but you've already lost...

[ik_hou_van_jou3]

today i thought of a lot of things i could send into post secret
and real secrets
not stupid things
real things
that no one knows.
i got really frustrated with my mom today
but she still told me some things
about my friends
things i know are right
even though some of it kills me.
at least i can always count on my mom.
and as bad as it sounds
i don't want to care about anyone right now
not in the liking kind of way
i just don't want to care what people have tosay at the moment
and the truth is,
right now i don't.
i'm just caring about myself.
and maybe that sounds bitchy and selfish
but i don't think so.
i want to be dead honest with everyone.
say exactly what i think
but sometimes that leads to lost friendships.
i think i'm fighting a losing war against him
but i've sort of shut out all feelings right now
so i don't care.
but i do most other times.
there's so much i want to say to her
i need to say to her
but i just can't.
i can blame on the fact that theres never a right time
or i can just be honest with myself
and blame it on the fact that i'm just too scared.
not scared of a big fight
not scared of losing a friend
but scared of the reaction.
and even if i'm the only one left that feels this way
i need to speak up.