:l
Ahh running in mental circles. Please set me free!
I stayed up till 3am playing wildstar. Haven't studied in a while. Test is on Wednesday.
I talk to Dustin very often. Its a bit more flirty. He compliments me a lot. I don't know how I should act. This is the guy I could talk to so casually and now I am so at a loss for words? I can see other sides to him in his stories. I'm not sure it can return to the memory in my mind. I don't want to cross a line. I don't want to date him. Or date in general really atm. I don't think I have that kind of feelings towards him. But it is difficult to pin point. I feel like he's pushing his way over that line. But the me right now isn't really into it. What I want is something tangible. I want someone who will touch me, not be miles away. Its something I really want and yet don't want at the same time.
I dreamt of Jon last night. It was a sad nightmare. A nightmare about marriage. It was the church of brittani's wedding. I remember the nervous feeling of walking down the isle. I saw 3-4 bridemaids but I don't know who they were. And then Jon with his best man. There was no ceremony, no kiss, no happy feelings. I can't remember too well after that but it changed, he left (the wedding or me) sometime after, and it was like I was begging him not to ruin the moment. My wedding or marriage something was ruined and it tore me apart. What was my subconscious thinking about? Was it telling me that life with him would have been ruined? Why dream of that?
I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep away. I really don't get a day to just sleep in and not worry about anything. I NEED IT. I don't want responsibility right now.
Please help me. I'm fighting with myself. I've wasted the day away and I still can't move from this spot.
What do I do? I need help. I need someone to hold my hand and yet I don't want to depend on anyone.
I just don't want to do anything. T_T Am I having a relapse? I'm crumbling. I have tears of stress waiting to fall. Cant it all be over quickly? But how can it end if I don't begin it?
I wanna sleep. z.z
~Death Comes Fast~
I stayed up till 3am playing wildstar. Haven't studied in a while. Test is on Wednesday.
I talk to Dustin very often. Its a bit more flirty. He compliments me a lot. I don't know how I should act. This is the guy I could talk to so casually and now I am so at a loss for words? I can see other sides to him in his stories. I'm not sure it can return to the memory in my mind. I don't want to cross a line. I don't want to date him. Or date in general really atm. I don't think I have that kind of feelings towards him. But it is difficult to pin point. I feel like he's pushing his way over that line. But the me right now isn't really into it. What I want is something tangible. I want someone who will touch me, not be miles away. Its something I really want and yet don't want at the same time.
I dreamt of Jon last night. It was a sad nightmare. A nightmare about marriage. It was the church of brittani's wedding. I remember the nervous feeling of walking down the isle. I saw 3-4 bridemaids but I don't know who they were. And then Jon with his best man. There was no ceremony, no kiss, no happy feelings. I can't remember too well after that but it changed, he left (the wedding or me) sometime after, and it was like I was begging him not to ruin the moment. My wedding or marriage something was ruined and it tore me apart. What was my subconscious thinking about? Was it telling me that life with him would have been ruined? Why dream of that?
I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep away. I really don't get a day to just sleep in and not worry about anything. I NEED IT. I don't want responsibility right now.
Please help me. I'm fighting with myself. I've wasted the day away and I still can't move from this spot.
What do I do? I need help. I need someone to hold my hand and yet I don't want to depend on anyone.
I just don't want to do anything. T_T Am I having a relapse? I'm crumbling. I have tears of stress waiting to fall. Cant it all be over quickly? But how can it end if I don't begin it?
I wanna sleep. z.z
~Death Comes Fast~