(no subject)
i can't stand being at home. partially it's the fact that I can't legally smoke (at home) anymore which is making me jittery and constantly stressed out. I got a deep tissue massage yesterday for my birthday and my masseuse must have thought i had recently over exerted myself doing a triathalon because I was that knotted and tangled. Even though I can't smoke, I have. a little bit. At school I would have my morning coffee and cigarette on my way to class, a cig when I walked out of that class, one at the grind, and about 5 more after that. If I walked around casually with a cigarette around my family, my ass would be grass. My mom once cut a pack of my brother's cigarettes with scissors before berating and grounding him because she discovered he was smoking. To avoid any such confrontation I have established something of a smoking schedule: 1 after work before my parents get home and 1 about an hour after they have gone to bed. My house is old and creaky and my mother has the ears of your ugly, fat middle school teacher who always picked up on the gross jokes you made on her dispense (except, ma is hot) so sneaking out of the house requires a developed stealth. I'm weaning myself off but considering I'll be in Africa on a safari in 9 days and for two weeks, I need to get myself completely off pronto.
And smoking is not the only thing keeping me from breathing easy in breezy so-cal: I need my s p a c e. At school I rarely take meals with people. I may appear to be social but that's just because for the 2 hrs of the day that I am, I'm like the fuckin' tazmanian devil. The entire rest of the day, I'm napping (2 times a day usually) or humming some depressing ballad in my school chair. Honestly, I'm mellow for 22 hrs of each day. you don't believe me... But, umm... going on, while I enjoy seeing my parents I hate that my dad is always complaining how i don't keep the car clean enough (i've fucking been hearing this for 3 yrs. shutttt uppppp) or that i leave the lights on... and my mom constantly coming in to my room to hold me or skewing every personal choice that I make for myself to be a huge argument (i.e. ME: mom i'm not getting the cell ohone today but saturday. HER: what? you aren't going to get a cell phone? julia! you have to get one. i need to be in touch with you and know where you are as do your bosses. julia, you have to. you have no choice. ME: (playing devil's adovcate) mom, i live with you- you'll know what i'm up to and besides just 6 years ago most people did not have cell phones... blahblahblahboringboring).
for some reason everything is annoying me and i just wish i had a small apartment with one tiny bedroom, kitchen and foyer and all to myself. annnnnd have the space be located conveniently close to a bar/ hang out place where i could see Cait, LTP and Freddy. How ' bout it? i have two jobs so maybe i'll just do it.
And smoking is not the only thing keeping me from breathing easy in breezy so-cal: I need my s p a c e. At school I rarely take meals with people. I may appear to be social but that's just because for the 2 hrs of the day that I am, I'm like the fuckin' tazmanian devil. The entire rest of the day, I'm napping (2 times a day usually) or humming some depressing ballad in my school chair. Honestly, I'm mellow for 22 hrs of each day. you don't believe me... But, umm... going on, while I enjoy seeing my parents I hate that my dad is always complaining how i don't keep the car clean enough (i've fucking been hearing this for 3 yrs. shutttt uppppp) or that i leave the lights on... and my mom constantly coming in to my room to hold me or skewing every personal choice that I make for myself to be a huge argument (i.e. ME: mom i'm not getting the cell ohone today but saturday. HER: what? you aren't going to get a cell phone? julia! you have to get one. i need to be in touch with you and know where you are as do your bosses. julia, you have to. you have no choice. ME: (playing devil's adovcate) mom, i live with you- you'll know what i'm up to and besides just 6 years ago most people did not have cell phones... blahblahblahboringboring).
for some reason everything is annoying me and i just wish i had a small apartment with one tiny bedroom, kitchen and foyer and all to myself. annnnnd have the space be located conveniently close to a bar/ hang out place where i could see Cait, LTP and Freddy. How ' bout it? i have two jobs so maybe i'll just do it.