114.
Hmm. I don't why I stay when I clearly am unhappy. Why do I even try? I just keep trying and giving things a second chance, another second chance and just end up in my own little misery over and over again. Fuck society and the people who create them. Fuck those who make people feel less than what they're worth. For making people feel like they don't belong. That they're alone. Fuck them all. Resentment. Hatred? Maybe. It's getting there. I should have never left my "home" a place where I could have grown to become better. A place where there was no one who could pull you down. That criticism was given in a way that you don't feel bad afterwards. Where people are less judgmental. Where people automatically reach out. Where no one felt out of place. Where I was happy. I should have never tried. I shouldn't have gotten sucked in that black hole, that pit of hell. I hate it there. I hate the person I've become. I hate it that things will always be an issue. I hate feeling that pang of loneliness, despise, hurt every single time it's brought up, it's talked about. I hate feeling ignored, replaced, taken for granted, set aside. I hate it that what I do is never enough. Me trying is not enough. I hate what I've become.
I hate me.
I hate me.