*vents*
Here's a feeling.
I feel like I have been replaced.
*bemused laugh*
Don't ask, I'll feel worse if you do unless I tell you, really.
Anyway, town tomorrow to see Olive on her last day, v. important, mustn't get too trashed (whilst catching up with a friend i haven't seen properly in ages) tonight.
Life just isn't good at the moment, I feel turmoil inside myself every day, a big blender of emotions which to be frank gets too much for me sometimes, and I'll either burst into anger or break into tears, I hate it. Everything in life was going fine, a few weeks ago I had no stress, I felt good, I was happy. Now I'm just back to being miserable again, getting angry more than I want to, frustrated beyond belief sometimes, thankfully I have this newfound change my mindset to happy mode, but thats only really possible when I have friends around me, when I'm alone I feel so shit its not funny, yet sometimes I need it. Being depressed is a horrible thing, as its just like a spiral really, go down and just keep going down to you reach a sharp point of being depressed, knife-edge I think its called.
And then there's anger and frustration, my two great friends *cough* *cough* To endeavour from turning back into the brat I used to be, I've been trying to escape these feelings as much as possible, as they take control so easily and I say things I don't mean, say hurtful things, get into fights, stay angry at people, all things I DON'T WANT! *sigh*
I just wish life was, better I suppose.
Stress itself is just evil, as I lose weight because of it, my top physical problem no-no, and it leads to frustration, which can only go two ways for me if I can't diffuse the situation - into anger or depression.
Friends, ah friends, isn't it a funny word. I'm still trying to discover who's a true friend to me and who isn't. There are of course people that I've accurately picked out as friends that are there because they want to be, and I'm glad that I've been able to make that discovery with them :)
I'll actually make an entry soon saying what I've been up to, kind of a flashback post, this post is more for my sake to just get these feelings, even though they're still in me, out of me for a time whilst i punch them into the keyboard, as just been said to me "Jesus, you must be writing a novel".
Shall end it now, and update again at some time hopefully soon.
Happiness to you all (it has to be going somewhere! :P),
-Gaz-