"I hate you" and choice words
Recovering but not understanding how it is so easy for someone that is human to use the words "I Hate You". It might be because I have never used those words in my lifetime. I have used vulgar words to cut into someone in an argument but never those words. Even typing those words in this journal or reading them makes me cringe. To be honest it's something that I am proud of. I really don't have space for hate in my heart. I'm not prejudice at all. Those who have wronged me in the past or are negative I just try my best to remove myself from. It's the best anyone can do.
I don't know why it is so hard for me to find true friendship or a companion. I sometimes lose myself and start to take the blame for these shortcomings. I know I shouldn't...deep down I know I am a caring and compassionate person who is generally simple to please but am not perfect. I am impatient and stubborn and set in my ways at times. That just means that I am very passionate about things and know what is best for ME. Sometimes it is difficult for me to bend but I try to be the best that I can be. Sometimes in the relationships I have been in I frankly get bored. I don't take the person for granted I just get bored.
My ex that I just broke up with was a very nice person but was very insecure and demanding of my time. Sex was never and issue but spending quality time together was because of our conflicting schedules and careers. It's very hard for me to date a bartender. I just learned that. I need someone that is active in sports and wants to spend equal time with me as a friend. Not just a lover. I want this next person to be opinionated and be able to take the wheel and drive on occasions. Show me that you care by making plans when I am tired or down and out. Don't try to make me your project out of repition but spend time with me because you want to. Actually grow the relationship together and be able to stick around good times and bad times. I am not looking to get married right away but someday I would like to have that "for better or worse" concept in my life. I'm not a prize but I am one faithful driven energetic person that will devote all he is worth to a good women.
Things shouldn't be difficult in life. I'll say it once as I have said it before. I am done with life's lessons. I know I don't know everything but at this point I have learned enough about relationships. I want that Christmas card relationship. I want to decorate the tree together and hold hands when together. I want someone to love me as I take my last breath. Sometimes society has made me feel guilty because I don't want to be that person in life that NEEDS someone else to make them happy. I feel I do. I don't want to be alone. I just hope that my soulmate has yet to arrive or that I didn't pass her up because I am too shy to approach a girl. Sometimes I wonder if it was one of the heart that I hurt in the past because I was scared to get too close to someone because I was already damaged. Sometimes I thing that this may just be my penance that I need to serve until the day I take my last breath.
If I ever did hate someone it would be myself for some of the things I have done in the past. Some I have apologized to people for and some I have not. All I can do is strive to learn and be a better person.
me
I don't know why it is so hard for me to find true friendship or a companion. I sometimes lose myself and start to take the blame for these shortcomings. I know I shouldn't...deep down I know I am a caring and compassionate person who is generally simple to please but am not perfect. I am impatient and stubborn and set in my ways at times. That just means that I am very passionate about things and know what is best for ME. Sometimes it is difficult for me to bend but I try to be the best that I can be. Sometimes in the relationships I have been in I frankly get bored. I don't take the person for granted I just get bored.
My ex that I just broke up with was a very nice person but was very insecure and demanding of my time. Sex was never and issue but spending quality time together was because of our conflicting schedules and careers. It's very hard for me to date a bartender. I just learned that. I need someone that is active in sports and wants to spend equal time with me as a friend. Not just a lover. I want this next person to be opinionated and be able to take the wheel and drive on occasions. Show me that you care by making plans when I am tired or down and out. Don't try to make me your project out of repition but spend time with me because you want to. Actually grow the relationship together and be able to stick around good times and bad times. I am not looking to get married right away but someday I would like to have that "for better or worse" concept in my life. I'm not a prize but I am one faithful driven energetic person that will devote all he is worth to a good women.
Things shouldn't be difficult in life. I'll say it once as I have said it before. I am done with life's lessons. I know I don't know everything but at this point I have learned enough about relationships. I want that Christmas card relationship. I want to decorate the tree together and hold hands when together. I want someone to love me as I take my last breath. Sometimes society has made me feel guilty because I don't want to be that person in life that NEEDS someone else to make them happy. I feel I do. I don't want to be alone. I just hope that my soulmate has yet to arrive or that I didn't pass her up because I am too shy to approach a girl. Sometimes I wonder if it was one of the heart that I hurt in the past because I was scared to get too close to someone because I was already damaged. Sometimes I thing that this may just be my penance that I need to serve until the day I take my last breath.
If I ever did hate someone it would be myself for some of the things I have done in the past. Some I have apologized to people for and some I have not. All I can do is strive to learn and be a better person.
me