Walking With A Ghost (4/7)
Title: Walking With A Ghost (4/7)
Author: Irisayame
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13 for the first chapters, NC-17 for the last.
Length: ~ 24000+
Spoiler: Uh, none really, but let's say season 1?
Summary: When Rachel dies, she returns as a ghost. She doesn't know what to do, let alone what's keeping her on earth, until she discovers that Quinn alone can see her. Will Quinn help her, or will the cheerleader let their lifelong animosity get between them?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything I may refer to, and of course, I don't own Glee
A/N: I wrote this for the Glee Femslash Big Bang. It took longer than it should have. It's big AU and I know it, and I can be a sucker for cliches, to warn you, but I hope you like it anyway :) read, enjoy, and I'm REALLY curious what you think about this (I've been kind of obsessing over it for a long time) so please, pretty please, review?
A/N 2: Song used is Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. Lyrics used are from Angels of Silence by the Counting Crows, Angel by Jack Johnson and Dead Man´s Will by Iron & Wine.
***
Rachel stuck with Quinn the next day passively. Her goal was observing Quinn and learn more about her. Quinn was at first taken aback by Rachel’s strange switch in attitude, but then tried to take advantage of it and enjoy the silence.
She had trouble enjoying it, though. It felt too much like something was lacking, waiting to be filled. It was almost a relief when Rachel’s attitude did another 180. The reason behind it, was not so pleasant though.
It came in the form of a slushie facial, thanks to Karofsky. He tried to high five Azimio, but missed. Quinn simply walked to the nearest bathroom. Rachel appeared beside her.
“Why did he slushie you? What did you do?”
“Nothing, I’m in Glee, that’s enough of an excuse. You should know that better than anyone.
They probably just really wanted to slushie someone, but some vague sense of guilt about throwing a slushie at someone who’s mourning stops them from attacking the others. But they still think I’ve only ever hated you, so I’m free game.”
She started wrenching her hair methodically, the red semi-fluid was noisily dripping on the ground.
“Yes, but… you are you. You are Quinn Fabray, you’re an institution. I thought everyone had accepted that!”
Rachel paused, before softly adding: “You don’t hate me anymore?”
Quinn’s frown morphed into a smile for a split second.
“’Course not. We’re friends now, didn’t you say so?”
“Right.”
Quinn took a normal outfit from her bag, and noticed the look on Rachel’s face.
“I’m really not popular anymore, Rachel. That time is behind me, for good. I am a target too, so yeah, I carry around extra outfits.
Quinn stripped off her shirt and started rinsing the slushie from her upper body calmly, Rachel still staring at her.
“Your body has returned nicely.”
“Thank you, it took some hard work. My stamina is slowly building again, too.”
Rachel nodded, unsurprised. She had noticed the outline of toned muscles on Quinn’s stomach.
“I still can’t believe Karofsky slushied you, slushied you like that. I… well, never exactly made peace, but I accepted my fate very soon, but to put you through all that is unfair.”
“It’s High School, Rachel. It’s life. Of course it is.”
But just like yesterday with Sue, something had snapped within Rachel. The second that Neanderthal had dumped his drink over Quinn, Rachel only wanted one thing. Rachel wanted to get even with Karofsky.
When Quinn got to class, Rachel didn’t appear beside her. Despite everything, she never really got into the class, when every 2 minutes her mind wandered and she checked the empty seat beside her. At the end of the class, Rachel came to her again.
“Quinn, would you do me the honours of accompanying me to classroom 249?”
Quinn couldn’t really reply in the crowded hallway, but followed Rachel. Once outside the classroom, Rachel stood still and waited, so Quinn did the same. Before long, Karofsky came running around the corner, clutching a note, looking like a wild dog chasing a cat. Quinn arched her eyebrow.
“I write him a note to falsely convince him there are 17 freshmen here he can give a wedgie.”
“Alright,” Quinn said. “What did you do?”
Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but instead barked a “Ha!”, and Quinn had her answer.
As he opened the door, a bucket fell on him, filled with several kinds of slushie, and from every corned of the room a slushie seemed to either be fired at Karofsky or explode.
Karofsky was drenched from head to toe, covered in green, red and purple liquid. The most epic slushie anyone ever saw. The spectacle was over within 10 seconds.
Quinn’s mouth dropped, while everyone in the hallway started laughing hysterically, ‘cause Karofsky had made more enemies than friends in his time.
Even worse, his friends were the kind of friends who thought this was extremely funny. He tried to laugh it off, but his cool exterior broke when Kurt started actually crying with laughter. Quinn rounded the corner, and Rachel appeared beside her,
“You did this?”
“Of course.”
“What, of course?! Why did you…”
“Revenge, first of all, for participating enthusiastically in ruining my High School days, and those of others. Second, I just really didn’t like the way he treated you. That slushie was the direct catalyst. He shouldn’t have thrown it.”
A furious blush rose to Quinn’s cheeks before she could stop it, and Rachel suddenly realized that it actually wasn’t normal behaviour, but she felt a bizarre urge to protect Quinn.
“Thank you,” Quinn said softly. “I guess he just didn’t know that I had my own guardian angel.” For the second time, Quinn wished she could touch Rachel. She had to be careful with that.
“Guardian ghost,” Rachel said with a smile, before adding a little louder: “It wasn’t just for you, of course. It was for the sake of High School hierarchy’s and teenage unjust around the globe.”
“Of course. Still thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Rachel replied with a wide grin on her face.
~ I guess there might not be too many
Who would stand beside you now ~
That night, Rachel, according to her routine, sat on Quinn’s bedside in the dark, watching her while she was falling asleep, sometimes singing to her.
Not tonight. Quinn was looking at her with shining eyes, and Rachel wasn’t singing anymore. She was doing nothing but stare at Quinn, and Quinn just stared back.
Rachel broke the silence, but in such a soft whisper it almost seemed to make no difference at all.
“Quinn, I have been singing to you every night so far, admittedly, first without your permission, but I have reasons to believe that you thoroughly enjoyed it later. Would you be so kind to return the favour?”
“What?”
Rachel sighted. “Would you sing to me? Here Comes the Sun? Please? I know your mother is fast asleep already, it won’t wake her.”
“What if it does?”
“Say you couldn’t sleep and were singing along to your iPod!”
It came out so swiftly, Quinn suspected that Rachel sang along to her iPod every night.
“Why do I have to sing?” Quinn moaned. “I’m tired, and it’s kind of weird, just singing.”
“Please? Sing it softly!”
Quinn grunted, rolled her eyes and scooted over. Rachel gave her a look.
“Well, come and lie down, then!”
Rachel decided not to ask anything, and laid down and turned to face Quinn. The blonde girl took a deep breath, and began.
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right
When she finished, her voice trembled through Rachel. The look of wonder in her eyes morphed into a wide smile.
“What now?!” Quinn asked, exasperated.
“You should have gotten the solo! You’ve got a soft, sweet yet clear voice that is absolutely perfect for the spirit of this song! You have to convince Mr. Shue that you’re the one who should get the solo.”
“No way, Rachel!” Quinn hissed. “Tina’s doing a great job, too. I’m not doing it!”
“But you would make it magical! You can make it perfect!” Rachel whined. “It’s my funeral, and I want you to sing it!”
“He wouldn’t ever agree. And try to imagine the look on Finn’s face. He would kill me.”
“Finn is not important in this matter. What is, however, is getting everything out of the performance, making it as good as it could be. So you should have auditions!”
“Auditions?”
“You’d blow them all away, Quinn! I know you would.”
“Rachel-”
“Quinn, please? I’ll only get one funeral. It has to be perfect.”
It sounded like a ridiculous argument to Quinn, but it was like she had no choice. Quinn sighed in a way that let Rachel know she had won.
“Yes! Thank you! So, tomorrow, you should go and-”
Rachel rambled on while Quinn groaned, zoning out her voice. Again, Rachel wanted something from Quinn, and the battle was lost from the beginning. Each time she’d wanted to refuse, she found herself tongue-tied, trying to get “no” out of her mouth but knowing it was going to be a “yes” instead.
Why couldn’t she refuse Rachel anything? Before, she would have taken pleasure in Rachel’s unhappiness. Now she couldn’t stand it anymore. Probably it was the whole feel-sorry-for-the-dead-girl thing. Yeah, probably.
So that is how, the next day, Quinn was shuffling towards Mr. Shue before Glee started, a bashful look on her face.
“Mr. Shue?”
He looked up from his sheet music.
“Yes, Quinn?”
“I was wondering if I could try singing Here Comes the Sun. Like, the solo. I really want to try.”
“Well… Quinn, do you want a new round of auditions? Now?”
“I do. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but I would really appreciate a shot at it.”
He frowned, but Quinn knew he was a sucker for people taking initiative. He turned to the rest of the Glee club.
“Alright, everyone! Quinn wants a shot at Here Comes the Sun, so we’re going to have an audition round! You all will be the jury. Tina, would you mind going first?”
Tina sung it like she always did, and everyone clapped for her. Quinn felt nerves bubbling in her stomach, but Rachel was there, never taking her eyes from Quinn. She couldn’t back out now.
“Ready?” Puck asked her.
“I guess so.”
Her eyes found Rachel’s during the intro and she barely looked away. She barely notices the enthusiastic applause at the end. She sat down in front of Artie and Tina afterwards, and looked up at them.
“You deserve it,” Tina said simply. “But next time don’t wait so long, okay?”
Quinn gave her a sly grin, but before she could answer Mr. Shue got out the hat and announced it was time to cast their vote.
He counted, and said: “With a score 8 to 3… Quinn will be singing Here Comes the Sun!”
Mercedes hugged her sideways. “Good job, girl!”.
She could see Rachel, who sat next to her, and her wide set grin, but then a loud noise broke through and she saw Finn, standing.
“I don’t believe this!” he yelled. “This is Rachel’s funeral we’re talking about! If there is one person who shouldn’t be singing there, it’s you! You hated her! You have no right!”
He kicked Rachel’s chair away under her, and yelled:
“How can you all do this?! She made Rachel’s life a hell!”
“Chill out, bro,” Puck said sharply. “This is Glee club. It’s different here. And all of us have treated her badly or made fun of her behind her back. You too, dude!”
“Not like she did!”
“You dumped her too with some lame excuse. That’s not cool.”
“You broke up with her first!”
For the first time that anyone could remember, Puck blushed.
“Actually,” he muttered, “she broke up with me.”
For a second, Finn was silent. Quinn rose, and started:
“Finn-”. His anger immediately returned.
“You’re not singing at her funeral! You are a bitch, Quinn, and she deserves better!”
Quinn was ghostly pale by now, and looked to her right. There was Rachel, fuming. She walked up to Finn and tried to poke his chest. Her hand went straight through.
“Stop talking to her like that, Finn Hudson! This is Glee club and we are all equal, and if you only knew what I know now, you wouldn’t-”
It was too much for Quinn, and she was a little relieved when Finn stormed out. After taking a moment, she said: “I’m going to talk to him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Quinn,” Mercedes tried, but Quinn was already gone. Of course, Rachel appeared.
“What is with everybody?!” She yelled, still upset. “First Sue, then Karofsky, now Finn! Is everybody out to get you or something? Now I have to figure out how to teach Finn a lesson, too!”
“Why?”
Rachel stared at Quinn with wonder in her eyes, like it was obvious. Her expression slowly changed after that, into stunned.
Quinn added: “What, are you like, protecting me or something?! Do you think I need you to protect me?!”
“Quinn, no, I can--”
“Okay, why then?”
“I don’t know,” Rachel muttered softly, looking down. Her eyes went strangely hazy, and Quinn wasn’t sure what was going un until she realized…
“Are you… crying?!”
“Do you see tears standing in my eyes?” Rachel said in a muffled voice.
“No, but you can’t really cry, like, tears, ‘cause there’s no water in your body, right?”
“So, for all the reasons you have just named, I in fact cannot cry, which makes your question both foolish and irrelevant.”
“I said you can’t cry tears. Why are you crying?” Quinn said. She felt irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
“It’s nothing you should worry yourself about.” Rachel kept her head down, and said: “I’m gonna go now, Quinn. Please, leave Finn be for now. He’s just upset and would probably hurt you needlessly. Go back and say you couldn’t find him.”
Quinn’s irritation disappeared instantly, her mood swinging faster than back when she was pregnant.
“Where are you going?” What is there for you but me?
“I am only going somewhere peaceful and quiet, so quite obviously, somewhere that is not here. Goodbye, Quinn.”
Within the blink of an eye, Rachel was gone. Quinn was left in the hallway, feeling stunned, and didn’t return to Glee, nor did she go to look for Finn, unable to get her limbs to move. She just stood still until the bell rang, stricken by the emptiness that suddenly surrounded her.
~ She wears a heart that can melt my own ~
Rachel was in an empty backyard. There was a lawn, some trees, a tire swing and for the rest it was empty. The house had been for 3 years now. She wasn’t exactly sure why, ‘But,’ she thought, going for the tire swing, ‘From today on you can say it is a haunted house, haunted by a 16-year old girl who died too young and never left this earth.’
She felt the ridiculous desire to howl. Mostly to see if the wind would carry her voice, or if it would just fade. It was probably the last one. Perhaps she should try screaming, for immediate relief. What should she scream?
Immediately, Quinn came to her mind, the source of all these new frustrations, because being dead had not been enough. It felt difficult to be away from her now, like there were a thousand strings tying her to Quinn, and they were all straining now, trying to pull her back in.
That was exactly why she needed to get away. This was no good. She closed her eyes and resisted the pull. It scared her. It was unlike anything she had ever known or felt when she was alive. She had been willing to hurt Finn today. Finn, of all people! And over what?
Quinn was right to ask Rachel why she was doing all this. Rachel didn’t know herself· It felt like every time she saw someone hurt Quinn, her insides turned to ice, then fire. It felt logical to her: It’s easy, you don’t hurt Quinn Fabray. You just don’t.
But some people did. She immediately felt the need to tell them off, punish them, hurt them for hurting her. It felt… instinctive. Like the right thing to do. No, the only thing to do.
Something tugged on her insides yet again and she buried her face in her hands. Quinn was supposed to help her, be her ticket away from earth. Instead, with all these extra strings attached, she was more tied down to earth than ever.
She wasn’t sure when the exact moment was that it happened, or how, especially in this short period of time, but Rachel had gotten to know and come to love Quinn Fabray. She lifted her head again.
This, she knew, was nothing if not doomed. If she wanted to get out of here, she had to cut every string that tied her down. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go, but knew it was what she was going to try to do. She needed to move on. Now. So… She needed to create her personal hell on earth first.
She couldn’t risk any more contact with Quinn. She had to cut loose, ignore the strings pulling her towards the blonde, and focus on everything unearthly. Or she really would be the ghost who could never leave, for all eternity tied down to earth, only bound to follow a person who could never love her back.
~ I lost it in myself and buried it too long ~
Quinn felt annoyed. She was once again at the point where she expected Rachel tot pop up everywhere. Only this time, she was needlessly worried as well. Rachel was a ghost. She couldn’t get hurt. Nothing could happen.
But even as she told herself that, she felt the worried know in her stomach tighten. Quinn was on her way home now. She’d seen Burt Hummel arriving and take Finn away from school, and after that she just wanted to go home herself. Unfortunately, she was nearly too distracted to drive.
Part of her had been sure, she’d see Rachel at home, and when Rachel wasn’t there, the worries intensified. If not here, than where?
The horrible thought struck her. What if Rachel was gone for good? What if she had moved on?
She couldn’t have. I’m not finished with her yet.
But what exactly there was left to do, Quinn couldn’t name either.
It wasn’t until after 1 AM that Quinn managed to fall asleep, and even then, she was plagued by nightmares.
She was old and had died, but couldn’t leave yet. She had to see Beth one last time. She searched around Lima - Shelby had promised to contact her if either she or Beth left the town, and it looked like they had stayed in Lima, too - and Quinn searched the yellow paged, every phone book for her name.
Then she searched the shops and stores, hospitals, anything.
When she walked past the psychiatric hospital, something told her not to skip it, even though the option was nearly too horrible to even think about. There, room 137, Corcoran, Beth.
She slipped through the doors, through the hallways, until she was where she needed to be. After a second of hesitation, she slipped through the locked doors, though scared of what she might find.
She found a girl, around 16, with her eyes open on her bed. Quinn was old, and Beth must have been in her 50’s at least, by logic, but Quinn knew her daughter when she saw her. That angsty teenage girl was Beth.
Her face was vague. Quinn was looking straight at her, desperate to see what her child looked like, but somehow couldn’t make out any specifics, no matter how hard she looked. Then the girl spoke. “Mom? Mom!”
Quinn stretched out her wrinkled arms and Beth came to her and… ran right through her. She turned around, and Beth’s face was contorted in an expression of angry frustration and… pain.
“You’re one of them!”
“One of who, sweetie? I’m your mother, your mom!”
“No! You’re a ghost, a dead person, you’re in my mind! You don’t exist, it’s your fault I’m here!”
“No, Beth, I’m dead. You can see me, because you are supposed to. I had to see you, say goodbye.”
“Stop! You’re not real, you don’t exist, stop talking to me! Someone help!”
“Honey, I can explain. Seeing ghosts runs in the family, and-”
“I can’t trust you! You’re in my screwed up head! Everyone says I shouldn’t listen to the dead, because they aren’t real. Why didn’t you tell me this when you were alive, and I could still believe you?”
“I… don’t know. What are you doing in here?”
Quinn looked around. Afterwards, she couldn’t recall anything but the colour white.
“It’s your fault! I’m talking to you, my dead mother. I talk to dead people. I’m insane!”
“You’re not! All the women in our family can do what you can. It’s not just you.”
“Well, you’re too late! You’ve never said anything, mom. It’s your fault I’m in here now.”
Beth faded from her sight, but she was still in the white room, now 16 again herself.
Her mother was suddenly next to her.
“I couldn’t let this happen to you, Quinnie… you understand. What mother wants that for her daughter?”
Her voice sounded exceptionally vague. Quinn was still confused, focused on her daughter, but Beth was nowhere to be seen. Judy continued.
“You have to be normal, Quinn. There is no other option.”
Quinn’s attention shifted to her mother.
“But… I’m not normal,” Quinn said slowly. “It’s a lie.”
“Then lie to the world and hide who you are. It’s for the best.”
“Always lie? To everybody?”
“You must. There is no other option.”
Suddenly, there was a voice against her ear, accompanied by a hot breath which made her shiver. It sounded close, nearby, unlike her mother’s, almost reverberating through her.
“Follow me.”
A hand smaller - wait, smaller? - than hers settled in her hand. A slight tug was enough to wake the rare need of following instead of leading inside Quinn. She looked up. Rachel’s face was the first sharp, clear thing she had seen yet.
“Where are we going?”
“Choir room.”
“…Why are we going to the choir room?”
“Desperate times, Quinn. You need a desperate measure. You are obviously in great need of a little Glee in your life right now.”
They walked through a quite random door, and suddenly they were actually in the choir room. Quinn was barely surprised.
“Rachel, why did you bring me here? What if Beth comes back?”
“She won’t. I brought you here so you can be yourself. It seems you need Glee to do that.”
Rachel started walking around, fidgeting with the equipment. Quinn just stood there, just fidgeting.
“You should really try and relax, Quinn.”
“How am I supposed to do that?!” Quinn snapped. “My mom… my daughter! Beth…”
“Just relax, breathe. It is critical you are calm for you to be yourself.”
“It’s not that easy! I don’t know who I am, and neither do you. What if either of us regrets it, bringing out the real me?”
It sounded barely like English to her own ears, but Rachel seemed to understand. She stopped walking around and looked at Quinn, smiling.
“But that’s where you are wrong! How can you not see? I know the real you! You can try and deny it, but I know this for a fact.”
Rachel was standing in front of her now, still smiling.
“How can you, when I don’t even know me?”
“You are yourself with me, it is easy as that. So now I know you, better than you think I do. I know who you are, what you like, and what you want.”
“Then enlighten me, Rachel. Please tell me, what do I want?!” Quinn’s irritation was building, and doubts were twisting inside of her. Doubts that Rachel somehow knew her as well as the girl obviously thought she did.
“Oh, that’s the easy part.” Rachel’s smile widened, and she opened her arms in a Broadway gesture. “Me!”
“What?! Get your head checked, man-hands!”
“It is true. I know you need me to deny it, but I will not. Don’t move and try to relax, you’ll see.”
Quinn thought she had never been further from relaxation in her life, but Rachel put her arms around her, and Quinn found herself melt into the touch, muscles relaxing.
She closed her eyes and waited, feeling torn between having a full-scale panic attack and finding herself in the garden of heaven. Hot breaths fell against her trembling lips, and she both heard and felt the other pair of lips murmur:
“Just relax, Quinn. And be yourself.”
A soft pair of lips lightly touched hers, grazing her own.
Quinn woke, but one name on her lips.
“Rachel!”
Part 5!
Author: Irisayame
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13 for the first chapters, NC-17 for the last.
Length: ~ 24000+
Spoiler: Uh, none really, but let's say season 1?
Summary: When Rachel dies, she returns as a ghost. She doesn't know what to do, let alone what's keeping her on earth, until she discovers that Quinn alone can see her. Will Quinn help her, or will the cheerleader let their lifelong animosity get between them?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything I may refer to, and of course, I don't own Glee
A/N: I wrote this for the Glee Femslash Big Bang. It took longer than it should have. It's big AU and I know it, and I can be a sucker for cliches, to warn you, but I hope you like it anyway :) read, enjoy, and I'm REALLY curious what you think about this (I've been kind of obsessing over it for a long time) so please, pretty please, review?
A/N 2: Song used is Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. Lyrics used are from Angels of Silence by the Counting Crows, Angel by Jack Johnson and Dead Man´s Will by Iron & Wine.
***
Rachel stuck with Quinn the next day passively. Her goal was observing Quinn and learn more about her. Quinn was at first taken aback by Rachel’s strange switch in attitude, but then tried to take advantage of it and enjoy the silence.
She had trouble enjoying it, though. It felt too much like something was lacking, waiting to be filled. It was almost a relief when Rachel’s attitude did another 180. The reason behind it, was not so pleasant though.
It came in the form of a slushie facial, thanks to Karofsky. He tried to high five Azimio, but missed. Quinn simply walked to the nearest bathroom. Rachel appeared beside her.
“Why did he slushie you? What did you do?”
“Nothing, I’m in Glee, that’s enough of an excuse. You should know that better than anyone.
They probably just really wanted to slushie someone, but some vague sense of guilt about throwing a slushie at someone who’s mourning stops them from attacking the others. But they still think I’ve only ever hated you, so I’m free game.”
She started wrenching her hair methodically, the red semi-fluid was noisily dripping on the ground.
“Yes, but… you are you. You are Quinn Fabray, you’re an institution. I thought everyone had accepted that!”
Rachel paused, before softly adding: “You don’t hate me anymore?”
Quinn’s frown morphed into a smile for a split second.
“’Course not. We’re friends now, didn’t you say so?”
“Right.”
Quinn took a normal outfit from her bag, and noticed the look on Rachel’s face.
“I’m really not popular anymore, Rachel. That time is behind me, for good. I am a target too, so yeah, I carry around extra outfits.
Quinn stripped off her shirt and started rinsing the slushie from her upper body calmly, Rachel still staring at her.
“Your body has returned nicely.”
“Thank you, it took some hard work. My stamina is slowly building again, too.”
Rachel nodded, unsurprised. She had noticed the outline of toned muscles on Quinn’s stomach.
“I still can’t believe Karofsky slushied you, slushied you like that. I… well, never exactly made peace, but I accepted my fate very soon, but to put you through all that is unfair.”
“It’s High School, Rachel. It’s life. Of course it is.”
But just like yesterday with Sue, something had snapped within Rachel. The second that Neanderthal had dumped his drink over Quinn, Rachel only wanted one thing. Rachel wanted to get even with Karofsky.
When Quinn got to class, Rachel didn’t appear beside her. Despite everything, she never really got into the class, when every 2 minutes her mind wandered and she checked the empty seat beside her. At the end of the class, Rachel came to her again.
“Quinn, would you do me the honours of accompanying me to classroom 249?”
Quinn couldn’t really reply in the crowded hallway, but followed Rachel. Once outside the classroom, Rachel stood still and waited, so Quinn did the same. Before long, Karofsky came running around the corner, clutching a note, looking like a wild dog chasing a cat. Quinn arched her eyebrow.
“I write him a note to falsely convince him there are 17 freshmen here he can give a wedgie.”
“Alright,” Quinn said. “What did you do?”
Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but instead barked a “Ha!”, and Quinn had her answer.
As he opened the door, a bucket fell on him, filled with several kinds of slushie, and from every corned of the room a slushie seemed to either be fired at Karofsky or explode.
Karofsky was drenched from head to toe, covered in green, red and purple liquid. The most epic slushie anyone ever saw. The spectacle was over within 10 seconds.
Quinn’s mouth dropped, while everyone in the hallway started laughing hysterically, ‘cause Karofsky had made more enemies than friends in his time.
Even worse, his friends were the kind of friends who thought this was extremely funny. He tried to laugh it off, but his cool exterior broke when Kurt started actually crying with laughter. Quinn rounded the corner, and Rachel appeared beside her,
“You did this?”
“Of course.”
“What, of course?! Why did you…”
“Revenge, first of all, for participating enthusiastically in ruining my High School days, and those of others. Second, I just really didn’t like the way he treated you. That slushie was the direct catalyst. He shouldn’t have thrown it.”
A furious blush rose to Quinn’s cheeks before she could stop it, and Rachel suddenly realized that it actually wasn’t normal behaviour, but she felt a bizarre urge to protect Quinn.
“Thank you,” Quinn said softly. “I guess he just didn’t know that I had my own guardian angel.” For the second time, Quinn wished she could touch Rachel. She had to be careful with that.
“Guardian ghost,” Rachel said with a smile, before adding a little louder: “It wasn’t just for you, of course. It was for the sake of High School hierarchy’s and teenage unjust around the globe.”
“Of course. Still thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Rachel replied with a wide grin on her face.
~ I guess there might not be too many
Who would stand beside you now ~
That night, Rachel, according to her routine, sat on Quinn’s bedside in the dark, watching her while she was falling asleep, sometimes singing to her.
Not tonight. Quinn was looking at her with shining eyes, and Rachel wasn’t singing anymore. She was doing nothing but stare at Quinn, and Quinn just stared back.
Rachel broke the silence, but in such a soft whisper it almost seemed to make no difference at all.
“Quinn, I have been singing to you every night so far, admittedly, first without your permission, but I have reasons to believe that you thoroughly enjoyed it later. Would you be so kind to return the favour?”
“What?”
Rachel sighted. “Would you sing to me? Here Comes the Sun? Please? I know your mother is fast asleep already, it won’t wake her.”
“What if it does?”
“Say you couldn’t sleep and were singing along to your iPod!”
It came out so swiftly, Quinn suspected that Rachel sang along to her iPod every night.
“Why do I have to sing?” Quinn moaned. “I’m tired, and it’s kind of weird, just singing.”
“Please? Sing it softly!”
Quinn grunted, rolled her eyes and scooted over. Rachel gave her a look.
“Well, come and lie down, then!”
Rachel decided not to ask anything, and laid down and turned to face Quinn. The blonde girl took a deep breath, and began.
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right
When she finished, her voice trembled through Rachel. The look of wonder in her eyes morphed into a wide smile.
“What now?!” Quinn asked, exasperated.
“You should have gotten the solo! You’ve got a soft, sweet yet clear voice that is absolutely perfect for the spirit of this song! You have to convince Mr. Shue that you’re the one who should get the solo.”
“No way, Rachel!” Quinn hissed. “Tina’s doing a great job, too. I’m not doing it!”
“But you would make it magical! You can make it perfect!” Rachel whined. “It’s my funeral, and I want you to sing it!”
“He wouldn’t ever agree. And try to imagine the look on Finn’s face. He would kill me.”
“Finn is not important in this matter. What is, however, is getting everything out of the performance, making it as good as it could be. So you should have auditions!”
“Auditions?”
“You’d blow them all away, Quinn! I know you would.”
“Rachel-”
“Quinn, please? I’ll only get one funeral. It has to be perfect.”
It sounded like a ridiculous argument to Quinn, but it was like she had no choice. Quinn sighed in a way that let Rachel know she had won.
“Yes! Thank you! So, tomorrow, you should go and-”
Rachel rambled on while Quinn groaned, zoning out her voice. Again, Rachel wanted something from Quinn, and the battle was lost from the beginning. Each time she’d wanted to refuse, she found herself tongue-tied, trying to get “no” out of her mouth but knowing it was going to be a “yes” instead.
Why couldn’t she refuse Rachel anything? Before, she would have taken pleasure in Rachel’s unhappiness. Now she couldn’t stand it anymore. Probably it was the whole feel-sorry-for-the-dead-girl thing. Yeah, probably.
So that is how, the next day, Quinn was shuffling towards Mr. Shue before Glee started, a bashful look on her face.
“Mr. Shue?”
He looked up from his sheet music.
“Yes, Quinn?”
“I was wondering if I could try singing Here Comes the Sun. Like, the solo. I really want to try.”
“Well… Quinn, do you want a new round of auditions? Now?”
“I do. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but I would really appreciate a shot at it.”
He frowned, but Quinn knew he was a sucker for people taking initiative. He turned to the rest of the Glee club.
“Alright, everyone! Quinn wants a shot at Here Comes the Sun, so we’re going to have an audition round! You all will be the jury. Tina, would you mind going first?”
Tina sung it like she always did, and everyone clapped for her. Quinn felt nerves bubbling in her stomach, but Rachel was there, never taking her eyes from Quinn. She couldn’t back out now.
“Ready?” Puck asked her.
“I guess so.”
Her eyes found Rachel’s during the intro and she barely looked away. She barely notices the enthusiastic applause at the end. She sat down in front of Artie and Tina afterwards, and looked up at them.
“You deserve it,” Tina said simply. “But next time don’t wait so long, okay?”
Quinn gave her a sly grin, but before she could answer Mr. Shue got out the hat and announced it was time to cast their vote.
He counted, and said: “With a score 8 to 3… Quinn will be singing Here Comes the Sun!”
Mercedes hugged her sideways. “Good job, girl!”.
She could see Rachel, who sat next to her, and her wide set grin, but then a loud noise broke through and she saw Finn, standing.
“I don’t believe this!” he yelled. “This is Rachel’s funeral we’re talking about! If there is one person who shouldn’t be singing there, it’s you! You hated her! You have no right!”
He kicked Rachel’s chair away under her, and yelled:
“How can you all do this?! She made Rachel’s life a hell!”
“Chill out, bro,” Puck said sharply. “This is Glee club. It’s different here. And all of us have treated her badly or made fun of her behind her back. You too, dude!”
“Not like she did!”
“You dumped her too with some lame excuse. That’s not cool.”
“You broke up with her first!”
For the first time that anyone could remember, Puck blushed.
“Actually,” he muttered, “she broke up with me.”
For a second, Finn was silent. Quinn rose, and started:
“Finn-”. His anger immediately returned.
“You’re not singing at her funeral! You are a bitch, Quinn, and she deserves better!”
Quinn was ghostly pale by now, and looked to her right. There was Rachel, fuming. She walked up to Finn and tried to poke his chest. Her hand went straight through.
“Stop talking to her like that, Finn Hudson! This is Glee club and we are all equal, and if you only knew what I know now, you wouldn’t-”
It was too much for Quinn, and she was a little relieved when Finn stormed out. After taking a moment, she said: “I’m going to talk to him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Quinn,” Mercedes tried, but Quinn was already gone. Of course, Rachel appeared.
“What is with everybody?!” She yelled, still upset. “First Sue, then Karofsky, now Finn! Is everybody out to get you or something? Now I have to figure out how to teach Finn a lesson, too!”
“Why?”
Rachel stared at Quinn with wonder in her eyes, like it was obvious. Her expression slowly changed after that, into stunned.
Quinn added: “What, are you like, protecting me or something?! Do you think I need you to protect me?!”
“Quinn, no, I can--”
“Okay, why then?”
“I don’t know,” Rachel muttered softly, looking down. Her eyes went strangely hazy, and Quinn wasn’t sure what was going un until she realized…
“Are you… crying?!”
“Do you see tears standing in my eyes?” Rachel said in a muffled voice.
“No, but you can’t really cry, like, tears, ‘cause there’s no water in your body, right?”
“So, for all the reasons you have just named, I in fact cannot cry, which makes your question both foolish and irrelevant.”
“I said you can’t cry tears. Why are you crying?” Quinn said. She felt irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
“It’s nothing you should worry yourself about.” Rachel kept her head down, and said: “I’m gonna go now, Quinn. Please, leave Finn be for now. He’s just upset and would probably hurt you needlessly. Go back and say you couldn’t find him.”
Quinn’s irritation disappeared instantly, her mood swinging faster than back when she was pregnant.
“Where are you going?” What is there for you but me?
“I am only going somewhere peaceful and quiet, so quite obviously, somewhere that is not here. Goodbye, Quinn.”
Within the blink of an eye, Rachel was gone. Quinn was left in the hallway, feeling stunned, and didn’t return to Glee, nor did she go to look for Finn, unable to get her limbs to move. She just stood still until the bell rang, stricken by the emptiness that suddenly surrounded her.
~ She wears a heart that can melt my own ~
Rachel was in an empty backyard. There was a lawn, some trees, a tire swing and for the rest it was empty. The house had been for 3 years now. She wasn’t exactly sure why, ‘But,’ she thought, going for the tire swing, ‘From today on you can say it is a haunted house, haunted by a 16-year old girl who died too young and never left this earth.’
She felt the ridiculous desire to howl. Mostly to see if the wind would carry her voice, or if it would just fade. It was probably the last one. Perhaps she should try screaming, for immediate relief. What should she scream?
Immediately, Quinn came to her mind, the source of all these new frustrations, because being dead had not been enough. It felt difficult to be away from her now, like there were a thousand strings tying her to Quinn, and they were all straining now, trying to pull her back in.
That was exactly why she needed to get away. This was no good. She closed her eyes and resisted the pull. It scared her. It was unlike anything she had ever known or felt when she was alive. She had been willing to hurt Finn today. Finn, of all people! And over what?
Quinn was right to ask Rachel why she was doing all this. Rachel didn’t know herself· It felt like every time she saw someone hurt Quinn, her insides turned to ice, then fire. It felt logical to her: It’s easy, you don’t hurt Quinn Fabray. You just don’t.
But some people did. She immediately felt the need to tell them off, punish them, hurt them for hurting her. It felt… instinctive. Like the right thing to do. No, the only thing to do.
Something tugged on her insides yet again and she buried her face in her hands. Quinn was supposed to help her, be her ticket away from earth. Instead, with all these extra strings attached, she was more tied down to earth than ever.
She wasn’t sure when the exact moment was that it happened, or how, especially in this short period of time, but Rachel had gotten to know and come to love Quinn Fabray. She lifted her head again.
This, she knew, was nothing if not doomed. If she wanted to get out of here, she had to cut every string that tied her down. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go, but knew it was what she was going to try to do. She needed to move on. Now. So… She needed to create her personal hell on earth first.
She couldn’t risk any more contact with Quinn. She had to cut loose, ignore the strings pulling her towards the blonde, and focus on everything unearthly. Or she really would be the ghost who could never leave, for all eternity tied down to earth, only bound to follow a person who could never love her back.
~ I lost it in myself and buried it too long ~
Quinn felt annoyed. She was once again at the point where she expected Rachel tot pop up everywhere. Only this time, she was needlessly worried as well. Rachel was a ghost. She couldn’t get hurt. Nothing could happen.
But even as she told herself that, she felt the worried know in her stomach tighten. Quinn was on her way home now. She’d seen Burt Hummel arriving and take Finn away from school, and after that she just wanted to go home herself. Unfortunately, she was nearly too distracted to drive.
Part of her had been sure, she’d see Rachel at home, and when Rachel wasn’t there, the worries intensified. If not here, than where?
The horrible thought struck her. What if Rachel was gone for good? What if she had moved on?
She couldn’t have. I’m not finished with her yet.
But what exactly there was left to do, Quinn couldn’t name either.
It wasn’t until after 1 AM that Quinn managed to fall asleep, and even then, she was plagued by nightmares.
She was old and had died, but couldn’t leave yet. She had to see Beth one last time. She searched around Lima - Shelby had promised to contact her if either she or Beth left the town, and it looked like they had stayed in Lima, too - and Quinn searched the yellow paged, every phone book for her name.
Then she searched the shops and stores, hospitals, anything.
When she walked past the psychiatric hospital, something told her not to skip it, even though the option was nearly too horrible to even think about. There, room 137, Corcoran, Beth.
She slipped through the doors, through the hallways, until she was where she needed to be. After a second of hesitation, she slipped through the locked doors, though scared of what she might find.
She found a girl, around 16, with her eyes open on her bed. Quinn was old, and Beth must have been in her 50’s at least, by logic, but Quinn knew her daughter when she saw her. That angsty teenage girl was Beth.
Her face was vague. Quinn was looking straight at her, desperate to see what her child looked like, but somehow couldn’t make out any specifics, no matter how hard she looked. Then the girl spoke. “Mom? Mom!”
Quinn stretched out her wrinkled arms and Beth came to her and… ran right through her. She turned around, and Beth’s face was contorted in an expression of angry frustration and… pain.
“You’re one of them!”
“One of who, sweetie? I’m your mother, your mom!”
“No! You’re a ghost, a dead person, you’re in my mind! You don’t exist, it’s your fault I’m here!”
“No, Beth, I’m dead. You can see me, because you are supposed to. I had to see you, say goodbye.”
“Stop! You’re not real, you don’t exist, stop talking to me! Someone help!”
“Honey, I can explain. Seeing ghosts runs in the family, and-”
“I can’t trust you! You’re in my screwed up head! Everyone says I shouldn’t listen to the dead, because they aren’t real. Why didn’t you tell me this when you were alive, and I could still believe you?”
“I… don’t know. What are you doing in here?”
Quinn looked around. Afterwards, she couldn’t recall anything but the colour white.
“It’s your fault! I’m talking to you, my dead mother. I talk to dead people. I’m insane!”
“You’re not! All the women in our family can do what you can. It’s not just you.”
“Well, you’re too late! You’ve never said anything, mom. It’s your fault I’m in here now.”
Beth faded from her sight, but she was still in the white room, now 16 again herself.
Her mother was suddenly next to her.
“I couldn’t let this happen to you, Quinnie… you understand. What mother wants that for her daughter?”
Her voice sounded exceptionally vague. Quinn was still confused, focused on her daughter, but Beth was nowhere to be seen. Judy continued.
“You have to be normal, Quinn. There is no other option.”
Quinn’s attention shifted to her mother.
“But… I’m not normal,” Quinn said slowly. “It’s a lie.”
“Then lie to the world and hide who you are. It’s for the best.”
“Always lie? To everybody?”
“You must. There is no other option.”
Suddenly, there was a voice against her ear, accompanied by a hot breath which made her shiver. It sounded close, nearby, unlike her mother’s, almost reverberating through her.
“Follow me.”
A hand smaller - wait, smaller? - than hers settled in her hand. A slight tug was enough to wake the rare need of following instead of leading inside Quinn. She looked up. Rachel’s face was the first sharp, clear thing she had seen yet.
“Where are we going?”
“Choir room.”
“…Why are we going to the choir room?”
“Desperate times, Quinn. You need a desperate measure. You are obviously in great need of a little Glee in your life right now.”
They walked through a quite random door, and suddenly they were actually in the choir room. Quinn was barely surprised.
“Rachel, why did you bring me here? What if Beth comes back?”
“She won’t. I brought you here so you can be yourself. It seems you need Glee to do that.”
Rachel started walking around, fidgeting with the equipment. Quinn just stood there, just fidgeting.
“You should really try and relax, Quinn.”
“How am I supposed to do that?!” Quinn snapped. “My mom… my daughter! Beth…”
“Just relax, breathe. It is critical you are calm for you to be yourself.”
“It’s not that easy! I don’t know who I am, and neither do you. What if either of us regrets it, bringing out the real me?”
It sounded barely like English to her own ears, but Rachel seemed to understand. She stopped walking around and looked at Quinn, smiling.
“But that’s where you are wrong! How can you not see? I know the real you! You can try and deny it, but I know this for a fact.”
Rachel was standing in front of her now, still smiling.
“How can you, when I don’t even know me?”
“You are yourself with me, it is easy as that. So now I know you, better than you think I do. I know who you are, what you like, and what you want.”
“Then enlighten me, Rachel. Please tell me, what do I want?!” Quinn’s irritation was building, and doubts were twisting inside of her. Doubts that Rachel somehow knew her as well as the girl obviously thought she did.
“Oh, that’s the easy part.” Rachel’s smile widened, and she opened her arms in a Broadway gesture. “Me!”
“What?! Get your head checked, man-hands!”
“It is true. I know you need me to deny it, but I will not. Don’t move and try to relax, you’ll see.”
Quinn thought she had never been further from relaxation in her life, but Rachel put her arms around her, and Quinn found herself melt into the touch, muscles relaxing.
She closed her eyes and waited, feeling torn between having a full-scale panic attack and finding herself in the garden of heaven. Hot breaths fell against her trembling lips, and she both heard and felt the other pair of lips murmur:
“Just relax, Quinn. And be yourself.”
A soft pair of lips lightly touched hers, grazing her own.
Quinn woke, but one name on her lips.
“Rachel!”
Part 5!