Pardon my emotions
Gah!
Having a numb period at the moment, but fuuuuuuuuuck I feel deathly miserable quite often in these last few and most likely following days. The feeling of something finally finishing, dunno. I guess I feel lost a lot of the time when I can't control it, like nothing makes sense and life's just falling apart around me. Its shit and I hate it, I hate not having control of my feelings.
Times like this, where I just feel numb, aren't so bad, but I still don't like them as I'm unable to feel during them.
I want to thank Libby and Alex so much for being there for me yesterday, if I didn't have you two around, then I would've probably gone and done something rash, thankyou *mass hugs*
Wish I didn't feel this way for everyone's sake, but I do and I'm saying to myself all the time to stop feeling this way, but inside I still do and I wish I didn't *frowns*
I know that it'll pass, I just don't know when. ARGH I hate not knowing!
Now I'm back down again, though not as far as I can get, thankfully.
I figure I'll be alright as long as I don't listen to music that makes me feel bad things, and don't let flashbacks last. Argh...
Wish I could stop feeling, stop hurting, just stop and be in control, but as for now I can't, fingers crossed that doesn't last long. See I feel like crying right now, still composed, yah for that! I hate this feeling, I've never felt it like this before, and I'm proud of myself that I'm not a mess more than I am already. My heads in a thousand places, but ignoring it at times works! Of course there are times where ignoring it just doesn't work and yeah... but we won't go there!
To keep myself a little more sane, I think I might post a bit more, sorry if my long posts annoy you *chuckles* *sigh*
Too all I hope you're well, well, to most. What can I say, I don't wish everyone happiness!
Hope I don't turn into a bitter person hating hermit :S
Happiness to MOST, seeing my friends smiles gives me back the light inside me I fear has extinguished :)
That first tear is trying to break free, I'll be fucked if I let it!
Take it easy guys,
Love Gaz,
p.s. Corey, what kind of insensitive bastard would I be if I didn't want you to be happy eh, so good luck on your date tonight *hugs* All the best.