Ill Met by Moonlight, Yet Again
Before catching up with Friday's episode, I saw a few rave reviews of this being the best episode yet. I will admit to a wee bit of optimism, notwithstanding the familiar hyperbole of the show's fans. I mean, Heroes had a corker of an episode that led to many cries of forgiveness for previous faults. Maybe Moonlight could actually pull it off and turn into something watchable. So, did it?
Uh, no.
In an episode most notable for illustrating its worst qualities, we open with a flatly delivered voiceover from Mick that tells us nothing. This happens a lot and is Lesson the First: Bad Voiceovers. Drawn to a fire, Mick, his face passive, throws up his hands in despair for Lesson the Second: Emotion Without Acting. It was a hotel that his parents took him to as a kid which he explains to the ubiquitous Beth. Then we get Lesson the Third: The Non-Sequitur. Beth says, "It must be really frustrating having the power to help people but not being able to do anything." Huh? Where did that come from? First off, Mick is being nostalgic. Second, nobody needs help. The fire brigade is there. Third, we get this reminder why? Oh, right, because so far we've had jackshit as to why Mick's motivation. There's then a longing gaze at the departing reporter whom, lest we need reminding, he lurves. Oh, joy! They think we need re-reminding so here's another voiceover. He thinks he's found that special someone, but then, dum, dum, dum, here comes the ex-wife. With a five-hundred word limit, it's time to make a long episode short, pausing only for more lessons in how to make bad TV.
A woman, Morgan, the spitting image of Coraline (pronounced Coraleen in Australian obviously) turns up. She's human but Mick is convinced it's her. This brings Lesson the Fourth: Flashback Cheese, where for the first time the show lives up to Angel and the pain that was Liam's wig and accent. Fifties Mick bears absolutely no resemblance to modern Mick in personality which doesn't really help with strong characterisation. Cora-gan reports some cameras stolen and Mick investigates while checking her out. Mick drags Josef into the case (Lesson the Fifth: Give Talent Screen Time Even When the Character Has No Place) so that they can give us Lesson the Sixth: Lame Visual Humour as a Replacement for Wit when Mick says he needs teeth and Jason shows his fangs. They ascertain that the thief was looking for a picture of him murdering a girl in a burning room, caught on Morgan's camera. Mick is shocked, SHOCKED, as this is exactly how he killed Coraline...except it isn't anything like the flashback scene we saw in the first episode, hence Lesson the Seventh: Continuity is for Wimps. Complications ensue when it proves that the thief is supposed to be dead and either isn't or is a vampire. I think. I sort of lost track because none of it mattered. This was all about getting to Lesson the Eighth: Rip Off Good Movies when fifties Mick and Coraline copy Body Heat down to the deck chair. Modern Mick attacks Coragan, but then she bleeds and OMG, she's human. He's all confused which is odd because he already established through his and Josef's smell-o-vacuum that she was human, so WTF? And that's it except for the obligatory last shot of Coragan smirking evilly.
So, in other news, I was looking forward to reporting on Learners, with David Tennant and Jessica Hynes nee Stevenson, last seen together heating up the screen in Doctor Who's "Human Nature" and "The Family of Blood". Sadly, I fell asleep halfway through. But I come bearing proof that DT is not always sexy.
Uh, no.
In an episode most notable for illustrating its worst qualities, we open with a flatly delivered voiceover from Mick that tells us nothing. This happens a lot and is Lesson the First: Bad Voiceovers. Drawn to a fire, Mick, his face passive, throws up his hands in despair for Lesson the Second: Emotion Without Acting. It was a hotel that his parents took him to as a kid which he explains to the ubiquitous Beth. Then we get Lesson the Third: The Non-Sequitur. Beth says, "It must be really frustrating having the power to help people but not being able to do anything." Huh? Where did that come from? First off, Mick is being nostalgic. Second, nobody needs help. The fire brigade is there. Third, we get this reminder why? Oh, right, because so far we've had jackshit as to why Mick's motivation. There's then a longing gaze at the departing reporter whom, lest we need reminding, he lurves. Oh, joy! They think we need re-reminding so here's another voiceover. He thinks he's found that special someone, but then, dum, dum, dum, here comes the ex-wife. With a five-hundred word limit, it's time to make a long episode short, pausing only for more lessons in how to make bad TV.
A woman, Morgan, the spitting image of Coraline (pronounced Coraleen in Australian obviously) turns up. She's human but Mick is convinced it's her. This brings Lesson the Fourth: Flashback Cheese, where for the first time the show lives up to Angel and the pain that was Liam's wig and accent. Fifties Mick bears absolutely no resemblance to modern Mick in personality which doesn't really help with strong characterisation. Cora-gan reports some cameras stolen and Mick investigates while checking her out. Mick drags Josef into the case (Lesson the Fifth: Give Talent Screen Time Even When the Character Has No Place) so that they can give us Lesson the Sixth: Lame Visual Humour as a Replacement for Wit when Mick says he needs teeth and Jason shows his fangs. They ascertain that the thief was looking for a picture of him murdering a girl in a burning room, caught on Morgan's camera. Mick is shocked, SHOCKED, as this is exactly how he killed Coraline...except it isn't anything like the flashback scene we saw in the first episode, hence Lesson the Seventh: Continuity is for Wimps. Complications ensue when it proves that the thief is supposed to be dead and either isn't or is a vampire. I think. I sort of lost track because none of it mattered. This was all about getting to Lesson the Eighth: Rip Off Good Movies when fifties Mick and Coraline copy Body Heat down to the deck chair. Modern Mick attacks Coragan, but then she bleeds and OMG, she's human. He's all confused which is odd because he already established through his and Josef's smell-o-vacuum that she was human, so WTF? And that's it except for the obligatory last shot of Coragan smirking evilly.
So, in other news, I was looking forward to reporting on Learners, with David Tennant and Jessica Hynes nee Stevenson, last seen together heating up the screen in Doctor Who's "Human Nature" and "The Family of Blood". Sadly, I fell asleep halfway through. But I come bearing proof that DT is not always sexy.