I still haven't learned...
A refresher to myself…
Open your eyes and realize that you need to take care of YOU before you take care of others. Realize that you don’t need to be reliant on someone else being in your life. Even though you seem alone and abandoned now doesn’t mean that you will feel happiness again.
A lot has happened since my last update. I don’t really want to go into too many detail because it is painful to revisit. Painful enough that I would rather feel physical pain then the thought and memories that cut through my brain on a daily basis minute by minute.
I reconciled with my ex girlfriend who I left me a while back. We talked for days to make sure that we would both make it work and put forth the effort in what it takes to have a successful relationship. This goes against EVERYTHING that I have always said. If it’s something good and something that is meant to be there shouldn’t be any work. That’s not to say that all relationships have their ups and downs but in a good one that work shouldn’t seem like a chore. Anyway, we made promises on both of our ends, I lived up to mine but she never lived up to any of hers at all. Sad really.
The relationship fell to pieces after 3 weeks of stress, insecurities, arguing, a drunken mess one night and my heart being crushed to pieces. As I write this I am riding the roller coaster of emotions. I’m numb, heartbroken, upset, depressed, angry and spinning. Does this ever get any easier?
I should have known this was destined for failure when she seemed so distant from when we were previously together. I am not bashing her when I say this but she was definitely not a strong enough person to be with me. Her parents hated me and so did her children. Why ever come back and try to work on things if you are already so defeated.
I really hope it was never about the sex. We had great sex but that was because I had given everything I had into it including my heart and soul.
When we broke up there was a lot of anger and rage that came out of her…and me too. She said some very hurtful things to me. She told me It would be better if I were dead…Told me she would go and fuck her ex boyfriend since I broke her heart into a million pieces. Told me on the phone how stupid I sounded. I really wish I wouldn’t dwell on these things. They cut right to the bone.
That’s all for now. This is really hard.
Open your eyes and realize that you need to take care of YOU before you take care of others. Realize that you don’t need to be reliant on someone else being in your life. Even though you seem alone and abandoned now doesn’t mean that you will feel happiness again.
A lot has happened since my last update. I don’t really want to go into too many detail because it is painful to revisit. Painful enough that I would rather feel physical pain then the thought and memories that cut through my brain on a daily basis minute by minute.
I reconciled with my ex girlfriend who I left me a while back. We talked for days to make sure that we would both make it work and put forth the effort in what it takes to have a successful relationship. This goes against EVERYTHING that I have always said. If it’s something good and something that is meant to be there shouldn’t be any work. That’s not to say that all relationships have their ups and downs but in a good one that work shouldn’t seem like a chore. Anyway, we made promises on both of our ends, I lived up to mine but she never lived up to any of hers at all. Sad really.
The relationship fell to pieces after 3 weeks of stress, insecurities, arguing, a drunken mess one night and my heart being crushed to pieces. As I write this I am riding the roller coaster of emotions. I’m numb, heartbroken, upset, depressed, angry and spinning. Does this ever get any easier?
I should have known this was destined for failure when she seemed so distant from when we were previously together. I am not bashing her when I say this but she was definitely not a strong enough person to be with me. Her parents hated me and so did her children. Why ever come back and try to work on things if you are already so defeated.
I really hope it was never about the sex. We had great sex but that was because I had given everything I had into it including my heart and soul.
When we broke up there was a lot of anger and rage that came out of her…and me too. She said some very hurtful things to me. She told me It would be better if I were dead…Told me she would go and fuck her ex boyfriend since I broke her heart into a million pieces. Told me on the phone how stupid I sounded. I really wish I wouldn’t dwell on these things. They cut right to the bone.
That’s all for now. This is really hard.