(no subject)
I feel like giving up... on everything.
Yesterday we found out Dad's cancer has spread to his bones. It's in his shoulders, hips, legs and spine. He's going into the hospital on Monday and staying there. The doctors and my dad keep saying they still have hope, but... I just can't see it. I can't see them beating something that has infected his entire body.
I guess I've just given up on hoping. It's horrible and depressing but I need to think about the future without him. I need to figure out how in the hell I'm going to support myself and my mom, how I'm going to keep the farm...
Everyone keeps telling me I need to get my GED and go into a trade. In the end I might have to, even though the thought of spending money on a job I'm going to hate depresses me even further. I'm scared to go back to school.
Actually, I just looked up courses and I think (cross your fingers) I might go to NAIT to become a Vet Assistant. I was thinking about it and - I can do the assisting stuff, just don't ask me to cut open a dog and fiddle around with it's insides. So I might do that. Still need to upgrade my English and Math though. I need to go to NAIT and talk to a student advisor about it, and I don't want to do it alone but I know Mom will be too focused on Dad to go with me. I'm a bit nervous. They don't make that much money, but... I don't really know what else to do that I'll enjoy and make a decent wage at.
I guess I just have to focus and get shit done. I want someone to hold my hand though. I hate doing this shit by myself.
Yesterday we found out Dad's cancer has spread to his bones. It's in his shoulders, hips, legs and spine. He's going into the hospital on Monday and staying there. The doctors and my dad keep saying they still have hope, but... I just can't see it. I can't see them beating something that has infected his entire body.
I guess I've just given up on hoping. It's horrible and depressing but I need to think about the future without him. I need to figure out how in the hell I'm going to support myself and my mom, how I'm going to keep the farm...
Everyone keeps telling me I need to get my GED and go into a trade. In the end I might have to, even though the thought of spending money on a job I'm going to hate depresses me even further. I'm scared to go back to school.
Actually, I just looked up courses and I think (cross your fingers) I might go to NAIT to become a Vet Assistant. I was thinking about it and - I can do the assisting stuff, just don't ask me to cut open a dog and fiddle around with it's insides. So I might do that. Still need to upgrade my English and Math though. I need to go to NAIT and talk to a student advisor about it, and I don't want to do it alone but I know Mom will be too focused on Dad to go with me. I'm a bit nervous. They don't make that much money, but... I don't really know what else to do that I'll enjoy and make a decent wage at.
I guess I just have to focus and get shit done. I want someone to hold my hand though. I hate doing this shit by myself.