(no subject)
ok, so, here's an update.
marisa offically, honestly and totally broke up with me on friday at fun fun fun fest. i was drunk and acting like a 12 yr old. she was right about that. that was dec. 1. over the last week, i have been forcing back tears every time i see her. we do still live together. that is the toughest part of all. her room is a paper thin wall away from mine, i can hear her roll over. it's weird. it's like sleeping in prison next to a wall to the outside. you just want to be sleeping on the other side. so, i've been crying a lot this week and it sucks. she has been giving me random nice hugs. that has been great.
i opened a checking account for the first time since i was 19. i promise i won't commit check fraud this time. i'm going to get direct deposit with 10% going into savings from every check for emergencies. i've been trying to get into this class to learn german, but the school has a stupid answering machine that is always on and there is never anyone there. i think i might just go up there on monday. i also have to wait for my checks and debit card to arrive till i can pay off these fines i owe. i'm going to do everything i can to get my life back into order. i'm tired of living like i'm 22. oh, i quit smoking. i also quit drinking for 30 days. mostly to see if i can. most of you know, i've never really quit drinking for more than 6 hours to sleep. this is a big thing for me. i'm on day 5 and no worries yet. i get tempted out of habit, but i've been strong.
as far as myself and marisa, i feel like there's still a chance there. i have the ability to do anything i really want, and i really want to be with her. for the first time in 7 days, i am not crying myself to sleep tonight and that is a nice feeling after all of that. i was going to move out and i still might, but right now, i'm going to see if i can make this work. 2 days ago, we talked and i cried a lot. we came home and she came in and snuggled with me. we did yoga the next morning and that was great. i felt great, but then she didn't want to come see me at dog and duck on her way home so i got super bummed. the way i see things right now, i have to earn everything back at this point with her. i've earned hugs and snuggles, but not sleeping next to her or even with her. tonight, we were snuggling and she fell asleep and i asked what i should do, she told me i could stay, i said ok. i stayed a while but didn't sleep. then i got up, kissed her forehead, and said good night annd came into my room. i sent her a text message to read tomorrow saying "i didn't feel like i had earned that yet, but i would like to keep snuggling with you tomorrow," we also have a date to go to the art museum for an exhibit she wants to see, before i have to go to work. i'm also looking forward to that. i'll keep it updated on here even though not many check this anymore. well, maybe you just don't comment anymore.
marisa offically, honestly and totally broke up with me on friday at fun fun fun fest. i was drunk and acting like a 12 yr old. she was right about that. that was dec. 1. over the last week, i have been forcing back tears every time i see her. we do still live together. that is the toughest part of all. her room is a paper thin wall away from mine, i can hear her roll over. it's weird. it's like sleeping in prison next to a wall to the outside. you just want to be sleeping on the other side. so, i've been crying a lot this week and it sucks. she has been giving me random nice hugs. that has been great.
i opened a checking account for the first time since i was 19. i promise i won't commit check fraud this time. i'm going to get direct deposit with 10% going into savings from every check for emergencies. i've been trying to get into this class to learn german, but the school has a stupid answering machine that is always on and there is never anyone there. i think i might just go up there on monday. i also have to wait for my checks and debit card to arrive till i can pay off these fines i owe. i'm going to do everything i can to get my life back into order. i'm tired of living like i'm 22. oh, i quit smoking. i also quit drinking for 30 days. mostly to see if i can. most of you know, i've never really quit drinking for more than 6 hours to sleep. this is a big thing for me. i'm on day 5 and no worries yet. i get tempted out of habit, but i've been strong.
as far as myself and marisa, i feel like there's still a chance there. i have the ability to do anything i really want, and i really want to be with her. for the first time in 7 days, i am not crying myself to sleep tonight and that is a nice feeling after all of that. i was going to move out and i still might, but right now, i'm going to see if i can make this work. 2 days ago, we talked and i cried a lot. we came home and she came in and snuggled with me. we did yoga the next morning and that was great. i felt great, but then she didn't want to come see me at dog and duck on her way home so i got super bummed. the way i see things right now, i have to earn everything back at this point with her. i've earned hugs and snuggles, but not sleeping next to her or even with her. tonight, we were snuggling and she fell asleep and i asked what i should do, she told me i could stay, i said ok. i stayed a while but didn't sleep. then i got up, kissed her forehead, and said good night annd came into my room. i sent her a text message to read tomorrow saying "i didn't feel like i had earned that yet, but i would like to keep snuggling with you tomorrow," we also have a date to go to the art museum for an exhibit she wants to see, before i have to go to work. i'm also looking forward to that. i'll keep it updated on here even though not many check this anymore. well, maybe you just don't comment anymore.