The long awaited whiny post
I'm not doing so well with the coping right now. This entry sort of helped. TL; DR and all that.
Random and unfettered attacks of anxiety probably due to stress. I'm assuming that the ongoing mutant hand saga is also stress related. I have decided I should see a GP, but I'm not registered since the college practice kicked me out and my local ones are apparently not taking new patients. So that's kind of out. But it still hurts
Work is very very dull right now as I sort through pictures. And I mean really dull, which is why my heart's not in it and it's taking too long, which makes me hate it more, which makes me do it less, and I just don't want to be doing this (the picture sorting). I'm stuck in a rut and it's proving hard to pull myself out.
Anxiety is convincing myself I'm a bad flatmate. Once upon a time I used to translate worry about living conditions and guilt over not doing enough into resentment of Drakhen and Steri over them nagging me too much. Now it appears to have swung the other way: I'm constantly convinced I'm fucking up, and it's making me tetchy and stressed.
Our toilet is broken and won't flush. The landlord is coming over today or tomorrow to fix it, but in the meantime we're using a bucket. Oh, and PLEASE TAKE OUT THE BIN is written on our fridge in huge fuck off letters (with underlining) and I still forgot this morning, So now I'm working myself up over that.
This morning there was a pregnant homeless woman asleep in the hallway, generally making the stairwell smell of excrement. The thing is, we live in the 'burbs, and in the nice 'burbs at that. I might have expected it in the House of Shit in Finny P, but not in our secure buzz-to-get in block of flats in a private residential estate. And of course, it was implied that it was probably my fault, and she must have followed me in when I got back from Sad Club last night.
Who wants to guess why the idea of someone following me home freaks me out?
My laptop is behaving very oddly. Like, problematic kind of odd. Forget the sticking spacebar and the missing 8, and try for the cursor randomly moving when I'm typing, so I end up typing a few lines above where I am, and it gets all messy. Also, it's still stupidly slow at starting up in particular, and it frustrates me.
I wish every day at RP was as fun as yesterday, I really do. I had (and am having) so much fun with LilWill that I almost want to play a boy of about the same age on a more permanent basis (*eyes spoiler character from AWE and tells self no.*) The trouble is, that it's reminding me what I miss. I'm frustrated with the slowness of pirate plot - I mean, I know there have been extenuating circumstances, but I hate having to chase people up, and I just want to get it over with. And DMC was so much fun that the fact people are treating AWE as a chore just makes me sad. And I get worried and self-deprecating over being the nagging cow who chases people up.
I'm getting various updates about the cousin, which I haven't been blogging publicly for discretionary purposes. But I've been assured the rents are telling me everything they know as they hear it, and the last thing I heard he was probably permanently damaged psychologically and physically, but wasn't in any immediate danger. So that's something.
I'm still OK, money wise, but I have no idea how long I've got to live on this money, so that's a continual thing. I'm just trying not to spend to much, and I worry this is making me antisocial. And a leech. And an antisocial leech.
Mostly it's just generic gothness. I was tetchy and sulky in the pub last night. I've been short over IM, tetchy and sulky with people IRL and on the internets, and I just want to say here: It's not you, it's me. And I'm sorry, mmmkay?
Now, who wants to buy me a book?
Random and unfettered attacks of anxiety probably due to stress. I'm assuming that the ongoing mutant hand saga is also stress related. I have decided I should see a GP, but I'm not registered since the college practice kicked me out and my local ones are apparently not taking new patients. So that's kind of out. But it still hurts
Work is very very dull right now as I sort through pictures. And I mean really dull, which is why my heart's not in it and it's taking too long, which makes me hate it more, which makes me do it less, and I just don't want to be doing this (the picture sorting). I'm stuck in a rut and it's proving hard to pull myself out.
Anxiety is convincing myself I'm a bad flatmate. Once upon a time I used to translate worry about living conditions and guilt over not doing enough into resentment of Drakhen and Steri over them nagging me too much. Now it appears to have swung the other way: I'm constantly convinced I'm fucking up, and it's making me tetchy and stressed.
Our toilet is broken and won't flush. The landlord is coming over today or tomorrow to fix it, but in the meantime we're using a bucket. Oh, and PLEASE TAKE OUT THE BIN is written on our fridge in huge fuck off letters (with underlining) and I still forgot this morning, So now I'm working myself up over that.
This morning there was a pregnant homeless woman asleep in the hallway, generally making the stairwell smell of excrement. The thing is, we live in the 'burbs, and in the nice 'burbs at that. I might have expected it in the House of Shit in Finny P, but not in our secure buzz-to-get in block of flats in a private residential estate. And of course, it was implied that it was probably my fault, and she must have followed me in when I got back from Sad Club last night.
Who wants to guess why the idea of someone following me home freaks me out?
My laptop is behaving very oddly. Like, problematic kind of odd. Forget the sticking spacebar and the missing 8, and try for the cursor randomly moving when I'm typing, so I end up typing a few lines above where I am, and it gets all messy. Also, it's still stupidly slow at starting up in particular, and it frustrates me.
I wish every day at RP was as fun as yesterday, I really do. I had (and am having) so much fun with LilWill that I almost want to play a boy of about the same age on a more permanent basis (*eyes spoiler character from AWE and tells self no.*) The trouble is, that it's reminding me what I miss. I'm frustrated with the slowness of pirate plot - I mean, I know there have been extenuating circumstances, but I hate having to chase people up, and I just want to get it over with. And DMC was so much fun that the fact people are treating AWE as a chore just makes me sad. And I get worried and self-deprecating over being the nagging cow who chases people up.
I'm getting various updates about the cousin, which I haven't been blogging publicly for discretionary purposes. But I've been assured the rents are telling me everything they know as they hear it, and the last thing I heard he was probably permanently damaged psychologically and physically, but wasn't in any immediate danger. So that's something.
I'm still OK, money wise, but I have no idea how long I've got to live on this money, so that's a continual thing. I'm just trying not to spend to much, and I worry this is making me antisocial. And a leech. And an antisocial leech.
Mostly it's just generic gothness. I was tetchy and sulky in the pub last night. I've been short over IM, tetchy and sulky with people IRL and on the internets, and I just want to say here: It's not you, it's me. And I'm sorry, mmmkay?
Now, who wants to buy me a book?