What I have done and what I have failed to do

[imeric5]

What I have done. I have caused the only person in this world who truly loves me to doubt me. I have made my parents upset with me, I have let down my grandparents, I have gotten a job that is moving me backwards, I have made less time for people and I have made myself miserable

Comments

Things to think about...

[kris1286]

A lot of things were said tonight that made us both upset. I hope you know that I hurt just as much or maybe even more then you. What I said tonight was not easy to do but I felt it was appropriate and it was time to be said. I just tried my best to express to you my feelings about everything that has been going on. I just want you to be happy and I just want whats best for you. I never had the intention of saying all of that and then leaving with so many unanswered questions about you-me-our relationship in general. I just needed to go not just to do my work (which still has not been done) but also just to be alone and have a good (long) cry. I am sure this will all work out for the best but in the mean time i want you to remember that you are intelligent and capable of doing many different things and also that you shouldnt give up because that doenst solve anything it just causes more problems. I also want you to know that I love you and nothing is going to change that.
All my love
Kris
P.S. I dont know whats going on with your parents or grandparents but i wish you would have told me. Maybe I can help with that.

Re: Things to think about...

[imeric5]

I cannot express in words or music the hurt that I am feeling. I have made so many mistakes and I just don't know what to do. And you know its bad when I can't express somthing in music. I feel as though you're giving 110 percent to our relationship and I'm only giving like 2. ITs like Im just making demands and your giving in, so I make more demands and u keep giving in and you shouldn't have to. I'm not the knight in shining armor or rather the "prince charming" that you say I am, I am a frog. I am ugly and disgusting and I am the cause of all the problems that we're having. I wish I could just give up and go back to the way that things used to be.

When you asked me tonight, are you mad, happy, sad. I told you I was mad, and that was still an inadequate word. I feel like I haven't been happy, like really happy since the week before I started working. Its like since then I haven't made the right decisions, I just keep making the wrong one's that drive us in a circle. I wish I could be better then I am, you shouldn't have to put up with this shit.

I'm putting you through way too much. You don't deserve to be jerked around like this, and you don't deserve to have me do things like risk my life to go into work to get fucked even more.

As far as my love for you goes, I mean it when I say "I love you more" I can't imagine a minute that goes by where I don't think about how much you've changed me, or how happy you've made me. You're the world to me and I never want you to feel like I don't love you, or I have somthing going on that is more important then you. I don't know why I didn't take days this week, but Its not because I wanted to spend more time with my friends, Or I wanted a break from you, cause I never want a break from you. I love you and I always will.

Eric