Walking With A Ghost (3/7)
Title: Walking With A Ghost (3/7)
Author: Irisayame
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13 for the first 6 chapters, NC-17 for the last.
Length: ~ 24000+
Spoiler: Uh, none really, but let's say season 1?
Summary: When Rachel dies, she returns as a ghost. She doesn't know what to do, let alone what's keeping her on earth, until she discovers that Quinn alone can see her. Will Quinn help her, or will the cheerleader let their lifelong animosity get between them?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything I may refer to, and of course, I don't own Glee
A/N: I wrote this for the Glee Femslash Big Bang. It took longer than it should have. It's big AU and I know it, and I can be a sucker for cliches, to warn you, but I hope you like it anyway :) read, enjoy, and I'm REALLY curious what you think about this (I've been kind of obsessing over it for a long time) so please, pretty please, review?
A/N: Song used is Mighty Quinn by Manfred Mann. Lyrics from Is There A Ghost? by Band of Horses and Heaven Forbid by The Fray.
***
~ I could sleep, I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house? ~
Quinn woke with a start. 2:35 AM. What the hell? Why was she awake?
Her stomach dropped.
“Rachel?”
“How’d you guess? Sorry, I think I broke your lamp here…”
“It was already broken. Why are you here?”
“I don’t know!”
“Then stop it, you creepy stalker!”
“No, I actually don’t know. I just appeared here. I don’t have to sleep anymore, and I was trying to think of ways to persuade you to talk to me and suddenly I was here… Oh, inspiration!”
“What?!” That can’t be good.
“I’ll just make myself comfortable… there. You know Quinn, I have ways. And benefits. And now, I have a strategy.”
Quinn groaned. “What is it, mastermind?”
Rachel opened her mouth, and out came the lyrics of ‘I Feel Pretty’ from the West Side Story.
“You can’t be serious!”
But she was. After that, Rachel sung ‘I Will Always Love You’. After 3 Celine songs, she went to Defying Gravity. After that, Don’t Cry For Me Argentina. She kept it up all night while Quinn kept twisting, turning and biting her pillow to keep her from screaming.
Rachel never left Quinn’s side from that night on. Wherever Quinn went, Rachel went. During school, at Glee, at home and anything inbetween. Rachel saw Quinn growing more tired and weary looking, and knew Quinn would crack. The only matter was when.
It was the third night that Rachel spent singing to Quinn. The first night consisted of Rachel’s personal favourites, second night the most annoying pop songs that got stuck in your head of the last 6 years, and now she was going for the classics. She suddenly got a great idea for a song.
“Oh, you’ll love this one!”
Quinn groaned, and Rachel sang:
“Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn”
“No, not that one!” Quinn begged, but Rachel was absolutely merciless. After 3 more lines, Quinn interrupted her.
“Fine, you win.”
“I win?”
“I’ll help you. Starting tomorrow. But just… Let me sleep now? Please?”
She sounded so desperate, Rachel had really outdone herself.
“Alright. Sleep well, Quinn. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Quinn was asleep within less than a minute, worn out. Rachel congratulated herself. She did it. And hopefully, tomorrow she’d finally get a couple of answers.
The next day, Rachel followed Quinn around, but silently, very careful not to get on her bad side. It was a reminder for her. Not that Quinn would forget. It wasn’t until after school that Quinn gestured for her ghost to come along.
Might as well make this as comfortable as possible, Quinn thought. So she took Rachel back home, to her room, and sat down on her bed. Rachel went to sit across from her, and Quinn sighed.
“What do you want to know?”
“Am I a ghost?”
“Yes, for lack of a better word. You absolutely are.”
“How come you can see me?”
“It’s in my family. The women in our family can see ghosts, sometimes. Definitely when it’s family, it’s the blood thing, and outside of that sometimes.”
“When?”
“When we’re meant to.”
“You are… meant to see me? But why?!”
“Because faith has a cruel sense of humour,” Quinn snarled. “Anything else?”
“Can I touch whatever I want now? I know I can’t eat or sleep already…”
“No people, unless you love them and they love you, or something. It’s pretty complicated, and I don’t really get it. It had something to do with how real you are to them.”
“Oh… Maybe I’ll think of something later, but that’s it for now.”
“Alright. Well, go then. Go and make out with Finn or something.”
“I can’t,” Rachel said shyly, looking down. Quinn repressed a wave of annoyance.
“Listen, you don’t have to worry about it. I know for a fact that he loves you. A lot.”
“Yeah, so do I,” she muttered in reply.
Quinn was silent, then gasped.
“You don’t love him?!” That was a pretty serious confession. And unexpected at that.
“You cannot be that surprised, Quinn. We’re too young! These High School dramas aren’t love, they are discoveries mixed with hormones!”
“He loves you!”
“Guys are different.”
“That’s just bullshit!”
“Is it, Quinn? I imagine Puck has said the words to you too, by now. What did you reply to him? That you were a love for the ages? Did you even reply at all?”
Quinn’s blush was answer enough.
“That’s what I expected. Do not mistake me for a pessimist, I believe in true love. But at 16? My hand went straight through Finn the other day!”
“It’s unfair of you. Keeping him around like that, while he didn’t know all this.”
“I didn’t force him into anything, and I never established a relationship with him.”
“But he thought otherwise, and you know it! What about honesty?”
Rachel snorted.
“Oh yes, I am very interested in what Quinn Fabray, the girl who got pregnant from her boyfriend’s best friend, has to say to me on the subject of honesty.”
“And I learned from it! I thought you’d really be into the whole honesty thing.”
“I am, but what’s the use of breaking his heart when we are both content with the way things are?”
“Because he didn’t know! You don’t even deserve him.”
“Perhaps I don’t. Perhaps he hasn’t been completely honest with me, either, I can’t be sure. What does it matter now? We’ll never find out, and I will have died without ever finding my one true love.”
Quinn bit her lip. She had no way of imagining what Rachel felt like, she knew that.
“Have you… accepted it all?”
A slight frown deepened on Rachel’s expression.
“I’m working on it. I want to leave too, you know, it’s not just you that wants me gone, but I want to at least be there for my funeral. Who hasn’t ever imagined their own funeral? Wondering who would be sad, who strong? I wonder how many people will cry! I couldn’t believe the woefulness in Glee the other day. We all know Tina cries at the drop of a hat, but Santana shedding tears! I could hardly believe my eyes!”
Quinn smiled. “Santana’s a softie. Nobody outside of Brit and me is supposed to know, but your death kind of ruined that.”
“There is something I had not expected! But it does explain a lot.”
Rachel paused, remembering something she had wondered about.
“Is she… dating Brittany? Promise I won’t tell,” she said with a weak smile.
“No.” Quinn replied.
“Oh, it’s just seemed-”
“They just have lots of sex,” Quinn added.
“…Aha. They always do seem to be so… touchy together.”
“They were those girls who hung around in the shower when everybody had already finished.”
“You say that like those girls are in every team.”
“Of course. It’s a High School cliché. Hot cheerleaders having sex together.”
Rachel stared blankly before nodding.
“Alright.”
They were quiet for a few short moments, until Quinn asked:
“Rachel, what are you going to do now?”
Rachel eyed Quinn pleadingly.
“No way.”
“I know this situation is far from ideal, but the problem is that I literally have nobody else to talk to!”
“Take a vow of silence,” Quinn offered. “It can only do you well.”
“Quinn, please.”
“Rachel, you yourself said it! Far from ideal!”
“You can’t just leave me hanging!”
“Oh, can’t I? Watch me!”
“Come all, without. Come all, within. You-”
“No! Stop it! You can’t blackmail me into talking to you!”
“Oh, can’t I? Watch me!” Rachel mocked in an uncharastically ill-spirited voice.
They paused, both calming down. When Rachel trusted her voice not to get so mean again, she tried pleading again.
“Please, Quinn. Think about it. If we’re not fighting over boys and forget that we are complete and polar opposites and on other sides of the social ladder, am I really all that horrible to have to deal with on a regular basis?”
“Honestly?”
“Am I worse than Jacob Ben Israel?” Rachel said in a desperate voice.
Quinn paused long enough to have Rachel almost in a full-fledged panic attack, before saying:
“Maybe you’re not. You both are creepy and annoying, but maybe you’re not as bad as him.”
“Shall I try to make myself as less annoying as possible? I can be quite entertaining, you know! You’ll find out, sure enough.”
“Well, are you going to leave me a choice?” Quinn replied, exasperated.
“Not really,” Rachel admitted. “I’m not opposed to mild stalking.”
“Alright. But let me tell you, this is never going to work.”
“What exactly cannot work?”
“You and me and… you know, talking, hanging out…”
“Being friends?”
“Ugh, please don’t say that out loud.”
“Friends?” Rachel said, sticking out her hand.
Quinn doubted for a second. “Not enemies,” she amended, and Quinn’ hand passed through Rachel’s.
The next day at school, Quinn almost choked on her apple when Rachel suddenly appeared and said: “Boo!”
“That is such a cliché. You make a horrible ghost.”
“It is a cliché, because it is simply irresistible. How are you doing, Quinn?”
Quinn rolled her eyes, but whispered: “I’m fine, thank you.”
“Good! Who is taking the lead on Here Comes The Sun?” Quinn thought for a second.
“I thought Tina and Puck.”
Rachel nodded in response. “You should know, I have high expectations.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t really surprise me,” Quinn said. She smiled and shook her head, before stealing a sidewards glance at Rachel. Distracted, she committed a horrible foul.
She bumped into Sue.
Quinn froze and then decided to try and flee. It didn’t work, of course it didn’t. Sue turned on her heel, breezing, looking not unlike a wild animal. “Preggo!” Quinn froze again, and Rachel froze alongside her this time. Sue stormed up to her.
“You’ve got some nerve, Q, trying to hurt me so deeply like that by bumping into me like some rude Neanderthal and then trying to run away like the coward that you are. What’d you think, I’d spare you because you’re Head Cheerio? You should know better.”
“I do. Sorry, coach Sylvester.”
“Late apology. Damn shame they forbid clubbing the students. It would be most appropriate here. Go fetch me a new protein shake to replace the other.”
“But… you didn’t have a protein shake.”
“That’s the problem here. My hand is still empty. I’m waiting, Q. Fetch.”
“Be right back, coach Sylvester.”
Quinn turned around and went to obey her coach’s order, when she heard Rachel.
“That was terribly unfair!”
“No it wasn’t. It was coach Sylvester.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Get a damn protein shake, of course.”
“You’re going to do what she asked?!”
“She didn’t ask me anything, it was an order. It wasn’t a teacher, it was Sue.”
“Alright. But she is evil. Someone ought to put her in her place.”
Quinn snorted. “That’s true, but I guess we all value our lives to much.”
Rachel stayed behind while Quinn stalked off to fetch Sue her shake.
They all valued their lives too much. But how did she value her death?
The bell rang. Quinn had class, and Rachel had decided to leave the girl for an hour.
At a leisure pace, Rachel strolled towards the only office she’d never been in - with almost everyone on the staff she’d had to settle something at one point in history or another, but she knew to avoid this one - and enjoyed having the time to take advantage of empty hallways.
She turned left, rounded the corner, and walked straight through a door with a wide grin on her face. She actually did not have the guts to do this, but thought that if she forgot about that and just focused on what Quinn would think of this, she could do it.
Sue was off, making a few sophomores cry, and she had the time. She went to work, almost meticulously taking apart every trophy in the room, violently destroying them all. No alarms went off, thankfully, she wouldn’t have put it past the coach.
After that, she ruined Sue’s private gym equipment by drowning it in Sue’s stored protein shakes that she found in Sue’s private fridge. She thought that she had done enough damage, and sped out. Even has a ghost, she had zero interest in hanging out there any longer than was absolutely necessary.
4 minutes later, the bell rang, signalling the end of the class. She sped to Quinn’s classroom, and after whispering Quinn’s name, she realized that it was absolutely ridiculous for her to whisper. She shouted instead: “Quinn! Over here! Come to Sue’s office!”
Quinn, who didn’t have the luxury of being able to yell something back, just turned and nodded slightly, just enough for Rachel to notice. Quinn made her way to Sue’s office, and Rachel was immediately beside her.
“I would like to advice you to hide, she will be more upset than you have ever seen her, but I would have for you to miss this moment. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so seize it, like I did. The she comes! Hide!”
Quinn practically leaped behind the lockers, and Rachel chocked back a nervous giggle that would ruin the badassness of her actions, when Sue, like a lion, stalked to her office, looking like a lioness. She opened the door - ah, there was the alarm - took a step inside and…
A loud, banshee-like screech erupted from the room, and Sue emerged, now more like an elephant on warpath. She seized the first freshman in her sight, and threw it against the locker, before pushing Azimio.
“Was it you, you brainless excuse of a human being? Did you think this is funny?” She screamed, smashing a slushie from his hands and storming away, probably to Figgins’ office.
“What the hell did you do?!” Quinn said in a soft, astonished voice.
“The door is open, Quinn. I would advice you to go look for yourself.” Rachel was positively beaming with pride, knowing that Quinn was going to love this. When the blonde looked, her mouth dropped.
“Oh my god!” She screeched, before looking back at a widely smiling Rachel.
“Did you do this?”
“I don’t know who else you could suspect. Yes, Quinn. This ravaging was all done by me.”
“But why?”
Rachel fell silent at that. Then, in a doubting voice, like she hadn’t even thought about it until now, she said: “I’m not sure… because I could, I guess, but mostly because I just really didn’t like the way that she treated you this morning, it was inexcusable. That was at the very least the direct catalyst.”
Quinn couldn’t help it, shyness made it’s way through to her, and a very light blush formed on her cheeks. “Thank you for that. Never thought I would see this day.”
“It gets better.”
“How?!” Quinn replied eagerly, and Rachel showed her the book.
“Is that…”
“The diary of the one and only Ms. Sue Sylvester, fully to our disposal.”
“I have to hand it to you, Berry. I didn’t think you had it in you. That was actually… pretty badass. Puck would be proud. You get coolpoints for this.”
Silence.
“You do cool points? That is decidedly uncool of you, Quinn.”
“Well yeah, don’t mind it,” Quinn said quickly. Her blush deepened a little. “Give me that!”
She reached for the diary, but Rachel jumped back before Quinn’s hand even had a chance of passing through her.
“No. You can have it when we’re home, and we’ll read it together. I promise not to read it until then.”
Realizing this was the best deal she was going to get, Quinn grudgingly agreed.
~ Heaven forbid, you’ll end up alone
And don’t know why ~
When Quinn got home, Rachel was sitting on her bed.
“Hi,” Quinn said casually, closing the door behind her.
“Hello, Quinn,” Rachel replied. There was a short silence before Rachel said:
“So, are you ready?”
“Ready… the diary! I am! Do you have it with you?”
She sat down next to Rachel, and Rachel grinned, taking the diary from behind her back.
“Here we go!”
After reading about 4 entries, Rachel was stunned.
“She is actually like that! There is no soft side, no, her diary talks about hating Mr. Shue and your knee quivering. This is absolutely unbelievable.”
“Not really, I guess, but maybe we’ll-” she gasped.
“I’ve got it! Go a couple of weeks back, you know, when she had her mental breakdown and all the Cheerio’s were bawling their eyes out!”
Rachel turned a couple of pages, and found it. They read the page quickly and looked at each other.
“So, if this is right…” Rachel started.
“Sue had a meltdown after Mr. Shue broke her heart,” Quinn said softly. “Now that is unbelievable. That is the worst couple I have ever heard of. Including you and Puck.”
“I’m not going into that comment, but I would like to say that you should not be so harsh. Opposites attract, everyone knows that. That is why unexpected couples can work.”
“Yeah, but really? Sue and Shue? Even their names sound wrong together!”
Rachel had a retort for that too.
“Quinn, you used to date Finn. Quinn and Finn. Your names sound horrible together too. How are you going to find a portmanteau for that? It was doomed to fail from the start.”
Quinn laughed.
“Touché, I’ll give you that. But I can’t believe she fell for him. It’s just… so weird. And… so gross.”
Quinn shuddered, and Rachel frowned.
“He is quite handsome, and very attractive, especially while singing. You can’t really blame her.”
“He’s got to be your type, I guess. I mean, you had a massive crush on him.”
“How did you know that?! That is private!”
Quinn snorted. “Private. Nothing about you is private. Everyone knew. You got that look in your eyes that you get whenever you’re crushing on someone.”
“I get a look?”
“Wide-eyed, helpless, hopeless,” she looked at Rachel and shrugged apologetically. “Slightly desperate.”
“That sounds… dreadful!”
“Oh, it is. It’s freaking creepy, you look scary then.”
“I know I can be intense and thus intimidating, but I believe that creepy is taking it too far!”
“Finn checked under his bed every night while I was living with him. Just to see you weren’t hiding under there somewhere. He never said so, but…”
She shot Rachel a meaningful look. “He didn’t have to. I knew.”
This ended the discussion. Rachel had, so painfully obvious, no retort to this, so Quinn closed Sue’s diary with a clap.
“Enough about Sue. What about you?”
“What?! What about me?”
“I have been wondering,” Quinn started, choosing her words carefully, “You made me think. About life, and death. Important things. And I wonder how you feel, like, what will you miss most? And what do you wish you could have been alive for?”
“That is… quite personal information you are inquiring about, Quinn,” Rachel said in an unsure voice.
Quinn shrugged and just looked at Rachel, waiting. After a while, Rachel began.
“It’s a lot. Small things, like tasting food or learning a new dance or participating in a particularly well sounding Glee song. I’ll miss that, but also big things like my dads, and Finn. Talking with them, everything. About the rest, I have been robbed from my dream of getting out of Lima and reaching my full stardom potential, becoming famous. But there is just so much, like-”
Rachel’s jaw clenched, like she was keeping the words in.
“What, what is it?!”
“I’m jealous of you, Quinn” Rachel said in a quiet voice, “for throwing it away. You have lived a little, at least. Even if you were drunk and cheating on your boyfriend, at least you did do it.”
“What?”
Rachel gave Quinn a not so subtle, meaningful look.
“Oh, that. But you did it with Jesse, right? If you’re worried because it didn’t feel good, trust me, it hurt like a bitch with me, so you don’t have to. ”
“No, I didn’t. I know it’s the logical thing to assume, based on my behaviour, but I have never done that with Jesse. And now I regret it, because I will never get a chance to do so again! If the choice had been right then and there or dying a virgin… That is the part that I fear will hunt me mostly.”
“More than the stardom part?”
“Yes, more than anything. It seemed so logical, so basic! It was second on the list, after finding true love. But that is so different. Sex is something I should have experienced already. True love usually doesn’t cross your path until you get older, that would have been too much to ask. But sex? It should have happened. I’m sure of it.”
Rachel’s face was lacking tears but when she closed her eyes, a sob choked it’s way through, and Quinn was overtaken by an unexpected sensation. A desire to comfort the torn girl across from her. How to do that without touching her?
Quinn laid down on the bed and said: “Rachel.” Rachel opened her eyes. Quinn padded the spot beside her.
“Lay down beside me.” Hesitantly, Rachel did so.
“At least you are not alone, even in death. Some ghosts just wander without ever finding someone who can see them, or hear them. You’ve got even more, I mean, you’ve got me. And I’m better than some random stranger. That’s a good thing.”
“Quinn, you don’t have to produce guilty lies for my sake. I’m not stupid. We have only truly spoken like this for what, 4 days?”
“You’ve got me,” Quinn said sternly. “I’m here with you, aren’t I? Pay attention. You’ve lost it all, but you’ve gained me.”
For the first time, Quinn really wished that she could touch Rachel, just because she seemed to need it so much. She hadn’t touched anybody in days. How weird that must be.
She decided then that she would try to be nice to Rachel. Rachel was a good person, she should try to treat her well. And it couldn’t hurt her rep anymore, anyway.
Rachel stayed with Quinn that night, like every night so far. Rachel would sit down somewhere and watch Quinn while she went to sleep, usually singing to her. She could almost see Quinn relax when she started to sing.
It was fascinating to her, the coldest, hardest girl in school in such a relaxed and soft state. Quinn had a very soft snore and an occasional unclear grunt or murmur. Quinn also woke up each night. Her eyes would open, and sometimes she’d stare at Rachel, sometimes she wouldn’t, but she’d never speak a word, just waiting to fall asleep again.
Rachel wondered if she should leave, but she rather liked watching Quinn sleep, and Quinn didn’t complain if Rachel kept up the singing. It was weird, Rachel knew that, but better than the painful nights spent listening to her fathers weep.
Part 4
Author: Irisayame
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13 for the first 6 chapters, NC-17 for the last.
Length: ~ 24000+
Spoiler: Uh, none really, but let's say season 1?
Summary: When Rachel dies, she returns as a ghost. She doesn't know what to do, let alone what's keeping her on earth, until she discovers that Quinn alone can see her. Will Quinn help her, or will the cheerleader let their lifelong animosity get between them?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything I may refer to, and of course, I don't own Glee
A/N: I wrote this for the Glee Femslash Big Bang. It took longer than it should have. It's big AU and I know it, and I can be a sucker for cliches, to warn you, but I hope you like it anyway :) read, enjoy, and I'm REALLY curious what you think about this (I've been kind of obsessing over it for a long time) so please, pretty please, review?
A/N: Song used is Mighty Quinn by Manfred Mann. Lyrics from Is There A Ghost? by Band of Horses and Heaven Forbid by The Fray.
***
~ I could sleep, I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house? ~
Quinn woke with a start. 2:35 AM. What the hell? Why was she awake?
Her stomach dropped.
“Rachel?”
“How’d you guess? Sorry, I think I broke your lamp here…”
“It was already broken. Why are you here?”
“I don’t know!”
“Then stop it, you creepy stalker!”
“No, I actually don’t know. I just appeared here. I don’t have to sleep anymore, and I was trying to think of ways to persuade you to talk to me and suddenly I was here… Oh, inspiration!”
“What?!” That can’t be good.
“I’ll just make myself comfortable… there. You know Quinn, I have ways. And benefits. And now, I have a strategy.”
Quinn groaned. “What is it, mastermind?”
Rachel opened her mouth, and out came the lyrics of ‘I Feel Pretty’ from the West Side Story.
“You can’t be serious!”
But she was. After that, Rachel sung ‘I Will Always Love You’. After 3 Celine songs, she went to Defying Gravity. After that, Don’t Cry For Me Argentina. She kept it up all night while Quinn kept twisting, turning and biting her pillow to keep her from screaming.
Rachel never left Quinn’s side from that night on. Wherever Quinn went, Rachel went. During school, at Glee, at home and anything inbetween. Rachel saw Quinn growing more tired and weary looking, and knew Quinn would crack. The only matter was when.
It was the third night that Rachel spent singing to Quinn. The first night consisted of Rachel’s personal favourites, second night the most annoying pop songs that got stuck in your head of the last 6 years, and now she was going for the classics. She suddenly got a great idea for a song.
“Oh, you’ll love this one!”
Quinn groaned, and Rachel sang:
“Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn”
“No, not that one!” Quinn begged, but Rachel was absolutely merciless. After 3 more lines, Quinn interrupted her.
“Fine, you win.”
“I win?”
“I’ll help you. Starting tomorrow. But just… Let me sleep now? Please?”
She sounded so desperate, Rachel had really outdone herself.
“Alright. Sleep well, Quinn. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Quinn was asleep within less than a minute, worn out. Rachel congratulated herself. She did it. And hopefully, tomorrow she’d finally get a couple of answers.
The next day, Rachel followed Quinn around, but silently, very careful not to get on her bad side. It was a reminder for her. Not that Quinn would forget. It wasn’t until after school that Quinn gestured for her ghost to come along.
Might as well make this as comfortable as possible, Quinn thought. So she took Rachel back home, to her room, and sat down on her bed. Rachel went to sit across from her, and Quinn sighed.
“What do you want to know?”
“Am I a ghost?”
“Yes, for lack of a better word. You absolutely are.”
“How come you can see me?”
“It’s in my family. The women in our family can see ghosts, sometimes. Definitely when it’s family, it’s the blood thing, and outside of that sometimes.”
“When?”
“When we’re meant to.”
“You are… meant to see me? But why?!”
“Because faith has a cruel sense of humour,” Quinn snarled. “Anything else?”
“Can I touch whatever I want now? I know I can’t eat or sleep already…”
“No people, unless you love them and they love you, or something. It’s pretty complicated, and I don’t really get it. It had something to do with how real you are to them.”
“Oh… Maybe I’ll think of something later, but that’s it for now.”
“Alright. Well, go then. Go and make out with Finn or something.”
“I can’t,” Rachel said shyly, looking down. Quinn repressed a wave of annoyance.
“Listen, you don’t have to worry about it. I know for a fact that he loves you. A lot.”
“Yeah, so do I,” she muttered in reply.
Quinn was silent, then gasped.
“You don’t love him?!” That was a pretty serious confession. And unexpected at that.
“You cannot be that surprised, Quinn. We’re too young! These High School dramas aren’t love, they are discoveries mixed with hormones!”
“He loves you!”
“Guys are different.”
“That’s just bullshit!”
“Is it, Quinn? I imagine Puck has said the words to you too, by now. What did you reply to him? That you were a love for the ages? Did you even reply at all?”
Quinn’s blush was answer enough.
“That’s what I expected. Do not mistake me for a pessimist, I believe in true love. But at 16? My hand went straight through Finn the other day!”
“It’s unfair of you. Keeping him around like that, while he didn’t know all this.”
“I didn’t force him into anything, and I never established a relationship with him.”
“But he thought otherwise, and you know it! What about honesty?”
Rachel snorted.
“Oh yes, I am very interested in what Quinn Fabray, the girl who got pregnant from her boyfriend’s best friend, has to say to me on the subject of honesty.”
“And I learned from it! I thought you’d really be into the whole honesty thing.”
“I am, but what’s the use of breaking his heart when we are both content with the way things are?”
“Because he didn’t know! You don’t even deserve him.”
“Perhaps I don’t. Perhaps he hasn’t been completely honest with me, either, I can’t be sure. What does it matter now? We’ll never find out, and I will have died without ever finding my one true love.”
Quinn bit her lip. She had no way of imagining what Rachel felt like, she knew that.
“Have you… accepted it all?”
A slight frown deepened on Rachel’s expression.
“I’m working on it. I want to leave too, you know, it’s not just you that wants me gone, but I want to at least be there for my funeral. Who hasn’t ever imagined their own funeral? Wondering who would be sad, who strong? I wonder how many people will cry! I couldn’t believe the woefulness in Glee the other day. We all know Tina cries at the drop of a hat, but Santana shedding tears! I could hardly believe my eyes!”
Quinn smiled. “Santana’s a softie. Nobody outside of Brit and me is supposed to know, but your death kind of ruined that.”
“There is something I had not expected! But it does explain a lot.”
Rachel paused, remembering something she had wondered about.
“Is she… dating Brittany? Promise I won’t tell,” she said with a weak smile.
“No.” Quinn replied.
“Oh, it’s just seemed-”
“They just have lots of sex,” Quinn added.
“…Aha. They always do seem to be so… touchy together.”
“They were those girls who hung around in the shower when everybody had already finished.”
“You say that like those girls are in every team.”
“Of course. It’s a High School cliché. Hot cheerleaders having sex together.”
Rachel stared blankly before nodding.
“Alright.”
They were quiet for a few short moments, until Quinn asked:
“Rachel, what are you going to do now?”
Rachel eyed Quinn pleadingly.
“No way.”
“I know this situation is far from ideal, but the problem is that I literally have nobody else to talk to!”
“Take a vow of silence,” Quinn offered. “It can only do you well.”
“Quinn, please.”
“Rachel, you yourself said it! Far from ideal!”
“You can’t just leave me hanging!”
“Oh, can’t I? Watch me!”
“Come all, without. Come all, within. You-”
“No! Stop it! You can’t blackmail me into talking to you!”
“Oh, can’t I? Watch me!” Rachel mocked in an uncharastically ill-spirited voice.
They paused, both calming down. When Rachel trusted her voice not to get so mean again, she tried pleading again.
“Please, Quinn. Think about it. If we’re not fighting over boys and forget that we are complete and polar opposites and on other sides of the social ladder, am I really all that horrible to have to deal with on a regular basis?”
“Honestly?”
“Am I worse than Jacob Ben Israel?” Rachel said in a desperate voice.
Quinn paused long enough to have Rachel almost in a full-fledged panic attack, before saying:
“Maybe you’re not. You both are creepy and annoying, but maybe you’re not as bad as him.”
“Shall I try to make myself as less annoying as possible? I can be quite entertaining, you know! You’ll find out, sure enough.”
“Well, are you going to leave me a choice?” Quinn replied, exasperated.
“Not really,” Rachel admitted. “I’m not opposed to mild stalking.”
“Alright. But let me tell you, this is never going to work.”
“What exactly cannot work?”
“You and me and… you know, talking, hanging out…”
“Being friends?”
“Ugh, please don’t say that out loud.”
“Friends?” Rachel said, sticking out her hand.
Quinn doubted for a second. “Not enemies,” she amended, and Quinn’ hand passed through Rachel’s.
The next day at school, Quinn almost choked on her apple when Rachel suddenly appeared and said: “Boo!”
“That is such a cliché. You make a horrible ghost.”
“It is a cliché, because it is simply irresistible. How are you doing, Quinn?”
Quinn rolled her eyes, but whispered: “I’m fine, thank you.”
“Good! Who is taking the lead on Here Comes The Sun?” Quinn thought for a second.
“I thought Tina and Puck.”
Rachel nodded in response. “You should know, I have high expectations.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t really surprise me,” Quinn said. She smiled and shook her head, before stealing a sidewards glance at Rachel. Distracted, she committed a horrible foul.
She bumped into Sue.
Quinn froze and then decided to try and flee. It didn’t work, of course it didn’t. Sue turned on her heel, breezing, looking not unlike a wild animal. “Preggo!” Quinn froze again, and Rachel froze alongside her this time. Sue stormed up to her.
“You’ve got some nerve, Q, trying to hurt me so deeply like that by bumping into me like some rude Neanderthal and then trying to run away like the coward that you are. What’d you think, I’d spare you because you’re Head Cheerio? You should know better.”
“I do. Sorry, coach Sylvester.”
“Late apology. Damn shame they forbid clubbing the students. It would be most appropriate here. Go fetch me a new protein shake to replace the other.”
“But… you didn’t have a protein shake.”
“That’s the problem here. My hand is still empty. I’m waiting, Q. Fetch.”
“Be right back, coach Sylvester.”
Quinn turned around and went to obey her coach’s order, when she heard Rachel.
“That was terribly unfair!”
“No it wasn’t. It was coach Sylvester.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Get a damn protein shake, of course.”
“You’re going to do what she asked?!”
“She didn’t ask me anything, it was an order. It wasn’t a teacher, it was Sue.”
“Alright. But she is evil. Someone ought to put her in her place.”
Quinn snorted. “That’s true, but I guess we all value our lives to much.”
Rachel stayed behind while Quinn stalked off to fetch Sue her shake.
They all valued their lives too much. But how did she value her death?
The bell rang. Quinn had class, and Rachel had decided to leave the girl for an hour.
At a leisure pace, Rachel strolled towards the only office she’d never been in - with almost everyone on the staff she’d had to settle something at one point in history or another, but she knew to avoid this one - and enjoyed having the time to take advantage of empty hallways.
She turned left, rounded the corner, and walked straight through a door with a wide grin on her face. She actually did not have the guts to do this, but thought that if she forgot about that and just focused on what Quinn would think of this, she could do it.
Sue was off, making a few sophomores cry, and she had the time. She went to work, almost meticulously taking apart every trophy in the room, violently destroying them all. No alarms went off, thankfully, she wouldn’t have put it past the coach.
After that, she ruined Sue’s private gym equipment by drowning it in Sue’s stored protein shakes that she found in Sue’s private fridge. She thought that she had done enough damage, and sped out. Even has a ghost, she had zero interest in hanging out there any longer than was absolutely necessary.
4 minutes later, the bell rang, signalling the end of the class. She sped to Quinn’s classroom, and after whispering Quinn’s name, she realized that it was absolutely ridiculous for her to whisper. She shouted instead: “Quinn! Over here! Come to Sue’s office!”
Quinn, who didn’t have the luxury of being able to yell something back, just turned and nodded slightly, just enough for Rachel to notice. Quinn made her way to Sue’s office, and Rachel was immediately beside her.
“I would like to advice you to hide, she will be more upset than you have ever seen her, but I would have for you to miss this moment. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so seize it, like I did. The she comes! Hide!”
Quinn practically leaped behind the lockers, and Rachel chocked back a nervous giggle that would ruin the badassness of her actions, when Sue, like a lion, stalked to her office, looking like a lioness. She opened the door - ah, there was the alarm - took a step inside and…
A loud, banshee-like screech erupted from the room, and Sue emerged, now more like an elephant on warpath. She seized the first freshman in her sight, and threw it against the locker, before pushing Azimio.
“Was it you, you brainless excuse of a human being? Did you think this is funny?” She screamed, smashing a slushie from his hands and storming away, probably to Figgins’ office.
“What the hell did you do?!” Quinn said in a soft, astonished voice.
“The door is open, Quinn. I would advice you to go look for yourself.” Rachel was positively beaming with pride, knowing that Quinn was going to love this. When the blonde looked, her mouth dropped.
“Oh my god!” She screeched, before looking back at a widely smiling Rachel.
“Did you do this?”
“I don’t know who else you could suspect. Yes, Quinn. This ravaging was all done by me.”
“But why?”
Rachel fell silent at that. Then, in a doubting voice, like she hadn’t even thought about it until now, she said: “I’m not sure… because I could, I guess, but mostly because I just really didn’t like the way that she treated you this morning, it was inexcusable. That was at the very least the direct catalyst.”
Quinn couldn’t help it, shyness made it’s way through to her, and a very light blush formed on her cheeks. “Thank you for that. Never thought I would see this day.”
“It gets better.”
“How?!” Quinn replied eagerly, and Rachel showed her the book.
“Is that…”
“The diary of the one and only Ms. Sue Sylvester, fully to our disposal.”
“I have to hand it to you, Berry. I didn’t think you had it in you. That was actually… pretty badass. Puck would be proud. You get coolpoints for this.”
Silence.
“You do cool points? That is decidedly uncool of you, Quinn.”
“Well yeah, don’t mind it,” Quinn said quickly. Her blush deepened a little. “Give me that!”
She reached for the diary, but Rachel jumped back before Quinn’s hand even had a chance of passing through her.
“No. You can have it when we’re home, and we’ll read it together. I promise not to read it until then.”
Realizing this was the best deal she was going to get, Quinn grudgingly agreed.
~ Heaven forbid, you’ll end up alone
And don’t know why ~
When Quinn got home, Rachel was sitting on her bed.
“Hi,” Quinn said casually, closing the door behind her.
“Hello, Quinn,” Rachel replied. There was a short silence before Rachel said:
“So, are you ready?”
“Ready… the diary! I am! Do you have it with you?”
She sat down next to Rachel, and Rachel grinned, taking the diary from behind her back.
“Here we go!”
After reading about 4 entries, Rachel was stunned.
“She is actually like that! There is no soft side, no, her diary talks about hating Mr. Shue and your knee quivering. This is absolutely unbelievable.”
“Not really, I guess, but maybe we’ll-” she gasped.
“I’ve got it! Go a couple of weeks back, you know, when she had her mental breakdown and all the Cheerio’s were bawling their eyes out!”
Rachel turned a couple of pages, and found it. They read the page quickly and looked at each other.
“So, if this is right…” Rachel started.
“Sue had a meltdown after Mr. Shue broke her heart,” Quinn said softly. “Now that is unbelievable. That is the worst couple I have ever heard of. Including you and Puck.”
“I’m not going into that comment, but I would like to say that you should not be so harsh. Opposites attract, everyone knows that. That is why unexpected couples can work.”
“Yeah, but really? Sue and Shue? Even their names sound wrong together!”
Rachel had a retort for that too.
“Quinn, you used to date Finn. Quinn and Finn. Your names sound horrible together too. How are you going to find a portmanteau for that? It was doomed to fail from the start.”
Quinn laughed.
“Touché, I’ll give you that. But I can’t believe she fell for him. It’s just… so weird. And… so gross.”
Quinn shuddered, and Rachel frowned.
“He is quite handsome, and very attractive, especially while singing. You can’t really blame her.”
“He’s got to be your type, I guess. I mean, you had a massive crush on him.”
“How did you know that?! That is private!”
Quinn snorted. “Private. Nothing about you is private. Everyone knew. You got that look in your eyes that you get whenever you’re crushing on someone.”
“I get a look?”
“Wide-eyed, helpless, hopeless,” she looked at Rachel and shrugged apologetically. “Slightly desperate.”
“That sounds… dreadful!”
“Oh, it is. It’s freaking creepy, you look scary then.”
“I know I can be intense and thus intimidating, but I believe that creepy is taking it too far!”
“Finn checked under his bed every night while I was living with him. Just to see you weren’t hiding under there somewhere. He never said so, but…”
She shot Rachel a meaningful look. “He didn’t have to. I knew.”
This ended the discussion. Rachel had, so painfully obvious, no retort to this, so Quinn closed Sue’s diary with a clap.
“Enough about Sue. What about you?”
“What?! What about me?”
“I have been wondering,” Quinn started, choosing her words carefully, “You made me think. About life, and death. Important things. And I wonder how you feel, like, what will you miss most? And what do you wish you could have been alive for?”
“That is… quite personal information you are inquiring about, Quinn,” Rachel said in an unsure voice.
Quinn shrugged and just looked at Rachel, waiting. After a while, Rachel began.
“It’s a lot. Small things, like tasting food or learning a new dance or participating in a particularly well sounding Glee song. I’ll miss that, but also big things like my dads, and Finn. Talking with them, everything. About the rest, I have been robbed from my dream of getting out of Lima and reaching my full stardom potential, becoming famous. But there is just so much, like-”
Rachel’s jaw clenched, like she was keeping the words in.
“What, what is it?!”
“I’m jealous of you, Quinn” Rachel said in a quiet voice, “for throwing it away. You have lived a little, at least. Even if you were drunk and cheating on your boyfriend, at least you did do it.”
“What?”
Rachel gave Quinn a not so subtle, meaningful look.
“Oh, that. But you did it with Jesse, right? If you’re worried because it didn’t feel good, trust me, it hurt like a bitch with me, so you don’t have to. ”
“No, I didn’t. I know it’s the logical thing to assume, based on my behaviour, but I have never done that with Jesse. And now I regret it, because I will never get a chance to do so again! If the choice had been right then and there or dying a virgin… That is the part that I fear will hunt me mostly.”
“More than the stardom part?”
“Yes, more than anything. It seemed so logical, so basic! It was second on the list, after finding true love. But that is so different. Sex is something I should have experienced already. True love usually doesn’t cross your path until you get older, that would have been too much to ask. But sex? It should have happened. I’m sure of it.”
Rachel’s face was lacking tears but when she closed her eyes, a sob choked it’s way through, and Quinn was overtaken by an unexpected sensation. A desire to comfort the torn girl across from her. How to do that without touching her?
Quinn laid down on the bed and said: “Rachel.” Rachel opened her eyes. Quinn padded the spot beside her.
“Lay down beside me.” Hesitantly, Rachel did so.
“At least you are not alone, even in death. Some ghosts just wander without ever finding someone who can see them, or hear them. You’ve got even more, I mean, you’ve got me. And I’m better than some random stranger. That’s a good thing.”
“Quinn, you don’t have to produce guilty lies for my sake. I’m not stupid. We have only truly spoken like this for what, 4 days?”
“You’ve got me,” Quinn said sternly. “I’m here with you, aren’t I? Pay attention. You’ve lost it all, but you’ve gained me.”
For the first time, Quinn really wished that she could touch Rachel, just because she seemed to need it so much. She hadn’t touched anybody in days. How weird that must be.
She decided then that she would try to be nice to Rachel. Rachel was a good person, she should try to treat her well. And it couldn’t hurt her rep anymore, anyway.
Rachel stayed with Quinn that night, like every night so far. Rachel would sit down somewhere and watch Quinn while she went to sleep, usually singing to her. She could almost see Quinn relax when she started to sing.
It was fascinating to her, the coldest, hardest girl in school in such a relaxed and soft state. Quinn had a very soft snore and an occasional unclear grunt or murmur. Quinn also woke up each night. Her eyes would open, and sometimes she’d stare at Rachel, sometimes she wouldn’t, but she’d never speak a word, just waiting to fall asleep again.
Rachel wondered if she should leave, but she rather liked watching Quinn sleep, and Quinn didn’t complain if Rachel kept up the singing. It was weird, Rachel knew that, but better than the painful nights spent listening to her fathers weep.
Part 4