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Ok so I am going to talk more about this book I am reading. It is really good at also telling you the things you don't really want to hear but need to hear. Ok, so last night something happened that I really wasn't ready for, actually I don't know if I was ever really going to be ready for it, but anyway it happened, and lets just say I was pretty upset. Well, today I have tried to ignore it, and when it comes to my mind I try to think of something else.
So I start reading today and the section I am reading is about stuff that really relates to me right now, and I just started crying. I really didn't want to hear it, but I know I needed to hear (or read it if you want to be technical). So I want to share it, for one as a future reminder to myself, and to anyone else who might need this. Again the book is called Captivating and is written by John and Stasi Eldredge.
"[. . .] Our hearts are enlarged by Jesus. And by that, we mean that we must be willing to be honest with him and with ourselves about the true nature of our souls--our sorrows, our desires, our dreams, our fears, our deepest and scariest hopes. To invited Jesus to come and walk with us there, to remove from our hearts the things that are getting in the way of our loving. We do not always get what we want, but that doesn't mean that we no longer want. It means we stay awake to the unmet longing and ache. Wait there. Invite Jesus to come, there.
And he will come. Not always to satisfy us by giving us what we want. But to come himself; to meet us with his very Person and to satisfy us with himself.
To possess true beauty, we must be willing to suffer. I don't like that. Just writing it down makes my heart shrink back. Yet, if Christ himself was perfected through his sufferings, why would I believe God would not do the same with me? Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering. By saying, "Yes" when the world says, "No." By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they be loved in return. And by refusing to numb their pain in the myriad of ways available. They have come to know that when everyone and everything has left them, God is there. [. . .]
Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit. We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow. It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged. The waiting does not diminish us [. . .] God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. You know that he does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health. He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory. And sometimes . . . it hurts.
But the experience of sorrow in no way diminishes the joy of living. Rather, it enhances it" (Captivating p.143 & 144).
I can not say that it was easy reading this, because it really wasn't. I mean come on I had tears in my eyes. But no, seriously, I didn't want to read what she was saying. I was/am going through this hurt, sorrow, and longing and here she is telling me that it is good for me and that is what God wants to grow me into something more. I know it is for a purpose and reason, but it is not easy at all. As much as I didn't really want to read it, I am glad I did. Lets me know I am not alone, that this happens to more than just me.
I don't understand the things the Lord does, but I know it is all for the best. Lord, continue to give me strength!