097.
I've been told that I was stressed for almost more than a couple of weeks. Honestly, I was surprised about it all. I mean I didn't really realize I was stressed. Sadness was the all the more obvious choice for me. I am sad. I know. Lately I've been waking up to anxiety attacks every time I wake up, may it be a nap or sleep. It disappeared already for a long time, but I guess it's back. Since I do fall asleep thinking, sleeping with a heavy heart it's always like that these days. With me with no job, I'm stuck at home with just way too much time on my hands. Too much free time that my mind works around the clock. It's tough. Though you don't mean to, you end up questioning yourself, which gradually turns in learning that yes, all this is pathetic. So I guess everything's stressing me out. I'm stressing myself out. Not to mention that all my music by my favorite artists are usually sad songs, it actually adds more to whatever I'm feeling now. But if I were to assess my self right now, I'm more numb than hurting. In matters about getting myself broken and still being all down, I think I've finally numb things out. It's not the very focus of everything anymore. I can live with just what I have, I can live with very little talk, I don't expect anymore and I can show more concern and care without the bitter feeling of it all.
At times I think all this is silly. I mean, why am I all upset about all this? Why are things eating me up inside slowly? When you know that the other prefers something different already. If I am able to watch myself, I'd have kicked myself and hit myself on the back of the head for being all sulky over something that didn't exactly seem as true as you think. Where you thought that everything was perfect but it wasn't because you aren't a mind reader and you couldn't read her mind to know that something was bothering her. But I guess that's how things will be and this is what I have to live with. Another heart break, well I'll rise above it. Maybe someday there will be someone. Not that I'm looking.
I'm pretty much slowly dipping into how things were a year ago. Like social roleplaying problems. You can't help but feel a bit set aside sometimes. I'm just pretty glad I have psl's that show that the other is enjoying. Sometimes you're set aside, the other doesn't go online because they're playing another character. Plus the fact that your muse is rubbing off the wrong way with others. A line sets them off and they're annoyed with your muse and they won't talk to you anymore or they'll unfollow your weheartit. I'll see how things go then maybe I can take my leave and soon I'll swear off comms and just go with psls.
I'm pretty much enjoying staying out of the house. The longer I stay in my room, with no job, nothing, the more I know I'm slowly losing it. Aish. There's more reasons to be happy. I should just look at that. More reasons to be happy not just what used to be, not just with what you used to have. Things are difficult but I'm really trying to rise above it all. I don't want to be miserable. All my thoughts are pathetic. All this self pity, all this pain, I don't want them. I want to be better. I want to be happy and not depend on someone else to be happy. That just the company of myself would be just enough. That significant others don't matter. That I have amazing friends around me and should just give them all the love and attention that I can possibly give. I can offer so much, only wish there was someone who would be content with what I can offer.
Life goes on and it won't wait for me to keep up.
At times I think all this is silly. I mean, why am I all upset about all this? Why are things eating me up inside slowly? When you know that the other prefers something different already. If I am able to watch myself, I'd have kicked myself and hit myself on the back of the head for being all sulky over something that didn't exactly seem as true as you think. Where you thought that everything was perfect but it wasn't because you aren't a mind reader and you couldn't read her mind to know that something was bothering her. But I guess that's how things will be and this is what I have to live with. Another heart break, well I'll rise above it. Maybe someday there will be someone. Not that I'm looking.
I'm pretty much slowly dipping into how things were a year ago. Like social roleplaying problems. You can't help but feel a bit set aside sometimes. I'm just pretty glad I have psl's that show that the other is enjoying. Sometimes you're set aside, the other doesn't go online because they're playing another character. Plus the fact that your muse is rubbing off the wrong way with others. A line sets them off and they're annoyed with your muse and they won't talk to you anymore or they'll unfollow your weheartit. I'll see how things go then maybe I can take my leave and soon I'll swear off comms and just go with psls.
I'm pretty much enjoying staying out of the house. The longer I stay in my room, with no job, nothing, the more I know I'm slowly losing it. Aish. There's more reasons to be happy. I should just look at that. More reasons to be happy not just what used to be, not just with what you used to have. Things are difficult but I'm really trying to rise above it all. I don't want to be miserable. All my thoughts are pathetic. All this self pity, all this pain, I don't want them. I want to be better. I want to be happy and not depend on someone else to be happy. That just the company of myself would be just enough. That significant others don't matter. That I have amazing friends around me and should just give them all the love and attention that I can possibly give. I can offer so much, only wish there was someone who would be content with what I can offer.
Life goes on and it won't wait for me to keep up.