casual dating vs. serious relationships.
casual dating: here we're introduced to a lifestyle that requires no real commitment, no bonds, and no ties. in this sense, you're free. you have no significant other to answer to, and can openly interact with any person you wish without feeling a shred of guilt. you're left with the complete freedom to date whomever you want, whenever you want, for how ever long you want. let's not stop there. the single life does not condemn you to put on your best fit, round up your entourage, and crash the hottest bars around with the intent on snatching up a few numbers and maybe a few kisses. in a nutshell, men are basically free to play the field and whistle at pretty women, while willingly females can sport a low-cut dress and shoot looks to kill. bow chica wow ow.
on the other side of the spectrum exists a completely different lifestyle. when you commit to an exclusive and monogamous relationship, you're surrendering the right to be able to see other people, go out worry free, and leave your myspace comment approval set to off. you're left with someone to answer to. someone to give you shit for hanging out with your friends too much or staying out too late or drinking too much. someone that, if not selected wisely, will become a monkey on your back. shit be funky, that's a fact.
see what i just did there? right off the bat, i made the fast life look so much better than settling down with someone. mostly because the single life is what i've grown to know so well. but to prove my validation of experience, i HAVE done the whole serious relationship deal before , so i have a real basis of comparison. however, for the sake of not sounding biased, i will continue with some of the perks of a serious relationship, and some of the bad in casual dating. read on, eager eyes.
so if the single life is more fun than top gun at great america, why give it up? if you're young and attractive, why settle down?
playing the field is all cool n' the gang at first, but being single for too long can often lead to a feeling of void. emptiness. loneliness. even if you're lucky enough to possess the charisma of juggling more than one person, what you put in is only what you get in return, which in most cases is nothing more than a light-hearted relationship lacking any depth or emotional investment. don't get me wrong, flings and casual relationships can be fun...but where does it go if not in circles? the person on the receiving end will only stay around for so long until they realize they're stuck on a ferris wheel, which they will most likely jump off of to find a person that will pay more attention to them. and believe me, they will find that person. and then you're back to where you started. or even worse, kneeling at the side of your bed praying "i wish people would be more patient."
some people find themselves stuck in casual dating mode, scared to open up and give anyone an honest effort. personally, i've let some pretty amazing people go when i felt things were getting too serious. we sometimes get the urge to repel when any real commitment comes into the picture. why? because there lies a point in casual dating where we're finally required to let our guard down. this is difficult for a lot of us because taking that step to opening up requires you to confide your feelings in that person, thus making you vulnerable, to one degree or another. and vulnerability makes it easy for you to get hurt. and knowing that is unsettling. this is why some of us feel the need to keep things simple. our hearts aren't on the line.
"unwrap your heart for me. cause mint condition just means that you haven't been living..."
everything about the quote above strikes true. it took me years to finally become comfortable with allowing myself to get hurt. to break down that wall and entrust somebody with my feelings. because everything before that point, i had the idea burnt in my head that all relationships lead to heartbreak or failure. i'd say "who honestly ends up marrying their first significant other?" of course there's an exception to every rule, but you get my point. i felt there was no need to jump in a relationship knowing damn well that it would end up in a huge blow out of some sort. so why bother? but when someone gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach, it can't be ignored. and i finally understood that its something i had to experience. it's a part of living. besides, "a scar is just a battle wound that tells the tale of earlier days."
so i gave it the ol college try, threw some caution to the wind, and walked down that unfamiliar road. this is when i discovered how much i was missing out on. a great opening to this section i will call "the perks of being in a serious relationship."
let's not be coy...i'll go ahead and bring up the most obvious perk. the steady amount of sex. having a boyfriend/girlfriend entitles you to as much sex as you like, anytime and anywhere. unless you're dating someone lame, then you have my pity. but let's assume you're dating someone, for lack of a better term, totally rad. you're entitled to all kinds of bedroom adventures, experiences, and fantasies consistently! and the next morning, you get to do it again. the dressing room at levi's. sure, why not? in the car outside of a park, let's go! like billy idol said "rock the cradle of love!"
aside from the sex, when you start dating someone, that person becomes someone you can turn to for anything. and i do mean anything. help with school, the stress behind working too hard, shopping for an apartment or car. they're someone you can turn to. almost like a new best friend. and having that safety net is a great feeling. someone there you can always call while you wait in the huge line at the dmv, someone to drag along to concerts, someone to get fat with. succumbing to an exclusive relationship grants you a new partner in crime. and hey, if he/she is cute, you get to show them off in public. yet another great feeling.
but suddenly cabin fever kicks in and you're starting to get a dose of their character flaws that you missed during the 'honeymoon' stage of the relationship. true colors start to show and you stop getting along so well. the fighting starts. the tears. the stress. "who's that girl leaving you image comments!" "where were you last night?!? who was there?!?" hair pulling stress. so the shit hits the fan one too many times and things are off. let's fast foward through the ugly post-relationship period and get to being back on the market again.
it's a vicious cycle we all have to, or should, experience at least once in our lives. because learning from that first relationship you went through will only better assess your next one. you learn the error of your ways the first time around and apply what you know next time around. thus, although fresh out of the gate you're inundated with regret, you eventually feel blessed. if given enough time, you can look back and see the good that overshadowed the bad. you can recall that one moment when things were gold and realize there's not one thing you regret about it. sure there were fights. they exist in all healthy relationships. but you should never forget the phone calls at 4.a.m. blowing a whole weekend indoors watching real world marathons and cooking up all kinds of food. the dinner dates. the inside jokes. the mixes. it was all a learning experience that i wouldn't take back.
so now i'm left with the unanswered question. which do i prefer personally? keeping things simple or partaking in a monogamous relationship? well, if you know anything about me, you can guess that my vote goes to the single life. but for the first time in awhile, serious relationships may be putting up a little fight.
we shall see.
-jem
p.s. people always say "stop looking and you'll find what you're searching for." i suggest you do the same.
on the other side of the spectrum exists a completely different lifestyle. when you commit to an exclusive and monogamous relationship, you're surrendering the right to be able to see other people, go out worry free, and leave your myspace comment approval set to off. you're left with someone to answer to. someone to give you shit for hanging out with your friends too much or staying out too late or drinking too much. someone that, if not selected wisely, will become a monkey on your back. shit be funky, that's a fact.
see what i just did there? right off the bat, i made the fast life look so much better than settling down with someone. mostly because the single life is what i've grown to know so well. but to prove my validation of experience, i HAVE done the whole serious relationship deal before , so i have a real basis of comparison. however, for the sake of not sounding biased, i will continue with some of the perks of a serious relationship, and some of the bad in casual dating. read on, eager eyes.
so if the single life is more fun than top gun at great america, why give it up? if you're young and attractive, why settle down?
playing the field is all cool n' the gang at first, but being single for too long can often lead to a feeling of void. emptiness. loneliness. even if you're lucky enough to possess the charisma of juggling more than one person, what you put in is only what you get in return, which in most cases is nothing more than a light-hearted relationship lacking any depth or emotional investment. don't get me wrong, flings and casual relationships can be fun...but where does it go if not in circles? the person on the receiving end will only stay around for so long until they realize they're stuck on a ferris wheel, which they will most likely jump off of to find a person that will pay more attention to them. and believe me, they will find that person. and then you're back to where you started. or even worse, kneeling at the side of your bed praying "i wish people would be more patient."
some people find themselves stuck in casual dating mode, scared to open up and give anyone an honest effort. personally, i've let some pretty amazing people go when i felt things were getting too serious. we sometimes get the urge to repel when any real commitment comes into the picture. why? because there lies a point in casual dating where we're finally required to let our guard down. this is difficult for a lot of us because taking that step to opening up requires you to confide your feelings in that person, thus making you vulnerable, to one degree or another. and vulnerability makes it easy for you to get hurt. and knowing that is unsettling. this is why some of us feel the need to keep things simple. our hearts aren't on the line.
"unwrap your heart for me. cause mint condition just means that you haven't been living..."
everything about the quote above strikes true. it took me years to finally become comfortable with allowing myself to get hurt. to break down that wall and entrust somebody with my feelings. because everything before that point, i had the idea burnt in my head that all relationships lead to heartbreak or failure. i'd say "who honestly ends up marrying their first significant other?" of course there's an exception to every rule, but you get my point. i felt there was no need to jump in a relationship knowing damn well that it would end up in a huge blow out of some sort. so why bother? but when someone gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach, it can't be ignored. and i finally understood that its something i had to experience. it's a part of living. besides, "a scar is just a battle wound that tells the tale of earlier days."
so i gave it the ol college try, threw some caution to the wind, and walked down that unfamiliar road. this is when i discovered how much i was missing out on. a great opening to this section i will call "the perks of being in a serious relationship."
let's not be coy...i'll go ahead and bring up the most obvious perk. the steady amount of sex. having a boyfriend/girlfriend entitles you to as much sex as you like, anytime and anywhere. unless you're dating someone lame, then you have my pity. but let's assume you're dating someone, for lack of a better term, totally rad. you're entitled to all kinds of bedroom adventures, experiences, and fantasies consistently! and the next morning, you get to do it again. the dressing room at levi's. sure, why not? in the car outside of a park, let's go! like billy idol said "rock the cradle of love!"
aside from the sex, when you start dating someone, that person becomes someone you can turn to for anything. and i do mean anything. help with school, the stress behind working too hard, shopping for an apartment or car. they're someone you can turn to. almost like a new best friend. and having that safety net is a great feeling. someone there you can always call while you wait in the huge line at the dmv, someone to drag along to concerts, someone to get fat with. succumbing to an exclusive relationship grants you a new partner in crime. and hey, if he/she is cute, you get to show them off in public. yet another great feeling.
but suddenly cabin fever kicks in and you're starting to get a dose of their character flaws that you missed during the 'honeymoon' stage of the relationship. true colors start to show and you stop getting along so well. the fighting starts. the tears. the stress. "who's that girl leaving you image comments!" "where were you last night?!? who was there?!?" hair pulling stress. so the shit hits the fan one too many times and things are off. let's fast foward through the ugly post-relationship period and get to being back on the market again.
it's a vicious cycle we all have to, or should, experience at least once in our lives. because learning from that first relationship you went through will only better assess your next one. you learn the error of your ways the first time around and apply what you know next time around. thus, although fresh out of the gate you're inundated with regret, you eventually feel blessed. if given enough time, you can look back and see the good that overshadowed the bad. you can recall that one moment when things were gold and realize there's not one thing you regret about it. sure there were fights. they exist in all healthy relationships. but you should never forget the phone calls at 4.a.m. blowing a whole weekend indoors watching real world marathons and cooking up all kinds of food. the dinner dates. the inside jokes. the mixes. it was all a learning experience that i wouldn't take back.
so now i'm left with the unanswered question. which do i prefer personally? keeping things simple or partaking in a monogamous relationship? well, if you know anything about me, you can guess that my vote goes to the single life. but for the first time in awhile, serious relationships may be putting up a little fight.
we shall see.
-jem
p.s. people always say "stop looking and you'll find what you're searching for." i suggest you do the same.