Pandora's Box - Chapter 26 Part 1
TITLE: Pandora's Box - Chapter 26 Part 1
DISCLAIMER: I didn't own any of the character but i own the plotXD
GENRE: romance, slice of life, drama
CHARACTERS: Inoo, Yabu, Yaotome, Arioka, Yamada, Takaki, Nakajima
SUMMARY: Hatred turned to love, silence turned to seeking and lies become truth. Kota just hit the rock bottom making him realize that memories should not remained unlock. He seek for truth, he yearned for what really happened and why things are going this and that. But what if he is going further to what is already near to him? Is everything gone too late to change? Everyone is given curiosity and so will you open the box as well?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the revised version of my on going fanfic Pandora's Box.
Enjoy^___^
Pandora's Box
Chapter 26 Part 1
"Escape"
Despite of what happened, Kota and Kei decided to come back to the bar and apologized for what happened. Even it was not really them who first cause the trouble, both of them realized that it was wrong to end a party with such act. As they arrived in the scene, Yuto and Ashan was already out of the place and Kota's classmates continued the party on their own. Kota apologized sincerely in front of them but that just cause awkwardness to the other party after knowing the truth between him and Kei. Shida stood in front of everyone and also said their sorry for what they did and for the misinterpretation of the situation. Both sides accepted the apology and they have a proper farewell to each other. Shida sent them out of the bar and said her goodbyes. After that little reunion, seeing each other will probably uncertain because everyone of them will enter university or work life and no time to have contact nor see each other again. Realizing that, Kota felt happy that he listened to what Kei told him. Even he was not really attached to those people, they became part of his life while he was still living in Hokkaido and his connections with them is not something that will be forgotten easily.
Like what Kota promised to Kei's mother, he sent him home even it was already late at night. It was Kota's first time to see Kei's house and so he was overwhelmed to see the place where his boyfriend was living. It was a normal styled house and it was big enough for a 2 family member. At front gate, there is a 2 big dog house with a name nailed on it. Kei said that it was the name of their dogs, Cashew and Almond.
"Weird name." Kota commented.
"Mom named them." Kei replied.
The dogs, who were inside the dog house, were starring at Kota but they don't bark at him. Kei told him that they were trained to not bark on people who are with the family member. They were big dogs and so it was really scary if they bark on people. Kei opened the door of the house and said that he was already home. He take off his shoes and wear his house slipper. His mother came in front wearing a pajama, an eyeglass and her hair tied up in a messy bun. Kota was always amazed when he sees Kei's mother. She looks too young to be a mother and it seems she was just Kei's big sister.
"Welcome home." Noren smiled. "How's the party? Did the two of you enjoy?"
Kota and Kei looked at each other before they replied. "Yeah it was." they both said at the same time.
"I need to go." Kota told them. "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah… be careful on your way home."
"Kota, thank you for bringing him home." Noren said. "Be careful."
Kota rode the same taxi that they used to arrived at the Inoo's residence. When it already vanished from their sight, Kei and Noren went back inside the house and she locked the door carefully. "Are you okay? Are you tired?" Noren asked him all of a sudden.
"Mom, it seems like I knew it already." Kei started to talk. "The reason why Kota's mom hate him."
"Don't tell me.. You saw her?" Noren asked him immediately.
"I don't… but now… I have a more clearer view of what I should do." Kei told her as he sit down.
…
Kota finally reached home. He wanted to go to his room immediately and have a rest because he felt tired after all the things that happened that day. He was on his way upstairs when he noticed that the light in the kitchen was turned on and so he went there and saw his mother all alone, drinking a bottle of wine. He guessed that she can't sleep again and so she was there spending the night with her wine. He went near her and snatched the bottle away, glaring at her as if telling she should stop."The doctor told you to avoid drinking too much alcohol." he told Suzanne. "If you can't sleep then just drink your sleeping pills." he continued.
"I am actually waiting for you." Suzanne replied back to him making Kota wondered. She was looking at the bottle of wine that was on Kota's hand and tried to snatched it back but Kota pulled his hand away. She sighed and then look for Kota the second time and then sighed again. "I wanted to talk to you about something." the expression on her face turned serious making his son wonder what was this all about. He paused for a moment thinking what this conversation will lead to, if it is not about things in his schools then he have one thing on his mind. And by the expression his mother was showing, it just showed that she was not pleased at all.
"You're drunk. We'll talk ones you sober so for now you should go to your room and rest." Kota told her trying to make excuses so that they can't talk to each other. "Want me to get your medicine so that you can sleep already."
"If I said we will talk we will talk!" she shouted together with a stomp of her hand on the table. Kota was startled with what she just said."This matter doesn't need a time to wait and I am not drunk. I just drink a little to help myself." she continued. She get something from the other chair and showed it to Kota. It was a familiar folder that Kota knows very much. It leaves speechless as he didn't know what to do. He was sure he hid it before he leave the house this morning but now it ended up on his mother's hand. "I saw this in your room. This is a contract right? Of an entertainment agency…"
Kota sighed and was silent for a moment. He was not expecting his mother knowing this earlier than what he was thinking. He have plan on telling the truth but it was before the debut day thinking that even his mother disagree about it there is no reason to turn back anymore. Whatever he said at this moment will only be considered an excuse and so he decided to just tell the truth, something his mother wanted to hear. "It was." he replied back. "I… I don't actually… I am planning to tell it to you but… you figure it out earlier than my confession."
"You signed it already." Suzanne answered back. "Without my consent."
"Yeah...I did."
Suzanne held a deep breathe, put down the folder on the table and then look straight to Kota's face. "Do you know what it means signing this kind of contract?"
"I'll debut as a singer in that agency." Kota replied.
"No…" Suzanne opposed. "It means that you disobeyed your own mother. How many times did I tell you that you should stop concerning yourself into music? How many times do you want me to repeat that I don't want you doing this. Kou… how many times do you want to betray me?"
"Not even ones… I tried to betray you." Kota replied softly. He was tired and he was not really in the mood to argue with his mother. "I know I did something wrong, not consulting you about this but… I know you will not accept it and so…"
"You decided on your own." Suzanne interrupted. "If you knew that I didn't like it then why did you accept it? You said that you didn't try to betray me yet what do you call about this disobedience that you did? Isn't this betrayal? Kou, why don't it seek in into your mind? Why don't you… why don't you listen to me? I told you so many times that I didn't like you doing this." she continued then pause for a moment. "Decline it… tell them that you are quitting… no… I'll go and tell them. I'll tell them that you will quit. Give me their contact number… I'll call them immediately. Give me Kou."
"No." Kota whispered in soft voice and he was not sure if his mother heard his refusal. As he was standing and while his mother was sitting, he noticed the gap that they have. For the first time he noticed how small his mother is and how it was easy for him to capture her in his arms. He remembered that he was just always looking at her back and always told himself that she have a large back.
He always loves her mother despite of her treatment to him. He can feel that Suzanne doesn't really like him at all and he just act as a mother to him out of responsibility. But despite knowing that, he still tried his best to stayed besides her because he loves her and also he keep in his mind that if his mother didn't really loves him at all then why did she came back in that hospital? Why did she came and confessed that he was his mother if it is possible that she can just abandon him since he have no memories of her. Why did she come back and called herself as his mother? He always believes that deep inside his mother still loves him but as times goes on this light of hope was slowly fading away.
"What did you said?"
"I don't want to quit." Kota replied briefly.
"Kou… what are you talking about? Your going to quit… your going to quit!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.
Kota was startled by her shout. She looks desperate and her hand also started shaking like she was troubled but at the same time determined to persuade him to quit. He can't understand anything at all. What is her reason behind her actions? He always wanted to know the reason why she was so desperate to separate him from doing things that he love? Why she didn't want him to do music at all?
"Mom, I made my decision already. I will not quit… I like this. I wanted this all this time. The opportunity already knocked in front of me so why will not I open it when I really wanted it? Mom, please understand…"
"That's what I am asking too Kou but you don't want to give it to me?" Suzanne replied back.
"Why?" Kota snapped "Why did you hate it so much? Why…. Why do you disagree about this so much? How can I understand you if you don't give me your point? I am troubled already… I wanted to know the truth. Actually...I don't understand you mom. Why are you keeping me away to things that I like to do? I never have a good life, music comforted all this years but then you keep on pulling me away from it. What's wrong with doing what I like? What's wrong with doing things that can make me happy? Don't I deserved it? I am a person too… I want to have something I really want to do." Kota finally answered back. There's no going back, he thought to himself. This is the moment where he can express what he really wanted to say and tell to his mother and to listen for her reasons as well. "All this time I always thought you hate me doing music, singing, playing guitar but it's not that one right? What you didn't want to happen… what you didn't want to be… what you really want to avoid… is for me to be happy."
Suzanne remained in silence as Kota continued to talk. She was playing with her fingers and she started to sweat cold and the shaking of her body continued. She was panting slowly while being anxious about her surroundings. Kota noticed that the expression on his mother's face was not good but still he was tired of everything. He can't live in lies forever, he wanted the truth… he needed it in order for him to survive.
"I…. I don't really want to think this way." Kota sighed. "You know… my own mother doing this to me… but… you pushed me to reach this point. Your actions, the way you talk to me, the way you look at me, the way you treat me…. All this time I can feel that you didn't like me at all."
"Stop this." she whispered.
"Why don't you just tell me the truth so everything will be over. If you tell me the truth, it will benefit the two of us. The burden on your part will be lifted and my mind will be cleared by doubts. I already have something on my mind and I just need confirmation. You hate me right?" he asked first. Suzanne startled. "You hated me… because instead of dad I live… instead of him being here… I am here." Kota emphasized. "You wish he was alive… you wish he was here with you… you wish that I just die and him was still alive and living together with you. That is what you are thinking right?"
"I told you to stop already!" Suzanne shouted back. She finally stand up from where she was sitting down and look at Kota to his eyes.
"But I want to hear the truth…I'm tired of living with the shadows of the past."
"Fine…." Suzanne uttered with a trembling voice. "Fine… I tell you." she continued while glaring at her own son, her fist squeezing tightly. "It's true…"she muttered while looking on the floor then she look back at Kota again. "I hated you… all this time I hated you so much. I wish you died instead of your father." she confessed. Tears falls from her eyes as she look at Kota directly. "I blame you… I blame you for his death. If he was not with you that night… if the two of you are not together then… that will not happen. He will not die and we are still with each other. I love him… I love him so much that I can sacrifice everything for him but then… he was gone… he died in that accident."
Kota gulped as he averted his eyes away from his mother gaze. She was looking at him with so much hatred, different from the usual contact she gave to him. He already knew that it was the possible thing to happen. He have a feeling that his mother was blaming him for his father's death and because of that she hate him. He already predicted it and he tried to prepare himself for the time he will hear it to his own mother's mouth but despite the preparation… being hated by the one you love still sting so much.
He felt like his world is going to crumble and he was losing the strength of his knee and so he hold into the table to get his balance. He must be strong besides he is the one who asked for the truth."You said it… you finally said it to me. H…how does it feel? Does the burden lifted? Your hiding this for years right? Pretending that you are a good mother when you didn't really want to…" Kota cut his words, he was trying his best to suppress his feelings but he was in the verge of crying already and so he just look up to prevent the tears from falling. "You… don't want to care for me."
"I love him… I love him so much but… but he just leave me alone." Suzanne keep on crying while Kota was just standing there and watching her grieve and also trying to fight his downgrading feelings."He said that he will come back to me… that after what he was doing he will come back to me but he didn't anymore. I waited… I waited for him but he didn't come back anymore."
"Stop crying mom." Kota whispered. "Please stop crying already… dad… dad is already dead for 7 years… why don't you just move on and forget about him? W…why don't you just accept that it was me who was alive, that it was me who was with you now to protect and care for you? Am I not good enough? Please don't treat me like I am nothing to you… it hurts me as well. I am your son… I came from you so… so… please move on already…"
"Easy for you to say but you don't know how hard it was for me. All this years I can't… I can't forget about him. Good for you, you lost everything of your memories in the past…"
"It's not like I wanted it to happen." Kota answered back, tears finally started to fall from his eyes but he immediately wipe it away but it still continue to flow. Suzanne lifted up her head as she look at his son again who keep on wiping his eyes. She didn't meant to say it and it just came out at a spur of the moment."If possible I want them back… for with that… I can maybe recall what really happened that time of the accident… if it was really my fault… if it was really me who killed him. But mom… aren't you being unfair? I… I love you."
"K…Kou…"
Kota held a deep breathe."I…I guess it is better if we separate for the mean time. With that we can have space from each other and think of what we should do in our life." he finally decided. If they will live with each other, they will just suffocate and in order for that not to happen they need to have space from each other.
He went upstairs where he saw Haruka and Sora sneaking a look on their room. They woke up from the shouting that they heard from the two. He wipe his tears immediately and smiled. "Sorry, you can go back to sleep now. Everything is alright." he whispered to them but that just made Sora cried because she know he was just lying. Kota went to his room and get his bag and put his things inside, his school stuffs, clothes and other important things. He went out of his room and then stopped by to his little sisters room again. "Brother will go somewhere… take care of mom okay?"
"Where are you going brother?" Haruka asked him.
"I don't know… but… I don't think I can stay in this house anymore."
"Don't go… don't leave us." Sora said and that time someone snatched Kota's bag away from him.
"You will not go anywhere. You will stay here." Suzanne told him while hugging Kota's luggage. "Do you think running away like this will solve this problem?"
Kota snatched his bag back to him. "I don't know… I am not sure but as of this moment… I know that just by seeing my face… you're just hurting more so there's no need for me to stay here. As a son, seeing his mother hurt because of him is really painful. "
Suzanne grabbed on Kota's left arm still stopping him to go but Kota just move it away. "Don't worry mom… despite the fact that you hate me… I… I never hated you…. Never." he confessed. He walk downstairs and Suzanne was just watching him. When she heard the door lock, she instantly go downstairs and walk outside.
"Kou… Kou… come back here." Suzanne shouted but Kota pretended that he can't hear it. He get his bicycle and then drive the road way without looking back anymore. He didn't know where to go but what he only think is to escape that place be gone to his mother's eyes.
Without knowing where to go, Kota just continue pedaling his bicycle. With a broken heart, his mother's voice keep on repeating inside his mind saying that he hated him and he wish he was dead. He was totally hurt by her words and because of that he felt loss and didn't know what to do anymore. He stop for a moment and just stayed like that, feet flat on the ground. He was staring from a far when his head suddenly pained and he can hear voices again in his mind. "I hate you", "I don't like you" "I wish you dead" "I hope you were not born" Those hurtful sentences keep on repeating on his mind and it stab his brain so many times. "Please stop… stop… stop!" he shouted while hit his head. "It hurts… my head hurts." he gasped. He kneeled down on the ground, squeezing his hands on his head. "Please… I beg you… I… I don't want this." he cried and the last thing he knew everything turned black in his surrounding.
…
The English teacher was checking the attendance when she noticed that Kota was not around. "Inoo, you don't have any news about Yabu?" she asked him since she knew that they were close to each other.
"Sorry ma'am… I don't know." Kei replied softly. He looked at Kota's vacant seat and sighed.
"It's been 3 days that he was absent. You better talk to him or else it will be crucial for him since graduation is fast approaching." She told him again. Afterwards she closed her record book and started the lesson for the day.
"Kota, where are you?" Kei whispered in the mid air.
Author's Note: I divided this chapter since it was too long if i post it all at once and this chapter is a drama between Kota and his own mother. I feel pitiful towards Kota, he just wanted some love towards his mother but in the end he was just hated T____T If i finish editing the next part i'll post it immediately. Enjoy readingXD
DISCLAIMER: I didn't own any of the character but i own the plotXD
GENRE: romance, slice of life, drama
CHARACTERS: Inoo, Yabu, Yaotome, Arioka, Yamada, Takaki, Nakajima
SUMMARY: Hatred turned to love, silence turned to seeking and lies become truth. Kota just hit the rock bottom making him realize that memories should not remained unlock. He seek for truth, he yearned for what really happened and why things are going this and that. But what if he is going further to what is already near to him? Is everything gone too late to change? Everyone is given curiosity and so will you open the box as well?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the revised version of my on going fanfic Pandora's Box.
Enjoy^___^
Pandora's Box
Chapter 26 Part 1
"Escape"
Despite of what happened, Kota and Kei decided to come back to the bar and apologized for what happened. Even it was not really them who first cause the trouble, both of them realized that it was wrong to end a party with such act. As they arrived in the scene, Yuto and Ashan was already out of the place and Kota's classmates continued the party on their own. Kota apologized sincerely in front of them but that just cause awkwardness to the other party after knowing the truth between him and Kei. Shida stood in front of everyone and also said their sorry for what they did and for the misinterpretation of the situation. Both sides accepted the apology and they have a proper farewell to each other. Shida sent them out of the bar and said her goodbyes. After that little reunion, seeing each other will probably uncertain because everyone of them will enter university or work life and no time to have contact nor see each other again. Realizing that, Kota felt happy that he listened to what Kei told him. Even he was not really attached to those people, they became part of his life while he was still living in Hokkaido and his connections with them is not something that will be forgotten easily.
Like what Kota promised to Kei's mother, he sent him home even it was already late at night. It was Kota's first time to see Kei's house and so he was overwhelmed to see the place where his boyfriend was living. It was a normal styled house and it was big enough for a 2 family member. At front gate, there is a 2 big dog house with a name nailed on it. Kei said that it was the name of their dogs, Cashew and Almond.
"Weird name." Kota commented.
"Mom named them." Kei replied.
The dogs, who were inside the dog house, were starring at Kota but they don't bark at him. Kei told him that they were trained to not bark on people who are with the family member. They were big dogs and so it was really scary if they bark on people. Kei opened the door of the house and said that he was already home. He take off his shoes and wear his house slipper. His mother came in front wearing a pajama, an eyeglass and her hair tied up in a messy bun. Kota was always amazed when he sees Kei's mother. She looks too young to be a mother and it seems she was just Kei's big sister.
"Welcome home." Noren smiled. "How's the party? Did the two of you enjoy?"
Kota and Kei looked at each other before they replied. "Yeah it was." they both said at the same time.
"I need to go." Kota told them. "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah… be careful on your way home."
"Kota, thank you for bringing him home." Noren said. "Be careful."
Kota rode the same taxi that they used to arrived at the Inoo's residence. When it already vanished from their sight, Kei and Noren went back inside the house and she locked the door carefully. "Are you okay? Are you tired?" Noren asked him all of a sudden.
"Mom, it seems like I knew it already." Kei started to talk. "The reason why Kota's mom hate him."
"Don't tell me.. You saw her?" Noren asked him immediately.
"I don't… but now… I have a more clearer view of what I should do." Kei told her as he sit down.
…
Kota finally reached home. He wanted to go to his room immediately and have a rest because he felt tired after all the things that happened that day. He was on his way upstairs when he noticed that the light in the kitchen was turned on and so he went there and saw his mother all alone, drinking a bottle of wine. He guessed that she can't sleep again and so she was there spending the night with her wine. He went near her and snatched the bottle away, glaring at her as if telling she should stop."The doctor told you to avoid drinking too much alcohol." he told Suzanne. "If you can't sleep then just drink your sleeping pills." he continued.
"I am actually waiting for you." Suzanne replied back to him making Kota wondered. She was looking at the bottle of wine that was on Kota's hand and tried to snatched it back but Kota pulled his hand away. She sighed and then look for Kota the second time and then sighed again. "I wanted to talk to you about something." the expression on her face turned serious making his son wonder what was this all about. He paused for a moment thinking what this conversation will lead to, if it is not about things in his schools then he have one thing on his mind. And by the expression his mother was showing, it just showed that she was not pleased at all.
"You're drunk. We'll talk ones you sober so for now you should go to your room and rest." Kota told her trying to make excuses so that they can't talk to each other. "Want me to get your medicine so that you can sleep already."
"If I said we will talk we will talk!" she shouted together with a stomp of her hand on the table. Kota was startled with what she just said."This matter doesn't need a time to wait and I am not drunk. I just drink a little to help myself." she continued. She get something from the other chair and showed it to Kota. It was a familiar folder that Kota knows very much. It leaves speechless as he didn't know what to do. He was sure he hid it before he leave the house this morning but now it ended up on his mother's hand. "I saw this in your room. This is a contract right? Of an entertainment agency…"
Kota sighed and was silent for a moment. He was not expecting his mother knowing this earlier than what he was thinking. He have plan on telling the truth but it was before the debut day thinking that even his mother disagree about it there is no reason to turn back anymore. Whatever he said at this moment will only be considered an excuse and so he decided to just tell the truth, something his mother wanted to hear. "It was." he replied back. "I… I don't actually… I am planning to tell it to you but… you figure it out earlier than my confession."
"You signed it already." Suzanne answered back. "Without my consent."
"Yeah...I did."
Suzanne held a deep breathe, put down the folder on the table and then look straight to Kota's face. "Do you know what it means signing this kind of contract?"
"I'll debut as a singer in that agency." Kota replied.
"No…" Suzanne opposed. "It means that you disobeyed your own mother. How many times did I tell you that you should stop concerning yourself into music? How many times do you want me to repeat that I don't want you doing this. Kou… how many times do you want to betray me?"
"Not even ones… I tried to betray you." Kota replied softly. He was tired and he was not really in the mood to argue with his mother. "I know I did something wrong, not consulting you about this but… I know you will not accept it and so…"
"You decided on your own." Suzanne interrupted. "If you knew that I didn't like it then why did you accept it? You said that you didn't try to betray me yet what do you call about this disobedience that you did? Isn't this betrayal? Kou, why don't it seek in into your mind? Why don't you… why don't you listen to me? I told you so many times that I didn't like you doing this." she continued then pause for a moment. "Decline it… tell them that you are quitting… no… I'll go and tell them. I'll tell them that you will quit. Give me their contact number… I'll call them immediately. Give me Kou."
"No." Kota whispered in soft voice and he was not sure if his mother heard his refusal. As he was standing and while his mother was sitting, he noticed the gap that they have. For the first time he noticed how small his mother is and how it was easy for him to capture her in his arms. He remembered that he was just always looking at her back and always told himself that she have a large back.
He always loves her mother despite of her treatment to him. He can feel that Suzanne doesn't really like him at all and he just act as a mother to him out of responsibility. But despite knowing that, he still tried his best to stayed besides her because he loves her and also he keep in his mind that if his mother didn't really loves him at all then why did she came back in that hospital? Why did she came and confessed that he was his mother if it is possible that she can just abandon him since he have no memories of her. Why did she come back and called herself as his mother? He always believes that deep inside his mother still loves him but as times goes on this light of hope was slowly fading away.
"What did you said?"
"I don't want to quit." Kota replied briefly.
"Kou… what are you talking about? Your going to quit… your going to quit!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.
Kota was startled by her shout. She looks desperate and her hand also started shaking like she was troubled but at the same time determined to persuade him to quit. He can't understand anything at all. What is her reason behind her actions? He always wanted to know the reason why she was so desperate to separate him from doing things that he love? Why she didn't want him to do music at all?
"Mom, I made my decision already. I will not quit… I like this. I wanted this all this time. The opportunity already knocked in front of me so why will not I open it when I really wanted it? Mom, please understand…"
"That's what I am asking too Kou but you don't want to give it to me?" Suzanne replied back.
"Why?" Kota snapped "Why did you hate it so much? Why…. Why do you disagree about this so much? How can I understand you if you don't give me your point? I am troubled already… I wanted to know the truth. Actually...I don't understand you mom. Why are you keeping me away to things that I like to do? I never have a good life, music comforted all this years but then you keep on pulling me away from it. What's wrong with doing what I like? What's wrong with doing things that can make me happy? Don't I deserved it? I am a person too… I want to have something I really want to do." Kota finally answered back. There's no going back, he thought to himself. This is the moment where he can express what he really wanted to say and tell to his mother and to listen for her reasons as well. "All this time I always thought you hate me doing music, singing, playing guitar but it's not that one right? What you didn't want to happen… what you didn't want to be… what you really want to avoid… is for me to be happy."
Suzanne remained in silence as Kota continued to talk. She was playing with her fingers and she started to sweat cold and the shaking of her body continued. She was panting slowly while being anxious about her surroundings. Kota noticed that the expression on his mother's face was not good but still he was tired of everything. He can't live in lies forever, he wanted the truth… he needed it in order for him to survive.
"I…. I don't really want to think this way." Kota sighed. "You know… my own mother doing this to me… but… you pushed me to reach this point. Your actions, the way you talk to me, the way you look at me, the way you treat me…. All this time I can feel that you didn't like me at all."
"Stop this." she whispered.
"Why don't you just tell me the truth so everything will be over. If you tell me the truth, it will benefit the two of us. The burden on your part will be lifted and my mind will be cleared by doubts. I already have something on my mind and I just need confirmation. You hate me right?" he asked first. Suzanne startled. "You hated me… because instead of dad I live… instead of him being here… I am here." Kota emphasized. "You wish he was alive… you wish he was here with you… you wish that I just die and him was still alive and living together with you. That is what you are thinking right?"
"I told you to stop already!" Suzanne shouted back. She finally stand up from where she was sitting down and look at Kota to his eyes.
"But I want to hear the truth…I'm tired of living with the shadows of the past."
"Fine…." Suzanne uttered with a trembling voice. "Fine… I tell you." she continued while glaring at her own son, her fist squeezing tightly. "It's true…"she muttered while looking on the floor then she look back at Kota again. "I hated you… all this time I hated you so much. I wish you died instead of your father." she confessed. Tears falls from her eyes as she look at Kota directly. "I blame you… I blame you for his death. If he was not with you that night… if the two of you are not together then… that will not happen. He will not die and we are still with each other. I love him… I love him so much that I can sacrifice everything for him but then… he was gone… he died in that accident."
Kota gulped as he averted his eyes away from his mother gaze. She was looking at him with so much hatred, different from the usual contact she gave to him. He already knew that it was the possible thing to happen. He have a feeling that his mother was blaming him for his father's death and because of that she hate him. He already predicted it and he tried to prepare himself for the time he will hear it to his own mother's mouth but despite the preparation… being hated by the one you love still sting so much.
He felt like his world is going to crumble and he was losing the strength of his knee and so he hold into the table to get his balance. He must be strong besides he is the one who asked for the truth."You said it… you finally said it to me. H…how does it feel? Does the burden lifted? Your hiding this for years right? Pretending that you are a good mother when you didn't really want to…" Kota cut his words, he was trying his best to suppress his feelings but he was in the verge of crying already and so he just look up to prevent the tears from falling. "You… don't want to care for me."
"I love him… I love him so much but… but he just leave me alone." Suzanne keep on crying while Kota was just standing there and watching her grieve and also trying to fight his downgrading feelings."He said that he will come back to me… that after what he was doing he will come back to me but he didn't anymore. I waited… I waited for him but he didn't come back anymore."
"Stop crying mom." Kota whispered. "Please stop crying already… dad… dad is already dead for 7 years… why don't you just move on and forget about him? W…why don't you just accept that it was me who was alive, that it was me who was with you now to protect and care for you? Am I not good enough? Please don't treat me like I am nothing to you… it hurts me as well. I am your son… I came from you so… so… please move on already…"
"Easy for you to say but you don't know how hard it was for me. All this years I can't… I can't forget about him. Good for you, you lost everything of your memories in the past…"
"It's not like I wanted it to happen." Kota answered back, tears finally started to fall from his eyes but he immediately wipe it away but it still continue to flow. Suzanne lifted up her head as she look at his son again who keep on wiping his eyes. She didn't meant to say it and it just came out at a spur of the moment."If possible I want them back… for with that… I can maybe recall what really happened that time of the accident… if it was really my fault… if it was really me who killed him. But mom… aren't you being unfair? I… I love you."
"K…Kou…"
Kota held a deep breathe."I…I guess it is better if we separate for the mean time. With that we can have space from each other and think of what we should do in our life." he finally decided. If they will live with each other, they will just suffocate and in order for that not to happen they need to have space from each other.
He went upstairs where he saw Haruka and Sora sneaking a look on their room. They woke up from the shouting that they heard from the two. He wipe his tears immediately and smiled. "Sorry, you can go back to sleep now. Everything is alright." he whispered to them but that just made Sora cried because she know he was just lying. Kota went to his room and get his bag and put his things inside, his school stuffs, clothes and other important things. He went out of his room and then stopped by to his little sisters room again. "Brother will go somewhere… take care of mom okay?"
"Where are you going brother?" Haruka asked him.
"I don't know… but… I don't think I can stay in this house anymore."
"Don't go… don't leave us." Sora said and that time someone snatched Kota's bag away from him.
"You will not go anywhere. You will stay here." Suzanne told him while hugging Kota's luggage. "Do you think running away like this will solve this problem?"
Kota snatched his bag back to him. "I don't know… I am not sure but as of this moment… I know that just by seeing my face… you're just hurting more so there's no need for me to stay here. As a son, seeing his mother hurt because of him is really painful. "
Suzanne grabbed on Kota's left arm still stopping him to go but Kota just move it away. "Don't worry mom… despite the fact that you hate me… I… I never hated you…. Never." he confessed. He walk downstairs and Suzanne was just watching him. When she heard the door lock, she instantly go downstairs and walk outside.
"Kou… Kou… come back here." Suzanne shouted but Kota pretended that he can't hear it. He get his bicycle and then drive the road way without looking back anymore. He didn't know where to go but what he only think is to escape that place be gone to his mother's eyes.
Without knowing where to go, Kota just continue pedaling his bicycle. With a broken heart, his mother's voice keep on repeating inside his mind saying that he hated him and he wish he was dead. He was totally hurt by her words and because of that he felt loss and didn't know what to do anymore. He stop for a moment and just stayed like that, feet flat on the ground. He was staring from a far when his head suddenly pained and he can hear voices again in his mind. "I hate you", "I don't like you" "I wish you dead" "I hope you were not born" Those hurtful sentences keep on repeating on his mind and it stab his brain so many times. "Please stop… stop… stop!" he shouted while hit his head. "It hurts… my head hurts." he gasped. He kneeled down on the ground, squeezing his hands on his head. "Please… I beg you… I… I don't want this." he cried and the last thing he knew everything turned black in his surrounding.
…
The English teacher was checking the attendance when she noticed that Kota was not around. "Inoo, you don't have any news about Yabu?" she asked him since she knew that they were close to each other.
"Sorry ma'am… I don't know." Kei replied softly. He looked at Kota's vacant seat and sighed.
"It's been 3 days that he was absent. You better talk to him or else it will be crucial for him since graduation is fast approaching." She told him again. Afterwards she closed her record book and started the lesson for the day.
"Kota, where are you?" Kei whispered in the mid air.
Author's Note: I divided this chapter since it was too long if i post it all at once and this chapter is a drama between Kota and his own mother. I feel pitiful towards Kota, he just wanted some love towards his mother but in the end he was just hated T____T If i finish editing the next part i'll post it immediately. Enjoy readingXD