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+ dear god, some people never cease to fail really making me feel like complete crap...no matter what. But whats awesome are those unexpected people that just randomly appear during the day and make everything ok, then they just dissapear like that. Once you want to get attached because youre happy, its gone, and you find yourself going back to the point where you once said you were never opening up again. then you smoke a cigarette and get a cute buzz in your head, and want to go to sleep. Its a fuckin davinci's cradle of emotion, by the way, that is an awesome ride. That shit makes my stomach turn though. Its completely unstable and unpredictable, once i say something, i find myself in a situation testing my statement. Like i try to convince myself that i will not become open and vunerable to people, but lets face it, im an open fuckin book. if you want to know anything...i'll tell you it. Whats tricky is ill only tell you what i know...i cant explain why im a complex bitchy asshole who avoids every problem possible. I cant explain why i suck at relationships. I do know i really dont want to date...for a while. Im not going to place all the blame on guys, mostly its been me. Im a mindplaying mother fuck, im just not fit to throw myself at someone. I gotta grow up and out of that high school relationship position and into ... well something more. "i wonder if i could tie the ocean to your knees".... mates of state seems to always calm me in some which way or another. Now, if i really wanted to date someone or have a close guy friend, i want someone european, or atleast thats what i said after watching the surreal life and watching mark something or other...weird last name. oh Vh1 makes me so happy sometimes, just not when they constantly show strange love...what a loser show, that and celebrity fit club. I enjoy michael ian black and his commentary. Will Ferrel, michael ian black, adam sandler...funny funny men. You know there are somethings that certain random people have said to me and i cant seem to forget...mr. bernick told me that .. the one that i will want will be the one that got away, which totally freaks me out because ive let go of a lot of things. My Aunt told me that happiness is only temporary. Mr. Bower has engraved study ethics in my head. Rob has told me i avoid problems and sorta just threw shit out there for me to see...sorta makes me respect him more than i used to...Honestly, i dont see how it was so much easier to talk to him that so many other people. Well thanks, that conversation did work in more than one way. I think you actually listened, and took the time to understand, and actually got in my face. Hed make an amazing boyfriend...when he can get over looking no further than the length of his dick. Theres nothing wrong with that, hes 19...hes not even at prime...get it all out. god im just ranting now. the lovely nights of doing absolutely nothing and everyone doing everything. night.
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