I want, I want, I want everything
I'm selfish, I'm insecure, I'm unhappy with who I am. I don't work hard, I am lazy. I'm dishonest and meanspirited to the people that love me the most. I eat for the sake of eating, eat food that I don't even like because I am too god damned apathetic to actually prepare something good.
I'm vain, overconfident, I'm insincere a lot of the time.
I'm unhealthy, I'm hateful- both towards myself and others.
I'm uhhygienic at times, I don't take care of myself. I don't give myself random pedicures like I used to- those make me so happy and I don't even think about doing little things like that anymore. Little girly things that just make me feel nice.
I put others down, in my thoughts and with my words. I'm arrogant and I've lost that humility that I used to have.
I have the most amazing boyfriend, he is everything that I could ever ask for in a soulmate-he is a perfect match for me in every way. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. He's sexy and funny- he's got a genuinely kind spirit. He's passionate and loving, he is so intelligent, so artistic. He's cute without even trying to be cute, he is intense, and strong, and he makes me feel beautiful at my lowest moments. He astounds me, in every aspect of who he is.
We argue because we are so alike. We argue because we love each other, we miss each other, we're frustrated. We argue because it's so hard to be together in these crooked ways, without feeling pain, without realising just how far apart we are, without realising that even if I wanted to, I couldn't just go to him and fall into his arms.
Without realising just how much everything seems to be against us.
But we are strong, and stubborn, headstrong. Nothing will stop us. We will be together one day, we will be together without needing to say goodbye ever again. And then you'll all see- you'll see you were wrong.
Nothing will stop us.
I have a beautiful family. A beautiful life.
I've taken it for granted and I've become something that I can't bear to imagine.
And I want it to stop.
I want to do things in moderation. The way they should be done. I want to take morning walks.
I want to apply myself in school. I want to paint again, get that passion back.
I want to do a face mask and shave my legs and put on lotion, and paint my nails. I want to accesorize.
I want to read a good book. I want to write!
I want peace. I want satisfaction.
I want to sing for the sake of singing. I want to dance in the rain.
I want to reflect compassion and humility in everything that I do.
I don't want to consume anything that was once alive.
I want to treat the people in my life the way they deserve to be treated. I want to be selfless and genuinely caring.
I want to be productive. I want to make a difference.
I want to be the girlfriend that Craig deserves, I want to show him that I'm still that girl he met last December.
And I am. And I will. And I've said it before and I'll say it again-
nothing will stop me.
I'm vain, overconfident, I'm insincere a lot of the time.
I'm unhealthy, I'm hateful- both towards myself and others.
I'm uhhygienic at times, I don't take care of myself. I don't give myself random pedicures like I used to- those make me so happy and I don't even think about doing little things like that anymore. Little girly things that just make me feel nice.
I put others down, in my thoughts and with my words. I'm arrogant and I've lost that humility that I used to have.
I have the most amazing boyfriend, he is everything that I could ever ask for in a soulmate-he is a perfect match for me in every way. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. He's sexy and funny- he's got a genuinely kind spirit. He's passionate and loving, he is so intelligent, so artistic. He's cute without even trying to be cute, he is intense, and strong, and he makes me feel beautiful at my lowest moments. He astounds me, in every aspect of who he is.
We argue because we are so alike. We argue because we love each other, we miss each other, we're frustrated. We argue because it's so hard to be together in these crooked ways, without feeling pain, without realising just how far apart we are, without realising that even if I wanted to, I couldn't just go to him and fall into his arms.
Without realising just how much everything seems to be against us.
But we are strong, and stubborn, headstrong. Nothing will stop us. We will be together one day, we will be together without needing to say goodbye ever again. And then you'll all see- you'll see you were wrong.
Nothing will stop us.
I have a beautiful family. A beautiful life.
I've taken it for granted and I've become something that I can't bear to imagine.
And I want it to stop.
I want to do things in moderation. The way they should be done. I want to take morning walks.
I want to apply myself in school. I want to paint again, get that passion back.
I want to do a face mask and shave my legs and put on lotion, and paint my nails. I want to accesorize.
I want to read a good book. I want to write!
I want peace. I want satisfaction.
I want to sing for the sake of singing. I want to dance in the rain.
I want to reflect compassion and humility in everything that I do.
I don't want to consume anything that was once alive.
I want to treat the people in my life the way they deserve to be treated. I want to be selfless and genuinely caring.
I want to be productive. I want to make a difference.
I want to be the girlfriend that Craig deserves, I want to show him that I'm still that girl he met last December.
And I am. And I will. And I've said it before and I'll say it again-
nothing will stop me.