I don't even want to pretend...
I don't want to even remotely pretend to know what love is. How do you know if you are with the right person to make the kind of committment that a girl is looking for? I think I may be just damaged too much to know what being in love is. Have I ever been in love? I often feel like I give whatever I possibly can, every drop. I have been called selfish a few times though. Maybe being a bit selfish in a relationship is good...After all you shouldn't settle for anyone should you? Why should you be with someone that isn't what you deserve or doesn't meet your expectations?
Too many times in my life I have been with the wrong person. I am currently in a new relationship now with a person who I am not quite sure is the right person. It's still very new like I said. Do I run for the hills or give it a little time to grow? I often feel like I get bored with the other person pretty quick. It's not about what they have to offer but who they are and what they stand for as a person. Yesterday I received a few text messages from my ex girlfriend. She texted me a picture of her and I together with her kissing me on the cheeck. He text read " Why can I not shake you name?" To be honest I miss her. I miss her kindness and some of her imperfections is what drew me to her. She is a great soul. She and I could not work because her children didn't like me and because I don't have a lot of patience in a relationship. I'm no prize. As much as I wish I could say I am simple I am far from it. I demand respect, PDA, and to feel important. Gosh, I hate to say that I am needie but I think I am. She satisfied all my needs but the constant needs and overbearingness from her kids and her ex husband were just unbearable. It also was not great because she didn't have any motivation for her career or goals in life. She was very easy come easy go. I'm the total opposite. Everything stresses me out and needs to be planned. I have a fucking OCD issue that I sooner or later will have to deal with. I struggle. I miss her terribly at times. I can say I do love her and care about her and alot of time I wish we were still together.
I still wonder when if ever I will know what being in love truly is. Am I even capable?
Too many times in my life I have been with the wrong person. I am currently in a new relationship now with a person who I am not quite sure is the right person. It's still very new like I said. Do I run for the hills or give it a little time to grow? I often feel like I get bored with the other person pretty quick. It's not about what they have to offer but who they are and what they stand for as a person. Yesterday I received a few text messages from my ex girlfriend. She texted me a picture of her and I together with her kissing me on the cheeck. He text read " Why can I not shake you name?" To be honest I miss her. I miss her kindness and some of her imperfections is what drew me to her. She is a great soul. She and I could not work because her children didn't like me and because I don't have a lot of patience in a relationship. I'm no prize. As much as I wish I could say I am simple I am far from it. I demand respect, PDA, and to feel important. Gosh, I hate to say that I am needie but I think I am. She satisfied all my needs but the constant needs and overbearingness from her kids and her ex husband were just unbearable. It also was not great because she didn't have any motivation for her career or goals in life. She was very easy come easy go. I'm the total opposite. Everything stresses me out and needs to be planned. I have a fucking OCD issue that I sooner or later will have to deal with. I struggle. I miss her terribly at times. I can say I do love her and care about her and alot of time I wish we were still together.
I still wonder when if ever I will know what being in love truly is. Am I even capable?