falling away
it's funny. It seems the closer I feel I'm getting to Christ the futher I feel from my friends. The more what they do seems wrong and makes me feel horrible. Like I'm not doing enough for them. I know that in the end it's better to tell them what's on my heart and go friendless for a while then to watch them screw up and not do anything about it... But I can't. I mean; I don't want to be around them (how terrible does that sound?!?!) and I know that they can tell that I'm not happy... yet none of us wants to admit it.
I know I said this when I went away to Ryan... and I'll say it again. It seems the people who aren't supposed to judge us; and are supposed to accept us judge us the most. And those who you would think would judge us; don't. They don't expect us to be perfect, and when we screw up it's OK. And I'm not saying I'm not guilty... clearly I am (see above) and it hurts me so much. I don't know who or what I've become but I don't like it.
I know I said this when I went away to Ryan... and I'll say it again. It seems the people who aren't supposed to judge us; and are supposed to accept us judge us the most. And those who you would think would judge us; don't. They don't expect us to be perfect, and when we screw up it's OK. And I'm not saying I'm not guilty... clearly I am (see above) and it hurts me so much. I don't know who or what I've become but I don't like it.