(no subject)
Things become tricky when I begin to lose the distinction between rage and desire. When dissatisfaction and self-hate are one, and all I want to do is get myself eviscerated before I unleash upon someone else.
I wandered around a deserted Ag Campus, looking at all the brightly lit buildings for no one but the stars and electric companies. I went inside a deserted building and, like some sort of eco-vigilante started turning off every light switch I could find, until I found the open room with the vacuum in front and thoughts of vacancy vanished. What an honor, though, for an entire building to be lit, so much money more than a week's salary paid, for one janitor.
I left and went down, down toward the underbelly of the bridge, looking to get mugged, raped, violated in some way. Instead I heard a honk and found some geese and adolescent chicks, guardians and the guarded, pecking the ground before nestling together for sleep. A giant gray goose and lesser Canadian cohorts.
And that was enough. They feared me, I feared them, and it was enough. Masochistic in its uncertainty and isolation to appease my inner demons. Not to say I didn't ponder what the fall would be like from the bridge as I returned. But we all have our guilty pleasures.
I would say this sort of behavior isn't normal, but I would have no idea what the hell that means.
I wandered around a deserted Ag Campus, looking at all the brightly lit buildings for no one but the stars and electric companies. I went inside a deserted building and, like some sort of eco-vigilante started turning off every light switch I could find, until I found the open room with the vacuum in front and thoughts of vacancy vanished. What an honor, though, for an entire building to be lit, so much money more than a week's salary paid, for one janitor.
I left and went down, down toward the underbelly of the bridge, looking to get mugged, raped, violated in some way. Instead I heard a honk and found some geese and adolescent chicks, guardians and the guarded, pecking the ground before nestling together for sleep. A giant gray goose and lesser Canadian cohorts.
And that was enough. They feared me, I feared them, and it was enough. Masochistic in its uncertainty and isolation to appease my inner demons. Not to say I didn't ponder what the fall would be like from the bridge as I returned. But we all have our guilty pleasures.
I would say this sort of behavior isn't normal, but I would have no idea what the hell that means.