(no subject)
Ugh. I'm so tired. And sore. And head-achey. I've had this head for a few days now and it won't goddamn go away. And if I don't keep taking Advil or whatever it just escalates into a full blown migraine that makes me want to throw up and flinch at every small movement and sound. I took a few Advil only an hour or so ago and already I'm feeling it in my neck. I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing because it's pretty much the only time I get headaches and this is a doozy. I mean, stress is likely since I just quit my job and started a new one at a vet (which I'm not sure if I'm going to keep because I get paid a dollar less than what I do now and, lets just say that most of the work is vomit-inducing and sad. And also kind of really gross. Alive and rotting rodents, for example.) Just thinking about everything is tiring me out. I am so exhausted. I want to cry.
Why can't I find a job that I like without having to go to school? I mean, hell, I wouldn't mind these stupid jobs if they paid me a half decent wage. In fact, I might even like them but the fact that I put up with a lot of shit in either job and get paid peanuts for it pisses me off and it makes me hate the job. The Vet really wanted me (they called me, like, nine times before I got back to them), but what, they can't pay me what I'm worth? I have the experience and know-how. No wonder there's a high turn-over rate EVERYWHERE. No one pays their employees. It's no wonder all of the people I work with are high school students - they're the only one's who can live off the wages they make.
Granted, I live with my parents and I'm not in desperate need of income, but I will, eventually, have bills to pay. Car insurance, cell phone bill, and on top of all this, I want to move into my own place. Going to college doesn't even guarantee me a position anywhere, so I just don't see the point in it. I know mom desperately wants me to go, but the fact that there's no guarantee that I'll find a job I like that will benefit from my education and that I'm terrified of school period (which no one seems to understand. Especially mom.) doesn't make it worth it to me.
But I'm straying away from my original issue. The price of pretty much everything is going up. That's how the economy is. It's always been this way. So why the hell are the employers not catching up? At least my dad is smart and offering $20 an hour. It's warehouse work and nightshift. So for the shitty jobs I do, I should at least be getting $13.00. But what do I get? 9.50. And my job is harder than the one my dad does! Picking orders is easy. I'd take the job, except I can't run a palletjack because I'm afraid of the damn thing (last time I tried I almost broke my foot.) Even I know how to do the rest of the job.
It's so frustrating. When I applied at the vet, I was hoping to be a receptionist or something. I don't want to be an Assistant Technician. It's a fancy title for shit-picker-upper and dog-restrainer. Apparently it's good experience (that's what everyone keeps telling me, anyway.) You know what? When will I ever need to know how to make medical packs? When will I ever need to know how to fill needles with the proper medications that only vets use? (which, um, already knew how to do, thanks.) When will I ever need to know how to run bloodwork if I never actually plan on becoming a vet? And I know that if I quit, they'll all be disappointed in me because mom and dad are so proud that I've managed to become an Assistant Technician without actually going to school yeyz!
And they say that they're proud of me no matter what I do and that I've made such leaps and bounds in the past year and blah de blah fucking blah. It's all a bunch of bullshit. I'm not fucking blind. I saw how disappointed my father was when I quit my job without lining something else up. I saw how proud and excited they were when I was hired at the vet. And I saw how disappointed my mother was when I wasn't excited about the job. I don't need to be fucking psychic to know what they're thinking. It's written all over their faces.
And why is it that all I can think about is not disappointing them? Why am I such a coward? Why is it so hard for me to say no or just do something that I want to do for once?
Why can't I find a job that I like without having to go to school? I mean, hell, I wouldn't mind these stupid jobs if they paid me a half decent wage. In fact, I might even like them but the fact that I put up with a lot of shit in either job and get paid peanuts for it pisses me off and it makes me hate the job. The Vet really wanted me (they called me, like, nine times before I got back to them), but what, they can't pay me what I'm worth? I have the experience and know-how. No wonder there's a high turn-over rate EVERYWHERE. No one pays their employees. It's no wonder all of the people I work with are high school students - they're the only one's who can live off the wages they make.
Granted, I live with my parents and I'm not in desperate need of income, but I will, eventually, have bills to pay. Car insurance, cell phone bill, and on top of all this, I want to move into my own place. Going to college doesn't even guarantee me a position anywhere, so I just don't see the point in it. I know mom desperately wants me to go, but the fact that there's no guarantee that I'll find a job I like that will benefit from my education and that I'm terrified of school period (which no one seems to understand. Especially mom.) doesn't make it worth it to me.
But I'm straying away from my original issue. The price of pretty much everything is going up. That's how the economy is. It's always been this way. So why the hell are the employers not catching up? At least my dad is smart and offering $20 an hour. It's warehouse work and nightshift. So for the shitty jobs I do, I should at least be getting $13.00. But what do I get? 9.50. And my job is harder than the one my dad does! Picking orders is easy. I'd take the job, except I can't run a palletjack because I'm afraid of the damn thing (last time I tried I almost broke my foot.) Even I know how to do the rest of the job.
It's so frustrating. When I applied at the vet, I was hoping to be a receptionist or something. I don't want to be an Assistant Technician. It's a fancy title for shit-picker-upper and dog-restrainer. Apparently it's good experience (that's what everyone keeps telling me, anyway.) You know what? When will I ever need to know how to make medical packs? When will I ever need to know how to fill needles with the proper medications that only vets use? (which, um, already knew how to do, thanks.) When will I ever need to know how to run bloodwork if I never actually plan on becoming a vet? And I know that if I quit, they'll all be disappointed in me because mom and dad are so proud that I've managed to become an Assistant Technician without actually going to school yeyz!
And they say that they're proud of me no matter what I do and that I've made such leaps and bounds in the past year and blah de blah fucking blah. It's all a bunch of bullshit. I'm not fucking blind. I saw how disappointed my father was when I quit my job without lining something else up. I saw how proud and excited they were when I was hired at the vet. And I saw how disappointed my mother was when I wasn't excited about the job. I don't need to be fucking psychic to know what they're thinking. It's written all over their faces.
And why is it that all I can think about is not disappointing them? Why am I such a coward? Why is it so hard for me to say no or just do something that I want to do for once?