Losing My Innocence Chapter 10
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: SiHae (SiwonXDonghae), featuring Yoona
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Slash
Disclaimer: Story is fictional
Note: Written in Donghae's POV
Chapter List | Work Archives
The Bird and The Fish
losing my innocence
by Jarield Lunel de Mourcerf
Chapter 10
“Wait a sec…” Siwon cried out as he walked to his bag and get some stuffs from it. Siwon always bring many things in his bag. He’s one freaking Boy Scout, always prepared. I mean, he even bring first-aid kit with him. I never bothered to think what object did he bring this time, I would know it later anyway…. It was already later, so I would know now. Well, well, well. As it turned out, he brought out a sleeping bag. Since when did he became a neat freak? He was fine sitting in the concrete ground before. But I was not complaining. I prefer to sit into something a bit fluffier. He set it up to the floor. And knowing Siwon, I exactly know what he was thinking.
“You brought this instead of a ball? How sure are you that we’re gonna make up? And how sure are you that I am going to stargaze with you?” I asked in amusement.
“I know that you’ll forgive me. You love me right?” he said in confidence and charm as he sat. He tapped the ground beside him signaling me to sit down; and so I did comply.
I could not help but stare at Siwon. He was so close. “What are you staring at?” Siwon asked me. His face showed all kinds of confusion. I just smiled cutely at him accompanied some twinkle, twinkle motion in my eyes. That earned me slap in my forehead. Siwon, and his violent tendencies. He officially was the most dangerous person I had met in my life. And I already met a lot of people.
“Hey that hurt…” I cried and immediately slap his head in return. Revenge is sweet. Siwon eyed me and I simply stick my tongue out. I noticed him give me a disgusted look; then he lay down.
“Donghae, just behave yourself and lie down now.” he ordered but as usual I did; not because I want to follow him but because I want to stargaze.
We spent the time mostly in silence with some non-sense conversation every now and then. But there are matters that need to be discussed.
“How is Yoona?” Siwon asked softly.
“Yoona?” I said in surprise.
“How is she taking it? I mean, how is she taking Ayumi and I?” Siwon finally cleared.
“She’s doing fine. Actually she was celebrating.” I explained to him carefully. “Why are you asking? Are you in love with her?” I realized that somehow the thought of Siwon falling in love with Yoona still kind of hurt me. But it did felt like it was different. I immediately pushed the thought aside. It was irrelevant.
“No.” Siwon said flatly “But you care for her. You are hurt when he’s hurt. And…”
Perhaps it was the sudden pause and that flat silence that made me tilt my head to meet again those unreadable eyes. And it was through those same unreadable that was so close to mine that perhaps made me wonder. Wonder of what?
“And what?”
“And I…” He started speaking. His voice was soft but intense. I was so caught up with this moment, anticipating what he would say. It felt like I was hoping to hear specific words to come out from his mouth. I was not even aware I was holding my breath focusing my ears and my eyes on him. “Dude, just forget it!”
So I guess that what supposed to be a sincere moment turned into another secrecy game. I could ask and tease him if I wanted to. But there was no point in bugging him. After all, I already had the idea what the shy bastard was going to tell me. Oh yes, Siwon was shy on what he was going to say to me. I just knew it. His ears are red. Instead of his cheeks, Siwon’s blood usually rushed through his ears when he felt embarrassed. Oh Siwon, since when did you become this easy to read? I smiled more to myself as I turned my eyes back at the black sky. I’m going to admit, I feel happy. Siwon did care for me after all.
“Siwon; I’m just wondering. Why did you accept Ayumi’s confession?” I asked quite hesitant
“I don’t know. I just did it out of the blue.” he explained casually. Bastard level acceleration alert!
“What do you mean you don’t know? Would you mind giving me a better explanation?” I sat up to this and looked at Siwon with much energy.
“You see, I have a psychological problem…” He said as he placed a hand in his forehead.
“What problem; are you crazy or something?” I replied. Siwon sighed to my statement as he rose as well. Now we are both seated.
“You see… I have a hard time in rejecting requests. You know? I always say yes, and those include love confessions.” he confessed.
“What the hell are you saying? You are always rejecting me.” I complained.
“Well you’re different…” he simply answered.
Why am I always different? Well I didn’t want to be different anymore. I remembered one time when one of the latest volume my favorite manghwa was out. I didn’t had the cash to buy them so I asked to borrow some from Siwon. But he said that he didn’t have money and even commented I’m like a kid. Of course that was a lie, Siwon’s pockets would always be full of gold coins. Then, two days later Eunhyuk has been parading the same manghwa that I wanted. Only later to find out that it was Siwon who helped Eunhyuk. Not only that, Siwon did not intend for Eunhyuk to pay him back because it was I intended to be a gift. Eunhyuk even said that Siwon is like that; very generous to his ‘friends’. Huh! Friends my ass! And do you know what was the worst thing? I found the same manghwa in his room. Oh yes! The bastard had the nerve to actually buy it for his own pleasure. And he called me a kid! The nerve!
“You always say NO to me. Why can’t you do it to others?” I asked him with obvious bitterness in my voice and rage. Oh yes, I was angry again.
“I just couldn’t say NO!” he cried trying to defend his self and I just eyed him with surprise. Sometimes, he really turned into a bull.
“It’s just simple to say, I don’t like you.” I shrugged.
“Are you serious?” he looked at me. Damn, his eyes are blazing and his lips are tensed. And he looked like he was ready to charge at me. I’m a bit terrified.
“Of course I’m not…” I said with nervousness… I don’t want to clash with ‘Bull-Siwon’ at the moment.
“Have you watched a girl cried in front of you? And you know the reason for her tears is you? Let me tell you, that isn’t a good feeling.” he then stated. This time, I guess the bull has already calmed down, a little.
It was a bit clearer, maybe what he said could be the explanation of Siwon’s player reputation. I had theorized several reasons before to explain Siwon’s bad behavior. There was this clichéd rich boy with family issues, father and mother never had the time to be a parent and shit. But that was totally debunked the moment Siwon brought me in their home. Siwon brought me in their home? Why did that sound strange? Whatever, and also, my favorite theory was that he was secretly gay and his playboy stunt was just a cover up. But now, maybe the reason was that because he was just too kind. Maybe he was not such a bastard after all.
“But don’t you think she will get hurt more if you date her then just break her heart afterwards?” I answered him.
“Yeah, you’re right… But somehow it made me feel less guilty. At least I was able to fulfill their wish. Even for a short period of time, I was able to make them happy.” he said. He must had seen the confusion in my face that he reacted in an instant “Wha-at? I’m serious…” he defended and I shut my mouth.
“What are you thinking?” he asked me.
“Don’t you think you are making it worst? Because by making them happy, you will hurt them more. It is because they know the feeling of joy that once it is gone they will get hurt more. It is because they once felt to be happy, that is why when it is gone they will yearn for it.” I said thinking of a certain someone.
“Are you talking about Yoona?” Siwon said and I just looked down. Yes, I was talking about Yoona. Siwon lay back again. “You know, Yoona was probably the most serious relationship I had.” he said. “Yoona is an amazing girl. Yeah, she’s a bit crazy and she thinks that life is all ‘bunnies and cakes’. But she’s a cool girl. The truth is. I somehow tried to make it work for both of us. But we are better off as friends. If she was not in love with me; I think we could had become really close friends.” Siwon stated and looked at me.
“Really? But I think somehow I believe you.” Siwon was serious, but I couldn’t help but tease the bastard when he was like this.
“Hey I’m telling the truth!” Siwon said.
“So what are you gonna do now?” I asked him then lied back beside him again.
“What do you want me to do?” Siwon asked me.
-----
The following morning had been another commotion in our school. Everybody was surprised that Siwon and I acted normal again. After the commotion yesterday; I kinda felt happier than always; maybe because I was able to strengthen my bonds with both Yoona and Siwon, especially Siwon. At least, that is what I want to think.
Eunhyuk and Yoona kept on asking me if I really felt alright. And I just gave them an assurance. Nobody dared to ask for the details though. Well except for Ayumi who kept pestering Siwon where he was last night, or why did he not call? But she was asking Siwon and not me, so it did not bother me at all.
“Maybe they’ll break up any time now. Siwon looks uninterested.” Gyuri commented.
“Well, it’s gonna be a new record for Siwon. Her shortest relationship so far was Seul Gi which only last for four days.”Sungmin followed suit.
“Eunhyuk, what do you think? You’re close to Siwon right?” Shindong asked while stuffing burger to his mouth.
Eunhyuk was sitting with us today. Since Siwon and I were known enemies, there was no way that we would sit in the same table. And because Eunhyuk was like the fair friend he always say, he made sure that he could put equal time in crossing between Siwon’s group and our group during lunch. Yoona used to do the same when they were dating. The thought of proclaiming to the school that Siwon and I did not only make-up already but that we were great friends to that took over me again. I wondered what of a difference would it bring to everyone. Would Siwon and I be able to enjoy having a casual conversation in front of our friends like when we were alone together? Would it also mean that our group would share a table with Siwon’s? I don’t really mind, I’m cool with Siwon’s friends. Kangin, Taecyeon, and Seungri were all cool guys. And I know that Shindong, Gyuri, Jiyong, Hara had no issues with Siwon and his gang. It was such a nice thought. But would it really happen?
“I ain’t sure really, Siwon does not talk about his relationships. But he really does look so irritated with Ayumi around him” Eunhyuk said.
The conversation in our table still continues as I keep on observing the said couple. Oh god, I feel sorry for Ayumi; but I feel sorry for Siwon more.
-----
“I broke up with Ayumi.” I heard a voice coming behind me as I kicked the ball to the goal.
“Really?” was my simple reaction. We were still at school, but it was already late so many of the students already left. I usually stay for practice though.
“Yeah! She slapped me. Who knows that a girl like her could slap that hard.” Siwon complained like a child. I usually found it funny. It’s just awkward for a guy like him with such masculine built and face to act like a child; although I admit, he looked adorkable.
“It really hurts. How about you give me a kiss here to ease the pain away?” here we go again, Siwon and his usual sweet-annoying self. So he actually find this moment the right time to sexually-harrass the innocent me.
“Is that so?” I said leaning closer to him caressing his cheek which he claimed to be hurt until I did what I was planning from the start and pinched it with so much strength. That’s payback.
“awww! awww! awww!” he uttered in pain as I smiled in what I did.
“You little fish!” he said looking so angry and still caressing that same cheek. With that, I sat in the field with him following suit and sitting beside me. It was a habit, one of us would always sit beside the other.
“Why did you break up with her anyway? I thought you will give her large amount of happiness before saying it’s off.” I uttered with exaggeration and sarcasm.
“She already had her happiness. And I don’t want to spend more time with her. She’s really sweet but she could be annoying and she keeps on demanding me things I don’t want to do.” Siwon said the words with the word ‘jerk’ written all over it.
“You really are a bastard Choi Siwon…” I commented.
“Dude, She aked me to wear a couple shirt with bunnies in it! Fuck hell! I am not going to wear something with that hideous creature.” I still didn’t get Siwon’s distaste for bunnies. Oh right, he like wolves and snakes. “Of course I refused but she insisted again. And then I was like, ‘Hey little girl, I don’t date girls who love bunnies, so now let’s break-up.’”
“You actually said that?”
“Oh yes! In the middle of the Department Store with all the other shoppers watching!”
“Okay?”
“Don’t give me that look.” He said irritated.
“What look?”
“Like I am freak or something.”
“You are not a freak! It was just that you could have been gentler in breaking up with her.” Just yesterday, I was so mad at Ayumi and I wanted her bald. But now, I kind of felt bad for her. Nobody deserved to be treated like that.
“Look, on the first place I was not good at breaking up. I know could say a lot of mushy things like I did but in the end they were all going to cry anyway. And at that time I was already irritated with her and I just wanted her to be out of my life for good. I still had to think of a reason I would give her for breaking up with her and that bunny something-something was like an opportunity. So I went for it. Please don’t give me another lecture of yours because I am not going to listen to it.”
“Fine” I sighed. “What’s done is done.”
“Whatever Lee Donghae.” Siwon said “I thought about what you said. I think I am going to try not to go into something I am not 100% invested, to go into a relationship wherein I am not in love with the other person on the first place. I should learn how to say No.”
“Are you trying to be a new person?” I asked teasingly.
“Yes” he stated in almost a whisper.
“Whoah! That’s a headline! Choi Siwon trying to change for the better!!!”
“Stop it you fish! You’re the one who made me do this!” he argued back at me
“What do you want me to do?” Siwon asked.
“Honestly, I think you should stop playing with Ayumi’s feelings. It’s unfair, so maybe you should break up with her.” I said, what a selfish person am I…
“Oh that?” I spilled out realizing what happened last night
“Okay I did what you want. Now it’s time for you to do what I want you that…” Siwon said with conviction
“Oh that?...” I repeated my words with nervousness
“I can do that…” Siwon said confidently “But I want you to do something as well…” Siwon said.
“You slimy bastard… What do you want me to do?”
“Make Yoona yours…” I was more shocked in his request.
“Because I’m sick of your goddamnsad face and how you think of yourself pathetically. You know? You have all the advantage to get her wrap around your fingers but you are only wasting your time.”
“You could just say. I just want you to be happy.”
“Yes Donghae,” The tone of his voice had such a solemn effect on it “I want you to be happy; because you fucking deserve it bro. You had been so lonely for so long. And if Yoona is the one that could bring you happiness, I want you to go for it… I don’t like seeing you cy anymore.”
I really did not expect him to sound so serious all of a sudden. And I did not expect him to be this sincere. I know, that he really meant what he said. That he really was wishing for my happiness. He was amazing. And I couldn’t help but be touched on those selfless words.
“I’ll try…” I dryly said as he raised his eyebrows “I said I’ll try okay!?” I snapped.
“Dude, Don’t tell me you are backing out! Be a man Lee Donghae!” he said.
“Fine! In one condition! I’ll do it my way!” I said to him. Upon saying that, Siwon became quiet. I noticed how he looked down and almost looked so sad. Why was he sad? And then he looked at me and gave me a small smile as he pat my back.
“Yeah whatever. But you are aware that my methods are 100% sure.” Siwon said dryly and I just stared at him.
“Don’t you have anything else to do than bug me?” I snapped to brighten the mood.
“Actually, there are still things to be done in the student council, and I haven’t finished that essay in English that we need to pass tomorrow…” Siwon said as he laid his back in the grass.
“Then why don’t you use your time in doing those…” I commented.
“I’d rather spend it with you.” he said as I looked at him as if searching for something I don’t know until I saw it.
There was honesty in his eyes. He meant what he said, that he’d rather spend his time with me doing worthless things, procrastinating, than doing what he was suppose to do alone or with someone else. By that moment, I felt somehow special to him. And I would lie to say that I don’t like the thought, because I do. I really like the idea that I meant to Siwon. I wanteded to tell him that I feel the same, but there was no need for words to be said. He already knew what I was going to say anyway.
I smiled to myself as I laid in the ground just beside him as I look into the orange sky.
“I really want to quit the student council, they are giving me too much headache.” Siwon said. There goes again with his usual whining,
“Just quit if you really want, Mr. President.” I said in sarcasm.
“On the second thought, I think I might not quit after all.” he said again.
“I really don’t get you. Just drink a coffee or something.” I said to him.
And that is how Siwon and I wasted our time for the millionth time; talking about non sense or not talking at all; or just simply lying side by side doing unproductive activities whicj is lying side by side. Somehow, Siwon’s presence never failed to calm me. It’s as if I wouldn’t care to do from nothing to anything with him. Looking back, I asked myself on how I became so attached to him. I realized that I had been too attached that it’s almost scary; because maybe I was becoming so dependent in this some sort of forbidden friendship that we share. Yeah, it was forbidden.
“Gotta go! Yoona is like bugging me to death!” I said to him.
“I know, Yoona comes above anything else…” he said in sarcasm but rather sound bitter. Why was I noticing these things? Or if it really wasn’t? Why was I imagining it? Did I want him to sound bitter? Nonesense.
“Of course! She’s my one and only. And it was your order to make her mine. So don’t complain…” I said confidently. Although I already felt like I was not as confident on what I said as I used to be.
“Whatever Donghae, you better do it right. I don’t want you to go crying in me again if you failed.” he whined and the sight is just so adorable for my liking. Siwon could be cute especially in times like this.
Without much thought, I gave Siwon a peck in his cheek, the one which was slapped by Ayumi and pinched by me. I smiled after doing so before running away; as I looked back at him and waved a goodbye.
It was a natural gesture from me to Siwon.
to be continued…
Author’s Note: A rush chapter is a rush chapter. But I want to finish this story more than ever!
Reader is more fabulous than Angelina Jolie! I know you agree with me! Thank you for reading!
Pairing: SiHae (SiwonXDonghae), featuring Yoona
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Slash
Disclaimer: Story is fictional
Note: Written in Donghae's POV
Chapter List | Work Archives
The Bird and The Fish
losing my innocence
by Jarield Lunel de Mourcerf
Chapter 10
“Wait a sec…” Siwon cried out as he walked to his bag and get some stuffs from it. Siwon always bring many things in his bag. He’s one freaking Boy Scout, always prepared. I mean, he even bring first-aid kit with him. I never bothered to think what object did he bring this time, I would know it later anyway…. It was already later, so I would know now. Well, well, well. As it turned out, he brought out a sleeping bag. Since when did he became a neat freak? He was fine sitting in the concrete ground before. But I was not complaining. I prefer to sit into something a bit fluffier. He set it up to the floor. And knowing Siwon, I exactly know what he was thinking.
“You brought this instead of a ball? How sure are you that we’re gonna make up? And how sure are you that I am going to stargaze with you?” I asked in amusement.
“I know that you’ll forgive me. You love me right?” he said in confidence and charm as he sat. He tapped the ground beside him signaling me to sit down; and so I did comply.
I could not help but stare at Siwon. He was so close. “What are you staring at?” Siwon asked me. His face showed all kinds of confusion. I just smiled cutely at him accompanied some twinkle, twinkle motion in my eyes. That earned me slap in my forehead. Siwon, and his violent tendencies. He officially was the most dangerous person I had met in my life. And I already met a lot of people.
“Hey that hurt…” I cried and immediately slap his head in return. Revenge is sweet. Siwon eyed me and I simply stick my tongue out. I noticed him give me a disgusted look; then he lay down.
“Donghae, just behave yourself and lie down now.” he ordered but as usual I did; not because I want to follow him but because I want to stargaze.
We spent the time mostly in silence with some non-sense conversation every now and then. But there are matters that need to be discussed.
“How is Yoona?” Siwon asked softly.
“Yoona?” I said in surprise.
“How is she taking it? I mean, how is she taking Ayumi and I?” Siwon finally cleared.
“She’s doing fine. Actually she was celebrating.” I explained to him carefully. “Why are you asking? Are you in love with her?” I realized that somehow the thought of Siwon falling in love with Yoona still kind of hurt me. But it did felt like it was different. I immediately pushed the thought aside. It was irrelevant.
“No.” Siwon said flatly “But you care for her. You are hurt when he’s hurt. And…”
Perhaps it was the sudden pause and that flat silence that made me tilt my head to meet again those unreadable eyes. And it was through those same unreadable that was so close to mine that perhaps made me wonder. Wonder of what?
“And what?”
“And I…” He started speaking. His voice was soft but intense. I was so caught up with this moment, anticipating what he would say. It felt like I was hoping to hear specific words to come out from his mouth. I was not even aware I was holding my breath focusing my ears and my eyes on him. “Dude, just forget it!”
So I guess that what supposed to be a sincere moment turned into another secrecy game. I could ask and tease him if I wanted to. But there was no point in bugging him. After all, I already had the idea what the shy bastard was going to tell me. Oh yes, Siwon was shy on what he was going to say to me. I just knew it. His ears are red. Instead of his cheeks, Siwon’s blood usually rushed through his ears when he felt embarrassed. Oh Siwon, since when did you become this easy to read? I smiled more to myself as I turned my eyes back at the black sky. I’m going to admit, I feel happy. Siwon did care for me after all.
“Siwon; I’m just wondering. Why did you accept Ayumi’s confession?” I asked quite hesitant
“I don’t know. I just did it out of the blue.” he explained casually. Bastard level acceleration alert!
“What do you mean you don’t know? Would you mind giving me a better explanation?” I sat up to this and looked at Siwon with much energy.
“You see, I have a psychological problem…” He said as he placed a hand in his forehead.
“What problem; are you crazy or something?” I replied. Siwon sighed to my statement as he rose as well. Now we are both seated.
“You see… I have a hard time in rejecting requests. You know? I always say yes, and those include love confessions.” he confessed.
“What the hell are you saying? You are always rejecting me.” I complained.
“Well you’re different…” he simply answered.
Why am I always different? Well I didn’t want to be different anymore. I remembered one time when one of the latest volume my favorite manghwa was out. I didn’t had the cash to buy them so I asked to borrow some from Siwon. But he said that he didn’t have money and even commented I’m like a kid. Of course that was a lie, Siwon’s pockets would always be full of gold coins. Then, two days later Eunhyuk has been parading the same manghwa that I wanted. Only later to find out that it was Siwon who helped Eunhyuk. Not only that, Siwon did not intend for Eunhyuk to pay him back because it was I intended to be a gift. Eunhyuk even said that Siwon is like that; very generous to his ‘friends’. Huh! Friends my ass! And do you know what was the worst thing? I found the same manghwa in his room. Oh yes! The bastard had the nerve to actually buy it for his own pleasure. And he called me a kid! The nerve!
“You always say NO to me. Why can’t you do it to others?” I asked him with obvious bitterness in my voice and rage. Oh yes, I was angry again.
“I just couldn’t say NO!” he cried trying to defend his self and I just eyed him with surprise. Sometimes, he really turned into a bull.
“It’s just simple to say, I don’t like you.” I shrugged.
“Are you serious?” he looked at me. Damn, his eyes are blazing and his lips are tensed. And he looked like he was ready to charge at me. I’m a bit terrified.
“Of course I’m not…” I said with nervousness… I don’t want to clash with ‘Bull-Siwon’ at the moment.
“Have you watched a girl cried in front of you? And you know the reason for her tears is you? Let me tell you, that isn’t a good feeling.” he then stated. This time, I guess the bull has already calmed down, a little.
It was a bit clearer, maybe what he said could be the explanation of Siwon’s player reputation. I had theorized several reasons before to explain Siwon’s bad behavior. There was this clichéd rich boy with family issues, father and mother never had the time to be a parent and shit. But that was totally debunked the moment Siwon brought me in their home. Siwon brought me in their home? Why did that sound strange? Whatever, and also, my favorite theory was that he was secretly gay and his playboy stunt was just a cover up. But now, maybe the reason was that because he was just too kind. Maybe he was not such a bastard after all.
“But don’t you think she will get hurt more if you date her then just break her heart afterwards?” I answered him.
“Yeah, you’re right… But somehow it made me feel less guilty. At least I was able to fulfill their wish. Even for a short period of time, I was able to make them happy.” he said. He must had seen the confusion in my face that he reacted in an instant “Wha-at? I’m serious…” he defended and I shut my mouth.
“What are you thinking?” he asked me.
“Don’t you think you are making it worst? Because by making them happy, you will hurt them more. It is because they know the feeling of joy that once it is gone they will get hurt more. It is because they once felt to be happy, that is why when it is gone they will yearn for it.” I said thinking of a certain someone.
“Are you talking about Yoona?” Siwon said and I just looked down. Yes, I was talking about Yoona. Siwon lay back again. “You know, Yoona was probably the most serious relationship I had.” he said. “Yoona is an amazing girl. Yeah, she’s a bit crazy and she thinks that life is all ‘bunnies and cakes’. But she’s a cool girl. The truth is. I somehow tried to make it work for both of us. But we are better off as friends. If she was not in love with me; I think we could had become really close friends.” Siwon stated and looked at me.
“Really? But I think somehow I believe you.” Siwon was serious, but I couldn’t help but tease the bastard when he was like this.
“Hey I’m telling the truth!” Siwon said.
“So what are you gonna do now?” I asked him then lied back beside him again.
“What do you want me to do?” Siwon asked me.
-----
The following morning had been another commotion in our school. Everybody was surprised that Siwon and I acted normal again. After the commotion yesterday; I kinda felt happier than always; maybe because I was able to strengthen my bonds with both Yoona and Siwon, especially Siwon. At least, that is what I want to think.
Eunhyuk and Yoona kept on asking me if I really felt alright. And I just gave them an assurance. Nobody dared to ask for the details though. Well except for Ayumi who kept pestering Siwon where he was last night, or why did he not call? But she was asking Siwon and not me, so it did not bother me at all.
“Maybe they’ll break up any time now. Siwon looks uninterested.” Gyuri commented.
“Well, it’s gonna be a new record for Siwon. Her shortest relationship so far was Seul Gi which only last for four days.”Sungmin followed suit.
“Eunhyuk, what do you think? You’re close to Siwon right?” Shindong asked while stuffing burger to his mouth.
Eunhyuk was sitting with us today. Since Siwon and I were known enemies, there was no way that we would sit in the same table. And because Eunhyuk was like the fair friend he always say, he made sure that he could put equal time in crossing between Siwon’s group and our group during lunch. Yoona used to do the same when they were dating. The thought of proclaiming to the school that Siwon and I did not only make-up already but that we were great friends to that took over me again. I wondered what of a difference would it bring to everyone. Would Siwon and I be able to enjoy having a casual conversation in front of our friends like when we were alone together? Would it also mean that our group would share a table with Siwon’s? I don’t really mind, I’m cool with Siwon’s friends. Kangin, Taecyeon, and Seungri were all cool guys. And I know that Shindong, Gyuri, Jiyong, Hara had no issues with Siwon and his gang. It was such a nice thought. But would it really happen?
“I ain’t sure really, Siwon does not talk about his relationships. But he really does look so irritated with Ayumi around him” Eunhyuk said.
The conversation in our table still continues as I keep on observing the said couple. Oh god, I feel sorry for Ayumi; but I feel sorry for Siwon more.
-----
“I broke up with Ayumi.” I heard a voice coming behind me as I kicked the ball to the goal.
“Really?” was my simple reaction. We were still at school, but it was already late so many of the students already left. I usually stay for practice though.
“Yeah! She slapped me. Who knows that a girl like her could slap that hard.” Siwon complained like a child. I usually found it funny. It’s just awkward for a guy like him with such masculine built and face to act like a child; although I admit, he looked adorkable.
“It really hurts. How about you give me a kiss here to ease the pain away?” here we go again, Siwon and his usual sweet-annoying self. So he actually find this moment the right time to sexually-harrass the innocent me.
“Is that so?” I said leaning closer to him caressing his cheek which he claimed to be hurt until I did what I was planning from the start and pinched it with so much strength. That’s payback.
“awww! awww! awww!” he uttered in pain as I smiled in what I did.
“You little fish!” he said looking so angry and still caressing that same cheek. With that, I sat in the field with him following suit and sitting beside me. It was a habit, one of us would always sit beside the other.
“Why did you break up with her anyway? I thought you will give her large amount of happiness before saying it’s off.” I uttered with exaggeration and sarcasm.
“She already had her happiness. And I don’t want to spend more time with her. She’s really sweet but she could be annoying and she keeps on demanding me things I don’t want to do.” Siwon said the words with the word ‘jerk’ written all over it.
“You really are a bastard Choi Siwon…” I commented.
“Dude, She aked me to wear a couple shirt with bunnies in it! Fuck hell! I am not going to wear something with that hideous creature.” I still didn’t get Siwon’s distaste for bunnies. Oh right, he like wolves and snakes. “Of course I refused but she insisted again. And then I was like, ‘Hey little girl, I don’t date girls who love bunnies, so now let’s break-up.’”
“You actually said that?”
“Oh yes! In the middle of the Department Store with all the other shoppers watching!”
“Okay?”
“Don’t give me that look.” He said irritated.
“What look?”
“Like I am freak or something.”
“You are not a freak! It was just that you could have been gentler in breaking up with her.” Just yesterday, I was so mad at Ayumi and I wanted her bald. But now, I kind of felt bad for her. Nobody deserved to be treated like that.
“Look, on the first place I was not good at breaking up. I know could say a lot of mushy things like I did but in the end they were all going to cry anyway. And at that time I was already irritated with her and I just wanted her to be out of my life for good. I still had to think of a reason I would give her for breaking up with her and that bunny something-something was like an opportunity. So I went for it. Please don’t give me another lecture of yours because I am not going to listen to it.”
“Fine” I sighed. “What’s done is done.”
“Whatever Lee Donghae.” Siwon said “I thought about what you said. I think I am going to try not to go into something I am not 100% invested, to go into a relationship wherein I am not in love with the other person on the first place. I should learn how to say No.”
“Are you trying to be a new person?” I asked teasingly.
“Yes” he stated in almost a whisper.
“Whoah! That’s a headline! Choi Siwon trying to change for the better!!!”
“Stop it you fish! You’re the one who made me do this!” he argued back at me
“What do you want me to do?” Siwon asked.
“Honestly, I think you should stop playing with Ayumi’s feelings. It’s unfair, so maybe you should break up with her.” I said, what a selfish person am I…
“Oh that?” I spilled out realizing what happened last night
“Okay I did what you want. Now it’s time for you to do what I want you that…” Siwon said with conviction
“Oh that?...” I repeated my words with nervousness
“I can do that…” Siwon said confidently “But I want you to do something as well…” Siwon said.
“You slimy bastard… What do you want me to do?”
“Make Yoona yours…” I was more shocked in his request.
“Because I’m sick of your goddamnsad face and how you think of yourself pathetically. You know? You have all the advantage to get her wrap around your fingers but you are only wasting your time.”
“You could just say. I just want you to be happy.”
“Yes Donghae,” The tone of his voice had such a solemn effect on it “I want you to be happy; because you fucking deserve it bro. You had been so lonely for so long. And if Yoona is the one that could bring you happiness, I want you to go for it… I don’t like seeing you cy anymore.”
I really did not expect him to sound so serious all of a sudden. And I did not expect him to be this sincere. I know, that he really meant what he said. That he really was wishing for my happiness. He was amazing. And I couldn’t help but be touched on those selfless words.
“I’ll try…” I dryly said as he raised his eyebrows “I said I’ll try okay!?” I snapped.
“Dude, Don’t tell me you are backing out! Be a man Lee Donghae!” he said.
“Fine! In one condition! I’ll do it my way!” I said to him. Upon saying that, Siwon became quiet. I noticed how he looked down and almost looked so sad. Why was he sad? And then he looked at me and gave me a small smile as he pat my back.
“Yeah whatever. But you are aware that my methods are 100% sure.” Siwon said dryly and I just stared at him.
“Don’t you have anything else to do than bug me?” I snapped to brighten the mood.
“Actually, there are still things to be done in the student council, and I haven’t finished that essay in English that we need to pass tomorrow…” Siwon said as he laid his back in the grass.
“Then why don’t you use your time in doing those…” I commented.
“I’d rather spend it with you.” he said as I looked at him as if searching for something I don’t know until I saw it.
There was honesty in his eyes. He meant what he said, that he’d rather spend his time with me doing worthless things, procrastinating, than doing what he was suppose to do alone or with someone else. By that moment, I felt somehow special to him. And I would lie to say that I don’t like the thought, because I do. I really like the idea that I meant to Siwon. I wanteded to tell him that I feel the same, but there was no need for words to be said. He already knew what I was going to say anyway.
I smiled to myself as I laid in the ground just beside him as I look into the orange sky.
“I really want to quit the student council, they are giving me too much headache.” Siwon said. There goes again with his usual whining,
“Just quit if you really want, Mr. President.” I said in sarcasm.
“On the second thought, I think I might not quit after all.” he said again.
“I really don’t get you. Just drink a coffee or something.” I said to him.
And that is how Siwon and I wasted our time for the millionth time; talking about non sense or not talking at all; or just simply lying side by side doing unproductive activities whicj is lying side by side. Somehow, Siwon’s presence never failed to calm me. It’s as if I wouldn’t care to do from nothing to anything with him. Looking back, I asked myself on how I became so attached to him. I realized that I had been too attached that it’s almost scary; because maybe I was becoming so dependent in this some sort of forbidden friendship that we share. Yeah, it was forbidden.
“Gotta go! Yoona is like bugging me to death!” I said to him.
“I know, Yoona comes above anything else…” he said in sarcasm but rather sound bitter. Why was I noticing these things? Or if it really wasn’t? Why was I imagining it? Did I want him to sound bitter? Nonesense.
“Of course! She’s my one and only. And it was your order to make her mine. So don’t complain…” I said confidently. Although I already felt like I was not as confident on what I said as I used to be.
“Whatever Donghae, you better do it right. I don’t want you to go crying in me again if you failed.” he whined and the sight is just so adorable for my liking. Siwon could be cute especially in times like this.
Without much thought, I gave Siwon a peck in his cheek, the one which was slapped by Ayumi and pinched by me. I smiled after doing so before running away; as I looked back at him and waved a goodbye.
It was a natural gesture from me to Siwon.
to be continued…
Author’s Note: A rush chapter is a rush chapter. But I want to finish this story more than ever!
Reader is more fabulous than Angelina Jolie! I know you agree with me! Thank you for reading!