Round 2...
Well, after an absolutely pathetic 3-for-8 in last year's first round, I redeem myself by going 7-for-8 this year. Kneel before me! This was the roughest playoff round I can ever remember. I thought the playoffs weren't supposed to have as many fights and things. Shows what I know.
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Buffalo Sabres vs. #8 New York Islanders
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 5.
Actual result: Sabres in 5.
This was the easiest series to predict, even the number of games. Every ESPN analyst picked the Sabres in 5, too. I thought the Islanders acquitted themselves pretty well. They got Rick DiPietro back for Games 2-5. He was awesome, but his stellar play and matinee idol good looks weren't quite enough. The Sabres are DEEP. It's nice for me that I love them. Here's a sad Islander story: the Nassau Coliseum people took out the ice during the last weekend of the regular season because it was so unlikely that the Islanders were going to make the playoffs. They had to put the ice back in three days later.
#2 New Jersey Devils vs. #7 Tampa Bay Lightning
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6 (but I think I'm being generous).
Actual result: Devils in 6.
Thank you, but turns out I wasn't being generous. "I'm not worried." But I started worrying after Game 3, as the Lightning were actually up 2-1 in this series. But then the Devils won the next three games, because they are clearly superior. Vincent Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis each had a big series, but that was it for the Lightning. In Game 6 Tampa Bay had what Pierre McGuire called "an egregious turnover," which is funny if you like Britcoms. Nolan Pratt got in a fight with Jamie Langenbrunner. Nolan, you know I still love you, and your giant, faded picture still greets us as we enter Memorial Coliseum, but don't fuck with Jamie Langenbrunner.
#3 Atlanta Thrashers vs. #6 New York Rangers
Kiyo's pick: Rangers in 5.
Actual result: Rangers in 4.
Sweep! Yikes. I didn't think the Thrashers had a prayer, and I still overestimated their chances. Marcel Hossa came back from injury and played pretty well (on Jaromir Jagr's line!). "Marian Hossa (Marcel's older, more talented brother) had better have a huge series for the Thrashers to have a chance." He had the opposite of that. He got outplayed by his baby brother! I didn't see that coming. Although I should have, because Marian does not have a good playoff track record. Some analysts actually picked the Thrashers to win this series, which I could not understand. This one was so obvious! Something I didn't realize until they mentioned it during this series: the Rangers won their first playoff games and series in TEN YEARS (they got swept last year, the lockout was the year before that, and the Rangers missed the playoffs the seven seasons before that). Wow.
#4 Ottawa Senators vs. #5 Pittsburgh Penguins
Kiyo's pick: Senators in 6.
Actual result: Senators in 5.
There were some short series this round. The Senators really took the Penguins to school. This one made me sad because the Pens are fun. I think this was a good learning experience for them. I am really developing an intense dislike for the Senators. They're jerks. Their broadcasters are total homers, and Ottawans don't seem to like Europeans, which is oddly hypocritical, considering their Swedish captain.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #8 Calgary Flames
Kiyo's pick: Flames in 6.
Actual result: Red Wings in 6.
Gah! Stupid Flames. In my defence, er, defense, Calgary was missing the injured Robyn Regehr, who is my favorite Calgary Flame and their best defenseman (eat it, Dion Phaneuf). I still maintain that trading Andrew Ference irreparably harmed their team chemistry.
***
I have to pause here to tell a story. It's a sad tale--the tale of a poor, lonely soul just yearning to love and to be loved.
Several weeks ago, when winter's grip was loosening and the weather first started to warm, the songbirds returned to our neighborhood. They flew around yards and houses, looking for food and for mates. One of these birds, however, seems to have had some sort of crippling mental deficiency. It would repeatedly fly straight into our living room window. Again...and again...and again...and again...you get the idea. I had to admire the poor thing's persistence, but damn this was the stupidest bird I have ever seen in my life. Like the mythic Narcissus, it was in love with and transfixed by its own reflection. Unfortunately for the bird, you can't mate with a window. Not successfully, anyway.
We'd just be quietly reading the morning paper, and then BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! The only temporary fix was to run up to the window and scare it away, and I was the only one willing to embarrass myself like that. It never worked for long, anyway, because this bird was phenomenally stupid. It took a liking to my grandmother's bedroom window, too, and often woke her up when she was napping, poor lady. She's 90, y'all. She needs her sleep.
We'd close the shades, which worked, but then the house was too dark. So after a while we'd open up the shades again, and then...BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! This went on for a couple of weeks.
We finally resorted to a desperate measure. Remember when little stuffed animals with suction cups were all the rage? Well I still have my suction cup Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I stuck him up on the bird's favorite crashing window. We waited. Nothing. And then BAM! But that was it. We waited again. The next day BAM! and then nothing. More nothing. Was the bird gone? Had Donatello rattled the bird?
Days passed. A week. No stupid bird. Ah, sweet relief!
We left Donatello where he was. He was odd and out of place in the middle of that window, but if he was keeping that fecking bird away, we'd live with it.
Miraculously, Donatello stayed up through the end of the NHL regular season and well into the first round of the playoffs. All of a sudden, Sunday morning, a suction cup came loose. Then another. And then he was on the floor.
I firmly believe Donatello's demise on this date was a harbinger of things to come that night.
***
Sunday evening. Game 6, Red Wings at Calgary. Tied after regulation. Overtime! There's really nothing greater in sports than sudden death overtime. And isn't the Stanley Cup cool? Anyway, we were happily enjoying overtime, the period was about halfway over, and then...blackness. I almost just also added "silence" except it wasn't silent because I let out a bloodcurdling "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh, man, this was excruciating torture. We all sat there for a few minutes hoping the power would come back on, but no such luck. There wasn't a storm, so we knew this was bad. We got out the candles and flashlights and naively said things like, "Maybe it'll go to double overtime." When another hour passed we said, "Maybe it'll go to triple overtime." God it was sad.
As it turns out, 5,000 people were out of power that night in Gresham, Damascus and, yes, Happy Valley. Some assface crashed a stolen car into a PGE power pole. He was not apprehended. I'm suddenly in favor of the death penalty. The sudden death penalty, hahahahaha, I'm really crying inside.
PGE finally got the power back on at 2:00am, at which time all the downstairs lights came on, and the television started blaring. I stumbled downstairs to turn everything off, disoriented, with paid programming on Versus talking about prostates or something. Maybe it was just a nightmare.
And Johan Franzen of the Red Wings scored in double overtime. They didn't even show the handshake line on SportsCenter, the pricks. Barry Melrose, how can you allow such tomfoolery?
***
Anywho. Clap once if you're still with me. In their four wins, the Wings badly outshot the Flames (46-20, 51-15 ,38-24,and 55-21) and they had a massive edge in face-offs won. That is seriously pathetic for the Flames.
#2 Anaheim Ducks vs. #7 Minnesota Wild
Kiyo's pick: Ducks in 6.
Actual result: Ducks in 5.
I for real just typed "Dicks in 5." haha, I totally just lost my train of thought. I can't even remember this series anymore, it was over so long ago.
#3 Vancouver Canucks vs. #6 Dallas Stars
Kiyo's pick: Canucks in 6.
Actual result: Canucks in 7.
The only seven-game series in the first round. The Canucks were up 3-1 in the series, but the Stars forced a Game 7. The Canucks had some injuries, so they called up ex-Hawk Jannik Hansen of Denmark, and he was great! Josh Green also came back from injury. So did Eric Lindros, BARF. Brendan Morrow, ex-Hawk and Dallas captain, took a slash in the foot in Game 6. Brendan got up and hopped on one foot over to the benches. It was really impressive. He stopped at the Vancouver bench and got into a tussle with the guy who slashed him before leaving the ice. That guy is something else. Pretty, pretty Taylor Pyatt took two pucks to the face in this series. With a face like that, he needs to be wearing a visor. During one of the four overtime periods in Game 1, the Vancouver arena people played "Old Time Rock and Roll," a song that still makes me shutter. During the handshake line, I noticed Dallas backup goalie Mike Smith wearing a "Git R Done" hat, which made me want to punch him.
#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
Kiyo's pick: Sharks in 7.
Actual result: Sharks in 5.
Reveal the Teal! I'm gonna have to whip out my old 1994 Sharks playoff t-shirt. This may have been the roughest series, Calgary/Detroit Game 5 notwithstanding. "If Patrick Marleau and/or Joe Thornton have a big series, this could be over quickly." Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. I think Peter Forsberg has lost his playoff magic. Paul Kariya was largely useless. The Sharks have a defenseman named Marc-Edouard Vlasic, and they call him Pickles. Scott Nichol, easily my least favorite ex-Hawk, picked up a major for spearing in Game 5, got tossed from the game, and ruined any chance the Predators had of winning that game. Ass.
Overtime winner game, first round: out of the plethora of overtime games, we only got one--my mom, Brendan Morrow for Dallas, Game 5.
All in all, a very entertaining first round. I enjoyed myself. My round two predictions (keeping in mind that I was much more confident about my first round picks than I am about these second round picks):
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Buffalo Sabres vs. #6 New York Rangers
Okay, Rangers, that first round was cute, but enough is enough. Both of these teams have had a long layoff, so they may both be a bit rusty. They both have great goalies, but the Sabres are the better overall team. They are deep, all four lines and all six defenseman. I'm hoping to see Paul Gaustad this round. Much as I love Petr Prucha, Jed Ortmeyer, and Marcel Hossa, I can't root for the Rangers here. I do so love the Sabres.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 6.
#2 New Jersey Devils vs. #4 Ottawa Senators
Ew. I don't like this. I am scared for the Devils. Their saving grace may be the longer layoff the Sens have had, after they steamrolled the Penguins. The Devils had more adversity in the first round, and that could be really beneficial. But the Senators looked really sharp in that first round, the Devils weren't exactly awesome, and I am scared here. I was happy to see Scott Gomez get an overtime goal. This should be interesting. I hate Mike Comrie. This is painful for me, but...
Kiyo's pick: Senators in 7 (ugh).
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
Okay, for real, I said this last time, but the Wings aren't as good as their #1 seed indicates. They are vulnerable, particularly since Tomas Holmstrom might be out after Craig Conroy put his stick in Holmstrom's eye. Visor, fool! The Sharks looked awfully good against Nashville, despite Patrick Marleau not growing a playoff beard, AGAIN. What is his problem.
Kiyo's pick: Sharks in 6.
#2 Anaheim Ducks vs. #3 Vancouver Canucks
Oooh...this one could be fun. Hmm. I have no idea. Taylor Pyatt, stop getting hit in the face!
Kiyo's pick: Ducks in 7.
ex-Winter Hawks eliminated this round: Richard Zednik, New York Islanders; Nolan Pratt, Tampa Bay Lightning; Marian Hossa, Atlanta Thrashers; Scott Nichol, Brent Peterson [assistant coach] Nashville Predators; Brendan Morrow, Dallas Stars; Jim Playfair [head coach], Calgary Flames.
ex-Winter Hawks still remaining: Paul Guastad [injured], Buffalo Sabres; Jason Wiemer [injured], New Jersey Devils; Marcel Hossa, Brad Isbister, New York Rangers; Josh Green, Jannik Hansen, Vancouver Canucks.
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Buffalo Sabres vs. #8 New York Islanders
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 5.
Actual result: Sabres in 5.
This was the easiest series to predict, even the number of games. Every ESPN analyst picked the Sabres in 5, too. I thought the Islanders acquitted themselves pretty well. They got Rick DiPietro back for Games 2-5. He was awesome, but his stellar play and matinee idol good looks weren't quite enough. The Sabres are DEEP. It's nice for me that I love them. Here's a sad Islander story: the Nassau Coliseum people took out the ice during the last weekend of the regular season because it was so unlikely that the Islanders were going to make the playoffs. They had to put the ice back in three days later.
#2 New Jersey Devils vs. #7 Tampa Bay Lightning
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6 (but I think I'm being generous).
Actual result: Devils in 6.
Thank you, but turns out I wasn't being generous. "I'm not worried." But I started worrying after Game 3, as the Lightning were actually up 2-1 in this series. But then the Devils won the next three games, because they are clearly superior. Vincent Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis each had a big series, but that was it for the Lightning. In Game 6 Tampa Bay had what Pierre McGuire called "an egregious turnover," which is funny if you like Britcoms. Nolan Pratt got in a fight with Jamie Langenbrunner. Nolan, you know I still love you, and your giant, faded picture still greets us as we enter Memorial Coliseum, but don't fuck with Jamie Langenbrunner.
#3 Atlanta Thrashers vs. #6 New York Rangers
Kiyo's pick: Rangers in 5.
Actual result: Rangers in 4.
Sweep! Yikes. I didn't think the Thrashers had a prayer, and I still overestimated their chances. Marcel Hossa came back from injury and played pretty well (on Jaromir Jagr's line!). "Marian Hossa (Marcel's older, more talented brother) had better have a huge series for the Thrashers to have a chance." He had the opposite of that. He got outplayed by his baby brother! I didn't see that coming. Although I should have, because Marian does not have a good playoff track record. Some analysts actually picked the Thrashers to win this series, which I could not understand. This one was so obvious! Something I didn't realize until they mentioned it during this series: the Rangers won their first playoff games and series in TEN YEARS (they got swept last year, the lockout was the year before that, and the Rangers missed the playoffs the seven seasons before that). Wow.
#4 Ottawa Senators vs. #5 Pittsburgh Penguins
Kiyo's pick: Senators in 6.
Actual result: Senators in 5.
There were some short series this round. The Senators really took the Penguins to school. This one made me sad because the Pens are fun. I think this was a good learning experience for them. I am really developing an intense dislike for the Senators. They're jerks. Their broadcasters are total homers, and Ottawans don't seem to like Europeans, which is oddly hypocritical, considering their Swedish captain.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #8 Calgary Flames
Kiyo's pick: Flames in 6.
Actual result: Red Wings in 6.
Gah! Stupid Flames. In my defence, er, defense, Calgary was missing the injured Robyn Regehr, who is my favorite Calgary Flame and their best defenseman (eat it, Dion Phaneuf). I still maintain that trading Andrew Ference irreparably harmed their team chemistry.
***
I have to pause here to tell a story. It's a sad tale--the tale of a poor, lonely soul just yearning to love and to be loved.
Several weeks ago, when winter's grip was loosening and the weather first started to warm, the songbirds returned to our neighborhood. They flew around yards and houses, looking for food and for mates. One of these birds, however, seems to have had some sort of crippling mental deficiency. It would repeatedly fly straight into our living room window. Again...and again...and again...and again...you get the idea. I had to admire the poor thing's persistence, but damn this was the stupidest bird I have ever seen in my life. Like the mythic Narcissus, it was in love with and transfixed by its own reflection. Unfortunately for the bird, you can't mate with a window. Not successfully, anyway.
We'd just be quietly reading the morning paper, and then BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! The only temporary fix was to run up to the window and scare it away, and I was the only one willing to embarrass myself like that. It never worked for long, anyway, because this bird was phenomenally stupid. It took a liking to my grandmother's bedroom window, too, and often woke her up when she was napping, poor lady. She's 90, y'all. She needs her sleep.
We'd close the shades, which worked, but then the house was too dark. So after a while we'd open up the shades again, and then...BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! This went on for a couple of weeks.
We finally resorted to a desperate measure. Remember when little stuffed animals with suction cups were all the rage? Well I still have my suction cup Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I stuck him up on the bird's favorite crashing window. We waited. Nothing. And then BAM! But that was it. We waited again. The next day BAM! and then nothing. More nothing. Was the bird gone? Had Donatello rattled the bird?
Days passed. A week. No stupid bird. Ah, sweet relief!
We left Donatello where he was. He was odd and out of place in the middle of that window, but if he was keeping that fecking bird away, we'd live with it.
Miraculously, Donatello stayed up through the end of the NHL regular season and well into the first round of the playoffs. All of a sudden, Sunday morning, a suction cup came loose. Then another. And then he was on the floor.
I firmly believe Donatello's demise on this date was a harbinger of things to come that night.
***
Sunday evening. Game 6, Red Wings at Calgary. Tied after regulation. Overtime! There's really nothing greater in sports than sudden death overtime. And isn't the Stanley Cup cool? Anyway, we were happily enjoying overtime, the period was about halfway over, and then...blackness. I almost just also added "silence" except it wasn't silent because I let out a bloodcurdling "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh, man, this was excruciating torture. We all sat there for a few minutes hoping the power would come back on, but no such luck. There wasn't a storm, so we knew this was bad. We got out the candles and flashlights and naively said things like, "Maybe it'll go to double overtime." When another hour passed we said, "Maybe it'll go to triple overtime." God it was sad.
As it turns out, 5,000 people were out of power that night in Gresham, Damascus and, yes, Happy Valley. Some assface crashed a stolen car into a PGE power pole. He was not apprehended. I'm suddenly in favor of the death penalty. The sudden death penalty, hahahahaha, I'm really crying inside.
PGE finally got the power back on at 2:00am, at which time all the downstairs lights came on, and the television started blaring. I stumbled downstairs to turn everything off, disoriented, with paid programming on Versus talking about prostates or something. Maybe it was just a nightmare.
And Johan Franzen of the Red Wings scored in double overtime. They didn't even show the handshake line on SportsCenter, the pricks. Barry Melrose, how can you allow such tomfoolery?
***
Anywho. Clap once if you're still with me. In their four wins, the Wings badly outshot the Flames (46-20, 51-15 ,38-24,and 55-21) and they had a massive edge in face-offs won. That is seriously pathetic for the Flames.
#2 Anaheim Ducks vs. #7 Minnesota Wild
Kiyo's pick: Ducks in 6.
Actual result: Ducks in 5.
I for real just typed "Dicks in 5." haha, I totally just lost my train of thought. I can't even remember this series anymore, it was over so long ago.
#3 Vancouver Canucks vs. #6 Dallas Stars
Kiyo's pick: Canucks in 6.
Actual result: Canucks in 7.
The only seven-game series in the first round. The Canucks were up 3-1 in the series, but the Stars forced a Game 7. The Canucks had some injuries, so they called up ex-Hawk Jannik Hansen of Denmark, and he was great! Josh Green also came back from injury. So did Eric Lindros, BARF. Brendan Morrow, ex-Hawk and Dallas captain, took a slash in the foot in Game 6. Brendan got up and hopped on one foot over to the benches. It was really impressive. He stopped at the Vancouver bench and got into a tussle with the guy who slashed him before leaving the ice. That guy is something else. Pretty, pretty Taylor Pyatt took two pucks to the face in this series. With a face like that, he needs to be wearing a visor. During one of the four overtime periods in Game 1, the Vancouver arena people played "Old Time Rock and Roll," a song that still makes me shutter. During the handshake line, I noticed Dallas backup goalie Mike Smith wearing a "Git R Done" hat, which made me want to punch him.
#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
Kiyo's pick: Sharks in 7.
Actual result: Sharks in 5.
Reveal the Teal! I'm gonna have to whip out my old 1994 Sharks playoff t-shirt. This may have been the roughest series, Calgary/Detroit Game 5 notwithstanding. "If Patrick Marleau and/or Joe Thornton have a big series, this could be over quickly." Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. I think Peter Forsberg has lost his playoff magic. Paul Kariya was largely useless. The Sharks have a defenseman named Marc-Edouard Vlasic, and they call him Pickles. Scott Nichol, easily my least favorite ex-Hawk, picked up a major for spearing in Game 5, got tossed from the game, and ruined any chance the Predators had of winning that game. Ass.
Overtime winner game, first round: out of the plethora of overtime games, we only got one--my mom, Brendan Morrow for Dallas, Game 5.
All in all, a very entertaining first round. I enjoyed myself. My round two predictions (keeping in mind that I was much more confident about my first round picks than I am about these second round picks):
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Buffalo Sabres vs. #6 New York Rangers
Okay, Rangers, that first round was cute, but enough is enough. Both of these teams have had a long layoff, so they may both be a bit rusty. They both have great goalies, but the Sabres are the better overall team. They are deep, all four lines and all six defenseman. I'm hoping to see Paul Gaustad this round. Much as I love Petr Prucha, Jed Ortmeyer, and Marcel Hossa, I can't root for the Rangers here. I do so love the Sabres.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 6.
#2 New Jersey Devils vs. #4 Ottawa Senators
Ew. I don't like this. I am scared for the Devils. Their saving grace may be the longer layoff the Sens have had, after they steamrolled the Penguins. The Devils had more adversity in the first round, and that could be really beneficial. But the Senators looked really sharp in that first round, the Devils weren't exactly awesome, and I am scared here. I was happy to see Scott Gomez get an overtime goal. This should be interesting. I hate Mike Comrie. This is painful for me, but...
Kiyo's pick: Senators in 7 (ugh).
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
Okay, for real, I said this last time, but the Wings aren't as good as their #1 seed indicates. They are vulnerable, particularly since Tomas Holmstrom might be out after Craig Conroy put his stick in Holmstrom's eye. Visor, fool! The Sharks looked awfully good against Nashville, despite Patrick Marleau not growing a playoff beard, AGAIN. What is his problem.
Kiyo's pick: Sharks in 6.
#2 Anaheim Ducks vs. #3 Vancouver Canucks
Oooh...this one could be fun. Hmm. I have no idea. Taylor Pyatt, stop getting hit in the face!
Kiyo's pick: Ducks in 7.
ex-Winter Hawks eliminated this round: Richard Zednik, New York Islanders; Nolan Pratt, Tampa Bay Lightning; Marian Hossa, Atlanta Thrashers; Scott Nichol, Brent Peterson [assistant coach] Nashville Predators; Brendan Morrow, Dallas Stars; Jim Playfair [head coach], Calgary Flames.
ex-Winter Hawks still remaining: Paul Guastad [injured], Buffalo Sabres; Jason Wiemer [injured], New Jersey Devils; Marcel Hossa, Brad Isbister, New York Rangers; Josh Green, Jannik Hansen, Vancouver Canucks.