So I can't adhere to a schedule..but I like to do lists...
So I got to thinking tonight. I've came a long ways in so many aspects of my life. But I still can't adhere to schedules like, time ways. Lets face it, I will probably be one of those people literally late to my own funeral. With this being said, I realized, I can stick to 'to do lists'. So I am going to start making 'to do lists' to complete each day. Remembering, that like the goals I set for my self, to keep them with in reason, and obtainable. IM going to see how this works for me.
I've been making some pretty big changes in my life, I've had some pretty big things happen. The angels have pulled some pretty precious people from me, and given me a pretty precious new one to care for. It's not been easy, it's not going to be easy, but nothing ever is easy and it's never going to be. So bring it on.
I'm calm, it's weird, being clam isn't generally me, but I've come to enjoy it and embrace it. It's coming to suite me and others are noticing it too. Those who bring chaos out in me, I am doing away with. I don't need you. Point blank. Also, I am stopping my self when I throw my self at peoples feet. If you don't want my attention, or don't want me in your life, fuck you. I am sick of chasing people my entire life. I am worth so much, one day, someone will realize that and chase me and want me; because even though I am broken and in the process of putting the pieces back together in some weird coordinated fashion... I am something so fucking spectacular; you'd only wished.. you'd have not lost me. Your loss not mine. This isn't aimed at a specific person, but to so many people I spent time with in life. Noticed, I didn't say wasted time with. I don't believe time is wasted, I learned great lessons form each and every person in my life, good, bad, it doesn't matter. I'll take those lessons and it made me a better person for it. I'll wear scars like tattoo's and have memories like stories in a library that is so filled that a scholar could spend their life in study of what depth and magnitude the profound feelings I had for each and everyone of you; that you never even knew.
I spent last night, take someone to get some drugs. I sat at a place I haven't been in a long time. In the car, watching cars go by, windows with lights, some with out, memories of my past go by... falling in love.. memories...Travis...so many others...thinking.. feeling.. some moments unclear some so clear you could see through the universe...and it all came down to this.. they don't mean shit now... except that...I have two beautiful little boys and I am a whole lot wiser for it... the end.
I've been making some pretty big changes in my life, I've had some pretty big things happen. The angels have pulled some pretty precious people from me, and given me a pretty precious new one to care for. It's not been easy, it's not going to be easy, but nothing ever is easy and it's never going to be. So bring it on.
I'm calm, it's weird, being clam isn't generally me, but I've come to enjoy it and embrace it. It's coming to suite me and others are noticing it too. Those who bring chaos out in me, I am doing away with. I don't need you. Point blank. Also, I am stopping my self when I throw my self at peoples feet. If you don't want my attention, or don't want me in your life, fuck you. I am sick of chasing people my entire life. I am worth so much, one day, someone will realize that and chase me and want me; because even though I am broken and in the process of putting the pieces back together in some weird coordinated fashion... I am something so fucking spectacular; you'd only wished.. you'd have not lost me. Your loss not mine. This isn't aimed at a specific person, but to so many people I spent time with in life. Noticed, I didn't say wasted time with. I don't believe time is wasted, I learned great lessons form each and every person in my life, good, bad, it doesn't matter. I'll take those lessons and it made me a better person for it. I'll wear scars like tattoo's and have memories like stories in a library that is so filled that a scholar could spend their life in study of what depth and magnitude the profound feelings I had for each and everyone of you; that you never even knew.
I spent last night, take someone to get some drugs. I sat at a place I haven't been in a long time. In the car, watching cars go by, windows with lights, some with out, memories of my past go by... falling in love.. memories...Travis...so many others...thinking.. feeling.. some moments unclear some so clear you could see through the universe...and it all came down to this.. they don't mean shit now... except that...I have two beautiful little boys and I am a whole lot wiser for it... the end.