(no subject)
What a difference a year makes! I just went back and read some journal entries from around this time last year, and the distinctions were noticeable. It honestly sounded like I was happier, even though I was terribly depressed on practically a daily basis. I also sounded much more hopeful, idealistic, inspired, humanistic, etc. Like a better person.
Last year, I really didn't want to leave the people around me. This year, I wish it was the same way. Our community broke up, and although I still visited every once in awhile, it was hardly the same. I'll miss plenty of people, but it really won't have such a human impact on me.
I really don't quite know what's happened to me. I'm hard, harsh, jagged. At least, I feel that way. Last year, hell, last semester, I felt soft and peopled. The only two differences I can label: engineers leaving on co-op and me playing video games again. I think both are quite important, mood wise. Greg and Cheyanne leaving really gutted my social group, and even thinking of them reminds me of how much they meant when I had them. Don't know what you've got til it's gone, eh?
And the video games make me irritable and exasperated because I feel like I want to get back to playing all the time so I can escape again. And I don't really enjoy the ones I'm playing, it's just... not here.
Oh, and I guess my parents' divorce hasn't helped. But my dad's always been crazy, so I don't know why now's any different.
So a goal for the summer is to once again focus on self-improvement. To watch myself and work on being that hopeful idealist I once was.
I really need to change. Really. This anger is going to consume me.
Here's hoping.
Last year, I really didn't want to leave the people around me. This year, I wish it was the same way. Our community broke up, and although I still visited every once in awhile, it was hardly the same. I'll miss plenty of people, but it really won't have such a human impact on me.
I really don't quite know what's happened to me. I'm hard, harsh, jagged. At least, I feel that way. Last year, hell, last semester, I felt soft and peopled. The only two differences I can label: engineers leaving on co-op and me playing video games again. I think both are quite important, mood wise. Greg and Cheyanne leaving really gutted my social group, and even thinking of them reminds me of how much they meant when I had them. Don't know what you've got til it's gone, eh?
And the video games make me irritable and exasperated because I feel like I want to get back to playing all the time so I can escape again. And I don't really enjoy the ones I'm playing, it's just... not here.
Oh, and I guess my parents' divorce hasn't helped. But my dad's always been crazy, so I don't know why now's any different.
So a goal for the summer is to once again focus on self-improvement. To watch myself and work on being that hopeful idealist I once was.
I really need to change. Really. This anger is going to consume me.
Here's hoping.