playoff time...on VERSUS! hee

Apr 12, 2007 01:24

Another year, another spring holed up in the house watching hockey. I've been very delinquent on my LJ lately, but here's the season in review (the really important stuff, like arena music and tv commercials):

- very little Cotton-Eye Joe heard in the arenas this year. Oddly, though, I kind of missed it. Oh god, I'm losing it.

- VERSUS (formerly OLN): they're getting better, but still pretty annoying, especially the studio guys, who will not stop laughing at their own stupid unfunny jokes every single freaking week. Please please just shut up! VERSUS does, however, show just about every game in high def, which is smart (and very clear...so many pixels!). And their name is in all caps, so they are clearly cutting edge.

- I am a total Pierre McGuire fangirl.

- two ex-Winter Hawk captains (Paul Gaustad of the Sabres and Brendan Morrow of the Stars) missed a ton of games due to tendons being sliced by skates. Ouch. And gross. Brendan came back towards the end of the season, but Paulie was supposed to be out for the season and playoffs. HOWEVER, during the last NBC telecast of the season, they said that Paulie is likely for the second round, and I screamed kind of a lot. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!

- the Islanders. What. The. Hell. I found them strangely compelling to watch this year after the Neil Smith/Garth Snow debacle and that bizarre 15-year Rick DiPietro contract. They were pretty sketchy at the beginning of the season, but they started to pull it together. And backup goalie-turned-GM Garth Snow made some shrewd trades, culminating in the Ryan Smyth deal, a complete coup for the Islanders. Plus, Ted Nolan is a good coach. They were easily going to make the playoffs, but then Chris Simon tried to break Ryan Hollweg, and Ricky got a concussion. So they fell out of the playoffs, were clearly done for, and then the Canadiens blew their last two games and the Islanders won their last four games, and voila! the Isles are in the playoffs. Unbelievable.

- speaking of Ryan Smyth, we were watching an Oiler broadcast on Hockey Night in Canada about a week before the trading deadline, and they were interviewing the tiniest, cutest little Oiler fan I've ever seen. This kid was 3 or 4, and they asked him who his favorite player was. The kid says in the most sickeningly adorable voice, "Wyan Smyff" and I wanted to die from the cuteness. And then Kevin Lowe went and traded Ryan Smyth! That poor kid. Kevin Lowe is dumb.

- the Flyers SUCKED. Oh my god what a great year for me. The Flyers were so bad, I almost pitied them. Almost. They started to play well after the trading deadline, when they picked up Martin Biron and Braydon Coburn. They will make the playoffs next year. Even though they have a couple of players I adore now, I still cannot root for that team. Poo. The really sad part of this season is that although the Flyers had by far the worst record the league, they still lost the draft lottery to the Blackhawks. hee

- and while I'm on the subject of the Flyers sucking, they really hit rock bottom after being COMPLETELY HUMILIATED by the Sabres in last year's playoffs. From last year: "Sabres, are you trying to supplant the Devils here as the objects of my most fervent affection? Because it might just work." Yeah, the Sabres pretty much became my favorite team in the league after that display, so this was a really fun year. They are a great team to watch, and they score tons and tons of goals. I still root for Taylor Pyatt, J.P. Dumont and Rory Fitzpatrick, all now ex-Sabres. Also Marty Biron, ironically now with the Flyers.

- the NHL finally got a good ad campaign that does not involve greasy faux-warriors. There's this fairly priceless commercial filmed during the All-Star break that features a bunch of players, including a pillow fight with two Staal brothers, Joe Thornton stuffing his face with hotel chocolates, and goalies being generally adorable. Also, Ovechkin and Crosby, which...duh! NHL, why weren't you always featuring these guys?! Morons. There's another commercial that features two Tampa Bay players, and I confess to being totally charmed by Vincent Lecavalier's bare feet.

- Jeff Cowan of the Canucks was so popular with the fans this year that (I've never seen this before) some ladies threw their brassieres on the ice at him. ha!

- Luc Robitaille had the sweetest retirement ceremony this year when the Kings retired his number. I was crying. A lot. One reason I like Luc is that his trophy wife is actually interesting.

- Jim Playfair is, I think, the first ex-Winter Hawk to be head coach in the NHL (Calgary Flames). He had been an assistant with Calgary before this season. I commented early in the season that he still dressed like an assistant coach, but a few weeks after that he started wearing some nice suits. Maybe he was on some What Not to Wear Episode that I missed, because he looks sharp now.

- Alexander Ovechkin boarded Sabre co-captain Daniel Briere in a very reckless play, but was not suspended. The next time they played, Danny sticked Alex in the crotch. ha!

Enough of that. On to the playoffs...

My early-season Stanley Cup Final prediction:
Buffalo Sabres vs. Anaheim Ducks

This could still happen, but the Ducks would need some help, like the Sharks, Red Wings, Predators, Canucks, Stars, Wild, and Flames to all choke. The Western Conference is crazy talented this year. I still like the Sabres to win the East. The Devils are good, too.

Interestingly, neither finalist from last year made the playoffs this year. I think I heard that that is a first. I don't actually feel bad for either team.

Delightfully, this year's playoffs will not be marred by the presence of the Philadelphia Flyers, nor of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

No shootouts in the playoffs! I'm looking at teams that got a lot of their points from shootout victories to falter: Dallas, Minnesota, Nashville. Conversely, teams that did poorly in shootouts could do well. Anaheim, maybe?

[I'm posting this late, I know. As I'm editing this, on the first day of the playoffs, there has already been a two-overtime game and a freaking four-overtime game. Slow down, we're just getting started here!

And John Vanbiesbrouck is doing color commentary for the four-overtime game on VERSUS...how lovely for him that he's been able to get work on national television after being exposed as a total racist.]

And now, my 2007 Stanley Cup playoff predictions:

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

#1 Buffalo Sabres vs. #8 New York Islanders
I became an Islanders fan a few years ago when they had three ex-Winter Hawks on their roster (Dave Scatchard, Jason Weimer, and Brad Isbister). They now have just one (Richard Zednik), and yet I still like them. Why? I can't quite explain it, but Rick DiPietro won me over somewhere in there. He's an excellent and hot goalie, but he's out with a concussion, so Wade Dubielewicz (I know!) managed to get the Isles into the playoffs, miraculously. The Islanders jumped over the Canadiens and the Leafs on the last day of the season to make it into the playoffs. They beat the Devils in a shootout, and I cannot even express how loudly I screamed and how high I jumped when Dubie made that last save on Sergei Brylin. Oh my god. I kind of love Dubie because he's the anti-DiPietro: Ricky is beautiful, tall, and a bit of a dick. Dubie is short, homely, and a sweetheart. The Sabres will crush him. It's a good thing I love them.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 5.

#2 New Jersey Devils vs. #7 Tampa Bay Lightning
The Lightning won the season series 3-1, but the Devils are better and they have Martin Brodeur, the best goalie ever (shut up, Patrick Roy). The Lightning's goaltending is so poor that they're longing for the days of Darren Puppa. That guy had a funny name. And the Devils are finally healthy, with Brian Gionta, Patrik Elias, Scott Gomez, John Madden and Richard Matvichuk all back. I'm not worried.
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6 (but I think I'm being generous).

#3 Atlanta Thrashers vs. #6 New York Rangers
1. I am mad at the Thrashers for trading ex-Winter Hawk captain Braydon Coburn to the fucking Flyers, where he ended the season paired with Derian Hatcher, playing very aggressively and skating beautifully. The Thrashers obviously did not realize how NHL-ready Braydon already was and hindered his progress. Stupid fucks. 2. Somewhere, somehow, the Rangers won me over again. No, not somehow. It was Jed Ortmeyer. LOVE this guy. Jed missed the first three months of the season recovering from a pulmonary embolism, and Rangers' fans dearly missed him. He's one of those all-heart players. I love him. His name is Jed! I saw an interview with him after he came back, and they were asking him about getting sick, and Jed was explaining how he hadn't been feeling all that well, very tired, and one afternoon he laid down and didn't get up for like 12 hours. But, he didn't see the need to seek medical attention until he started coughing up CHUNKS OF BLOOD (his words). Yes, fucking CHUNKS of blood. I am seriously questioning the quality of education that students receive at the University of Michigan, because that institution saw fit to give Jed Ortmeyer a diploma. Wow. 3. Ex-Winter Hawk Marcel Hossa is still out (sniff). 4. The Thrashers have some shitty, shitty special teams, which will really hurt in the playoffs. I predicted three months ago that their poor special teams will cause them to lose early in the playoffs. We'll see if I was right! 5. Ex-Winter Hawk Marian Hossa (Marcel's older, more talented brother) had better have a huge series for the Thrashers to have a chance.
Kiyo's pick: Rangers in 5.

Edit: Looks like Marcel Hossa is back! That means that Brad Isbister is out of their lineup, but oh well.

#4 Ottawa Senators vs. #5 Pittsburgh Penguins
I love that the Penguins did so well this year, and that they're keeping their team in Pittsburgh. Sidney Crosby is amazing, but he has only one goal in 7 career games against Ottawa. If the Senators shut him down, they will win pretty easily. But I still don't think this is their year. Also, Senators fans annoy me.
Kiyo's pick: Senators in 6.

WESTERN CONFERENCE:

#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #8 Calgary Flames
The Flames beat the Red Wings a few years ago in the playoffs, leading to the headline "Wings Experience Burning Sensation." The Flames always inspire the loveliest imagery. I thought the Flames weren't going to do anything in the playoffs after they traded Andy Ference. I am still so mad at the Flames for that. I still love them, but I'm mad. Losing Andy really changed the team's chemistry because he's such a strong personality. Also, hot. It is no coincidence that the Flames went on a lengthy losing streak after that trade. But they got it together towards the end of the season, and I think they'll do well, despite limping into the playoffs the way they did. The Red Wings had the best record in the conference, but they played in a division with the Blue Jackets, Blackhawks, and Blues--three pretty poor teams. They have no Steve Yzerman and no Brendan Shanahan. The Wings record is inflated, and they are not as good as they appear. If Henrik Zetterberg is still injured, they are even worse. VERSUS is really promoting the Red Wings, so they are boned if the Wings lose in the first round again this year.
Kiyo's pick: Flames in 6.

#2 Anaheim Ducks vs. #7 Minnesota Wild
Quack...Quack...Quack. I still quack at their games, even though they're no longer mighty. The Ducks have this guy named George Parros, and he has the grossest pornstache. They also have a guy named Huskins, and I laugh whenever he gets the puck. And then I call him Porkins and laugh some more, because I am a dork. I don't really like the Ducks, but I do love their captain, Scott Niedermayer. Watching him play for Anaheim, I realize just how much the Devils' system stifled him all those years. I love the Devils, but Nieds won three Stanley Cups with them, and I can't blame him for leaving. He is a beautiful skater and absolutely controls every Duck power play. He is tantalizing. If they get the goaltending, the Ducks will take this series. Flying V! God, that never gets old for me. Minnesota is boring.
Kiyo's pick: Ducks in 6.

#3 Vancouver Canucks vs. #6 Dallas Stars
Taylor Pyatt is so, so pretty. I watch Canucks games and I forget everything that's happening when Pyatt comes on the screen. Um. The Stars will focus on shutting down the Sedin twins, and Markus Naslund and Brendan Morrison will have a big series. That's what will have happened if the Canucks win, anyway. This series will be an interesting goalie matchup between MVP-nominee Roberto Luongo, who has never played in the playoffs before, and perenial playoff underachiever Marty Turco. Ex-Winter Hawk captain and current Star captain Brendan Morrow is back, but he's playing on a line with the loathesome Mike Ribeiro. Barf.
Kiyo's pick: Canucks in 6.

#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
Nashville had the third-best record in the league, but they play in the same division as the Red Wings, and they got a lot of points playing crappy teams 8 times. They're not as strong as their record. These two teams played last year, the Sharks won in 5, and Sharks captain Patrick Marleau just crushed the Preds. If he and/or Joe Thornton have a big series, this could be over quickly. BUT the Predators now have the best playoff performer in the league in Peter Forsberg, as well as hapa Paul Kariya, Jason Arnott, and J.P. Dumont. They are better than last year's team, even without Steve Sullivan. But Marleau had better grow a playoff beard this year or I'm gonna be pissed.
Kiyo's pick: Sharks in 7.

ex-Winter Hawks in the playoffs: Paul Guastad [injured], Buffalo Sabres; Richard Zednik, New York Islanders. Jason Wiemer [injured], New Jersey Devils; Nolan Pratt, Tampa Bay Lightning; Marian Hossa, Atlanta Thrashers; Marcel Hossa, Brad Isbister, New York Rangers; Josh Green [injured], Vancouver Canucks; Scott Nichol, Brent Peterson [assistant coach] Nashville Predators; Brendan Morrow, Dallas Stars; Jim Playfair [head coach], Calgary Flames.

go hawks go, hockey, d!p!, playoffs, geek, sigh...i like the rangers again, 2007 playoffs, i hate the flyers, please put the nhl on a real channel, andrew ference is a god

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