGHT!"
"Santa?" Momma's sleepy voice came from downstairs. She had just fallen asleep and heard up galloping up and down the stairs.
"WHAT?"
"Why are you yelling, Carroll? Where are the kids?"
"Upstairs."
"Upstairs? I thought she went to her bedroom-"
"She did. (Shink) broke the light."
"WHAT?"
At this point, I come downstairs with Shink in tow. "I'll just rinse this out tomorrow," he whispered to me.
"Might as well do it now, the whole house is awake," I grumpily muttered.
"Yes, we are, (Shink). Yes, we are," Momma's sleepy voice carried into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry, ma'am."
"It's okay, darlin'. I just thought you were Santa."
That Friday, I finally was able to get a hold of Dippy, and the three of us went and ate Japanese. Though Dippy's original idea was to pay for it, I ended up doing so since I was driving and his wallet was in his car. I took a sip of a weird ball drink, and decided I didn't need any more of that, kthnx. The three of us trooped home, decorated a Christmas tree, and I tossed the men out of my house so I could talk to my momma. I hadn't spent much alone time with her; usually, when I'm home, Da-ee knocks out around 2200, and Momma and I stay up and talk until 0400. But since I had Shink with me, he stayed up, too, so we foiled her plans.
Momma told me things regarding moving back to Florida, how I really needed to get a new car, and that her year in the hospital had shaken her more to the core than she would like to admit. We had a very frank conversation in which she asked me about Shink, and I pointedly replied I didn't need double standards. (She told me when I had been dating Beb that they wouldn't want to know about my relationships; the fact that Shink was male and neither of us had been forthcoming about our relationship because of the earlier standard had confused her.) She stated she understood where I was coming from, and I told her everything that had been happening. Momma told me she thinks Da-ee only has about five years left and she can't move North since her back operation.
Finally, the menfolk were home, we ate food from the Moose, and Shink and I sat on step stools so Da-ee could read us the Night Before Christmas. We lied to the camera, yes. And we're proud of it! The funniest thing about this was that our "Christmas" was actually on Hanukkah. Bwaahaha.
We woke up in the morning, opened presents, watched A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, packed our presents, and had the Quickest Drive Evar to the airport. We promptly boarded, and I made another Sign of the Cross, and sleepily rubbed Shink's arm as he twitched throughout the turbulence.
Mimosa picked us up from the airport, depositing us back at my apartment and updating on the Week of Fail, both personally and professionally. We got Checker's, picked up some milk, and came home, probably watched porn. We're predictable. There was a massive tickle fight, a good-natured tussle, and we both promptly fell asleep, back further North and in my comfy, comfy bed, which was oddly reminiscent of when we had gotten back from North Carolina. I woke up crying that morning, but hid it well. Shink got back in his car after the snow calmed down a bit and went back to his respective state. I met briefly with MFNJ and got my mail, and she broke my heart, too...
... *closes Pooh planner*
Arriving home Friday night after picking up Kermit, I came home to find Shink on my couch, bordering on comatose under the Sherpa. We eventually made dinner and shared it with My Friendly Neighborhood Jew, laughing too much as she drank from a floofy glass. Shink and I worked throughout the night, packing myself and cleaning dishes in an attempt to leave my apartment in a better state than we found it. We ended up having a Very Serious Conversation, which circled around the idea of taking a man home to Florida, regardless of the fact that we were not dating. I was actually somewhat terrified of coming home to my father with Shink, his eagerness about "Oh boy! A boy!" being annoying. Alas, we went to bed.
We woke up the next morning to snow. Which basically was me standing up in my bedroom, and going, "(Shink.)"
"Don't tell me."
"(Shiiiiiiiiiink.)"
"Nope."
"Fine." And I frolicked out of the room.
We drove the truck back to Pasadena in the snow that had engulfed Maryland, came back, and then I began doing dishes in my bra since we had to go to BWI. MFNJ knocked on my ceiling about getting ready to go, and I stood there, ordering Shink to take out garbage as I tried to do my dishes.
I really, really miss my dishwasher.
Finally boarding the plane, I settled in for a nap, but we could not get off the ground. We were actually grounded for over an hour to the point stewardesses were bringing us water. Finally, I made the Sign of the Cross, and tried to sleep, whereas Shink jumped about due to not being on a plane for nine years. We had some turbulences, but I was so tired I didn't even notice until I felt his elbow jab me in the side. And all I did was rub his arm sleepily, "I'm here."
I'm horrible to travel with, ha.
Finally, we landed in Florida, Da-ee picking us up in a snazzy new truck and taking us to a restaurant I had been going to for years. We then went to my parents' house, made up the upstairs bed, and settled in our respective rooms for a week. I relished being home with my parents; as different as my life is in the North, I miss seeing my parents in the flesh and hearing them argue. I long to argue, which could explain how my previous relationships ended. I just need someone to fight with me; it's how my parents show their love!
Sunday, I spoke with Momma, whom in passing made the comment of, "maybe it's time you move back to Florida." Which promptly flipped my shit. Momma has never asked me to come home; Da-ee, on the other hand, had every other breath "Come to Florida" which became his tagline. "Ah, you got a low grade? Move back to Florida." "You and (Hunny) got into a fight? Come to Florida." "Kermit's timing belt went up? Come home to Florida." And that was all within the first three weeks of freshman year!
As this was mulling around in my head, I showed Shink my high school, various houses I had owned, and for some odd reason, showed him the beach but never took him there. We ate Krystals (which are White Castles for you Northerners), and generally gallivanted through the beaches. I cooked my famous cola chicken, and Da-ee could not fathom that I could cook? Haha, I learned stuff!
I took Shink on a ride in a golf cart through the Village, then promptly in Momma's new car (whom she named "Snoopy") over the ferry and showed him malls and where Chess lived. I also spoke with Mike Roberts, whom ironically was leaving Cape Canaveral and was already back in California by the time I was further South. Momma made her amazing sgetti, and we all went to bed with full stomachs.
Tuesday, we loaded up Snoopy and began the trek to see Cape Canaveral. Which prompted many instances of "To the moon, Jess. To the moon" anytime Shink and I were in a group of people. Because domestic violence is funny. After spending the day looking at VERY BIG SPACE SHUTTLES, we began the trek North to go to St. Augustine. I have always enjoyed St. Augustine, though I seem to only take exes there, Beb and Thelma being two of them. Regardless, we had made reservations for a haunted hearse ride and promptly canceled it twenty minutes later because we were exhausted. We got all pretty, then tried to go eat dinner, only to have the place closed we had originally looked at. We found another place, ate amazing food, and sleepily drove the hell back to our hotel.
Now, I love staying at the Alhambra Inn in St. Augustine, but this time was a bit rough. Our A/C didn't seem to be working (or else Shink really was at a temperature of a hundred and werewolf) and our door wouldn't lock. But it was awesome, nonetheless. We slept in the biggest bed the two of us have ever slept in, which proved interesting as I didn't get punched in the head and he didn't get my hair in his mouth. So, St. Augustine was a success. We then got our tickets for the trolley tours and basically Shink absorbed all of the history that had been beaten into my head since the age of nine. My human EMF started blitzing out in the Old Jail, and then we were at the Fountain of Youth, wondering how many bottles of water we should buy for our friends. We went to Ripley's Believe It or Not, and I totally didn't believe it.
We drove North, landing at the Moose for dinner with Da-ee, me being in the lodge and remembering all the bullshit that had gone down in the past years. We tried to eat ham and potatoes, but Shink's nose wasn't working, and mine was confused; they made a cinnamon gravy for the potatoes, which promptly had me rinsing out my mouth in the ladies room. We shot a lot of pool and followed Da-ee home.
I got into a horrible knock-down, drag-out fight with Smurf over the phone that night, as she is my voice of reason, even when I don't want to hear it. I went outside to smoke, Shink followed me, and I proceeded to yell at him. (Apparently Da-ee woke up in the middle of this, and Momma calmly told him what we were doing- "She was on the phone. But now she's outside. He's with her."
"Why is she yelling?"
"I don't know, but she isn't yelling at us. Go back to bed, Carroll.")
Thursday, we took my own little demon to the vet. Socks, evilest kitty that ever kittied, was seen at the vet and saw some sort of Cat Whisperer. I think Shink thought I was bullshitting him until we got to the receptionist's desk and she said, "Oh, Socks. Yesss- his name is in all capital letters." He wasn't as evil as he has been in the past, but had some sort of weird eye funk that wasn't happening well for him. Then Da-ee had to give him drops, and I giggled a lot.
Shink made his double bacon BBQ cheeseburger meatloaf, and subsequently killed my parents. Poor things.
If that wasn't enough, he broke my parents' ceiling light! It was around 0400, and we had all gone to bed. I was laying down in my bed, trying to read one of Bluejay's books, when I heard a knocking. "Uh, yeah?"
"Can I come in?"
"I guess."
His sheepish head appeared in my doorway. Now, mind you, my father was sleeping in the living room; I don't quite know why I found the situation funny, but there you have it.
"What's wrong?"
"I think I might need your assistance."
"My assistance? With what? It's four o'clock in the morning!"
"Yes, well- I broke the ceiling light."
"You did WHAT?"
At this point, I put pants back on, slid on some flip-flops and go upstairs to see what Shink did to the ceiling light in my parents' loft. Apparently, while trying to take off his shirt, he hit the light pull, which smashed into the ceiling globe. Somehow, as my foggy brain was trying not to laugh too loud, my father's voice booms from downstairs, "REPORT!"
"(SHINK) BROKE THE CEILING LIGHT!"
"Santa?" Momma's sleepy voice came from downstairs. She had just fallen asleep and heard up galloping up and down the stairs.
"WHAT?"
"Why are you yelling, Carroll? Where are the kids?"
"Upstairs."
"Upstairs? I thought she went to her bedroom-"
"She did. (Shink) broke the light."
"WHAT?"
At this point, I come downstairs with Shink in tow. "I'll just rinse this out tomorrow," he whispered to me.
"Might as well do it now, the whole house is awake," I grumpily muttered.
"Yes, we are, (Shink). Yes, we are," Momma's sleepy voice carried into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry, ma'am."
"It's okay, darlin'. I just thought you were Santa."
That Friday, I finally was able to get a hold of Dippy, and the three of us went and ate Japanese. Though Dippy's original idea was to pay for it, I ended up doing so since I was driving and his wallet was in his car. I took a sip of a weird ball drink, and decided I didn't need any more of that, kthnx. The three of us trooped home, decorated a Christmas tree, and I tossed the men out of my house so I could talk to my momma. I hadn't spent much alone time with her; usually, when I'm home, Da-ee knocks out around 2200, and Momma and I stay up and talk until 0400. But since I had Shink with me, he stayed up, too, so we foiled her plans.
Momma told me things regarding moving back to Florida, how I really needed to get a new car, and that her year in the hospital had shaken her more to the core than she would like to admit. We had a very frank conversation in which she asked me about Shink, and I pointedly replied I didn't need double standards. (She told me when I had been dating Beb that they wouldn't want to know about my relationships; the fact that Shink was male and neither of us had been forthcoming about our relationship because of the earlier standard had confused her.) She stated she understood where I was coming from, and I told her everything that had been happening. Momma told me she thinks Da-ee only has about five years left and she can't move North since her back operation.
Finally, the menfolk were home, we ate food from the Moose, and Shink and I sat on step stools so Da-ee could read us the Night Before Christmas. We lied to the camera, yes. And we're proud of it! The funniest thing about this was that our "Christmas" was actually on Hanukkah. Bwaahaha.
We woke up in the morning, opened presents, watched A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, packed our presents, and had the Quickest Drive Evar to the airport. We promptly boarded, and I made another Sign of the Cross, and sleepily rubbed Shink's arm as he twitched throughout the turbulence.
Mimosa picked us up from the airport, depositing us back at my apartment and updating on the Week of Fail, both personally and professionally. We got Checker's, picked up some milk, and came home, probably watched porn. We're predictable. There was a massive tickle fight, a good-natured tussle, and we both promptly fell asleep, back further North and in my comfy, comfy bed, which was oddly reminiscent of when we had gotten back from North Carolina. I woke up crying that morning, but hid it well. Shink got back in his car after the snow calmed down a bit and went back to his respective state. I met briefly with MFNJ and got my mail, and she broke my heart, too...
... *closes Pooh planner*