Numb...once again Numb
Yea, my day turned into a realy realy bad day. It was going pretty decent untill I got to PE. Of course I was drugged up like always and they put me on adderall to calm me down so that I could concentrate, not to be physically active. My body just gets numb and I stair into space and when I try to be physically active my body feels like it's gonna go into shock. So since they raised my dose because it needed to be raised I am zoned out. It's not because my dose it to high eaither, if it was any lower than it would'nt work. Thats why they raised my dose in the first place becuase my body got used to it or something like that. But anyways and I kinda just stand there stairing out into space because I have nothing to concentrate on and Ms.Golf(however you spell her name)came up to me today and said "Megan,you are going to have to participate or I am going to have to write you up." and I was like "I can't help it" and she was like "I understand that your medicine drags you down but your gonna have to try." I walked off because I started crying because well I'm just realy emotional. And then she goes into the office and comes back and tells me to come here so I do and she said " is there anybody at home bacause I need to talk to someone at home." and i was like my mom but she is asleep because she works night shift." and she was like "I realy don't want to wake her up but im concerned about you....you are walking around like a zombie and no medication should make you this lifeless unless your dose it to high." That realy upset me so I went off and said " It's supposed to make me like this and my dose is not to high, if it was any lower than it would'nt work." and i walked off. I started crying again and then Mr.Skaggs came in there and they was pointing at me and talking. I started crying even more because they put me on it because of who i was and now i am who they made me and I still get bitched at. I am addicted and if they fucking take me off of it I will go crazy and it does help me to do my work and stuff. Fuck them all. I'm sick of myself. Sober or drugged up I hate me. Fuck everything. I'm pissed, I'm sad, hell i don't even know anymore so fuck it. Fuck it all. Meg