Misery really does love company
Oi. I haven't been here in a while. I'd like to start coming back more often again. Sometimes, it helps to get things out of your system. Sometimes, one can visit friends here. Both are good reasons to return.
I have recently become much more grateful for contact with friends. I used to feel that in order for the contact to be meaningful and useful, it had to be an outing or a long afternoon or evening. I have come to realize I was wrong about that.
My schedule as far as my family goes is difficult at best. My husband and I work opposite schedules and see each other for about an hour and a half at night, 30 minutes at lunch, with a little extra on Friday afternoons. Then, he works mandatory overtime every other Saturday at the time of his normal shift. It makes for little family and husband/wife time. Yesterday, they were informed that on the weeks they are not working Saturdays, they will now be required to work 10 hour days instead of the usual 8. This means he won't get home until very late, and I will, by necessity of my own job, have had to go to bed by then. I know that hour and a half at night doesn't seem like much, but it sure is a lot when you loose it.
This was very discouraging. I will admit, I cried at work yesterday when he told me. I hate crying at work. I posted about it on Facebook, and then, well, something wonderful happened.
I got responses. From friends. And family. I got concern, and encouragement, and love. And a hockey update.
Later, I had a conversation with a friend who is in a remarkably similar situation. It was an amazingly helpful conversation, and cheered my discouragement. I understood then that I am not the only one, that what I was feeling was natural and normal and maybe even useful. I understood that, even though I spend much time by myself, or time with just me and my son, that I am not alone in the world of adults. That there are many, even among my small circle of friends, who touch on the same lonliness, frustration, fears, confustion, discouragement, exhaustion. That no matter our situation, we are not condemned to live lives of quiet desperation. There are friends. There is understanding. And this conversation? It felt like it lasted hours, when in reality, it was no more than 15 minutes, probably closer to 10. But in that 10 minutes, my burden was eased, and I knew, for certain, that I am not alone. It served to prove the old cliche about misery loving company. I think I was given a new understanding of that saying last night, and there was a bit of guilt and a much laughter for me in the concept. "You are miserable! Awesome! So am I! Do we feel better now??" Really. It's funny, if you think about it. Pitiful, but funny.
I thought about my walking posts, and the responses I get from them. Those momentary connections and personal comments that come my way, the encouragement and support I receive in my quest for the 15 minute mile....they touch my life. They touch me. I have had to learn that much of the time, friendship is shown in bits and pieces, in tiny moments or simple afternoons at the park. That connections to people are vital and valid in whatever from they take, and that maybe The Baker's Wife is right in Into the Woods...that if life were only moments, then you would never know you had one. And that we need to appreciate the moments we have, the moments we are given, and hope, and keep trying. Just keep swimming.
I believe I was taking the moments for granted before, and rather than appreciating them for their own beauty, I just kept wanting more. Not now. I am thankful. For friends. For family. For Facebook. For company I found in my misery. For lights and tunnels.
Mostly, I am thankful for hope, where ever I may find it.