IMB/IBB 2013: Paper Wings
Title: Paper Wings
Pairing/Focus: Myungsoo/Sungyeol
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 5,4K
Summary:
-
When Myungsoo gets home from Japan after a photoshoot at two in the morning, Sungyeol is still up, sitting on the floor with legs stretched out and his back against the sofa, in a big black t-shirt and comfortable pajamas pants. He has sleepy, almost closed eyes on the TV-screen and a script in his lap. Maybe it’s the way his hair suddenly falls into his eyes, and the way he flinches a little because of it, just to go back to half-sleeping, looking so adorable and innocent, that makes Myungsoo stop what he's doing and just stare. He swallows down the lump in his throat and lets out a breath. This happens all too often, and he has no idea what to do other than stay still and breathe.
He bends down to takes off his shoes with eyes on the older boy, and puts down his heavy backpack on the floor among the members' other stuff, before going up to Sungyeol. He isn't noticed yet, so he leans down a bit to curiously look at the script, wondering if maybe Sungyeol finally got a role in a drama while he was in Japan. But something clenches in Myungsoo heart when he realizes that it's just the old script from the 'While You Were Sleeping' drama. There are knots in Myungsoo’s stomach, and he tries to focus on the dirt under his nails instead, but he can’t ignore it.
Myungsoo remembers telling Sungyeol about getting a role in the new sitcom, just a month ago. It'd been hard, because Myungsoo knows clearly how much work Sungyeol has put into acting, going to many auditions, but never gets a role. He works hard, maybe a little bit too hard, because he’s an idol, not an actor.
But even when he never gives up, it's still always Myungsoo. Sungyeol had smiled though, and he'd ruffled Myungsoo's hair, telling him that he'd done a great job ("You have to do even better now, okay?") but Myungsoo sees it all. Sees the disappointment, maybe a little bit of anger too, in Sungyeol’s eyes.
Why is it always you?
The first time Myungsoo had seen this look in Sungyeol's eyes was when he told all the members, when they were gathered in the living room one Friday night after work, that he'd gotten the role as Hyunsoo in a tvN drama. At first, Myungsoo was too busy smiling and being excited with the members about it to notice. But he caught it at last, how Sungyeol's bright smile seemed to falter little by little, as if he couldn’t hold it up anymore, and suddenly, Myungsoo was staring into blank eyes that screamed at him why is it always you?
He'd been scared, even if only a little. Seconds after, Sungyeol was back to smiling and laughing but that look never left Myungsoo. He thinks of it at nights, sometimes, when he hears Sungyeol snoring, and his chest always hurts a bit, small glass shards pressing against his heart. He thinks of it sometimes when they're having breakfast, when he's looking at Sungyeol without him noticing, and Myungsoo feels bad. He isn't sure if he's supposed to say I'm sorry or just pretend that he doesn't know. Myungsoo can't read Sungyeol, at all, even though Sungyeol can read Myungsoo like a book. It's unfair.
He snaps out of his thoughts with a sigh and sits down next to Sungyeol. Myungsoo opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, when he sees that the older boy has finally fallen asleep, eyes closed and head leaning to the right. He’s drooling. Chuckling slightly, Myungsoo reaches out to push away hair from Sungyeol's eyes. He wonders if Sungyeol’s been waiting for him. Without thinking, he presses his palm against Sungyeol's warm, soft cheek, and closes his eyes for a bit.
But then Sungyeol flinches under his touch, giving out a sound of surprise and Myungsoo opens his eyes, pulling his hand away from Sungyeol's face. He grins a little tiredly at the older boy before standing up.
"You're back," Sungyeol says, rubbing his eyes, and gives Myungsoo a smile.
Myungsoo's palm that had touched Sungyeol's cheek, burns now and he wonders if Sungyeol was too sleepy to notice the touch against his own cheek or if he did notice, but decided to not talk about it. Either way, Myungsoo's glad he doesn't bring it up.
"Yeah," he presses out, and he notices how Sungyeol hides the script under the sofa, thinking that he wouldn't notice. Myungsoo's got a lump in his throat again and his heart is as heavy as a stone now. This time, it’s a little bit harder to swallow down it. He looks away and goes to get his backpack.
He says, with his back facing Sungyeol, "You should be sleeping."
"I know," Sungyeol chuckles and Myungsoo hears him standing up. He’s so clumsy and loud, but Myungsoo can’t help but smile. "Go shower, and go to sleep, too."
Myungsoo's back burns as much as his palm, when Sungyeol gives him a pat, hand lingering a second too long. Then Sungyeol's in their and Dongwoo's shared room, leaving Myungsoo all alone in the dark living room.
"He didn't even turn off the TV," Myugsoo mutters as he reaches for the remote control. He's still curious as to why Sungyeol was still up, but he decides that Sungyeol must've wanted to watch that ancient Chinese drama again.
It's nothing special, really.
But Myungsoo can't sleep at night, ears listening to Sungyeol's light snores instead, with a heart hammering in his chest, and mind filled with the older boy’s sad, sad eyes. Sungyeol’s touch is still burning.
He decides that Lee Sungyeol is cruel.
-
It’s rare for them to be able to eat breakfast together, so when they don’t have an early schedule, Sunggyu always drags them up thirty or so minutes earlier than they actually have to. He says it’s something about the group having to spend time together, and Myungsoo snorts when Sungjong mutters ‘as if we’re not always together anyways’.
Sunggyu shoots them both a glare, but then pats Myungsoo’s back. He leans in to ask if Myungsoo’s tired after coming back from Japan so late yesterday, but the younger boy just shrugs, and shakes his head.
“I’m fine.”
“I’m worried because you have to go to Japan all alone,” Sunggyu says, sitting down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table, and all the other members do the same. Myungsoo gives the leader a grin, and he says thank you through his eyes. Sunggyu’s always been good with reading people’s minds, so he just lifts his lips, eyes disappearing into a smile.
Sungyeol slides down in the chair across from Myungsoo and they look at each other for a while, before Sungyeol glances over to Woohyun instead, and starts a conversation. Something cuts in Myungsoo’s heart, and he’s too tired to push it away, so he lets it be.
Myungsoo has to leave for Japan again next week, for another Magazine interview and photoshoot and the members jokes around about why is it only Myungsoo when they clearly know it's because he's starred in a Japanese drama before. And Myungsoo's all forced smiles and laughter, pretending to find it funny and even jokes around about being more popular, when all he wants is to stay at home, with the members. With Sungyeol.
It hurts a bit to know how much he’s missing out. Like when they were filming for Sesame Player and Myungsoo didn’t even get to have as much fun because he had to leave for Japan all the time. His heart is always lighter when he comes home, to the members that welcomes him with open arms and I missed you’s, but it doesn’t stop the empty feeling in his stomach when they talk about stuff that they did when he wasn’t around.
Sometimes, Sungyeol notices. And sometimes, he pats Myungsoo’s back or takes the younger boy’s hand into his own. Myungsoo’s thankful, but recently, it’s not like that anymore. Thinking about it makes him sick, so he focuses on the doodles Sungjong drew on the table instead and tries to swallow down the cereals. Myungsoo glances at Sungyeol once in a while but he doesn't notice, now bickering with Sungjong about the last piece of bread.
"Our L won't have to worry even if Infinite disbands," Sungyeol suddenly says, and it somehow startles Myungsoo. “He’s so popular anyway.”
Sungyeol turns to him with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and Myungsoo immediately lets his gaze fall from Sungyeol's eyes down to his bowl of cereal. It doesn’t look as good anymore, and the slight bitter taste from the milk is on his tongue isn’t making it better.
Maybe Sungyeol's just trying to be funny. But it's not funny. It's not funny at all. Because it's true, somehow. And Sungyeol's making him feel guilty.
No one really laughs, although Dongwoo and Howon tries to joke it away (they fail) and Myungsoo's ears burns. Sunggyu hisses quietly to Sungyeol something about going too far and Myungsoo wants to say no. Sungyeol's right after all. But Myungsoo detests it. He hates Sungyeol's sad eyes, hates how much he hurts Sungyeol without wanting to. Hates how Sungyeol jokes about it even if it’s cutting him up inside.
Sungyeol’s worked hard for it too, everyone has, but Myungsoo’s so handsome, so he gets all the attention.
Myungsoo’s seen it. Those comments of a few fans. He knows that he shouldn’t take it to the heart, but somehow, it hurts and cuts him up with guilt. He didn’t ask for this.
At nights, Myungsoo often dreams of them, Sungyeol and him. Sungyeol has wings in his dreams, and he can fly while Myungsoo's the one stuck on the ground, looking up at the sky with longing eyes. But one day, Sungyeol falls. Sungyeol's wings are made of paper and Myungsoo thinks that he's the one crumpling them without meaning to. And maybe Sungyeol hates him, but he still holds Myungsoo’s hand and they both are walking now, Sungyeol not able to use his wings anymore.
But Myungsoo doesn't even want this. All he wants - maybe even needs - is Sungyeol's bright smile back.
“Guys,” Sunggyu clears his throat and laughs awkwardly. “Eat now.”
"Let's hurry up," Woohyun tries and Myungsoo glances at Sungyeol. Their eyes meet and Sungyeol's eyes tells him sorry and he knows that Sungyeol means it but Myungsoo feels something in his chest clench. It hurts.
He looks down again.
-
Myungsoo walks a fine line between Kim Myungsoo and Infinite’s L. On the days, when his face is a mask of makeup and his clothes are pretty for the cameras to capture, he’s a little bit more leaned to the left, where L is.
L who is supposed to be cool, chic, quiet and perfect. The visual. The idol actor. The fans love L, and some thinks they love Kim Myungsoo that he lets himself show once in a while, but it’s still L. He isn’t really good at being L, though, sometimes stumbling to the right side without realizing it. Sometimes the smirk slips off his face and is replaced by an all too wide smile, before he can stop it, and he stumbles. It doesn’t happen often, not anymore, because he’s getting better at this, but it always happens with Sungyeol next to him.
“Let’s prank the members again when we get home,” Sungyeol can suddenly whisper into Myungsoo’s ears, excited, in the middle of an interview. “Remember when Woohyun totally lost it when we took his favorite t-shirt and hid it. I want to see that again.”
It isn’t something much, it isn’t funny either, but Sungyeol’s breath is always hot against Myungsoo’s skin and it makes him all warm and funny instead, so he laughs quietly, suddenly also excited and not like L at all, showing weird Kim Myungsoo-ish expressions that fans always manages to capture with their cameras.
He’s not good at being L. Especially not around Lee Sungyeol.
So when they stumble into the dorm again, everyone exhausted and no one can wait until they can wash their faces and rub away the makeup while taking a warm shower, when Woohyun is clumsy so he stumbles over all the shoes in the hallway, grabbing one annoyed Sungjong with him and falls to the ground, when everyone laughs (Dongwoo is the loudest, and Sungyeol makes weird whale noises) - that is when L can finally be Kim Myungsoo.
That is when Kim Myungsoo falls to the ground laughing with ugly expressions, hair messy and makeup smeared out, holding his stomach that is hurting, without caring about anything.
He likes to be L, because L is a part of Infinite, and he loves and can’t really imagine a life without his members anymore. But he thinks he prefers to be Kim Myungsoo a bit more. Because when he thinks about it, it’s Kim Myungsoo that Infinite loves more, too.
-
"Getting ready for Japan again?" Sungyeol asks, plopping down on the bed with his eyes on the bag on the floor. There are clothes, plaid shirts in the same design but different colors, lying on the bed. "You fashion sucks. You only wear this." He picks up a black t-shirt. "And black."
Myungsoo shrugs, because it's always the same thing that Sungyeol says when it comes to his clothes, but now he's too tired to answer. He sits down the ground with a few t-shirts in lap, picking up one to fold it nicely before putting it in the bag. Sungyeol is still staring from where he's lying on the bed, and it's so quiet in the whole apartment that Myungsoo can hear Sungyeol’s breath. It's usually soothing, like when Myungsoo's nervous before a concert in Japan while they're on the airplane and all it takes to calm him is Sungyeol leaning in too close, close enough to hear him breathe.
But right now, it's distracting. "Hand me the black t-shirt you're holding," Myungsoo says, and he doesn't mean to snap, but it comes out harsher than he intended. "Hurry up."
"You're boring," Sungyeol complains, rolling down from the bed and crawls up to sit next to Myungsoo on the floor, a big gin on his face. He throws the black t-shirt away and reaches out for a white one with texts on instead. "You look better in this one," he says, handing Myungsoo it.
"Sungyeol-"
"Don't protest!" Sungyeol cuts in, pushing the t-shirt into Myungsoo's arms. "Okay?"
Perhaps, Sungyeol is expecting Myungsoo to snap at him again to go bring back the black t-shirt, and maybe Myungsoo expects the same. But they're both surprised when Myungsoo let's out a sigh, hands folding the t-shirt that Sungyeol chose, and puts it in the bag.
"Just this once," he says, swallowing and when Sungyeol gives him a wide grin, all teeth and wrinkles around the eyes, Myungsoo decides that this is worth it.
He doesn't say a thing, even when Sungyeol spends an whole hour on taking out all the plaid shirts and replacing it with clothes that he thinks fits better. Myungsoo is too busy trying to avoid the way Sungyeol's leg presses against his own, and even busier trying to not reach out to pull him closer.
“Do you get lonely?” the taller boy asks suddenly, while picking out one of three plaid shirts because Myungsoo insisted that he needed at least one with him. Sungyeol puts down the black one, and picks up the blue, folding and putting it down on the bed. He turns to look at Myungsoo now.
“What do you mean?” Myungsoo reaches out for the plaid shirt to put it in the bag. It’s the last thing. Now, he just have to remember the toothbrush in the morning. He pulls the zip closed before pushing the bag away from him.
Sungyeol leans his back against the bed and tilts his head. “When you’re in Japan. All the alone. All the time.”
Myungsoo is used to lying when asked these kind of questions. He does it all the time, to not worry Sunggyu, when the leader pulls him close to ask him the same thing. Sunggyu has enough to worry about, Myungsoo doesn’t need to put more on his shoulders.
Once again he is expected to lie, but before he can catch the word to push it back in his mouth, he’s already said it. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t really expect you to be so honest,” Sungyeol teases, eyes turning into crescents as a smile graces his lips. “But it’s good. To hear you admit it. Because you don’t have to feel lonely. You do know it’s okay to call your members even at 3AM in the morning, right? Even if Sungjong probably would snap at you, because you know how he’s such a princess that needs his beauty sleep.”
“I know,” Myungsoo mutters, even though he maybe didn’t. But now he does. He gives Sungyeol a faint grin. “And you?” He isn’t supposed to still talk about this, he thinks, eyes looking down on his nails and ears trying to ignore the heart pounding loudly against his chest. This isn’t supposed to be important. “How about you?”
It takes three seconds for Myungsoo - one, two, three - to look up, forcing his eyes to stare into Sungyeol’s. And it’s there for a moment, only for a moment. It’s a knowing look as Sungyeol raises his eyebrows and parts his lips a little. Myungsoo isn’t sure how he should react, but the look is gone as soon as it appears, so he brushes the thought away. Instead, he stands up and hurries out to the living room.
The light in the kitchen is still on, and he sees Howon and Dongwoo discussing something.
“I think it’s time to sleep, guys,” he says, forcing the words out, before stumbling into the toilet to breathe. Because recently, being around Sungyeol is like he’s lacking air; he can’t ever seem to breathe properly.
-
Myungsoo wakes up at 4AM with a sore throat and it aches when he tries to swallow. He looks around the dark room with half-open eyes, one hand scratching his head, and his eyes lands on the clock on the desk. It’s time to wake up anyway, so he won’t be able to sleep for a little more. He sighs, forcing legs to stand up, and shivers when he feels the cold floor beneath his feet. It’s a little lonely, he thinks, to wake up in the morning like this, alone.
Dongwoo and Sungyeol are both still sleeping, so he quietly grabs his bag and walks with soft steps to the door. He takes one look at Sungyeol, who’s sleeping with his cheek pressed against the pillow and long legs everywhere, before closing the door behind him with a tiny smile.
It doesn’t take long to wash up and put on the outfit that Sungyeol picked out yesterday. Then he’s done, standing in the dark living room, all alone. It hits him for a moment, if he’s Kim Myungsoo right now or L. It’s been too long, it’s been too confusing, and he’s not ever sure if he’s on the right or on the left, or if there’s no right and left, because maybe he’s mixed them both up now.
He thinks of Sungyeol. How his touch always lingers and burns and never fades away, how Myungsoo isn’t really sure what this is, what they are. Because Sungyeol’s got him all tied up in knots, and there’s no way out. Myungsoo isn’t sure if he should feel this way, when he’s the one crumpling Sungyeol’s fragile wings made of paper. Isn’t sure if he has the right to.
However, when he receives a text message in the car to the airport, when his heart swells up while reading it, he knows for sure that this feeling won’t go away and not even the guilt of stealing everything away from Sungyeol will be able to stop these feelings.
I never answered your question. I’m here whenever you need me. 3AM or whatever. I’m all yours to lean on, Myungsoo.
-
It’s 2AM. He’s back from his schedule, with an empty stomach and make-up removed. He’s sitting on the bed wearing an old t-shirt and jogging pants with holes in. He doesn’t care. He’s sure that he’s Kim Myungsoo right now, and it feels right. Myungsoo reaches out for his bag and takes up his phone, eyes wandering over Sungyeol’s number, and finger hovering over the ‘call’ button. He swallows.
Three rings and ten heartbeats after, someone picks up.
“Hello?”
And Myungsoo stops breathing for a second, hands clutching the phone tightly, pressing it against his ear. He thinks of the times he’s made this person sad, not on purpose, but he’s still managed to make this person look so, so sad and he regrets. He regrets and is angry, and thinks of all the things this person deserves.
He thinks of his heart that was long stolen, from the moment he saw Sungyeol in the company, wide grin on his face and loud voice saying, “Hi! I’m Sungyeol!”. He thinks of warm hands that held his own cold ones, right before their debut stage, thinks of a beautiful voice that whispered comforting things in his ears. He swallows, swallows, swallows-
It’s eight minutes over two in the morning when a sleepy, all too familiar voice says his name, gently and softly as if it’s the most precious thing in this world. “Myungsoo?”
And this. This is everything.
-
I want to fix your wings. I’ll make you new paper wings.
One. Two. Three.
He clicks the ‘send’ button and heads back to Korea.
-
Sungyeol is still up, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, and eyes wide open on the TV screen when Myungsoo opens the door to Infinite’s apartment at half past three in the morning. He kicks off his shoes, and lets his bag fall to the ground before going up to the older boy. He doesn’t say a word and instead sits down next to Sungyeol.
Like this, only a few centimeters from each other, Myungsoo feels safe. Like this, with Sungyeol’s leg brushing against his own, sitting so close they can hear each other’s breaths and with Myungsoo finally, finally leaning into the touch, he feels whole. And like this, with Sungyeol’s hand pressed against his, warm and waiting to be held, with Myungsoo not swallowing down his feelings, and instead reaching out to intertwine their fingers - this is everything he’s ever wanted.
“I got your text message,” Sungyeol whispers, a smile on his lips, as if he’s afraid the whole world would hear them if he said it a little bit louder. As if he wants it to be a secret, for only them to know, it makes Myungsoo hold his breath.
“Hmm.”
Sungyeol rubs his feet against Myungsoo’s leg for warmth, and leans closer. This is unusual and it makes Myungsoo flinch, but he doesn’t move. Because this is nice. He thinks about it for a moment, again, what are we, but it all stops mattering when because Sungyeol’s rubbing his thumb in between Myungsoo’s knuckles as if to soothe him.
“You think I have wings?” Sungyeol laughs.
Myungsoo is careful with his touch, while Sungyeol is not. Myungsoo isn’t really sure how he’s supposed to live with a person like Sungyeol next to him, but then again, he’s not sure how to live without him. He squeezes Sungyeol’s hand and breathes out.
“I’m sorry.”
Sungyeol looks at him with raised eyebrows. “For what?”
“I do think you have wings,” he begins, whispering and eyes on their hands that seems to fit too well together. He’d like to stay like this for a while, maybe forever. He moves a little bit closer, if that’s even possible. “But I do think I’m the one destroying them, too.”
Sungyeol is laughing again. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Look. I...I know you love acting. And I know that it’s only me, always me, getting the roles and-”
Myungsoo is startled, heart stopping and breath hitching, when Sungyeol leans his head against his shoulder and chuckles loudly. “Kim Myungsoo, you’re really ridiculous.”
“I’m being serious, Sungyeol, I-”
“So let’s say I’m hurt by that. Which I’m not. I don’t know what got you into thinking that I am, but I’m not. Anyway, let’s pretend that I am.” He lets go of Myungsoo’s hand, and leaves the younger boy disappointed for a moment, before he leans his forehead against Myungsoo’s. He smiles. “What would you do to make it better? By blaming yourself? Give me your roles?” Sungyeol’s eyes softens. “It doesn’t work like that, Myungsoo. I do admit that I’m disappointed sometimes, but I do never get hurt. Because it’s you, and you deserve this, and so much more.”
Myungsoo blinks, and lets Sungyeol’s words sink in. There are surely a hundred of reasons why he thinks that Sungyeol’s the one deserving more than him, but it’s the way Sungyeol’s hand find his again, warm and safe, that makes Myungsoo realize that maybe this isn’t important. Perhaps, he’s been looking into it too much. Because right now, with Sungyeol sitting right next to him, closer than ever - this is the most important.
“And I don’t think I’m the one who’s supposed to have my wings fixed,” Sungyeol whispers, eyes wandering over Myungsoo’s tired eyes. He reaches up to brush away hair from Myungsoo’s face. “You’re the one who’s broken inside right now, Myungsoo. You’re tired, always so tired, and you don’t ever smile anymore. Seems like you’re the one with paper wings crumpled?”
It’s okay to relax, Myungsoo thinks, and carefully leans his head on Sungyeol’s chest. “Maybe.”
And when he breathes out, closing his eyes as Sungyeol puts arms around him, he also lets himself fall into Sungyeol’s embrace, wings broken but heart healed.
-
The bathroom door opens, causing Myungsoo to look up surprised, with half-open eyes, and toothbrush in his mouth. It’s only Sungyeol, with a grin on his face and messy hair, but the way he looks at Myungsoo makes the boy choke and turn away to hide the red blossoming on his cheeks. He’s maybe wide awake now.
“Move a little,” Sungyeol says, pushing Myungsoo jokingly to the side and picking up his own toothbrush. He yawns, one hand sliding under his t-shirt to scratch himself on the back, revealing a bit of his cute belly, and he looks ridiculous, causing Myungsoo to choke again while laughing.
“Move.” Myungsoo pushes him aside and then leans down to spit out the toothpaste, and looks up with a grin to a frowning Sungyeol. He rinses his mouth and cleans his face, before letting Sungyeol brush his teeth.
They don’t have that much to do today. Two radio shows only, and then they can go home. Myungsoo lets out a sigh of relief. He hasn’t been able to sleep that much recently, so rest would be very much appreciated. His eyes wanders to Sungyeol, and without knowing, he’s already sliding his arm around the taller’s waist to pull him closer.
“What are you doing?” Sungyeol tries to say while spitting out the toothbrush, but he is smiling. He dries his face with a towel before looking at Myungsoo. “You still have toothpaste on your lips.”
“Really?” Myungsoo frowns, left hand reaching out to take the towel from Sungyeol, but is instead surprised when Sungyeol hides it behind his back, grinning like a child. “Give me it.”
“Let me do it.”
It’s ridiculous, Myungsoo thinks, when his heart does funny flips and is pounding too hard against his chest while his cheeks heats up; he isn’t really supposed to act like a fifteen year old teenage girl in love. But he is. In love. With this tall, clumsy and very adorable dork that makes too much noise. Myungsoo stands still when Sungyeol’s eyes lands on his lips. He holds his breath, when Sungyeol reaches up with his hand to brush away the toothpaste, and he is pretty sure his heart is gonna explode under ribs and skin right now.
“Is it gone?” he breathes. Sungyeol is too close, face on inches away, and breath hot against Myungsoo’s cheek.
“No,” the taller whispers, and a smile graces his lips before he leans forward.
This is messy, with Myungsoo still holding his breath because Sungyeol’s lips are soft, soft, so soft and Sungyeol is laughing at him at first, but they try again. It’s still messy the second time, because it’s all teeth and Myungsoo groans in pain when Sungyeol bites a little bit too hard on his lower lip. But somehow, when they both burst out laughing just to quiet down immediately just in case the members would hear, and their eyes land on each other, Myungsoo decides that … this is all right.
“Let’s eat breakfast,” he says, and steals one last, clumsy kiss before opening the bathroom door. Sungyeol is all smiles, and Myungsoo isn’t gonna ask for more.
-
Myungsoo has to leave for Japan again, three weeks after, and this time, he has to stay a little bit longer than usual. He isn’t given more information than that. It’s late at night and the members just got back from their schedule with empty stomachs and everyone’s too tired to even take a shower. Myungsoo shakes his head at them, lying on each other on the floor and sighing loudly. He drags himself to his room and takes out the bag. It’s not like he’s not used to this, but it’s still a tiny bit lonely. When they’re going somewhere together, the whole group, it’s always so loud.
Something clenches in his stomach when he thinks of Sungyeol. He sighs. Myungsoo’s grown used to Sungyeol sneaking up to his bed when he can’t sleep, lying down right next to him and he’s used to holding hands, while they talk quietly because they’re afraid Dongwoo will wake up. Sungyeol’s legs are always all over because they’re just too long. Myungsoo hasn’t been lonely in weeks. He isn’t sure if he can handle sitting on the airplane alone with cold hands and strangers around him.
He flinches slightly when he feels long arms around him, and turns his head to stare at Sungyeol with wide eyes.
“The members-”
“I closed the door,” Sungyeol chuckles, lips trailing soft, sloppy kisses down Myungsoo’s cheeks and throat. He seems tired. Myungsoo leans into the touch. “And I’m pretty sure they’re all aware of us.”
“But-”
Sungyeol cuts him off by pressing his lips against Myungsoo’s. “Stop talking. I’ll help you pack,” he mumbles, and leaves Myungsoo embarrassed by pulling away with a playful lick on Myungsoo’s lower lip.
They take out Myungsoo’s clothes in silence and put it all down on his bed. Sungyeol is quiet while choosing out the clothes to fold and put in Myungsoo’s bag. The younger boy sits on the floor with his eyes on Sungyeol.
“I’ll miss you,” he whispers, causing Sungyeol to look at him with raised eyebrows. “I...when I’m in Japan.”
“Myungsoo,” Sungyeol laughs, and puts down the clothes to sit down next to him. “You’ll be back after a week. You can just call me. Don’t be so dramatic.”
Myungsoo thinks, it’s the way their hands automatically find each other somewhere on his thigh, under the table, while eating breakfast and being lost their own world, that makes it so difficult right now. They’re all used to Myungsoo flying to Japan all alone, but this is different. Sungyeol’s right. He’s being dramatic.
“Won’t you miss me, though?” he asks, hand reaching out for Sungyeol’s to intertwine their fingers.
“I will,” Sungyeol replies, sighing. He looks down to their hands and smiles. “We’re being ridiculous and cheesy right now.”
Myungsoo laughs, and lets Sungyeol take the last piece of his heart when he kiss him, slow and gentle. He’s fallen too deep and too fast, but he doesn’t really mind, because when he feels the warmth from Sungyeol’s hand, and hears how Sungyeol’s heart beats for him, Myungsoo knows that this is enough.
This is more than enough.
Pairing/Focus: Myungsoo/Sungyeol
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 5,4K
Summary:
-
When Myungsoo gets home from Japan after a photoshoot at two in the morning, Sungyeol is still up, sitting on the floor with legs stretched out and his back against the sofa, in a big black t-shirt and comfortable pajamas pants. He has sleepy, almost closed eyes on the TV-screen and a script in his lap. Maybe it’s the way his hair suddenly falls into his eyes, and the way he flinches a little because of it, just to go back to half-sleeping, looking so adorable and innocent, that makes Myungsoo stop what he's doing and just stare. He swallows down the lump in his throat and lets out a breath. This happens all too often, and he has no idea what to do other than stay still and breathe.
He bends down to takes off his shoes with eyes on the older boy, and puts down his heavy backpack on the floor among the members' other stuff, before going up to Sungyeol. He isn't noticed yet, so he leans down a bit to curiously look at the script, wondering if maybe Sungyeol finally got a role in a drama while he was in Japan. But something clenches in Myungsoo heart when he realizes that it's just the old script from the 'While You Were Sleeping' drama. There are knots in Myungsoo’s stomach, and he tries to focus on the dirt under his nails instead, but he can’t ignore it.
Myungsoo remembers telling Sungyeol about getting a role in the new sitcom, just a month ago. It'd been hard, because Myungsoo knows clearly how much work Sungyeol has put into acting, going to many auditions, but never gets a role. He works hard, maybe a little bit too hard, because he’s an idol, not an actor.
But even when he never gives up, it's still always Myungsoo. Sungyeol had smiled though, and he'd ruffled Myungsoo's hair, telling him that he'd done a great job ("You have to do even better now, okay?") but Myungsoo sees it all. Sees the disappointment, maybe a little bit of anger too, in Sungyeol’s eyes.
Why is it always you?
The first time Myungsoo had seen this look in Sungyeol's eyes was when he told all the members, when they were gathered in the living room one Friday night after work, that he'd gotten the role as Hyunsoo in a tvN drama. At first, Myungsoo was too busy smiling and being excited with the members about it to notice. But he caught it at last, how Sungyeol's bright smile seemed to falter little by little, as if he couldn’t hold it up anymore, and suddenly, Myungsoo was staring into blank eyes that screamed at him why is it always you?
He'd been scared, even if only a little. Seconds after, Sungyeol was back to smiling and laughing but that look never left Myungsoo. He thinks of it at nights, sometimes, when he hears Sungyeol snoring, and his chest always hurts a bit, small glass shards pressing against his heart. He thinks of it sometimes when they're having breakfast, when he's looking at Sungyeol without him noticing, and Myungsoo feels bad. He isn't sure if he's supposed to say I'm sorry or just pretend that he doesn't know. Myungsoo can't read Sungyeol, at all, even though Sungyeol can read Myungsoo like a book. It's unfair.
He snaps out of his thoughts with a sigh and sits down next to Sungyeol. Myungsoo opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, when he sees that the older boy has finally fallen asleep, eyes closed and head leaning to the right. He’s drooling. Chuckling slightly, Myungsoo reaches out to push away hair from Sungyeol's eyes. He wonders if Sungyeol’s been waiting for him. Without thinking, he presses his palm against Sungyeol's warm, soft cheek, and closes his eyes for a bit.
But then Sungyeol flinches under his touch, giving out a sound of surprise and Myungsoo opens his eyes, pulling his hand away from Sungyeol's face. He grins a little tiredly at the older boy before standing up.
"You're back," Sungyeol says, rubbing his eyes, and gives Myungsoo a smile.
Myungsoo's palm that had touched Sungyeol's cheek, burns now and he wonders if Sungyeol was too sleepy to notice the touch against his own cheek or if he did notice, but decided to not talk about it. Either way, Myungsoo's glad he doesn't bring it up.
"Yeah," he presses out, and he notices how Sungyeol hides the script under the sofa, thinking that he wouldn't notice. Myungsoo's got a lump in his throat again and his heart is as heavy as a stone now. This time, it’s a little bit harder to swallow down it. He looks away and goes to get his backpack.
He says, with his back facing Sungyeol, "You should be sleeping."
"I know," Sungyeol chuckles and Myungsoo hears him standing up. He’s so clumsy and loud, but Myungsoo can’t help but smile. "Go shower, and go to sleep, too."
Myungsoo's back burns as much as his palm, when Sungyeol gives him a pat, hand lingering a second too long. Then Sungyeol's in their and Dongwoo's shared room, leaving Myungsoo all alone in the dark living room.
"He didn't even turn off the TV," Myugsoo mutters as he reaches for the remote control. He's still curious as to why Sungyeol was still up, but he decides that Sungyeol must've wanted to watch that ancient Chinese drama again.
It's nothing special, really.
But Myungsoo can't sleep at night, ears listening to Sungyeol's light snores instead, with a heart hammering in his chest, and mind filled with the older boy’s sad, sad eyes. Sungyeol’s touch is still burning.
He decides that Lee Sungyeol is cruel.
-
It’s rare for them to be able to eat breakfast together, so when they don’t have an early schedule, Sunggyu always drags them up thirty or so minutes earlier than they actually have to. He says it’s something about the group having to spend time together, and Myungsoo snorts when Sungjong mutters ‘as if we’re not always together anyways’.
Sunggyu shoots them both a glare, but then pats Myungsoo’s back. He leans in to ask if Myungsoo’s tired after coming back from Japan so late yesterday, but the younger boy just shrugs, and shakes his head.
“I’m fine.”
“I’m worried because you have to go to Japan all alone,” Sunggyu says, sitting down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table, and all the other members do the same. Myungsoo gives the leader a grin, and he says thank you through his eyes. Sunggyu’s always been good with reading people’s minds, so he just lifts his lips, eyes disappearing into a smile.
Sungyeol slides down in the chair across from Myungsoo and they look at each other for a while, before Sungyeol glances over to Woohyun instead, and starts a conversation. Something cuts in Myungsoo’s heart, and he’s too tired to push it away, so he lets it be.
Myungsoo has to leave for Japan again next week, for another Magazine interview and photoshoot and the members jokes around about why is it only Myungsoo when they clearly know it's because he's starred in a Japanese drama before. And Myungsoo's all forced smiles and laughter, pretending to find it funny and even jokes around about being more popular, when all he wants is to stay at home, with the members. With Sungyeol.
It hurts a bit to know how much he’s missing out. Like when they were filming for Sesame Player and Myungsoo didn’t even get to have as much fun because he had to leave for Japan all the time. His heart is always lighter when he comes home, to the members that welcomes him with open arms and I missed you’s, but it doesn’t stop the empty feeling in his stomach when they talk about stuff that they did when he wasn’t around.
Sometimes, Sungyeol notices. And sometimes, he pats Myungsoo’s back or takes the younger boy’s hand into his own. Myungsoo’s thankful, but recently, it’s not like that anymore. Thinking about it makes him sick, so he focuses on the doodles Sungjong drew on the table instead and tries to swallow down the cereals. Myungsoo glances at Sungyeol once in a while but he doesn't notice, now bickering with Sungjong about the last piece of bread.
"Our L won't have to worry even if Infinite disbands," Sungyeol suddenly says, and it somehow startles Myungsoo. “He’s so popular anyway.”
Sungyeol turns to him with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and Myungsoo immediately lets his gaze fall from Sungyeol's eyes down to his bowl of cereal. It doesn’t look as good anymore, and the slight bitter taste from the milk is on his tongue isn’t making it better.
Maybe Sungyeol's just trying to be funny. But it's not funny. It's not funny at all. Because it's true, somehow. And Sungyeol's making him feel guilty.
No one really laughs, although Dongwoo and Howon tries to joke it away (they fail) and Myungsoo's ears burns. Sunggyu hisses quietly to Sungyeol something about going too far and Myungsoo wants to say no. Sungyeol's right after all. But Myungsoo detests it. He hates Sungyeol's sad eyes, hates how much he hurts Sungyeol without wanting to. Hates how Sungyeol jokes about it even if it’s cutting him up inside.
Sungyeol’s worked hard for it too, everyone has, but Myungsoo’s so handsome, so he gets all the attention.
Myungsoo’s seen it. Those comments of a few fans. He knows that he shouldn’t take it to the heart, but somehow, it hurts and cuts him up with guilt. He didn’t ask for this.
At nights, Myungsoo often dreams of them, Sungyeol and him. Sungyeol has wings in his dreams, and he can fly while Myungsoo's the one stuck on the ground, looking up at the sky with longing eyes. But one day, Sungyeol falls. Sungyeol's wings are made of paper and Myungsoo thinks that he's the one crumpling them without meaning to. And maybe Sungyeol hates him, but he still holds Myungsoo’s hand and they both are walking now, Sungyeol not able to use his wings anymore.
But Myungsoo doesn't even want this. All he wants - maybe even needs - is Sungyeol's bright smile back.
“Guys,” Sunggyu clears his throat and laughs awkwardly. “Eat now.”
"Let's hurry up," Woohyun tries and Myungsoo glances at Sungyeol. Their eyes meet and Sungyeol's eyes tells him sorry and he knows that Sungyeol means it but Myungsoo feels something in his chest clench. It hurts.
He looks down again.
-
Myungsoo walks a fine line between Kim Myungsoo and Infinite’s L. On the days, when his face is a mask of makeup and his clothes are pretty for the cameras to capture, he’s a little bit more leaned to the left, where L is.
L who is supposed to be cool, chic, quiet and perfect. The visual. The idol actor. The fans love L, and some thinks they love Kim Myungsoo that he lets himself show once in a while, but it’s still L. He isn’t really good at being L, though, sometimes stumbling to the right side without realizing it. Sometimes the smirk slips off his face and is replaced by an all too wide smile, before he can stop it, and he stumbles. It doesn’t happen often, not anymore, because he’s getting better at this, but it always happens with Sungyeol next to him.
“Let’s prank the members again when we get home,” Sungyeol can suddenly whisper into Myungsoo’s ears, excited, in the middle of an interview. “Remember when Woohyun totally lost it when we took his favorite t-shirt and hid it. I want to see that again.”
It isn’t something much, it isn’t funny either, but Sungyeol’s breath is always hot against Myungsoo’s skin and it makes him all warm and funny instead, so he laughs quietly, suddenly also excited and not like L at all, showing weird Kim Myungsoo-ish expressions that fans always manages to capture with their cameras.
He’s not good at being L. Especially not around Lee Sungyeol.
So when they stumble into the dorm again, everyone exhausted and no one can wait until they can wash their faces and rub away the makeup while taking a warm shower, when Woohyun is clumsy so he stumbles over all the shoes in the hallway, grabbing one annoyed Sungjong with him and falls to the ground, when everyone laughs (Dongwoo is the loudest, and Sungyeol makes weird whale noises) - that is when L can finally be Kim Myungsoo.
That is when Kim Myungsoo falls to the ground laughing with ugly expressions, hair messy and makeup smeared out, holding his stomach that is hurting, without caring about anything.
He likes to be L, because L is a part of Infinite, and he loves and can’t really imagine a life without his members anymore. But he thinks he prefers to be Kim Myungsoo a bit more. Because when he thinks about it, it’s Kim Myungsoo that Infinite loves more, too.
-
"Getting ready for Japan again?" Sungyeol asks, plopping down on the bed with his eyes on the bag on the floor. There are clothes, plaid shirts in the same design but different colors, lying on the bed. "You fashion sucks. You only wear this." He picks up a black t-shirt. "And black."
Myungsoo shrugs, because it's always the same thing that Sungyeol says when it comes to his clothes, but now he's too tired to answer. He sits down the ground with a few t-shirts in lap, picking up one to fold it nicely before putting it in the bag. Sungyeol is still staring from where he's lying on the bed, and it's so quiet in the whole apartment that Myungsoo can hear Sungyeol’s breath. It's usually soothing, like when Myungsoo's nervous before a concert in Japan while they're on the airplane and all it takes to calm him is Sungyeol leaning in too close, close enough to hear him breathe.
But right now, it's distracting. "Hand me the black t-shirt you're holding," Myungsoo says, and he doesn't mean to snap, but it comes out harsher than he intended. "Hurry up."
"You're boring," Sungyeol complains, rolling down from the bed and crawls up to sit next to Myungsoo on the floor, a big gin on his face. He throws the black t-shirt away and reaches out for a white one with texts on instead. "You look better in this one," he says, handing Myungsoo it.
"Sungyeol-"
"Don't protest!" Sungyeol cuts in, pushing the t-shirt into Myungsoo's arms. "Okay?"
Perhaps, Sungyeol is expecting Myungsoo to snap at him again to go bring back the black t-shirt, and maybe Myungsoo expects the same. But they're both surprised when Myungsoo let's out a sigh, hands folding the t-shirt that Sungyeol chose, and puts it in the bag.
"Just this once," he says, swallowing and when Sungyeol gives him a wide grin, all teeth and wrinkles around the eyes, Myungsoo decides that this is worth it.
He doesn't say a thing, even when Sungyeol spends an whole hour on taking out all the plaid shirts and replacing it with clothes that he thinks fits better. Myungsoo is too busy trying to avoid the way Sungyeol's leg presses against his own, and even busier trying to not reach out to pull him closer.
“Do you get lonely?” the taller boy asks suddenly, while picking out one of three plaid shirts because Myungsoo insisted that he needed at least one with him. Sungyeol puts down the black one, and picks up the blue, folding and putting it down on the bed. He turns to look at Myungsoo now.
“What do you mean?” Myungsoo reaches out for the plaid shirt to put it in the bag. It’s the last thing. Now, he just have to remember the toothbrush in the morning. He pulls the zip closed before pushing the bag away from him.
Sungyeol leans his back against the bed and tilts his head. “When you’re in Japan. All the alone. All the time.”
Myungsoo is used to lying when asked these kind of questions. He does it all the time, to not worry Sunggyu, when the leader pulls him close to ask him the same thing. Sunggyu has enough to worry about, Myungsoo doesn’t need to put more on his shoulders.
Once again he is expected to lie, but before he can catch the word to push it back in his mouth, he’s already said it. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t really expect you to be so honest,” Sungyeol teases, eyes turning into crescents as a smile graces his lips. “But it’s good. To hear you admit it. Because you don’t have to feel lonely. You do know it’s okay to call your members even at 3AM in the morning, right? Even if Sungjong probably would snap at you, because you know how he’s such a princess that needs his beauty sleep.”
“I know,” Myungsoo mutters, even though he maybe didn’t. But now he does. He gives Sungyeol a faint grin. “And you?” He isn’t supposed to still talk about this, he thinks, eyes looking down on his nails and ears trying to ignore the heart pounding loudly against his chest. This isn’t supposed to be important. “How about you?”
It takes three seconds for Myungsoo - one, two, three - to look up, forcing his eyes to stare into Sungyeol’s. And it’s there for a moment, only for a moment. It’s a knowing look as Sungyeol raises his eyebrows and parts his lips a little. Myungsoo isn’t sure how he should react, but the look is gone as soon as it appears, so he brushes the thought away. Instead, he stands up and hurries out to the living room.
The light in the kitchen is still on, and he sees Howon and Dongwoo discussing something.
“I think it’s time to sleep, guys,” he says, forcing the words out, before stumbling into the toilet to breathe. Because recently, being around Sungyeol is like he’s lacking air; he can’t ever seem to breathe properly.
-
Myungsoo wakes up at 4AM with a sore throat and it aches when he tries to swallow. He looks around the dark room with half-open eyes, one hand scratching his head, and his eyes lands on the clock on the desk. It’s time to wake up anyway, so he won’t be able to sleep for a little more. He sighs, forcing legs to stand up, and shivers when he feels the cold floor beneath his feet. It’s a little lonely, he thinks, to wake up in the morning like this, alone.
Dongwoo and Sungyeol are both still sleeping, so he quietly grabs his bag and walks with soft steps to the door. He takes one look at Sungyeol, who’s sleeping with his cheek pressed against the pillow and long legs everywhere, before closing the door behind him with a tiny smile.
It doesn’t take long to wash up and put on the outfit that Sungyeol picked out yesterday. Then he’s done, standing in the dark living room, all alone. It hits him for a moment, if he’s Kim Myungsoo right now or L. It’s been too long, it’s been too confusing, and he’s not ever sure if he’s on the right or on the left, or if there’s no right and left, because maybe he’s mixed them both up now.
He thinks of Sungyeol. How his touch always lingers and burns and never fades away, how Myungsoo isn’t really sure what this is, what they are. Because Sungyeol’s got him all tied up in knots, and there’s no way out. Myungsoo isn’t sure if he should feel this way, when he’s the one crumpling Sungyeol’s fragile wings made of paper. Isn’t sure if he has the right to.
However, when he receives a text message in the car to the airport, when his heart swells up while reading it, he knows for sure that this feeling won’t go away and not even the guilt of stealing everything away from Sungyeol will be able to stop these feelings.
I never answered your question. I’m here whenever you need me. 3AM or whatever. I’m all yours to lean on, Myungsoo.
-
It’s 2AM. He’s back from his schedule, with an empty stomach and make-up removed. He’s sitting on the bed wearing an old t-shirt and jogging pants with holes in. He doesn’t care. He’s sure that he’s Kim Myungsoo right now, and it feels right. Myungsoo reaches out for his bag and takes up his phone, eyes wandering over Sungyeol’s number, and finger hovering over the ‘call’ button. He swallows.
Three rings and ten heartbeats after, someone picks up.
“Hello?”
And Myungsoo stops breathing for a second, hands clutching the phone tightly, pressing it against his ear. He thinks of the times he’s made this person sad, not on purpose, but he’s still managed to make this person look so, so sad and he regrets. He regrets and is angry, and thinks of all the things this person deserves.
He thinks of his heart that was long stolen, from the moment he saw Sungyeol in the company, wide grin on his face and loud voice saying, “Hi! I’m Sungyeol!”. He thinks of warm hands that held his own cold ones, right before their debut stage, thinks of a beautiful voice that whispered comforting things in his ears. He swallows, swallows, swallows-
It’s eight minutes over two in the morning when a sleepy, all too familiar voice says his name, gently and softly as if it’s the most precious thing in this world. “Myungsoo?”
And this. This is everything.
-
I want to fix your wings. I’ll make you new paper wings.
One. Two. Three.
He clicks the ‘send’ button and heads back to Korea.
-
Sungyeol is still up, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, and eyes wide open on the TV screen when Myungsoo opens the door to Infinite’s apartment at half past three in the morning. He kicks off his shoes, and lets his bag fall to the ground before going up to the older boy. He doesn’t say a word and instead sits down next to Sungyeol.
Like this, only a few centimeters from each other, Myungsoo feels safe. Like this, with Sungyeol’s leg brushing against his own, sitting so close they can hear each other’s breaths and with Myungsoo finally, finally leaning into the touch, he feels whole. And like this, with Sungyeol’s hand pressed against his, warm and waiting to be held, with Myungsoo not swallowing down his feelings, and instead reaching out to intertwine their fingers - this is everything he’s ever wanted.
“I got your text message,” Sungyeol whispers, a smile on his lips, as if he’s afraid the whole world would hear them if he said it a little bit louder. As if he wants it to be a secret, for only them to know, it makes Myungsoo hold his breath.
“Hmm.”
Sungyeol rubs his feet against Myungsoo’s leg for warmth, and leans closer. This is unusual and it makes Myungsoo flinch, but he doesn’t move. Because this is nice. He thinks about it for a moment, again, what are we, but it all stops mattering when because Sungyeol’s rubbing his thumb in between Myungsoo’s knuckles as if to soothe him.
“You think I have wings?” Sungyeol laughs.
Myungsoo is careful with his touch, while Sungyeol is not. Myungsoo isn’t really sure how he’s supposed to live with a person like Sungyeol next to him, but then again, he’s not sure how to live without him. He squeezes Sungyeol’s hand and breathes out.
“I’m sorry.”
Sungyeol looks at him with raised eyebrows. “For what?”
“I do think you have wings,” he begins, whispering and eyes on their hands that seems to fit too well together. He’d like to stay like this for a while, maybe forever. He moves a little bit closer, if that’s even possible. “But I do think I’m the one destroying them, too.”
Sungyeol is laughing again. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Look. I...I know you love acting. And I know that it’s only me, always me, getting the roles and-”
Myungsoo is startled, heart stopping and breath hitching, when Sungyeol leans his head against his shoulder and chuckles loudly. “Kim Myungsoo, you’re really ridiculous.”
“I’m being serious, Sungyeol, I-”
“So let’s say I’m hurt by that. Which I’m not. I don’t know what got you into thinking that I am, but I’m not. Anyway, let’s pretend that I am.” He lets go of Myungsoo’s hand, and leaves the younger boy disappointed for a moment, before he leans his forehead against Myungsoo’s. He smiles. “What would you do to make it better? By blaming yourself? Give me your roles?” Sungyeol’s eyes softens. “It doesn’t work like that, Myungsoo. I do admit that I’m disappointed sometimes, but I do never get hurt. Because it’s you, and you deserve this, and so much more.”
Myungsoo blinks, and lets Sungyeol’s words sink in. There are surely a hundred of reasons why he thinks that Sungyeol’s the one deserving more than him, but it’s the way Sungyeol’s hand find his again, warm and safe, that makes Myungsoo realize that maybe this isn’t important. Perhaps, he’s been looking into it too much. Because right now, with Sungyeol sitting right next to him, closer than ever - this is the most important.
“And I don’t think I’m the one who’s supposed to have my wings fixed,” Sungyeol whispers, eyes wandering over Myungsoo’s tired eyes. He reaches up to brush away hair from Myungsoo’s face. “You’re the one who’s broken inside right now, Myungsoo. You’re tired, always so tired, and you don’t ever smile anymore. Seems like you’re the one with paper wings crumpled?”
It’s okay to relax, Myungsoo thinks, and carefully leans his head on Sungyeol’s chest. “Maybe.”
And when he breathes out, closing his eyes as Sungyeol puts arms around him, he also lets himself fall into Sungyeol’s embrace, wings broken but heart healed.
-
The bathroom door opens, causing Myungsoo to look up surprised, with half-open eyes, and toothbrush in his mouth. It’s only Sungyeol, with a grin on his face and messy hair, but the way he looks at Myungsoo makes the boy choke and turn away to hide the red blossoming on his cheeks. He’s maybe wide awake now.
“Move a little,” Sungyeol says, pushing Myungsoo jokingly to the side and picking up his own toothbrush. He yawns, one hand sliding under his t-shirt to scratch himself on the back, revealing a bit of his cute belly, and he looks ridiculous, causing Myungsoo to choke again while laughing.
“Move.” Myungsoo pushes him aside and then leans down to spit out the toothpaste, and looks up with a grin to a frowning Sungyeol. He rinses his mouth and cleans his face, before letting Sungyeol brush his teeth.
They don’t have that much to do today. Two radio shows only, and then they can go home. Myungsoo lets out a sigh of relief. He hasn’t been able to sleep that much recently, so rest would be very much appreciated. His eyes wanders to Sungyeol, and without knowing, he’s already sliding his arm around the taller’s waist to pull him closer.
“What are you doing?” Sungyeol tries to say while spitting out the toothbrush, but he is smiling. He dries his face with a towel before looking at Myungsoo. “You still have toothpaste on your lips.”
“Really?” Myungsoo frowns, left hand reaching out to take the towel from Sungyeol, but is instead surprised when Sungyeol hides it behind his back, grinning like a child. “Give me it.”
“Let me do it.”
It’s ridiculous, Myungsoo thinks, when his heart does funny flips and is pounding too hard against his chest while his cheeks heats up; he isn’t really supposed to act like a fifteen year old teenage girl in love. But he is. In love. With this tall, clumsy and very adorable dork that makes too much noise. Myungsoo stands still when Sungyeol’s eyes lands on his lips. He holds his breath, when Sungyeol reaches up with his hand to brush away the toothpaste, and he is pretty sure his heart is gonna explode under ribs and skin right now.
“Is it gone?” he breathes. Sungyeol is too close, face on inches away, and breath hot against Myungsoo’s cheek.
“No,” the taller whispers, and a smile graces his lips before he leans forward.
This is messy, with Myungsoo still holding his breath because Sungyeol’s lips are soft, soft, so soft and Sungyeol is laughing at him at first, but they try again. It’s still messy the second time, because it’s all teeth and Myungsoo groans in pain when Sungyeol bites a little bit too hard on his lower lip. But somehow, when they both burst out laughing just to quiet down immediately just in case the members would hear, and their eyes land on each other, Myungsoo decides that … this is all right.
“Let’s eat breakfast,” he says, and steals one last, clumsy kiss before opening the bathroom door. Sungyeol is all smiles, and Myungsoo isn’t gonna ask for more.
-
Myungsoo has to leave for Japan again, three weeks after, and this time, he has to stay a little bit longer than usual. He isn’t given more information than that. It’s late at night and the members just got back from their schedule with empty stomachs and everyone’s too tired to even take a shower. Myungsoo shakes his head at them, lying on each other on the floor and sighing loudly. He drags himself to his room and takes out the bag. It’s not like he’s not used to this, but it’s still a tiny bit lonely. When they’re going somewhere together, the whole group, it’s always so loud.
Something clenches in his stomach when he thinks of Sungyeol. He sighs. Myungsoo’s grown used to Sungyeol sneaking up to his bed when he can’t sleep, lying down right next to him and he’s used to holding hands, while they talk quietly because they’re afraid Dongwoo will wake up. Sungyeol’s legs are always all over because they’re just too long. Myungsoo hasn’t been lonely in weeks. He isn’t sure if he can handle sitting on the airplane alone with cold hands and strangers around him.
He flinches slightly when he feels long arms around him, and turns his head to stare at Sungyeol with wide eyes.
“The members-”
“I closed the door,” Sungyeol chuckles, lips trailing soft, sloppy kisses down Myungsoo’s cheeks and throat. He seems tired. Myungsoo leans into the touch. “And I’m pretty sure they’re all aware of us.”
“But-”
Sungyeol cuts him off by pressing his lips against Myungsoo’s. “Stop talking. I’ll help you pack,” he mumbles, and leaves Myungsoo embarrassed by pulling away with a playful lick on Myungsoo’s lower lip.
They take out Myungsoo’s clothes in silence and put it all down on his bed. Sungyeol is quiet while choosing out the clothes to fold and put in Myungsoo’s bag. The younger boy sits on the floor with his eyes on Sungyeol.
“I’ll miss you,” he whispers, causing Sungyeol to look at him with raised eyebrows. “I...when I’m in Japan.”
“Myungsoo,” Sungyeol laughs, and puts down the clothes to sit down next to him. “You’ll be back after a week. You can just call me. Don’t be so dramatic.”
Myungsoo thinks, it’s the way their hands automatically find each other somewhere on his thigh, under the table, while eating breakfast and being lost their own world, that makes it so difficult right now. They’re all used to Myungsoo flying to Japan all alone, but this is different. Sungyeol’s right. He’s being dramatic.
“Won’t you miss me, though?” he asks, hand reaching out for Sungyeol’s to intertwine their fingers.
“I will,” Sungyeol replies, sighing. He looks down to their hands and smiles. “We’re being ridiculous and cheesy right now.”
Myungsoo laughs, and lets Sungyeol take the last piece of his heart when he kiss him, slow and gentle. He’s fallen too deep and too fast, but he doesn’t really mind, because when he feels the warmth from Sungyeol’s hand, and hears how Sungyeol’s heart beats for him, Myungsoo knows that this is enough.
This is more than enough.