[exo] static
title: Static
pairing: Baekhyun/Kris (side!D.O./Kai, side!Chen/Suho)
word count: 7,910words
rating: R
warning/s: implied sex, cussing, did not beta
summary: "You think you’re a flower, but you’re actually a whole meadow."
a/n: well then. this was supposed to be my fic for artistalks. ;q; this is trash tbh after all that lawsuit issue thingy. + i still don't have someone to beta any of my fics. /cries.
-the pinch-hit will be posted at a later time (might edit that one).
p.s. inspired by Juniel's Illa Illa and The Script's The Man Who Can't Be Moved.
static
How happy can the flowers be
when they’re wilting against your window pane?
“There’s a man waiting by the meadow,” A faint chill inside the quaint little café makes Kyungsoo roll down the sleeves of his gray sweater. Nonchalantly, he points his spoon outside the window in the general direction of the meadow.
“A man?” Jongin curiously inquires. He leans in closer and props his elbows onto the wooden table, gentle enough not to disturb the platters on top of it.
“Yeah. He’s always holding onto some flowers. People say he’s waiting for someone.”
“For how long?”
There’s a momentary silence, the clattering of utensils on porcelain overtaking the atmosphere between them. A pair of customers beside them burst out laughing and Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders noncommittally. “’Dunno.”
Jongin nods, his eyes closing in thought, imagining a man in tattered clothes, hanging by the meadow eyes filled with hope. “That’s sad.”
“Yeah,” they share a moment of silence before Jongin starts tugging Kyungsoo up from his seat. “Let’s head out? I still have to finish some term papers.”
Kyungsoo is reluctant to go but since his coffee’s already finished, he might as well get an early head start on his share of projects as well. “Okay.”
…
There’s a man that keeps coming back to the small flower shop Baekhyun works at. At the strike of 5:15 in the afternoon, forty five minutes before they closed, the man strides in, casually skimming around the shop, sniffing the flowers in stock before he’d finally make up his mind and come up to Baekhyun to pay for them.
Baekhyun stares at the old wristwatch his mother gave him, the longer hand pointing to somewhere between two and three and the smaller one directly at five. It takes a while before the bell of the shop to chime, signaling the arrival of their usual customer.
The man walks in, hand tucked into the pocket of his worn out jeans. Baekhyun smiles to himself at the sight of the man’s damp hair, but more at the slight rise and fall of the man’s chest, as if he ran to the flower shop in a hurry.
Baekhyun greets him and receives a curt nod in return before he continues to look around the flowers, a hand carding through his blond locks.
The man takes his time choosing and when he finally makes up his mind, some violets in hand, he walks up to Baekhyun and requests for some snowdrops as well.
…
Baekhyun has a knack at sensing things that seem out of place even the minute ones. He glances down his watch for what seemed like the tenth time that hour. Suddenly, he feels someone poking his side and he promptly jumps, startling a female customer who just entered as well. “What the hell was that for Jongdae?” He faces the man behind him, his kittenish smile spreading into a sly grin.
Jongdae cocks his head towards the door where a tall blond man just came in. “That blond guy is back again. Man, I think he’s been coming back for you every day.”
“Don’t be silly, Jongdae. This isn’t one of those cliché romance flicks.” Baekhyun snorts and resumes arranging the bouquet order due in an hour. He’s pretty sure petunias and red roses don’t go well together, but that’s the order. Who’s he to argue anyway?
“He’s probably getting flowers for his girlfriend.” Baekhyun adds, huffing indifferently.
“Whatever. He’s still weird.” Jongdae rolls his sleeves up. “Anyway, Junmyeon is out and it’s your turn to run the counter today, Baek. Those pots and vases don’t carry themselves, y’know?” Jongdae flexes his arm muscles in pride and all Baekhyun wants is for the earth to swallow up Kim Jongdae and spit him out on some other planet instead.
“Don’t break anything. Junmyeon’s going to rip your guns off if you so much as to scratch one of those vases.”
Jongdae waves him off as he disappears into the back of the store and Baekhyun turns back to work behind the counter, busying himself with entertaining the customers and their questions regarding bouquets for special occasions, just another regular day at the flower shop.
But it’s not supposed to be like this.
Baekhyun isn’t supposed to be a florist. He wants to work in a big company as an accountant but never managed to snatch a spot. There would be job interviews and Baekhyun sucks at them, he’d always get nervous too much that he could feel the earth rotate beneath his feet.
“Excuse me, do you have snowdrops?” Their usual 5:15 patron walks up to him, looking quite nice in a pressed black suit. Baekhyun figures he’s a business man or working for a high caliber job. He moves like it anyway, long limbs moving efficiently, even his fingers had that certain flair.
“They sold out a while ago, sir. But would you be interested in getting roses? Next week’s already Valentine’s Day and it’s never too early or too late to give them to your loved ones!” He replies instead, scribbling on a notebook. Order snowdrops for the next batch.
“I’ll think about it, thank you.” The blond man nods in thought and leaves Baekhyun standing there to stare at his retreating figure.
This is the first time the man left without buying any flowers. Baekhyun couldn’t help but frown.
...
A rainy day in town without an umbrella sucks. Or so Wu Yifan thinks as he ran his way through an alley. He’s not even sure why he chose this route today, since it’s a little detour from the regular course. The implacable rain hitting his leather suitcase makes him cringe. Probably all of the paperwork he worked hard on last night got drenched.
He stops on his tracks as he stumbles upon a vintage style flower shop. His socks were already soggy and gross but he pushes the door and enters without much thought.
There’s an employee bent over a box of seeds, his small stature reminding him of a little puppy. Unwittingly, he stares at the man for a few whole seconds before the man notices him awkwardly gaping by the door.
The man stands up, wide eyes turning into beautiful crescents as he smiles warmly. “Hello, how may I help you?”
…
It’s a Tuesday when Yifan returns to the shop and he is very much disappointed when the person he came for is nowhere in the vicinity. He supposes the cute brunet is on a break and would be back later. So he waits.
An hour walking around the tiny shop later, one of the employees taps him on the shoulder and he jolts up from smelling the roses. The guy has a kittenish smile, like a creepy Cheshire cat especially when he looks at Yifan like that, assessing his worth, most likely noting every crease in Yifan’s shirt. “Yes?”
“If you’re waiting around for Baekhyun, he’s not here today. Day off.” He shrugs but the sly smile still on his face. “You can come back tomorrow.”
“Wha- What makes you think I’m here for him?” So, his name is Baekhyun. He smiles ridiculously to himself. Shit why am I acting like a lovesick teenager, he curses himself internally.
“You’ve been here for a while, doing random things. I think I know what you’re up to.”
“Excuse me?” Yifan almost fee;s offended, but not quite. How could he be offended when it was the truth anyway?
“Hi. I’m Kim Jongdae, Byun Baekhyun’s self-appointed best friend.” He blatantly proffers his hand to Yifan, expecting a handshake. The man behind the counter stares at them and he takes Jongdae’s hand.
“Wu Yifan, pleasure to meet you?” He grins back unsurely.
…
When Junmyeon told him that there were a few orders for corsages that day, he didn’t expect one to be for him.
“Baek,” Jongdae hands him a box containing one of the sprays he arranged earlier. “Delivery.”
“What?” The yellow flower adorned with baby’s breaths gleams at him from inside the plastic box.
There’s also a card that read, in Junmyeon’s flourished calligraphy. (They also wrote the messages unless specified by the customers.)
The card reads:
Forget the roses, forget the lilies or the shy little daisies. No matter how pretty or how vast the garden is, you’re still my favorite flower.
“What the hell is this?” He shoves the card toward Jongdae and the other man raises his eyebrows, not even bothering to look at it. Jongdae’s eyes are concentrated on the list of addresses anyway. Baekhyun feels conscious and looks around the shop and only the three of them were there, no customers, no potential buyers. Only Jongdae and him bent over the counter and Junmyeon still in the back scribbling notes.
“Well. I need to deliver these.” Jongdae clasps his shoulder before he exits the shop. And Baekhyun swears to himself that Jongdae was knowingly grinning when he slid the card across the table earlier.
…
Sundays are the days when Baekhyun is the only one manning the little flower shop. But that particular Sunday is quite different. Junmyeon has to go on a business trip to China and Jongdae wants to tag along with him so badly (“I want to learn Mandarin!” he reasons). Junmyeon was insisting that they should just close down for a while until they got back but Baekhyun told him not to worry and he should go on his little getaway with Jongdae.
Baekhyun just needs the money to pay for his rent and other necessities, but he’s never going to tell Junmyeon that. He’s already indebted that he gave him a job.
“Close early when there’re no customers. Okay, Baekhyun?” Junmyeon reminds him, loading the last of Jongdae’s luggage in the cab. “Take care of yourself.”
“Of course,” Baekhyun smiles as Jongdae envelops him in a tight hug.
“Don’t die on me, Baekhyun. I’ll make sure to bring you souvenirs!” Jongdae jokes, pulling Junmyeon into the cab, waving excitedly for his new escapade with the older man. “See you!”
“Bye.”
…
Business is a little bit slower than usual today, since in their part of the town, people preferred staying at home during Sundays trying to get whatever rest they can and prep themselves for the dreaded Mondays.
Baekhyun is about to close for the day when he suddenly remembers their 5:15 customer. Baekhyun decides to tidy around, bringing out a ribbon and a pair of scissors just in case.
The bell chimes making Baekhyun smile.
…
“I’m Baekhyun,” he introduces himself just out of the blue, not really looking at the man as he packs up the flowers. If he was looking though, he would have seen the surprise evident in the man’s face at the sudden question.
“Yifan,” comes an uneasy preamble from his side of the counter.
“Yifan,” Baekhyun tries the name on his tongue and it rolls perfectly. “Yifan, so tell me. What do you do?” He says again, smiling.
The flower shop has been quiet for the past few days, lackluster and too dusty with Junmyeon and Jongdae out of town. Baekhyun had had an urge to call them last night, but ended up staring out the window. It would’ve seemed intrusive if he had called on their vacation.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I’m just curious, is all.” Baekhyun hands him the bouquet, laughing dismissingly.
“No, it’s fine.” Yifan assures him, breaking into an easy smile, shoulders finally relaxing. “I work at an office nearby.”
“What do you do with the flowers? I mean, you buy a lot for a man who works at an office. Wooing a girl, maybe?”
It’s his turn to laugh and he grabs the opportunity, taking the wrapped up flowers. “No, no. No girl. I just like flowers that I’m trying to paint them.”
“I want to see your paintings,” Baekhyun says sincerely. “You seem like a great artist.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Yifan smiles back at him as well. The door closes with Baekhyun’s unheard see you.
…
He orders a dozen of roses and has Baekhyun wrapping them up nicely with a teal ribbon this time. “There’s a meadow just on the outskirts of town, if you want to paint something really pretty.” Baekhyun offers to take him there whenever he’s free and Yifan nods.
“I’d like that.”
…
Baekhyun takes him to the meadow the next Sunday, and the look on Yifan’s face when they got there is absolutely priceless. “Do you like it here? It’s airy and there are a lot of wild flowers growing, I think you’d paint this really well, if you’re up for landscapes.”
“What if I told you I’m a minimalist?” They sit down by the daisies, watching as the sun sinks behind rows of trees that turn the sky a bloody orange.
Baekhyun jokingly smacks him. “I’d never believe you. You practically order flowers every day. I’ll be surprised if you even have space for them in your apartment.”
“I throw them out after I paint them.” He picks up a daisy and examines it between his fingertips, admiring the pale yellow color it gives off.
“Are you for real? That’s a waste! If you’re just going to throw them out, at least give ‘em to people who can appreciate their beauty. They’re already on borrowed time and you’re just going to throw them out that quick?”
“Wow, I was just kidding, but okay. I’ll hand them over to you when I’m done admiring them and eternalizing them on canvas, as weird as that sounds.”
Baekhyun leans back until he can feel the grass tickle his neck. “Why would you even do that.” He asks, not to Yifan but more to himself. Yifan’s gaze drops to the laid out man beside him who has his eyes closed. The light looks good on him, and Yifan thinks it’s horrible especially when it makes his gut churn.
…
Because first love is beautiful, a first love is a flower
Blooming widely when spring comes - dazzling like a flower
…
Yifan’s been coming to the shop as expected, sometimes in his business suit, sometimes in his weird track pants and Baekhyun thinks Yifan has an attachment to them. But today, he seems chipper than usual, coming up to Baekhyun immediately after he comes in, white shirt over ripped jeans.
“Hey Baekhyun, would you like to go and grab coffee with me after you close down the shop?” is the first thing he says when the old lady turns her back to them, going back to get more fertilizers.
Baekhyun teasingly raises an eyebrow at him. “Is this some trick so you could mug me?”
“You’re the one who’s always taking me to the meadow, one of the unpopulated parts of town. I should be the one concerned here, not you.”
“And yet you still come with me.” Baekhyun crosses his arms, looking behind Yifan’s right side to see if any of the customers need help.
“C’mon Baekhyun, we’re just gonna grab coffee and I swear I won’t rob you or kill you. I won’t even touch a single strand of hair on you.”
“That’s too much bargaining, but you are going to be the one buying me coffee so, okay.” They smile at each other before Baekhyun tells him to not block the counter because the old lady is back and she’s going to pay for the things she needs.
…
Summer is almost around the corner and Baekhyun asks for a week off when the two lovebirds got back from their trip.
Baekhyun insists on witnessing Yifan painting.
“Hey, Yifan.”
“Hmm?”
“Why do you keep going to the flower shop?” Baekhyun asks, and the taller one doesn't reply, instead, he smiles.
…
Both of them sharing stupidly ridiculous sentiments, usually end up in Baekhyun talking Yifan’s ear off, but it’s okay. Yifan likes to hear Baekhyun talks about things he likes.
“Have you ever wondered how life would be if there were no seasons but the weather would be just right? Imagine all the different colors of flowers blooming all around and they’d never wilt.”
Yifan stops gnawing on the popcorn, taking in what Baekhyun had said. “But it’s winter.”
“There’s no winter wonderland. Winter is the worst weather, nothing grows, everything freezes. But it can’t ever stop freeze time. That’s the worst.”
…
Yifan doesn’t spend Baekhyun’s remaining days with him. He disappeared for more than a week without warning and Baekhyun feels like he’s scared him off. Jongdae tells him that he probably has (as a joke of course) and Baekhyun kind of believes him.
It’s only a few more days later that Yifan comes in to the shop, an hour early, carrying a suitcase a bit bigger than usual. “Baekhyun,” he puffs, grabbing Baekhyun by the wrist. “I need you to come with me.”
Baekhyun gives him an incredulous look and both of them whip their heads when Jongdae shouts, “Baekhyun’s off on a break, Junmyeon! Man the counter, will you?” Yifan mumbles a thank you before pulling Baekhyun out the shop, across the street, two blocks to the right, and half a block to the left.
Yifan pushes the door open before Baekhyun and they both step inside the spacious room. “This is your..?” Baekhyun doesn’t finish his question when he reaches the first painting to the left. Blotches of amethyst and white scatter within the canvas, Baekhyun could make out the silver vase discarded in the corner while the flowers roamed free.
“This is where you’ve gone to. What’s the title?”
“Post-spring,” Yifan says as Baekhyun slides to the next painting, this time of egg-shaped greens and reds. “They’re really wonderful, Yifan,” comes Baekhyun’s compliment as he moves to the next painting. Yifan is silently following behind him, eyes raking Baekhyun for his reaction.
He stops in front of the last canvas, half colored white and gray looking back at him. “This isn’t done yet?”
“It’s done already.” Yifan confirms. “Winter.”
“What’s with the one worded titles?” Baekhyun laughs, turning to Yifan. “These are amazing, really!”
“Which one is your favorite?”
“I’m no critic, okay? But you haven’t done anything on autumn, so how am I supposed to say things?” Yifan breaks into a smile and that’s how they end up in the meadow, Baekhyun sitting amidst the droop colors of autumn.
“I’m a major contrast to this, Yifan.”
“Would you be mad if I said that was the point?”
“Most likely, yes.” Baekhyun pulls his knees up against his chest, making himself comfortable. “This is silly. I can’t stay in this position for long!”
“Then maybe we could come again next time, when you feel like sitting for a couple of minutes.” Yifan finishes up the sketch and packs up his things. Baekhyun is right next to him, laughing his heart out because Yifan had accidentally forgotten to wash the paint off his face.
Maybe Yifan fell in love with Baekhyun at that moment. Where his eyes crinkle into crescents and his pretty fingers pressing against his forehead in a lazy attempt to wipe off the paint.
…
Baekhyun links his hand with Yifan’s and tugs it onto his lap. On his other hand, Yifan notices a pen patiently tapping on the brunet’s knee which is easily uncapped. “What are you doing?” Yifan asks.
The brunet promptly ignores him, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he starts drawing things on Yifan’s forearm. Baekhyun looks adorable that way, fully concentrated on his work.
“Tada!” Baekhyun pulls back, revealing the vandal he did onto him. Yifan stares at the tiny dots adorning his skin, they’re of different sizes and proximities, scattered all over Baekhyun’s makeshift canvas.
“Dots?”
“Stars.” Baekhyun corrects him, a mischievous tone lacing his reply. Yifan merely laughs at how childish Baekhyun can be. He didn’t mean it in a negative way like how Baekhyun perceived it just then, with his lower lip jutting out to a pout. This is probably the second time he falls in love with him.
“You’re ridiculously cute,” he ruffles Baekhyun’s soft hair and it makes him annoyed, but his little growl comes out like a flustered groan.
“You want to connect them?” Baekhyun peers at him behind his sinfully long bangs. He pokes Yifan on his side as revenge for messing his hair, eliciting a warm laugh from the man.
Yifan slowly looks down and the dots-stars seemed to strike a certain string in his heart. Baekhyun hands him the pen and points to the farthest star from his wrist, instructing him to start from there.
I
Baekhyun taps the next dot.
like
And Yifan doesn’t need to connect the last few letters to know what it means. He stares intently at the brunet, the setting sun forming shadows behind them. Autumn is fading and his painting of Baekhyun is nowhere near done. “You.” He says, pulling Baekhyun into a hug, “I like you.”
…
“You seem happy, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon notes one day when the three of them went out to lunch for the first time in ages. “You finally got accepted?”
“He’s in love,” Jongdae corrects him and Baekhyun groans at his sushi, slumping on his chair.
“Really Jongdae? How do you know?”
“Because, Byun Baek, people only get to look refreshed because of three things. One, make up; two, they’re in love; three, they got laid. And I am so sorry that I don’t think you got laid because you’ve never been the type to put out even on the third date.”
“We’ve been going out a lot,” he mumbles.
“Please Baekhyun, him painting you fully dressed isn’t considered as getting laid. You’re not even posed like Rose in Titanic, so, no.”
“Jongdae,” Junmyeon warns him. “Don’t go overboard, okay?”
“What’s wrong with him?” Baekhyun whispers to Junmyeon, eyes trained on the way Jongdae stabs the chicken in front of them.
“Stuff.” Junmyeon replies but Jongdae is already glaring at the both of them. “Bedroom stuff.” Baekhyun lets out ahhhs of feigned sympathy for Junmyeon. Good luck with that. He mouths.
…
“Could you make it a little romantic? I have no experience in flowers.” Yifan smirks at him, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.
“Is this for your girlfriend, sir?” Baekhyun asks, pretending to be curious.
“No, I’m going on a date with my boyfriend tonight, just your normal candlelit dinner by the meadow. After he says yes to my flowers of course.”
“Okay,” Baekhyun says. “But I don’t think he’d like flowers.”
“What do you think he’d like?”
“You.”
…
The date doesn’t happen though, because it’s raining hard. But the two of them are seated in the back of Yifan’s old Impala that’s parked in front of Baekhyun’s house, feet tangled with one another, trying to warm themselves.
“This isn’t the kind of candlelit dinner I’d expect from you.” Baekhyun jokes, tickling Yifan’s foot that tried to poke his side. “And you have long legs, how the hell did we manage to fit in here.”
“When we really want something, it’s not hard to find ways.” Yifan hauls Baekhyun forward, making him rest his head on Yifan’s chest. His hands automatically wrap around Baekhyun in a protective manner.
“I don’t want to reek of desperation, thank you very much.” Baekhyun chuckles, poking Yifan’s sides. “Hey, what time is it?”
“About eleven thirty, why?”
“I want to go home,” he wriggles out of Yifan’s grasp and opens the door. “Good night, Yifan.” He’s about to jump out but Yifan holds him back by the elbow. Yifan bends over to him, engaging him into a languid kiss. Baekhyun turns around, cupping Yifan’s face and claims they better go out on a proper date in the next few months.
When Baekhyun stops the kiss, eyes drooping with sleep, Yifan promises. “Good night, Yifan.” He plants a sweet kiss on his nose and jumps out of the car before Yifan could say I love you.
…
The date only happens when Yifan got a day off, two weeks later but Baekhyun doesn’t mind.
He easily slips his hand in Yifan’s pocket and practically beams at him. Yifan likes him like that, when he’s smiling. It reminds him of the glowing sun, the warmth of Baekhyun’s heart. As if he’s Yifan’s personal sun on an especially rainy day.
Yifan takes a mental image of Baekhyun and tucks it away into his subconscious just in case. Just in case when they’re apart and Yifan suddenly misses him.
They stroll around town, coffee shop to shopping centers to fast food chains. Yifan doesn’t mind the pain his feet are feeling after all the walking. As long as Baekhyun’s hand is in his, it makes up for every insignificant little thing.
“Yifan,” he looks up from his half-eaten burger. People are staring at them now, Baekhyun insists it’s because of the dreadful bucket hat he’s wearing and Yifan kisses him quickly to shut him up.
Baekhyun inches closer to him, pressing his forehead against his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun shakes his head and smiles against Yifan’s arm.
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I wanted to say that I had fun going with you today.”
…
They part ways after a few hours after that.
Yifan looks back and watches as Baekhyun walks off towards the other direction. He wants to chase the man or possibly walk him home. But Baekhyun already rounded the corner and disappeared through dim alleys.
His heart is beating oddly, too fast, and erratic for his own good.
…
“Why do you like cuddling next to me?” Jongdae asks, accentuating the why with a whine a bit longer than usual.
“You’re warm, plus I tend to think more clearly like this.” Jongdae wants to argue with him but Baekhyun isn’t joking. His expression is bleak and straight. Jongdae tugs him closer, putting Baekhyun’s head on his chest. If Junmyeon walked in on them like that, all curled up against each other, Jongdae’s Pororo bed sheets over them-Junmyeon wouldn’t care. Maybe flinch but not to the extent of breaking up.
Jongdae hums the willow song Baekhyun loves and tries to lull the brunet to serenity.
“Why is Yifan making everything so hard for me?” Baekhyun murmurs with his eyes still closed. “He’s utterly complicated.”
“You’re the one who’s complicated Baekhyun,” Jongdae states while he keeps patting Baekhyun’s head.
“What do you mean I’m the one who’s complicated?” Baekhyun pulls away, picking up a pillow to smack Jongdae, which the latter avoided.
“You obviously like him and he’s practically smitten with you. Don’t give me that look, Byun. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I usually catch Junmyeon staring at me like that every morning.”
“But-“ Baekhyun hesitates. He’s not sure if he should tell Jongdae that he’s been offered to work somewhere else. He finally got accepted to the company he applied for last month and he’s going to be working in another city.
“But what? See? You’re being complicated.”
“I’m moving away.”
“What?” Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him. “Moving where?”
“I finally got accepted to that advertising company. I’m moving to a city, Jongdae. An ocean away from you guys.” He makes a reach for Jongdae’s hands. “I’m really thankful that you and Junmyeon took me in. Don’t get me wrong, I love the flower shop. I’ve met so many nice people there, including Yifan, but I finally did it. I got the job.”
“I’m happy for you, Baek.” Jongdae says, and it almost sounds like a cut off sob.
“You hesitated.” Baekhyun burrows his eyebrows and hold on to Jongdae’s hands tighter. “Why’d you hesitate?”
“Because Yifan. What about Yifan?” Concern laces Jongdae’s question and it hits Baekhyun square in the guts. “You’re not just going to leave him hanging, are you?”
Carnations are in full bloom and Baekhyun wishes they aren’t.
…
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do?
How can I move on when I’m still in love with you?
…
His chin rests on top of his knees, his hands tightly hugging his own legs close to him. That’s how Baekhyun waits for Yifan in the middle of the meadow stripped of all its flowers while the snow gingerly piled on what used to be greenery. He’s a good half an hour early than their usual meeting time and it’s absolutely great. He wants to think through all of the things he should say to Yifan.
He’s not ready-but he’s already made up his mind.
Yifan arrives a few minutes later, just before Baekhyun feels his icy finger tips dig into his own skin.
“Hey, did you wait long?” Yifan looks so cheerful and it’s wrong for Baekhyun to be the one to wipe that smile from his face.
Baekhyun shakes his head. Yifan helps him up and their hands intertwine together so naturally Baekhyun honestly feels scared. He does like the other man, maybe too much if he’s willing to admit. Yifan leads him to his car and Baekhyun revels at the heat of the engine thrumming beneath him
…
“How was your day?”
“Fine,” Baekhyun says around his chopsticks. They’re at Yifan’s place after going out to see a movie.
“You don’t seem fine. What’s bothering you?” There it is, Baekhyun’s cue has come, but the words are stuck in his throat. I’m leaving tomorrow.
“Nothing, I’m just sleepy.” He sets down his chopsticks and leans against Yifan to prove his point. He doesn’t want to lie, but he can’t do it. The words aren’t coming out.
Yifan cards his hands through Baekhyun’s hair, trying to comfort him. But he notices the small stream of tears trailing down the brunet’s face. “Hey, you’re crying.”
Baekhyun collects himself, wiping the tears haphazardly, “I’m okay. I’m okay.” He turns to Yifan, forcing himself to smile, to assure Yifan. But he can’t fool anyone with that pained face.
“No you’re not. Don’t worry, I’m here.” Yifan leans closer, decreasing the gap between them, though it’s Baekhyun who presses his palms on Yifan’s cheeks to pull them into a kiss. With every passing second, when they needed to breathe, Yifan rests his forehead against Baekhyun’s. He lets out a breathy laugh that fans on Baekhyun’s face because he’s so lucky so lucky to have Baekhyun in his arms, in his embrace, and he doesn’t want to let go.
After a while, Baekhyun couldn’t help but sob again and mutter incomprehensible apologies against Yifan’s lips. His hands fall onto Yifan’s shoulders, gripping the fabric of his coat firmly. He wants to tell him, but he’s too scared. Too scared to hurt Yifan-to admit that he’s selfish for choosing something else over Yifan. He’s in too deep, and he can’t even say he loves him.
Yifan kisses the words away and leaves Baekhyun whimpering into his mouth. Baekhyun keeps whispering soft promises he knows he most probably will never be able to keep. But it sounds true and sincere in Yifan’s ears that he keeps kissing Baekhyun more, even kissing Baekhyun’s tears away despite how salty they are.
If only moments equate to eternity, if only moments could last forever, but even he knows the world is cruel and forever doesn’t even exist.
Baekhyun kisses back with fervor.
…
Because a first love can never be,
A first love is lingering attachment
Because you can’t have it since you loved too much…
…
Yifan looks down at him with so much love and concern if only Baekhyun took his hands off of his eyes and look back. But he doesn’t. He keeps crying and tells Yifan to go faster, please, please. He wants to feel some sort of burn, to remind him that he’s alive and that he deserves the pain. Yifan complies but there’s no pain.
…
He let Yifan make love to him last night, sweet and slow, taking their time together not rushing into things. But now the sun is cracking in through the maroon curtains, and Yifan has his back turned against him his other feet dangling over the side to make room for Baekhyun.
He’s slips out of the bed, checking the time. He’s got a few hours until his flight. Baekhyun starts picking up his discarded clothes from last night. From the bed, Yifan stirs and Baekhyun holds his breath as if Yifan wouldn’t wake up if he did. He still wakes up though, and sees Baekhyun up already.
“Hey,” He smiles, sitting up as he cards his hand through his blond locks. Baekhyun breathes through his nose and continues picking up the clothes. “Are you okay?” Yifan walks behind him, pulling Baekhyun’s back flush against his front. He feels so warm, just like last night and he needs to stop himself, he’s already cried enough to last a lifetime.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He turns Baekhyun around and plants a kiss on his lips. Baekhyun pulls back though, before it morphs into something else. “I have to go to the flower shop today.” See Junmyeon and Jongdae before I leave.
“I see. Have a good day?” Yifan smiles and there it is again, the pang of guilt knocking on Baekhyun’s chest. Overloading his heart, making it want to pop out of his chest.
“Yeah.”
He’s going to leave Yifan and this is the only way he could say goodbye. Great.
…
In Yifan’s bed, in Yifan’s arms, Baekhyun never managed to tell him-he never got to tell Yifan how much he loved him and how much he’s sorry for being selfish.
…
Yifan jogs to the flower shop, he’s ready to take Baekhyun out to the meadow to finish the painting and he’s got an hour to spare before they close down, so he drops by the coffee shop for two lattes.
Ding, ding. Yifan says, in time with the ringing bell overhead. He finds comfort in the little bell, every time, every day he comes here. He scans the place and sees Jongdae by the counter instead of Baekhyun.
“Jongdae-ssi,” he strides forward, setting the latte on the counter.
“Oh, it’s you.” Yifan sees the other man jump when he heard him. “If you’re here for…” He looks behind Yifan’s shoulder and there’s no one there but the two of them before he continues.
“I’m here for Baekhyun, yeah.”
“Baekhyun isn’t here.” Jongdae says flatly, he’s not meeting Yifan’s eyes and that’s supposed to mean something yet however, Yifan doesn’t get it. He presses on.
“Did he run an errand? It’s okay. I’ll wait.”
“No. Listen Yifan, it’s not like that.” He finally looks at the taller man, eyes a bit glassy and red. The pen in his hand is threatening to break if Jongdae keeps holding it too tightly. It takes a while before he sighs again, letting go the frustration with having to deal with Yifan instead of Baekhyun doing it himself.
“Go home, Yifan.” Jongdae tells him, opening the flower shop door to let Yifan out. There’s something Yifan feels his missing, something wrong with the way Jongdae is kicking him out and it’s nowhere near their closing time, Yifan should know.
“What do you mean, go home? What happened to Baekhyun? Is he sick?” He keeps prodding Jongdae before finally reaching the doorframe. He notes that Jongdae’s looking fairly grim and it’s not the lighting. Then a single tear rolls down Jongdae’s cheek, sliding past the side of his lips as he looks back up to Yifan.
“Where’s Baekhyun?” Yifan asks for the last time, and Jongdae heaves, trying to muster up all the energy he can.
“He left,” and the door slams right in front of Yifan’s face.
…
Left.
It hasn’t sunken in yet, the word left, echoing through Yifan’s head. The unfinished painting of autumn sits in the back of the atelier and it makes Yifan groan.
He can tell that the meadow is laughing at him. He can feel the blooming flowers sneering at him, Where’s your favorite flower now?
Yifan wants to be mad, to flip out and pluck them all off the ground by their roots. But he remembers Baekhyun telling him otherwise. That if he loved the flowers he wouldn’t pick them because loving is not about possessing something, it’s about prioritizing their happiness. And that’s when he realizes Baekhyun is the whole meadow.
His laughter fills the four corners of the cold gray room, it’s not warm and euphonious, but hallow and filled with sadness. Every breath makes his chest tight and he finally collapses on the bed, closing his eyes. He envisions that he’s back in the meadow lying on his back under an oak tree. Baekhyun is right next to him, drawing something on his back, letters, numbers, and flowers.
He misses Baekhyun already, but he’s willing to wait. If it’s for Baekhyun, he’s willing to wait.
He'll come back, right?
…
Jongin turns around, holding Kyungsoo’s wrist and accidentally bumps into someone. He didn’t really nock the man over he ends up apologizing profusely. “I’m sorry.” Jongin glances back at Kyungsoo, embarrassed and the man laughs, his eyes turning into crescents. His jet black hair is falling over his eyes and Kyungsoo thinks he looks familiar.
“It’s okay. Have a nice day.”
Jongin bows a bit, a little shameful for his recklessness. Kyungsoo shoves his thoughts aside and smiles back at the man apologetically. “You too.”
…
It didn’t rain in weeks that Yifan is beginning to feel that hoping for rain in the midst of summer would be like asking for something short of improbable. But when rain finally comes, marking the start of fall, it’s endless.
Yifan shivers just outside of Baekhyun’s apartment door. The rain is incessant and the jacket he hastily grabbed earlier didn’t help in easing the cold and water that’s soaking his whole body.
“It’s now or never,” Yifan runs his left hand through his hair, in a last attempt to make it seem like a messy hairdo. The cards are already in his shaking hands, the sides dampened by his wet fingertips. He traces his index fingers on the lines once more, muttering the words under his breath.
He knocks on the door, quietly at first and realizes Baekhyun might not have heard him. Yifan breathes in deeply, One, two, three.
The door opens and reveals Baekhyun in his black sweatshirt and gray jogging pants -face veneered with pure shock. Yifan’s breathing hitches. He missed Baekhyun so much, four years is definitely torture. The urge to kiss Baekhyun senseless then and there is as strong as his feelings for the man, that even hindered by time and distance, would never fade. He collects himself and looks intently at him.
“Hey,” Baekhyun smiles up at Yifan once he recovered a bit. He notices the younger man’s lips curving upward and he mentally told himself again not to kiss Baekhyun, yet.
Baekhyun fakes a cough and Yifan straightens himself. Oh, yeah, right.
Yifan nervously looks down at his note cards (the one he wrote down in after getting advices from Jongdae when he heard Baekhyun’s back,”Baekhyun’s a total sucker for cliché, romantic shit. Go get ‘em, tiger!”).
“Hey…” He stares at his notes really hard, trying to comprehend the sentences. The longer he stares, the more the letters and words seem to jumble around. He tries reading the next lines in his head before looking at Baekhyun and does his best to push them out of his dry throat.
“It must uhm…. Do you know that… uhmm.. You’re-you think..” Yifan’s hands go numb and he curses under his breath as the cards fall on the ground. It’s been so long, now he has Baekhyun standing in front of him and he’s uneasy as hell.
“Oh shit. Fuck. I’m sorry.” Yifan crouches down to salvage the drenched cards. But it’s obviously a failed effort, the ink smudges and turn’s his handwriting into a glob of mess, barely legible.
Baekhyun chuckles behind the back of his hand.
“It’s because you’re just so-argh..” Yifan stands up, the paper crumpled in his giant hands, feeling utterly hopeless. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
Yifan gives up, almost turning around to leave but Baekhyun is quick and he tugs him by hem of his shirt.
“Hey, I missed you. Would you like to have some coffee?” Baekhyun pulls him in his apartment with another one of his precious laughs before Yifan’s brain could process anything.
The heater in Baekhyun’s apartment make their way to Yifan’s quivering body. “You look like you’ve been standing in the middle of a hurricane and then got robbed. Stand here, I’ll get you a towel.”
“Okay.” Yifan says as he pulled off his squelchy jacket, dropping it to the floor. He takes off his shoes and socks as well, they were both wet and he still has the decency not to splash water all over Baekhyun’s living room and kitchen. He already embarrassed himself enough that day.
Baekhyun finds him in the kitchen and hands him a dry towel. “Thanks.”
…
Yifan is unnerved by Baekhyun’s silence as the latter made coffee. He had never been in Baekhyun’s apartment for four years and everything feels new again. “Baek…” Yifan calls him.
“Hmm?” The other man turns around and sees Yifan sitting on one of the kitchen stools; Baekhyun pushes the mug of warm coffee towards his side of the table.
“Are you… You see, I’m just…” Yifan struggles for words, which he doesn’t usually do but because it’s Baekhyun. It’s always been because of Baekhyun that his mind turns into a garbled mess. Four years of waiting had almost turned him stupid than before. He waits for Baekhyun and if Baekhyun rejects and leaves him again, he’d wait again for another four years, as long as he gets to see him smile again.
Yifan refuses to meet the other’s eyes. He’s flushed and cold and wet, the mug of coffee between his quivering fingers is the only thing that’s keeping him warm.
“Yifan?” He’s determined not to look up but he just can’t help those hazel eyes that called him. He takes a sip of the coffee, careful not to scald his tongue.
“I’m sorry about your cue cards. Most importantly, I’m sorry about leaving town without saying anything.” Baekhyun says. “I don’t know how to explain myself. I’m just sorry. You don’t need to forgive me.”
Yifan looks up hastily, he felt like there is something heavy in his chest and it’s crawling up his throat. “It’s not your fault. There’s nothing to be sorry for. You just chased your dreams, you lived the way you wanted and that’s fine. You don’t need to apologize. Not for anything. It’s only me; you don’t need to be sorry.” I’ll always wait for you is left unsaid as he babbles on and Baekhyun smiles radiantly at him just like how he used to.
“You’re still cheesy as always. No flowers?”
He shakes his head and laughes along with Baekhyun, everything seems to be just like before. No tension, no awkwardness.
The laughter dies down after a while, Baekhyun and Yifan catching up on things they missed from each other between the years. Yifan is still painting meadows and flowers but this time he managed to land a contract with a local museum to feature his works. Baekhyun laughs at that but tells him he’s happy for Yifan that his masterpieces have been recognized by the public. Baekhyun, on the other hand, had quit his old job. The company had gone downhill and the pay had dwindled to almost the minimum wage. It wasn’t enough to keep Baekhyun working at the company so he moved back.
Soon the conversations die down as well; the blaring of Baekhyun’s TV is the only thing keeping silence at bay. Yifan looks at their positions and finds Baekhyun curled against him on the sofa, blinking away sleep. It’s almost midnight and Yifan knows the younger man has no tolerance for sleeping late.
“Baek, I should go.”
Baekhyun gets up with a confused look and lies back down again, putting Yifan’s hand on his hair, goading the man to pet him. “Would you like to stay the night?”
“You seem tired from unpacking. I shouldn’t keep you up.”
A soft little sigh escapes Baekhyun’s lips and he sits up straight. “I wanted to talk more. Could we maybe go out tomorrow? You could take me to your art exhibit. I want to see your new installments.” Baekhyun says, his voice laced with amusement. He escorts Yifan to the door, rubbing his eyes.
“Uhm…” Yifan swallows down the dry lump in his throat, eyes trained at Baekhyun’s lips. He’s standing outside now, looking silly as he fumbles with the hem of his coat, his face, a dandy shade of scarlet. “Can I have… a do over?”
The smile on Baekhyun’s face falters and turns into a frown. Yifan forces himself to look up at the younger man’s eyes, his own burning with curiosity, worry and anticipation altogether. His face falls when Baekhyun sighs.
“You know, Yifan…” Baekhyun lifts Yifan’s chin up with his pretty fingers to look at him. “You can just skip to the part where you kiss me.”
Fin
“How did we first meet? I kind of forgot. Oh wait, was it when I was at the register and you bought some white carnations?”
“No, no. It was a week before that. It was raining, really, really hard.” Yifan makes stupid hand gestures while frowning, trying to remember that fateful day. “I passed by the flower shop and waited for the rain to die down before I crossed the street.” Yifan bumps their foreheads together and plants a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s nose. “You offered me a towel but I sort of refused.”
“Wow, you’re such an ass.”
“I was flustered okay. God, why the hell am I telling you this? It’s like confessing all over again, minus the cue card tragedy.”
“That wasn’t a tragedy, more like I felt like in a RomCom with a dose of drama. Wait, I do live in a RomCom. What the hell, Yifan. I deserve something more than a RomCom!”
“You deserve whatever you want.” Yifan buries his face into Baekhyun’s newly dyed black hair, inhaling the scent of his strawberry shampoo.
“You’re so cheesy.”
“Concentrating Baekhyun at work is my favorite Baekhyun.”
“Really?” Baekhyun pulls back as he side eyes him. “I thought you said you liked squirming and blushing Baekhyun? Was that a lie? Then, I guess you’ll never see squirming and blushing Baekhyun ever again.”
Baekhyun wriggles out of the embrace and he ends up being chased by Yifan around the apartment. When he gets tired of laughing and running, he collapses on the bed again, Yifan following and landing face first next to him.
“You dork,” he pinches Yifan by the side.
“But I am your dork. Forever.” Yifan grumbles onto the bed sheets before he grinned at Baekhyun. In retaliation, he plants a kiss on Yifan’s lips. “I guess you are.” He smiles back.
“Don’t pretend there’s a way out of this Baekhyun.” Yifan connects their lips again, slowly this time.
And Baekhyun pulls away to mutter breathily against Yifan’s face. The first time he’s going to say it, but probably not the last. “I love you, you dork.”
He’s never going to let him go ever again.
pairing: Baekhyun/Kris (side!D.O./Kai, side!Chen/Suho)
word count: 7,910words
rating: R
warning/s: implied sex, cussing, did not beta
summary: "You think you’re a flower, but you’re actually a whole meadow."
a/n: well then. this was supposed to be my fic for artistalks. ;q; this is trash tbh after all that lawsuit issue thingy. + i still don't have someone to beta any of my fics. /cries.
-the pinch-hit will be posted at a later time (might edit that one).
p.s. inspired by Juniel's Illa Illa and The Script's The Man Who Can't Be Moved.
static
How happy can the flowers be
when they’re wilting against your window pane?
“There’s a man waiting by the meadow,” A faint chill inside the quaint little café makes Kyungsoo roll down the sleeves of his gray sweater. Nonchalantly, he points his spoon outside the window in the general direction of the meadow.
“A man?” Jongin curiously inquires. He leans in closer and props his elbows onto the wooden table, gentle enough not to disturb the platters on top of it.
“Yeah. He’s always holding onto some flowers. People say he’s waiting for someone.”
“For how long?”
There’s a momentary silence, the clattering of utensils on porcelain overtaking the atmosphere between them. A pair of customers beside them burst out laughing and Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders noncommittally. “’Dunno.”
Jongin nods, his eyes closing in thought, imagining a man in tattered clothes, hanging by the meadow eyes filled with hope. “That’s sad.”
“Yeah,” they share a moment of silence before Jongin starts tugging Kyungsoo up from his seat. “Let’s head out? I still have to finish some term papers.”
Kyungsoo is reluctant to go but since his coffee’s already finished, he might as well get an early head start on his share of projects as well. “Okay.”
…
There’s a man that keeps coming back to the small flower shop Baekhyun works at. At the strike of 5:15 in the afternoon, forty five minutes before they closed, the man strides in, casually skimming around the shop, sniffing the flowers in stock before he’d finally make up his mind and come up to Baekhyun to pay for them.
Baekhyun stares at the old wristwatch his mother gave him, the longer hand pointing to somewhere between two and three and the smaller one directly at five. It takes a while before the bell of the shop to chime, signaling the arrival of their usual customer.
The man walks in, hand tucked into the pocket of his worn out jeans. Baekhyun smiles to himself at the sight of the man’s damp hair, but more at the slight rise and fall of the man’s chest, as if he ran to the flower shop in a hurry.
Baekhyun greets him and receives a curt nod in return before he continues to look around the flowers, a hand carding through his blond locks.
The man takes his time choosing and when he finally makes up his mind, some violets in hand, he walks up to Baekhyun and requests for some snowdrops as well.
…
Baekhyun has a knack at sensing things that seem out of place even the minute ones. He glances down his watch for what seemed like the tenth time that hour. Suddenly, he feels someone poking his side and he promptly jumps, startling a female customer who just entered as well. “What the hell was that for Jongdae?” He faces the man behind him, his kittenish smile spreading into a sly grin.
Jongdae cocks his head towards the door where a tall blond man just came in. “That blond guy is back again. Man, I think he’s been coming back for you every day.”
“Don’t be silly, Jongdae. This isn’t one of those cliché romance flicks.” Baekhyun snorts and resumes arranging the bouquet order due in an hour. He’s pretty sure petunias and red roses don’t go well together, but that’s the order. Who’s he to argue anyway?
“He’s probably getting flowers for his girlfriend.” Baekhyun adds, huffing indifferently.
“Whatever. He’s still weird.” Jongdae rolls his sleeves up. “Anyway, Junmyeon is out and it’s your turn to run the counter today, Baek. Those pots and vases don’t carry themselves, y’know?” Jongdae flexes his arm muscles in pride and all Baekhyun wants is for the earth to swallow up Kim Jongdae and spit him out on some other planet instead.
“Don’t break anything. Junmyeon’s going to rip your guns off if you so much as to scratch one of those vases.”
Jongdae waves him off as he disappears into the back of the store and Baekhyun turns back to work behind the counter, busying himself with entertaining the customers and their questions regarding bouquets for special occasions, just another regular day at the flower shop.
But it’s not supposed to be like this.
Baekhyun isn’t supposed to be a florist. He wants to work in a big company as an accountant but never managed to snatch a spot. There would be job interviews and Baekhyun sucks at them, he’d always get nervous too much that he could feel the earth rotate beneath his feet.
“Excuse me, do you have snowdrops?” Their usual 5:15 patron walks up to him, looking quite nice in a pressed black suit. Baekhyun figures he’s a business man or working for a high caliber job. He moves like it anyway, long limbs moving efficiently, even his fingers had that certain flair.
“They sold out a while ago, sir. But would you be interested in getting roses? Next week’s already Valentine’s Day and it’s never too early or too late to give them to your loved ones!” He replies instead, scribbling on a notebook. Order snowdrops for the next batch.
“I’ll think about it, thank you.” The blond man nods in thought and leaves Baekhyun standing there to stare at his retreating figure.
This is the first time the man left without buying any flowers. Baekhyun couldn’t help but frown.
...
A rainy day in town without an umbrella sucks. Or so Wu Yifan thinks as he ran his way through an alley. He’s not even sure why he chose this route today, since it’s a little detour from the regular course. The implacable rain hitting his leather suitcase makes him cringe. Probably all of the paperwork he worked hard on last night got drenched.
He stops on his tracks as he stumbles upon a vintage style flower shop. His socks were already soggy and gross but he pushes the door and enters without much thought.
There’s an employee bent over a box of seeds, his small stature reminding him of a little puppy. Unwittingly, he stares at the man for a few whole seconds before the man notices him awkwardly gaping by the door.
The man stands up, wide eyes turning into beautiful crescents as he smiles warmly. “Hello, how may I help you?”
…
It’s a Tuesday when Yifan returns to the shop and he is very much disappointed when the person he came for is nowhere in the vicinity. He supposes the cute brunet is on a break and would be back later. So he waits.
An hour walking around the tiny shop later, one of the employees taps him on the shoulder and he jolts up from smelling the roses. The guy has a kittenish smile, like a creepy Cheshire cat especially when he looks at Yifan like that, assessing his worth, most likely noting every crease in Yifan’s shirt. “Yes?”
“If you’re waiting around for Baekhyun, he’s not here today. Day off.” He shrugs but the sly smile still on his face. “You can come back tomorrow.”
“Wha- What makes you think I’m here for him?” So, his name is Baekhyun. He smiles ridiculously to himself. Shit why am I acting like a lovesick teenager, he curses himself internally.
“You’ve been here for a while, doing random things. I think I know what you’re up to.”
“Excuse me?” Yifan almost fee;s offended, but not quite. How could he be offended when it was the truth anyway?
“Hi. I’m Kim Jongdae, Byun Baekhyun’s self-appointed best friend.” He blatantly proffers his hand to Yifan, expecting a handshake. The man behind the counter stares at them and he takes Jongdae’s hand.
“Wu Yifan, pleasure to meet you?” He grins back unsurely.
…
When Junmyeon told him that there were a few orders for corsages that day, he didn’t expect one to be for him.
“Baek,” Jongdae hands him a box containing one of the sprays he arranged earlier. “Delivery.”
“What?” The yellow flower adorned with baby’s breaths gleams at him from inside the plastic box.
There’s also a card that read, in Junmyeon’s flourished calligraphy. (They also wrote the messages unless specified by the customers.)
The card reads:
Forget the roses, forget the lilies or the shy little daisies. No matter how pretty or how vast the garden is, you’re still my favorite flower.
“What the hell is this?” He shoves the card toward Jongdae and the other man raises his eyebrows, not even bothering to look at it. Jongdae’s eyes are concentrated on the list of addresses anyway. Baekhyun feels conscious and looks around the shop and only the three of them were there, no customers, no potential buyers. Only Jongdae and him bent over the counter and Junmyeon still in the back scribbling notes.
“Well. I need to deliver these.” Jongdae clasps his shoulder before he exits the shop. And Baekhyun swears to himself that Jongdae was knowingly grinning when he slid the card across the table earlier.
…
Sundays are the days when Baekhyun is the only one manning the little flower shop. But that particular Sunday is quite different. Junmyeon has to go on a business trip to China and Jongdae wants to tag along with him so badly (“I want to learn Mandarin!” he reasons). Junmyeon was insisting that they should just close down for a while until they got back but Baekhyun told him not to worry and he should go on his little getaway with Jongdae.
Baekhyun just needs the money to pay for his rent and other necessities, but he’s never going to tell Junmyeon that. He’s already indebted that he gave him a job.
“Close early when there’re no customers. Okay, Baekhyun?” Junmyeon reminds him, loading the last of Jongdae’s luggage in the cab. “Take care of yourself.”
“Of course,” Baekhyun smiles as Jongdae envelops him in a tight hug.
“Don’t die on me, Baekhyun. I’ll make sure to bring you souvenirs!” Jongdae jokes, pulling Junmyeon into the cab, waving excitedly for his new escapade with the older man. “See you!”
“Bye.”
…
Business is a little bit slower than usual today, since in their part of the town, people preferred staying at home during Sundays trying to get whatever rest they can and prep themselves for the dreaded Mondays.
Baekhyun is about to close for the day when he suddenly remembers their 5:15 customer. Baekhyun decides to tidy around, bringing out a ribbon and a pair of scissors just in case.
The bell chimes making Baekhyun smile.
…
“I’m Baekhyun,” he introduces himself just out of the blue, not really looking at the man as he packs up the flowers. If he was looking though, he would have seen the surprise evident in the man’s face at the sudden question.
“Yifan,” comes an uneasy preamble from his side of the counter.
“Yifan,” Baekhyun tries the name on his tongue and it rolls perfectly. “Yifan, so tell me. What do you do?” He says again, smiling.
The flower shop has been quiet for the past few days, lackluster and too dusty with Junmyeon and Jongdae out of town. Baekhyun had had an urge to call them last night, but ended up staring out the window. It would’ve seemed intrusive if he had called on their vacation.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I’m just curious, is all.” Baekhyun hands him the bouquet, laughing dismissingly.
“No, it’s fine.” Yifan assures him, breaking into an easy smile, shoulders finally relaxing. “I work at an office nearby.”
“What do you do with the flowers? I mean, you buy a lot for a man who works at an office. Wooing a girl, maybe?”
It’s his turn to laugh and he grabs the opportunity, taking the wrapped up flowers. “No, no. No girl. I just like flowers that I’m trying to paint them.”
“I want to see your paintings,” Baekhyun says sincerely. “You seem like a great artist.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Yifan smiles back at him as well. The door closes with Baekhyun’s unheard see you.
…
He orders a dozen of roses and has Baekhyun wrapping them up nicely with a teal ribbon this time. “There’s a meadow just on the outskirts of town, if you want to paint something really pretty.” Baekhyun offers to take him there whenever he’s free and Yifan nods.
“I’d like that.”
…
Baekhyun takes him to the meadow the next Sunday, and the look on Yifan’s face when they got there is absolutely priceless. “Do you like it here? It’s airy and there are a lot of wild flowers growing, I think you’d paint this really well, if you’re up for landscapes.”
“What if I told you I’m a minimalist?” They sit down by the daisies, watching as the sun sinks behind rows of trees that turn the sky a bloody orange.
Baekhyun jokingly smacks him. “I’d never believe you. You practically order flowers every day. I’ll be surprised if you even have space for them in your apartment.”
“I throw them out after I paint them.” He picks up a daisy and examines it between his fingertips, admiring the pale yellow color it gives off.
“Are you for real? That’s a waste! If you’re just going to throw them out, at least give ‘em to people who can appreciate their beauty. They’re already on borrowed time and you’re just going to throw them out that quick?”
“Wow, I was just kidding, but okay. I’ll hand them over to you when I’m done admiring them and eternalizing them on canvas, as weird as that sounds.”
Baekhyun leans back until he can feel the grass tickle his neck. “Why would you even do that.” He asks, not to Yifan but more to himself. Yifan’s gaze drops to the laid out man beside him who has his eyes closed. The light looks good on him, and Yifan thinks it’s horrible especially when it makes his gut churn.
…
Because first love is beautiful, a first love is a flower
Blooming widely when spring comes - dazzling like a flower
…
Yifan’s been coming to the shop as expected, sometimes in his business suit, sometimes in his weird track pants and Baekhyun thinks Yifan has an attachment to them. But today, he seems chipper than usual, coming up to Baekhyun immediately after he comes in, white shirt over ripped jeans.
“Hey Baekhyun, would you like to go and grab coffee with me after you close down the shop?” is the first thing he says when the old lady turns her back to them, going back to get more fertilizers.
Baekhyun teasingly raises an eyebrow at him. “Is this some trick so you could mug me?”
“You’re the one who’s always taking me to the meadow, one of the unpopulated parts of town. I should be the one concerned here, not you.”
“And yet you still come with me.” Baekhyun crosses his arms, looking behind Yifan’s right side to see if any of the customers need help.
“C’mon Baekhyun, we’re just gonna grab coffee and I swear I won’t rob you or kill you. I won’t even touch a single strand of hair on you.”
“That’s too much bargaining, but you are going to be the one buying me coffee so, okay.” They smile at each other before Baekhyun tells him to not block the counter because the old lady is back and she’s going to pay for the things she needs.
…
Summer is almost around the corner and Baekhyun asks for a week off when the two lovebirds got back from their trip.
Baekhyun insists on witnessing Yifan painting.
“Hey, Yifan.”
“Hmm?”
“Why do you keep going to the flower shop?” Baekhyun asks, and the taller one doesn't reply, instead, he smiles.
…
Both of them sharing stupidly ridiculous sentiments, usually end up in Baekhyun talking Yifan’s ear off, but it’s okay. Yifan likes to hear Baekhyun talks about things he likes.
“Have you ever wondered how life would be if there were no seasons but the weather would be just right? Imagine all the different colors of flowers blooming all around and they’d never wilt.”
Yifan stops gnawing on the popcorn, taking in what Baekhyun had said. “But it’s winter.”
“There’s no winter wonderland. Winter is the worst weather, nothing grows, everything freezes. But it can’t ever stop freeze time. That’s the worst.”
…
Yifan doesn’t spend Baekhyun’s remaining days with him. He disappeared for more than a week without warning and Baekhyun feels like he’s scared him off. Jongdae tells him that he probably has (as a joke of course) and Baekhyun kind of believes him.
It’s only a few more days later that Yifan comes in to the shop, an hour early, carrying a suitcase a bit bigger than usual. “Baekhyun,” he puffs, grabbing Baekhyun by the wrist. “I need you to come with me.”
Baekhyun gives him an incredulous look and both of them whip their heads when Jongdae shouts, “Baekhyun’s off on a break, Junmyeon! Man the counter, will you?” Yifan mumbles a thank you before pulling Baekhyun out the shop, across the street, two blocks to the right, and half a block to the left.
Yifan pushes the door open before Baekhyun and they both step inside the spacious room. “This is your..?” Baekhyun doesn’t finish his question when he reaches the first painting to the left. Blotches of amethyst and white scatter within the canvas, Baekhyun could make out the silver vase discarded in the corner while the flowers roamed free.
“This is where you’ve gone to. What’s the title?”
“Post-spring,” Yifan says as Baekhyun slides to the next painting, this time of egg-shaped greens and reds. “They’re really wonderful, Yifan,” comes Baekhyun’s compliment as he moves to the next painting. Yifan is silently following behind him, eyes raking Baekhyun for his reaction.
He stops in front of the last canvas, half colored white and gray looking back at him. “This isn’t done yet?”
“It’s done already.” Yifan confirms. “Winter.”
“What’s with the one worded titles?” Baekhyun laughs, turning to Yifan. “These are amazing, really!”
“Which one is your favorite?”
“I’m no critic, okay? But you haven’t done anything on autumn, so how am I supposed to say things?” Yifan breaks into a smile and that’s how they end up in the meadow, Baekhyun sitting amidst the droop colors of autumn.
“I’m a major contrast to this, Yifan.”
“Would you be mad if I said that was the point?”
“Most likely, yes.” Baekhyun pulls his knees up against his chest, making himself comfortable. “This is silly. I can’t stay in this position for long!”
“Then maybe we could come again next time, when you feel like sitting for a couple of minutes.” Yifan finishes up the sketch and packs up his things. Baekhyun is right next to him, laughing his heart out because Yifan had accidentally forgotten to wash the paint off his face.
Maybe Yifan fell in love with Baekhyun at that moment. Where his eyes crinkle into crescents and his pretty fingers pressing against his forehead in a lazy attempt to wipe off the paint.
…
Baekhyun links his hand with Yifan’s and tugs it onto his lap. On his other hand, Yifan notices a pen patiently tapping on the brunet’s knee which is easily uncapped. “What are you doing?” Yifan asks.
The brunet promptly ignores him, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he starts drawing things on Yifan’s forearm. Baekhyun looks adorable that way, fully concentrated on his work.
“Tada!” Baekhyun pulls back, revealing the vandal he did onto him. Yifan stares at the tiny dots adorning his skin, they’re of different sizes and proximities, scattered all over Baekhyun’s makeshift canvas.
“Dots?”
“Stars.” Baekhyun corrects him, a mischievous tone lacing his reply. Yifan merely laughs at how childish Baekhyun can be. He didn’t mean it in a negative way like how Baekhyun perceived it just then, with his lower lip jutting out to a pout. This is probably the second time he falls in love with him.
“You’re ridiculously cute,” he ruffles Baekhyun’s soft hair and it makes him annoyed, but his little growl comes out like a flustered groan.
“You want to connect them?” Baekhyun peers at him behind his sinfully long bangs. He pokes Yifan on his side as revenge for messing his hair, eliciting a warm laugh from the man.
Yifan slowly looks down and the dots-stars seemed to strike a certain string in his heart. Baekhyun hands him the pen and points to the farthest star from his wrist, instructing him to start from there.
I
Baekhyun taps the next dot.
like
And Yifan doesn’t need to connect the last few letters to know what it means. He stares intently at the brunet, the setting sun forming shadows behind them. Autumn is fading and his painting of Baekhyun is nowhere near done. “You.” He says, pulling Baekhyun into a hug, “I like you.”
…
“You seem happy, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon notes one day when the three of them went out to lunch for the first time in ages. “You finally got accepted?”
“He’s in love,” Jongdae corrects him and Baekhyun groans at his sushi, slumping on his chair.
“Really Jongdae? How do you know?”
“Because, Byun Baek, people only get to look refreshed because of three things. One, make up; two, they’re in love; three, they got laid. And I am so sorry that I don’t think you got laid because you’ve never been the type to put out even on the third date.”
“We’ve been going out a lot,” he mumbles.
“Please Baekhyun, him painting you fully dressed isn’t considered as getting laid. You’re not even posed like Rose in Titanic, so, no.”
“Jongdae,” Junmyeon warns him. “Don’t go overboard, okay?”
“What’s wrong with him?” Baekhyun whispers to Junmyeon, eyes trained on the way Jongdae stabs the chicken in front of them.
“Stuff.” Junmyeon replies but Jongdae is already glaring at the both of them. “Bedroom stuff.” Baekhyun lets out ahhhs of feigned sympathy for Junmyeon. Good luck with that. He mouths.
…
“Could you make it a little romantic? I have no experience in flowers.” Yifan smirks at him, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.
“Is this for your girlfriend, sir?” Baekhyun asks, pretending to be curious.
“No, I’m going on a date with my boyfriend tonight, just your normal candlelit dinner by the meadow. After he says yes to my flowers of course.”
“Okay,” Baekhyun says. “But I don’t think he’d like flowers.”
“What do you think he’d like?”
“You.”
…
The date doesn’t happen though, because it’s raining hard. But the two of them are seated in the back of Yifan’s old Impala that’s parked in front of Baekhyun’s house, feet tangled with one another, trying to warm themselves.
“This isn’t the kind of candlelit dinner I’d expect from you.” Baekhyun jokes, tickling Yifan’s foot that tried to poke his side. “And you have long legs, how the hell did we manage to fit in here.”
“When we really want something, it’s not hard to find ways.” Yifan hauls Baekhyun forward, making him rest his head on Yifan’s chest. His hands automatically wrap around Baekhyun in a protective manner.
“I don’t want to reek of desperation, thank you very much.” Baekhyun chuckles, poking Yifan’s sides. “Hey, what time is it?”
“About eleven thirty, why?”
“I want to go home,” he wriggles out of Yifan’s grasp and opens the door. “Good night, Yifan.” He’s about to jump out but Yifan holds him back by the elbow. Yifan bends over to him, engaging him into a languid kiss. Baekhyun turns around, cupping Yifan’s face and claims they better go out on a proper date in the next few months.
When Baekhyun stops the kiss, eyes drooping with sleep, Yifan promises. “Good night, Yifan.” He plants a sweet kiss on his nose and jumps out of the car before Yifan could say I love you.
…
The date only happens when Yifan got a day off, two weeks later but Baekhyun doesn’t mind.
He easily slips his hand in Yifan’s pocket and practically beams at him. Yifan likes him like that, when he’s smiling. It reminds him of the glowing sun, the warmth of Baekhyun’s heart. As if he’s Yifan’s personal sun on an especially rainy day.
Yifan takes a mental image of Baekhyun and tucks it away into his subconscious just in case. Just in case when they’re apart and Yifan suddenly misses him.
They stroll around town, coffee shop to shopping centers to fast food chains. Yifan doesn’t mind the pain his feet are feeling after all the walking. As long as Baekhyun’s hand is in his, it makes up for every insignificant little thing.
“Yifan,” he looks up from his half-eaten burger. People are staring at them now, Baekhyun insists it’s because of the dreadful bucket hat he’s wearing and Yifan kisses him quickly to shut him up.
Baekhyun inches closer to him, pressing his forehead against his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun shakes his head and smiles against Yifan’s arm.
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I wanted to say that I had fun going with you today.”
…
They part ways after a few hours after that.
Yifan looks back and watches as Baekhyun walks off towards the other direction. He wants to chase the man or possibly walk him home. But Baekhyun already rounded the corner and disappeared through dim alleys.
His heart is beating oddly, too fast, and erratic for his own good.
…
“Why do you like cuddling next to me?” Jongdae asks, accentuating the why with a whine a bit longer than usual.
“You’re warm, plus I tend to think more clearly like this.” Jongdae wants to argue with him but Baekhyun isn’t joking. His expression is bleak and straight. Jongdae tugs him closer, putting Baekhyun’s head on his chest. If Junmyeon walked in on them like that, all curled up against each other, Jongdae’s Pororo bed sheets over them-Junmyeon wouldn’t care. Maybe flinch but not to the extent of breaking up.
Jongdae hums the willow song Baekhyun loves and tries to lull the brunet to serenity.
“Why is Yifan making everything so hard for me?” Baekhyun murmurs with his eyes still closed. “He’s utterly complicated.”
“You’re the one who’s complicated Baekhyun,” Jongdae states while he keeps patting Baekhyun’s head.
“What do you mean I’m the one who’s complicated?” Baekhyun pulls away, picking up a pillow to smack Jongdae, which the latter avoided.
“You obviously like him and he’s practically smitten with you. Don’t give me that look, Byun. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I usually catch Junmyeon staring at me like that every morning.”
“But-“ Baekhyun hesitates. He’s not sure if he should tell Jongdae that he’s been offered to work somewhere else. He finally got accepted to the company he applied for last month and he’s going to be working in another city.
“But what? See? You’re being complicated.”
“I’m moving away.”
“What?” Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him. “Moving where?”
“I finally got accepted to that advertising company. I’m moving to a city, Jongdae. An ocean away from you guys.” He makes a reach for Jongdae’s hands. “I’m really thankful that you and Junmyeon took me in. Don’t get me wrong, I love the flower shop. I’ve met so many nice people there, including Yifan, but I finally did it. I got the job.”
“I’m happy for you, Baek.” Jongdae says, and it almost sounds like a cut off sob.
“You hesitated.” Baekhyun burrows his eyebrows and hold on to Jongdae’s hands tighter. “Why’d you hesitate?”
“Because Yifan. What about Yifan?” Concern laces Jongdae’s question and it hits Baekhyun square in the guts. “You’re not just going to leave him hanging, are you?”
Carnations are in full bloom and Baekhyun wishes they aren’t.
…
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do?
How can I move on when I’m still in love with you?
…
His chin rests on top of his knees, his hands tightly hugging his own legs close to him. That’s how Baekhyun waits for Yifan in the middle of the meadow stripped of all its flowers while the snow gingerly piled on what used to be greenery. He’s a good half an hour early than their usual meeting time and it’s absolutely great. He wants to think through all of the things he should say to Yifan.
He’s not ready-but he’s already made up his mind.
Yifan arrives a few minutes later, just before Baekhyun feels his icy finger tips dig into his own skin.
“Hey, did you wait long?” Yifan looks so cheerful and it’s wrong for Baekhyun to be the one to wipe that smile from his face.
Baekhyun shakes his head. Yifan helps him up and their hands intertwine together so naturally Baekhyun honestly feels scared. He does like the other man, maybe too much if he’s willing to admit. Yifan leads him to his car and Baekhyun revels at the heat of the engine thrumming beneath him
…
“How was your day?”
“Fine,” Baekhyun says around his chopsticks. They’re at Yifan’s place after going out to see a movie.
“You don’t seem fine. What’s bothering you?” There it is, Baekhyun’s cue has come, but the words are stuck in his throat. I’m leaving tomorrow.
“Nothing, I’m just sleepy.” He sets down his chopsticks and leans against Yifan to prove his point. He doesn’t want to lie, but he can’t do it. The words aren’t coming out.
Yifan cards his hands through Baekhyun’s hair, trying to comfort him. But he notices the small stream of tears trailing down the brunet’s face. “Hey, you’re crying.”
Baekhyun collects himself, wiping the tears haphazardly, “I’m okay. I’m okay.” He turns to Yifan, forcing himself to smile, to assure Yifan. But he can’t fool anyone with that pained face.
“No you’re not. Don’t worry, I’m here.” Yifan leans closer, decreasing the gap between them, though it’s Baekhyun who presses his palms on Yifan’s cheeks to pull them into a kiss. With every passing second, when they needed to breathe, Yifan rests his forehead against Baekhyun’s. He lets out a breathy laugh that fans on Baekhyun’s face because he’s so lucky so lucky to have Baekhyun in his arms, in his embrace, and he doesn’t want to let go.
After a while, Baekhyun couldn’t help but sob again and mutter incomprehensible apologies against Yifan’s lips. His hands fall onto Yifan’s shoulders, gripping the fabric of his coat firmly. He wants to tell him, but he’s too scared. Too scared to hurt Yifan-to admit that he’s selfish for choosing something else over Yifan. He’s in too deep, and he can’t even say he loves him.
Yifan kisses the words away and leaves Baekhyun whimpering into his mouth. Baekhyun keeps whispering soft promises he knows he most probably will never be able to keep. But it sounds true and sincere in Yifan’s ears that he keeps kissing Baekhyun more, even kissing Baekhyun’s tears away despite how salty they are.
If only moments equate to eternity, if only moments could last forever, but even he knows the world is cruel and forever doesn’t even exist.
Baekhyun kisses back with fervor.
…
Because a first love can never be,
A first love is lingering attachment
Because you can’t have it since you loved too much…
…
Yifan looks down at him with so much love and concern if only Baekhyun took his hands off of his eyes and look back. But he doesn’t. He keeps crying and tells Yifan to go faster, please, please. He wants to feel some sort of burn, to remind him that he’s alive and that he deserves the pain. Yifan complies but there’s no pain.
…
He let Yifan make love to him last night, sweet and slow, taking their time together not rushing into things. But now the sun is cracking in through the maroon curtains, and Yifan has his back turned against him his other feet dangling over the side to make room for Baekhyun.
He’s slips out of the bed, checking the time. He’s got a few hours until his flight. Baekhyun starts picking up his discarded clothes from last night. From the bed, Yifan stirs and Baekhyun holds his breath as if Yifan wouldn’t wake up if he did. He still wakes up though, and sees Baekhyun up already.
“Hey,” He smiles, sitting up as he cards his hand through his blond locks. Baekhyun breathes through his nose and continues picking up the clothes. “Are you okay?” Yifan walks behind him, pulling Baekhyun’s back flush against his front. He feels so warm, just like last night and he needs to stop himself, he’s already cried enough to last a lifetime.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He turns Baekhyun around and plants a kiss on his lips. Baekhyun pulls back though, before it morphs into something else. “I have to go to the flower shop today.” See Junmyeon and Jongdae before I leave.
“I see. Have a good day?” Yifan smiles and there it is again, the pang of guilt knocking on Baekhyun’s chest. Overloading his heart, making it want to pop out of his chest.
“Yeah.”
He’s going to leave Yifan and this is the only way he could say goodbye. Great.
…
In Yifan’s bed, in Yifan’s arms, Baekhyun never managed to tell him-he never got to tell Yifan how much he loved him and how much he’s sorry for being selfish.
…
Yifan jogs to the flower shop, he’s ready to take Baekhyun out to the meadow to finish the painting and he’s got an hour to spare before they close down, so he drops by the coffee shop for two lattes.
Ding, ding. Yifan says, in time with the ringing bell overhead. He finds comfort in the little bell, every time, every day he comes here. He scans the place and sees Jongdae by the counter instead of Baekhyun.
“Jongdae-ssi,” he strides forward, setting the latte on the counter.
“Oh, it’s you.” Yifan sees the other man jump when he heard him. “If you’re here for…” He looks behind Yifan’s shoulder and there’s no one there but the two of them before he continues.
“I’m here for Baekhyun, yeah.”
“Baekhyun isn’t here.” Jongdae says flatly, he’s not meeting Yifan’s eyes and that’s supposed to mean something yet however, Yifan doesn’t get it. He presses on.
“Did he run an errand? It’s okay. I’ll wait.”
“No. Listen Yifan, it’s not like that.” He finally looks at the taller man, eyes a bit glassy and red. The pen in his hand is threatening to break if Jongdae keeps holding it too tightly. It takes a while before he sighs again, letting go the frustration with having to deal with Yifan instead of Baekhyun doing it himself.
“Go home, Yifan.” Jongdae tells him, opening the flower shop door to let Yifan out. There’s something Yifan feels his missing, something wrong with the way Jongdae is kicking him out and it’s nowhere near their closing time, Yifan should know.
“What do you mean, go home? What happened to Baekhyun? Is he sick?” He keeps prodding Jongdae before finally reaching the doorframe. He notes that Jongdae’s looking fairly grim and it’s not the lighting. Then a single tear rolls down Jongdae’s cheek, sliding past the side of his lips as he looks back up to Yifan.
“Where’s Baekhyun?” Yifan asks for the last time, and Jongdae heaves, trying to muster up all the energy he can.
“He left,” and the door slams right in front of Yifan’s face.
…
Left.
It hasn’t sunken in yet, the word left, echoing through Yifan’s head. The unfinished painting of autumn sits in the back of the atelier and it makes Yifan groan.
He can tell that the meadow is laughing at him. He can feel the blooming flowers sneering at him, Where’s your favorite flower now?
Yifan wants to be mad, to flip out and pluck them all off the ground by their roots. But he remembers Baekhyun telling him otherwise. That if he loved the flowers he wouldn’t pick them because loving is not about possessing something, it’s about prioritizing their happiness. And that’s when he realizes Baekhyun is the whole meadow.
His laughter fills the four corners of the cold gray room, it’s not warm and euphonious, but hallow and filled with sadness. Every breath makes his chest tight and he finally collapses on the bed, closing his eyes. He envisions that he’s back in the meadow lying on his back under an oak tree. Baekhyun is right next to him, drawing something on his back, letters, numbers, and flowers.
He misses Baekhyun already, but he’s willing to wait. If it’s for Baekhyun, he’s willing to wait.
He'll come back, right?
…
Jongin turns around, holding Kyungsoo’s wrist and accidentally bumps into someone. He didn’t really nock the man over he ends up apologizing profusely. “I’m sorry.” Jongin glances back at Kyungsoo, embarrassed and the man laughs, his eyes turning into crescents. His jet black hair is falling over his eyes and Kyungsoo thinks he looks familiar.
“It’s okay. Have a nice day.”
Jongin bows a bit, a little shameful for his recklessness. Kyungsoo shoves his thoughts aside and smiles back at the man apologetically. “You too.”
…
It didn’t rain in weeks that Yifan is beginning to feel that hoping for rain in the midst of summer would be like asking for something short of improbable. But when rain finally comes, marking the start of fall, it’s endless.
Yifan shivers just outside of Baekhyun’s apartment door. The rain is incessant and the jacket he hastily grabbed earlier didn’t help in easing the cold and water that’s soaking his whole body.
“It’s now or never,” Yifan runs his left hand through his hair, in a last attempt to make it seem like a messy hairdo. The cards are already in his shaking hands, the sides dampened by his wet fingertips. He traces his index fingers on the lines once more, muttering the words under his breath.
He knocks on the door, quietly at first and realizes Baekhyun might not have heard him. Yifan breathes in deeply, One, two, three.
The door opens and reveals Baekhyun in his black sweatshirt and gray jogging pants -face veneered with pure shock. Yifan’s breathing hitches. He missed Baekhyun so much, four years is definitely torture. The urge to kiss Baekhyun senseless then and there is as strong as his feelings for the man, that even hindered by time and distance, would never fade. He collects himself and looks intently at him.
“Hey,” Baekhyun smiles up at Yifan once he recovered a bit. He notices the younger man’s lips curving upward and he mentally told himself again not to kiss Baekhyun, yet.
Baekhyun fakes a cough and Yifan straightens himself. Oh, yeah, right.
Yifan nervously looks down at his note cards (the one he wrote down in after getting advices from Jongdae when he heard Baekhyun’s back,”Baekhyun’s a total sucker for cliché, romantic shit. Go get ‘em, tiger!”).
“Hey…” He stares at his notes really hard, trying to comprehend the sentences. The longer he stares, the more the letters and words seem to jumble around. He tries reading the next lines in his head before looking at Baekhyun and does his best to push them out of his dry throat.
“It must uhm…. Do you know that… uhmm.. You’re-you think..” Yifan’s hands go numb and he curses under his breath as the cards fall on the ground. It’s been so long, now he has Baekhyun standing in front of him and he’s uneasy as hell.
“Oh shit. Fuck. I’m sorry.” Yifan crouches down to salvage the drenched cards. But it’s obviously a failed effort, the ink smudges and turn’s his handwriting into a glob of mess, barely legible.
Baekhyun chuckles behind the back of his hand.
“It’s because you’re just so-argh..” Yifan stands up, the paper crumpled in his giant hands, feeling utterly hopeless. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
Yifan gives up, almost turning around to leave but Baekhyun is quick and he tugs him by hem of his shirt.
“Hey, I missed you. Would you like to have some coffee?” Baekhyun pulls him in his apartment with another one of his precious laughs before Yifan’s brain could process anything.
The heater in Baekhyun’s apartment make their way to Yifan’s quivering body. “You look like you’ve been standing in the middle of a hurricane and then got robbed. Stand here, I’ll get you a towel.”
“Okay.” Yifan says as he pulled off his squelchy jacket, dropping it to the floor. He takes off his shoes and socks as well, they were both wet and he still has the decency not to splash water all over Baekhyun’s living room and kitchen. He already embarrassed himself enough that day.
Baekhyun finds him in the kitchen and hands him a dry towel. “Thanks.”
…
Yifan is unnerved by Baekhyun’s silence as the latter made coffee. He had never been in Baekhyun’s apartment for four years and everything feels new again. “Baek…” Yifan calls him.
“Hmm?” The other man turns around and sees Yifan sitting on one of the kitchen stools; Baekhyun pushes the mug of warm coffee towards his side of the table.
“Are you… You see, I’m just…” Yifan struggles for words, which he doesn’t usually do but because it’s Baekhyun. It’s always been because of Baekhyun that his mind turns into a garbled mess. Four years of waiting had almost turned him stupid than before. He waits for Baekhyun and if Baekhyun rejects and leaves him again, he’d wait again for another four years, as long as he gets to see him smile again.
Yifan refuses to meet the other’s eyes. He’s flushed and cold and wet, the mug of coffee between his quivering fingers is the only thing that’s keeping him warm.
“Yifan?” He’s determined not to look up but he just can’t help those hazel eyes that called him. He takes a sip of the coffee, careful not to scald his tongue.
“I’m sorry about your cue cards. Most importantly, I’m sorry about leaving town without saying anything.” Baekhyun says. “I don’t know how to explain myself. I’m just sorry. You don’t need to forgive me.”
Yifan looks up hastily, he felt like there is something heavy in his chest and it’s crawling up his throat. “It’s not your fault. There’s nothing to be sorry for. You just chased your dreams, you lived the way you wanted and that’s fine. You don’t need to apologize. Not for anything. It’s only me; you don’t need to be sorry.” I’ll always wait for you is left unsaid as he babbles on and Baekhyun smiles radiantly at him just like how he used to.
“You’re still cheesy as always. No flowers?”
He shakes his head and laughes along with Baekhyun, everything seems to be just like before. No tension, no awkwardness.
The laughter dies down after a while, Baekhyun and Yifan catching up on things they missed from each other between the years. Yifan is still painting meadows and flowers but this time he managed to land a contract with a local museum to feature his works. Baekhyun laughs at that but tells him he’s happy for Yifan that his masterpieces have been recognized by the public. Baekhyun, on the other hand, had quit his old job. The company had gone downhill and the pay had dwindled to almost the minimum wage. It wasn’t enough to keep Baekhyun working at the company so he moved back.
Soon the conversations die down as well; the blaring of Baekhyun’s TV is the only thing keeping silence at bay. Yifan looks at their positions and finds Baekhyun curled against him on the sofa, blinking away sleep. It’s almost midnight and Yifan knows the younger man has no tolerance for sleeping late.
“Baek, I should go.”
Baekhyun gets up with a confused look and lies back down again, putting Yifan’s hand on his hair, goading the man to pet him. “Would you like to stay the night?”
“You seem tired from unpacking. I shouldn’t keep you up.”
A soft little sigh escapes Baekhyun’s lips and he sits up straight. “I wanted to talk more. Could we maybe go out tomorrow? You could take me to your art exhibit. I want to see your new installments.” Baekhyun says, his voice laced with amusement. He escorts Yifan to the door, rubbing his eyes.
“Uhm…” Yifan swallows down the dry lump in his throat, eyes trained at Baekhyun’s lips. He’s standing outside now, looking silly as he fumbles with the hem of his coat, his face, a dandy shade of scarlet. “Can I have… a do over?”
The smile on Baekhyun’s face falters and turns into a frown. Yifan forces himself to look up at the younger man’s eyes, his own burning with curiosity, worry and anticipation altogether. His face falls when Baekhyun sighs.
“You know, Yifan…” Baekhyun lifts Yifan’s chin up with his pretty fingers to look at him. “You can just skip to the part where you kiss me.”
Fin
“How did we first meet? I kind of forgot. Oh wait, was it when I was at the register and you bought some white carnations?”
“No, no. It was a week before that. It was raining, really, really hard.” Yifan makes stupid hand gestures while frowning, trying to remember that fateful day. “I passed by the flower shop and waited for the rain to die down before I crossed the street.” Yifan bumps their foreheads together and plants a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s nose. “You offered me a towel but I sort of refused.”
“Wow, you’re such an ass.”
“I was flustered okay. God, why the hell am I telling you this? It’s like confessing all over again, minus the cue card tragedy.”
“That wasn’t a tragedy, more like I felt like in a RomCom with a dose of drama. Wait, I do live in a RomCom. What the hell, Yifan. I deserve something more than a RomCom!”
“You deserve whatever you want.” Yifan buries his face into Baekhyun’s newly dyed black hair, inhaling the scent of his strawberry shampoo.
“You’re so cheesy.”
“Concentrating Baekhyun at work is my favorite Baekhyun.”
“Really?” Baekhyun pulls back as he side eyes him. “I thought you said you liked squirming and blushing Baekhyun? Was that a lie? Then, I guess you’ll never see squirming and blushing Baekhyun ever again.”
Baekhyun wriggles out of the embrace and he ends up being chased by Yifan around the apartment. When he gets tired of laughing and running, he collapses on the bed again, Yifan following and landing face first next to him.
“You dork,” he pinches Yifan by the side.
“But I am your dork. Forever.” Yifan grumbles onto the bed sheets before he grinned at Baekhyun. In retaliation, he plants a kiss on Yifan’s lips. “I guess you are.” He smiles back.
“Don’t pretend there’s a way out of this Baekhyun.” Yifan connects their lips again, slowly this time.
And Baekhyun pulls away to mutter breathily against Yifan’s face. The first time he’s going to say it, but probably not the last. “I love you, you dork.”
He’s never going to let him go ever again.