Fanfic: Yoru to Hanabi Chapter 4
TITLE: Yoru to Hanabi
MAIN CHARACTERS: Kei Inoo, Yuto Nakajima, Kota Yabu, Yuya Takaki
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except for the plot
RATING: PG-13 to NC-17 just to be safe.
SUMMARY: "To forget about your first love you should find a new love.". Kei is suffering from a great heart break coz his first love, the guy he fell head over heels will going to marry. In order to forget about his old failed romance he needs to find another love but what will he do if there are more than one that comes to his life?
Yoru to Hanabi
Chapter 4
"Why is your apartment so big when you are just living alone?" Yuto asked as he put his things down. He bought new clothes and stuffs that he need as he will start to live on his own in the city. He used to live in the countryside, the area where the orphanage is located. He is now 20 years old and will be a first year university student in M university taking up Architecture.
"Can i asked you something? Why are you late attending University?" Kei asked as he take off his necktie.
"I finished high school when i am 18 years old but I need to stop for two years since I need to work for the orphanage." Yuto answered seriously but his eyes are wandering around. "So where is my room? Here or there?" he asked without embarrassment or awkwardness. How come he can act normally in front of Kei? They are close before but its been 10 years since then and there are lots of things happened and there are lots of changes involve. As he look at Yuto he is thinking who is this guy standing in front of him? Is it really him? He is now taller than him and his hair is not that long anymore compare to when he first saw him.
"You're room will be the right one. I made it as an storage room so it's a little messy. I will fix it first." Kei put his things on the couch and then turned himself to the direction of the room but he stopped when Yuto told him to.
"You don't need to. I mean, Aoi told me that he asked a helper to clean your apartment. She also bought a new bed and some cabinets." Yuto answered. He open the door of the left room and then it is affirmative that Aoi did it. The room is so clean and spacious and a perfect room for a university student. "As expected from Aoi... She did great."
"if you knew already then why you still asked?" he muttered. "By the way why do you call my mother by her first name?" Kei asked him.
"I've been calling her like that since then. Can't you remember. By they way, Aoi said that all the stuffs in this room before it is cleaned are thrown in the garbage. She said that if you put stuffs in a storage room that means you doesn't need them anymore." Yuto told him.
"Eh? W...wait..."
Wait... I... The box... I put it in this room. All the stuffs given by Yuya is in there. Did she throw it as well?
"Are you serious? Everything? Nothing left?" Kei asked Yuto.
"Why? Is there something important inside this room?"
"A box... Everything that he give to me is there..." Kei answered and then he get his phone coz he wanted to call his mother but Yuto snatch his phone away from him. "Give that back."
"You don't need to call her. She said that there is a box she separated and it is in your room. She said that it is something valuable to you so she didn't throw it away. Stuffs that are given to you by Yuya-san are on it right? You didn't change, is he still that important to you?" Yuto asked him. "The reason you are crying a while back is because of him right?"
"It's nothing to do with you." Kei answered him. He is about to go his room when he noticed the paper bag that Yuto put in the couch. He have a glimpse of it and then it catch his attention. He saw a porn magazine inside of it and also some porn videos with naked girls as a cover. "Wh..what is this?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Of course it is but why are you bringing such stuffs here?"
Yuto snatch the magazine that Kei is holding and then also the paper bag that is on the couch. "Kei-nii i am a healthy teenage boy." he blurted out and then he entered his room and lock the door. Kei is left outside with a puzzled look on his face. He went to his room and then lock the door of his room.
Tell me... Tell me... Why did he grew up to be like that? He grew up in an orphanage, with sisters around him right? B...but... But... Stop panicking, it's not like i am pure i admit that I went through that stage and yeah i am not someone who can talk about it. Bu...but... Kei why are you so worried he is already 20 years old, he is in the right mind and age. B...but he used to be that perverted boy that i know and now he acts too mature.
Kei saw the box near his closet. He is glad that his mother didn't throw that one. Maybe she knows how valuable those things is to him, but is it? Whenever he saw those stuffs it just make him feel uneasy because it just remind him that he can't have Yuya anymore coz in just few days he will be a property of someone else. The feeling of sadness strikes him again, he wanted to forget about it but how? He is in love to Yuya as long as he can remember there is no way he can forget about it easily.
Kei close the box and then take a bath after he freshen himself he lay down to his bed, he is tired and exhausted and he really wanted a good night sleep and without realizing it as he close his eyes he totally go to slumber.
"Kei-nii, if you will not wake up you will be late to your work." Yuto said as he tried to wake him up. The door to Kei's room is unlocked and so he just went inside. "Kei-nii... Kei-nii...Kei-nii." he repeated calling and that make Kei piss off. He pick up one of his pillow and throw it to Yuto.
"Shut up... Let me sleep more."
"Are you sure you wanted to sleep more?"
"Yeah..."
"You don't care even you will be late?"
"Yeah..."
"Then you don't care if Yuya-san will wait in the living room until you decide to stand up from your bed and decide to go to work." Yuto told him and that gives Kei a shock. Did he hear him say Yuya? Yuya is in his apartment? He immediately sit down and stare at Yuto. "Do you think i am playing prank to you?"
"Are you not?" Kei asked him back.
Yuto smiled "I am." he answered back and then he pause for a moment. "Just kidding." he smirk and that make Kei hit Yuto with a pillow on his head and then he immediately stand up and went to the bathroom to fix himself. Yuto is left outside scratching his head that is hit by the pillow. "I made breakfast. Are you going to eat?"
"No, i am not a breakfast type. You can eat alone." Kei answered him. Yuto went out of the room and then he smiled when Yuya stare at him.
"Is Kei suffering some errands?" Yuya asked Yuto.
"Yeah... I think it's his period." Yuto answered Yuya and the latter smiled. That is one great answer he received from him. He went to the kitchen and then prepared the breakfast that he cook a while ago. He waited for Kei to eat but since he said that he is not a breakfast type then that means that he is a type of individual who is not eating breakfast at all. "Yuya-san, did you eat breakfast already."
"Yeah.... My fiancé prepared me one this morning." Yuya answered. "I am really shock that you are that boy from the orphanage. You've grown taller and you look different."
"Everyone said the same thing but i don't think i change that much. It's true that i grow taller since i am taller than Kei-nii now." Yuto answered. He sit down to the dining table and start eating alone. "When is your wedding?"
"21st of August, oh yeah... You can come. I am inviting you. Kei will come as well, he will play the piano for us."
"Kei-nii can play the piano?" Yuto asked him. Yuya nodded his head. "Well it is a girly stuff so it suits him. Alright i will go besides i wanted to see your fiancé. Is she beautiful?"
"You will study at M University right? She is a instructor there but she is in Social Science Department so maybe you can't meet her since you are in the architecture department. Well asking if she is pretty, of course she is."
"Well... Every guy will think their girl is the prettiest girl in the world. I thought my girlfriend that way too." Yuto answered.
"Eh? You have a girlfriend?" Kei asked interrupting the conversation that the two are doing. "Good morning Yuya. I didn't know that you will going to pick me up today so i... I'm sorry."
"No worries. This is not the first time that you are like this. " Yuya commented and then they look back at Yuto who is busy eating his food.
"Yeah... Am i now allowed to have one? She is 21 years old and a graduating student in M University the same course as i am. We start dating last month, she confessed to me her feelings and then i accepted it." Yuto explained. "She is pretty since she said that she is a model of some magazine."
After a little conversation about Yuto's girlfriend Kei and Yuya leave the apartment and ride Yuya's car. Yuto said goodbye to them, he still have his vacation since classes will start around September and he wanted to spend that time hanging around the place since he is a new to the life in the city.
Kei arrived at the office and like always it is the same routine, do some reports, do some paper works, talk to the manager and do the same thing again. While typing something on his laptop he remembered about what happened that morning.
I know that Yutti is living in a modern world and having a girlfriend at his age is normal but i can't stop myself thinking that he is so innocent before and now he is dating already. Time flies very fast, i am just 15 years old that time but now i am already 25 years old and no love life. Being single is sometimes lonely but i think it is better this way. My last lover is someone i can't understand. We are both employed and the only time we have to spend together is whenever we went back home and since we are both guys of course we are doing that. But i feel that he is dating me just because of having sex and so i break up with him but still he doesn't want to give up on me. He keeps on calling my phone and because of that i need to change number and also change of residence so that he can't find me. Gladly i didn't mention to him where i am working so i am safe until now. But if ever we intersect path i wonder what he can do ones he will saw me.
The day ended again and it's time for Kei to go back home. He can leave early today since there is nothing much work to do. On his way home, he saw Yuya and Sayaka together in the parking area. They are talking to each other and lovingly teasing like a lovely happy couple. The only way he can pass through is to where the couple are standing but he doesn't want to disturb the two and so he waited for a moment and in that waiting time he watch them secretly.
The two are talking about their wedding and how happy they are for the day to arrived. They talk about who are the visitors that will go and anything all about marriage. Kei is just there standing and listening to their conversation and hurt. He can't take hearing them anymore and even he knows that he will be seen he doesn't care anymore. He wanted to go back to his apartment and rest but at the exact moment he will pass that direction the two kiss each other lips to lips.
Kota noticed the shadow and so he look at the direction where Kei is standing. "Kei..."
"I know that you are excited for your wedding but flirting in the way is not a really a good thing." Kei told them and then he smiled implying that it is just a joked. "Looking great Sayaka."
"Thanks, Kei." Sayaka answered him. "We are just too happy."
"I know and you deserve it. Oh by the way I'm going already. Work is done." Kei said. "See you."
"Take care." Kota told Kei.
I don't want to go back home.
Kei didn't went back to his apartment yet. He went to the usual bar where he is drinking to spend a night of frustration and agony. One of his closest friend who he can open up is working in that bar and he wanted to talk to someone about what he is feeling that moment.
"Tell me, how can i move on from a first love?" Kei suddenly asked Nami, her friend that is working in that bar. She is a girl with a big boobs and Kei meet him in the city street while wandering around before.
Nami chuckled about what she heard. She knows Kei all this time, she knows that he dated so many guys but despite of that he can't forget Yuya who is his first love. "What is this all about? Do you feel sexually frustrated already?"
"I'm serious. You know that Yuya will going to marry already right? I am so heart broken that i didn't know what to do anymore. I wanted to forget about him but i don't know how. Whenever i remember about the past, he is always the one who is there. It's like my past only revolves around him and now he will going to marry and leave me alone. " Kei complained as he drink his another glass of beer.
"It is not really easy to forget about your first love you know. It is called first love because it is the first, every first is memorable and hard to forget. Like the first time you start walking, the first time you talk, the first you start classes and the first time you fall in love. Those things are not easy to forget."
"That is the reason i am asking you what i should do. I can't keep going like this."
"in order to forget your first love then you should find a new love again." Nami suggested to him. Kei lift his head and stare at her as if asking if she is serious with what she just said. "It's true... You need something that can replace the old one and ones you are enjoying the company of that someone you will slowly forget about the past but of course it will not totally erase but as you remember the past you will not be hurt again like what you are feeling right now."
"But you know that i am dating other guys right? But still... It is Yuya."
"Nope... Those guys that you dated are not considered as love, you know it yourself right? You just dated them because you wanted experience or you just feel to. You told me before that you are attracted to good looking face right then that works that way. You are not in love you are just attracted."
Kei sigh and then take a drink on his glass. "You said that but i don't think i can love again."
"Why?"
"If i will love again and then that someone will going to leave me like this then I'm going to die again. I don't want to experience the same thing." Kei answered. "I don't want to experience multiple death."
Nami tap Kei's head and smiled "Do you know how you sound when you said those words? It's like there is no confidence left deep inside of you. What the hell is wrong with you, it seems like you are not the Kei that i know. You are just broken ones and then you will give up already? Look at me, my husband leave me alone but i am moving on, raising my daughter all alone. You should be strong and believe that there is still hope. It's not like it is late for you, Kei you are good looking, smart, rich and kind and gentle. If you are not successful in having a same sex relationship then why not try dating girls."
Kei stayed there for 3 hours just talking to Nami about so many things in his life. Nami also shared some of her experience and how she move on after falling down. Kei drink almost 5 glass of beer and he start to feel dizzy.
"Kei, are you sure you can go home alone?" Nami asked him.
"Yeah... I'm fine. I am not drunk."
"I can bring you to the train station."
"No... Your daughter is waiting for you at home." Kei answered and then he walk away from the bar. He is still conscious about his surroundings but he wobbles when he walks but still he can go home on his own.
Find a new love to replace the old one. How can you do it when your first love is already the best? I wonder if i can still meet someone who can replace him in my heart. This is frustrating but i think Nami is right, i am losing all my confidence deep inside of me. I feel like i can't be happy anymore. I feel like i can't love anymore. Why do people need to love? Why we are born learning what love is? Why do people need affection? Why do people wanted to feel that they are important?
Kei ride the last train. It is not crowded anymore and some of the passengers are sleeping already there. Kei lean his head on the window as he look at the view from inside. The city is surrounded with lights, it's beautiful like twinkling stars but being alone looking at that scenery makes it feel that it is wasted and not worth it.
Can someone catch me? Can someone save me? I feel like i am drowning already. I want to forget about him. I wanted to erase him so that i will not be hurt anymore i wanted to... I wanted to move on. Please... I... I wanted to... I wanted to forget about him.
Kei feel someone hold him tightly on his waist and someone grab his hand. His hazy view a while back suddenly turns clear for a moment He is already walking in the street where his apartment is located."Kei-nii are you drunk? You are walking weird and you almost fell down." a voice told him and it is Yuto who went to the nearby convenience store to buy some stuffs "If you can't handle alcohol you should stop drinking."
"Oh....sorry." Kei told him. "You can let go of me. I can walk on my own." he answered as he wipes the tears that is flowing from his eyes. He doesn't want Yuto to see him crying like that. Actually he doesn't want other to see this weak side of him but for the second time Yuto saw it again.
"Is he that important for you to act like this?" Yuto suddenly asked. "This is... The second time you cry."
"Wh...what are you talking about. I am not crying, a dirt just flew in my eyes."
"Liar." Yuto whispered to Kei with his serious voice. "I didn't came here to see you like this." he continued and then the hands that is grabbing Kei's hand a while back suddenly let go of his hand and then now reach Kei's chin and let Kei look at him eye to eye. "I told you, those beautiful eyes doesn't deserve to cry." he whispered again and then he near his face to him and then without hesitation his lips touch Kei's lips.
To be continued...
MAIN CHARACTERS: Kei Inoo, Yuto Nakajima, Kota Yabu, Yuya Takaki
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except for the plot
RATING: PG-13 to NC-17 just to be safe.
SUMMARY: "To forget about your first love you should find a new love.". Kei is suffering from a great heart break coz his first love, the guy he fell head over heels will going to marry. In order to forget about his old failed romance he needs to find another love but what will he do if there are more than one that comes to his life?
Yoru to Hanabi
Chapter 4
"Why is your apartment so big when you are just living alone?" Yuto asked as he put his things down. He bought new clothes and stuffs that he need as he will start to live on his own in the city. He used to live in the countryside, the area where the orphanage is located. He is now 20 years old and will be a first year university student in M university taking up Architecture.
"Can i asked you something? Why are you late attending University?" Kei asked as he take off his necktie.
"I finished high school when i am 18 years old but I need to stop for two years since I need to work for the orphanage." Yuto answered seriously but his eyes are wandering around. "So where is my room? Here or there?" he asked without embarrassment or awkwardness. How come he can act normally in front of Kei? They are close before but its been 10 years since then and there are lots of things happened and there are lots of changes involve. As he look at Yuto he is thinking who is this guy standing in front of him? Is it really him? He is now taller than him and his hair is not that long anymore compare to when he first saw him.
"You're room will be the right one. I made it as an storage room so it's a little messy. I will fix it first." Kei put his things on the couch and then turned himself to the direction of the room but he stopped when Yuto told him to.
"You don't need to. I mean, Aoi told me that he asked a helper to clean your apartment. She also bought a new bed and some cabinets." Yuto answered. He open the door of the left room and then it is affirmative that Aoi did it. The room is so clean and spacious and a perfect room for a university student. "As expected from Aoi... She did great."
"if you knew already then why you still asked?" he muttered. "By the way why do you call my mother by her first name?" Kei asked him.
"I've been calling her like that since then. Can't you remember. By they way, Aoi said that all the stuffs in this room before it is cleaned are thrown in the garbage. She said that if you put stuffs in a storage room that means you doesn't need them anymore." Yuto told him.
"Eh? W...wait..."
Wait... I... The box... I put it in this room. All the stuffs given by Yuya is in there. Did she throw it as well?
"Are you serious? Everything? Nothing left?" Kei asked Yuto.
"Why? Is there something important inside this room?"
"A box... Everything that he give to me is there..." Kei answered and then he get his phone coz he wanted to call his mother but Yuto snatch his phone away from him. "Give that back."
"You don't need to call her. She said that there is a box she separated and it is in your room. She said that it is something valuable to you so she didn't throw it away. Stuffs that are given to you by Yuya-san are on it right? You didn't change, is he still that important to you?" Yuto asked him. "The reason you are crying a while back is because of him right?"
"It's nothing to do with you." Kei answered him. He is about to go his room when he noticed the paper bag that Yuto put in the couch. He have a glimpse of it and then it catch his attention. He saw a porn magazine inside of it and also some porn videos with naked girls as a cover. "Wh..what is this?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Of course it is but why are you bringing such stuffs here?"
Yuto snatch the magazine that Kei is holding and then also the paper bag that is on the couch. "Kei-nii i am a healthy teenage boy." he blurted out and then he entered his room and lock the door. Kei is left outside with a puzzled look on his face. He went to his room and then lock the door of his room.
Tell me... Tell me... Why did he grew up to be like that? He grew up in an orphanage, with sisters around him right? B...but... But... Stop panicking, it's not like i am pure i admit that I went through that stage and yeah i am not someone who can talk about it. Bu...but... Kei why are you so worried he is already 20 years old, he is in the right mind and age. B...but he used to be that perverted boy that i know and now he acts too mature.
Kei saw the box near his closet. He is glad that his mother didn't throw that one. Maybe she knows how valuable those things is to him, but is it? Whenever he saw those stuffs it just make him feel uneasy because it just remind him that he can't have Yuya anymore coz in just few days he will be a property of someone else. The feeling of sadness strikes him again, he wanted to forget about it but how? He is in love to Yuya as long as he can remember there is no way he can forget about it easily.
Kei close the box and then take a bath after he freshen himself he lay down to his bed, he is tired and exhausted and he really wanted a good night sleep and without realizing it as he close his eyes he totally go to slumber.
"Kei-nii, if you will not wake up you will be late to your work." Yuto said as he tried to wake him up. The door to Kei's room is unlocked and so he just went inside. "Kei-nii... Kei-nii...Kei-nii." he repeated calling and that make Kei piss off. He pick up one of his pillow and throw it to Yuto.
"Shut up... Let me sleep more."
"Are you sure you wanted to sleep more?"
"Yeah..."
"You don't care even you will be late?"
"Yeah..."
"Then you don't care if Yuya-san will wait in the living room until you decide to stand up from your bed and decide to go to work." Yuto told him and that gives Kei a shock. Did he hear him say Yuya? Yuya is in his apartment? He immediately sit down and stare at Yuto. "Do you think i am playing prank to you?"
"Are you not?" Kei asked him back.
Yuto smiled "I am." he answered back and then he pause for a moment. "Just kidding." he smirk and that make Kei hit Yuto with a pillow on his head and then he immediately stand up and went to the bathroom to fix himself. Yuto is left outside scratching his head that is hit by the pillow. "I made breakfast. Are you going to eat?"
"No, i am not a breakfast type. You can eat alone." Kei answered him. Yuto went out of the room and then he smiled when Yuya stare at him.
"Is Kei suffering some errands?" Yuya asked Yuto.
"Yeah... I think it's his period." Yuto answered Yuya and the latter smiled. That is one great answer he received from him. He went to the kitchen and then prepared the breakfast that he cook a while ago. He waited for Kei to eat but since he said that he is not a breakfast type then that means that he is a type of individual who is not eating breakfast at all. "Yuya-san, did you eat breakfast already."
"Yeah.... My fiancé prepared me one this morning." Yuya answered. "I am really shock that you are that boy from the orphanage. You've grown taller and you look different."
"Everyone said the same thing but i don't think i change that much. It's true that i grow taller since i am taller than Kei-nii now." Yuto answered. He sit down to the dining table and start eating alone. "When is your wedding?"
"21st of August, oh yeah... You can come. I am inviting you. Kei will come as well, he will play the piano for us."
"Kei-nii can play the piano?" Yuto asked him. Yuya nodded his head. "Well it is a girly stuff so it suits him. Alright i will go besides i wanted to see your fiancé. Is she beautiful?"
"You will study at M University right? She is a instructor there but she is in Social Science Department so maybe you can't meet her since you are in the architecture department. Well asking if she is pretty, of course she is."
"Well... Every guy will think their girl is the prettiest girl in the world. I thought my girlfriend that way too." Yuto answered.
"Eh? You have a girlfriend?" Kei asked interrupting the conversation that the two are doing. "Good morning Yuya. I didn't know that you will going to pick me up today so i... I'm sorry."
"No worries. This is not the first time that you are like this. " Yuya commented and then they look back at Yuto who is busy eating his food.
"Yeah... Am i now allowed to have one? She is 21 years old and a graduating student in M University the same course as i am. We start dating last month, she confessed to me her feelings and then i accepted it." Yuto explained. "She is pretty since she said that she is a model of some magazine."
After a little conversation about Yuto's girlfriend Kei and Yuya leave the apartment and ride Yuya's car. Yuto said goodbye to them, he still have his vacation since classes will start around September and he wanted to spend that time hanging around the place since he is a new to the life in the city.
Kei arrived at the office and like always it is the same routine, do some reports, do some paper works, talk to the manager and do the same thing again. While typing something on his laptop he remembered about what happened that morning.
I know that Yutti is living in a modern world and having a girlfriend at his age is normal but i can't stop myself thinking that he is so innocent before and now he is dating already. Time flies very fast, i am just 15 years old that time but now i am already 25 years old and no love life. Being single is sometimes lonely but i think it is better this way. My last lover is someone i can't understand. We are both employed and the only time we have to spend together is whenever we went back home and since we are both guys of course we are doing that. But i feel that he is dating me just because of having sex and so i break up with him but still he doesn't want to give up on me. He keeps on calling my phone and because of that i need to change number and also change of residence so that he can't find me. Gladly i didn't mention to him where i am working so i am safe until now. But if ever we intersect path i wonder what he can do ones he will saw me.
The day ended again and it's time for Kei to go back home. He can leave early today since there is nothing much work to do. On his way home, he saw Yuya and Sayaka together in the parking area. They are talking to each other and lovingly teasing like a lovely happy couple. The only way he can pass through is to where the couple are standing but he doesn't want to disturb the two and so he waited for a moment and in that waiting time he watch them secretly.
The two are talking about their wedding and how happy they are for the day to arrived. They talk about who are the visitors that will go and anything all about marriage. Kei is just there standing and listening to their conversation and hurt. He can't take hearing them anymore and even he knows that he will be seen he doesn't care anymore. He wanted to go back to his apartment and rest but at the exact moment he will pass that direction the two kiss each other lips to lips.
Kota noticed the shadow and so he look at the direction where Kei is standing. "Kei..."
"I know that you are excited for your wedding but flirting in the way is not a really a good thing." Kei told them and then he smiled implying that it is just a joked. "Looking great Sayaka."
"Thanks, Kei." Sayaka answered him. "We are just too happy."
"I know and you deserve it. Oh by the way I'm going already. Work is done." Kei said. "See you."
"Take care." Kota told Kei.
I don't want to go back home.
Kei didn't went back to his apartment yet. He went to the usual bar where he is drinking to spend a night of frustration and agony. One of his closest friend who he can open up is working in that bar and he wanted to talk to someone about what he is feeling that moment.
"Tell me, how can i move on from a first love?" Kei suddenly asked Nami, her friend that is working in that bar. She is a girl with a big boobs and Kei meet him in the city street while wandering around before.
Nami chuckled about what she heard. She knows Kei all this time, she knows that he dated so many guys but despite of that he can't forget Yuya who is his first love. "What is this all about? Do you feel sexually frustrated already?"
"I'm serious. You know that Yuya will going to marry already right? I am so heart broken that i didn't know what to do anymore. I wanted to forget about him but i don't know how. Whenever i remember about the past, he is always the one who is there. It's like my past only revolves around him and now he will going to marry and leave me alone. " Kei complained as he drink his another glass of beer.
"It is not really easy to forget about your first love you know. It is called first love because it is the first, every first is memorable and hard to forget. Like the first time you start walking, the first time you talk, the first you start classes and the first time you fall in love. Those things are not easy to forget."
"That is the reason i am asking you what i should do. I can't keep going like this."
"in order to forget your first love then you should find a new love again." Nami suggested to him. Kei lift his head and stare at her as if asking if she is serious with what she just said. "It's true... You need something that can replace the old one and ones you are enjoying the company of that someone you will slowly forget about the past but of course it will not totally erase but as you remember the past you will not be hurt again like what you are feeling right now."
"But you know that i am dating other guys right? But still... It is Yuya."
"Nope... Those guys that you dated are not considered as love, you know it yourself right? You just dated them because you wanted experience or you just feel to. You told me before that you are attracted to good looking face right then that works that way. You are not in love you are just attracted."
Kei sigh and then take a drink on his glass. "You said that but i don't think i can love again."
"Why?"
"If i will love again and then that someone will going to leave me like this then I'm going to die again. I don't want to experience the same thing." Kei answered. "I don't want to experience multiple death."
Nami tap Kei's head and smiled "Do you know how you sound when you said those words? It's like there is no confidence left deep inside of you. What the hell is wrong with you, it seems like you are not the Kei that i know. You are just broken ones and then you will give up already? Look at me, my husband leave me alone but i am moving on, raising my daughter all alone. You should be strong and believe that there is still hope. It's not like it is late for you, Kei you are good looking, smart, rich and kind and gentle. If you are not successful in having a same sex relationship then why not try dating girls."
Kei stayed there for 3 hours just talking to Nami about so many things in his life. Nami also shared some of her experience and how she move on after falling down. Kei drink almost 5 glass of beer and he start to feel dizzy.
"Kei, are you sure you can go home alone?" Nami asked him.
"Yeah... I'm fine. I am not drunk."
"I can bring you to the train station."
"No... Your daughter is waiting for you at home." Kei answered and then he walk away from the bar. He is still conscious about his surroundings but he wobbles when he walks but still he can go home on his own.
Find a new love to replace the old one. How can you do it when your first love is already the best? I wonder if i can still meet someone who can replace him in my heart. This is frustrating but i think Nami is right, i am losing all my confidence deep inside of me. I feel like i can't be happy anymore. I feel like i can't love anymore. Why do people need to love? Why we are born learning what love is? Why do people need affection? Why do people wanted to feel that they are important?
Kei ride the last train. It is not crowded anymore and some of the passengers are sleeping already there. Kei lean his head on the window as he look at the view from inside. The city is surrounded with lights, it's beautiful like twinkling stars but being alone looking at that scenery makes it feel that it is wasted and not worth it.
Can someone catch me? Can someone save me? I feel like i am drowning already. I want to forget about him. I wanted to erase him so that i will not be hurt anymore i wanted to... I wanted to move on. Please... I... I wanted to... I wanted to forget about him.
Kei feel someone hold him tightly on his waist and someone grab his hand. His hazy view a while back suddenly turns clear for a moment He is already walking in the street where his apartment is located."Kei-nii are you drunk? You are walking weird and you almost fell down." a voice told him and it is Yuto who went to the nearby convenience store to buy some stuffs "If you can't handle alcohol you should stop drinking."
"Oh....sorry." Kei told him. "You can let go of me. I can walk on my own." he answered as he wipes the tears that is flowing from his eyes. He doesn't want Yuto to see him crying like that. Actually he doesn't want other to see this weak side of him but for the second time Yuto saw it again.
"Is he that important for you to act like this?" Yuto suddenly asked. "This is... The second time you cry."
"Wh...what are you talking about. I am not crying, a dirt just flew in my eyes."
"Liar." Yuto whispered to Kei with his serious voice. "I didn't came here to see you like this." he continued and then the hands that is grabbing Kei's hand a while back suddenly let go of his hand and then now reach Kei's chin and let Kei look at him eye to eye. "I told you, those beautiful eyes doesn't deserve to cry." he whispered again and then he near his face to him and then without hesitation his lips touch Kei's lips.
To be continued...