birthday brain deadedness
i love how everytime i get online i have all these sites reminding me that my birthday is comming up and i should be telling people what to spend money on for me. you know, just incase i lost track of what month it was or suddenly dont know what day i was born on. aparently this sort of thing happens to lots of people because the computer really seems to think ive gone brain dead with all this life ive been living and forgotten something as trivial as the mark of one more year in my life. i havent. i cant forget that im one year older, for one thing my mother wouldnt let me, but for another its testimony of how far ive gotten in this life with the amazing claim that i am still alive. after all the rediculous trials and fears and ungodly amount of disease and war and self loathing and all candy ive eaten, im still here to celebrate it. this one day i get to smile and be greatful that my mom went through the unbelievable pain it took to bring me here, endured the tremendous change in her life when she kept me, and to have the unique opertunity to reward her effort with using my days to change this whole world, god willing.
i was blessed to be born into this family, to have been raised by my mother, so close to my grandma as well. that i grew up seeing the world for what it was, seeing both sides of history and having a loving web of family spread accross the country, and now the world. i was blessed to grow up down the street from loni, the one friend who i believe has enhanced every aspect of my life with hers. shared her friends with me, her activities because on my own i was never outgoing enough to fall in with any crowd that didnt communicate with lies. i was blessed to have a unique set of guidelines, thoughts and friends which allow me to reach beyond minds, into souls. blessed to have survived such loss and to find the one person in all this world who can reach into my inner self and make it smile again, and blessed that i have the opertunity to reach in and do the same for him.
all the circumstances of my life have led me to this place 24 years after my birth, where i am at such peace and mission and purpose yet there is so much more to go and sometimes im not sure where to begin. i think the truth is though, this began years ago. with a descision i made when i was still young and innocent, sitting on a tire swing in a park. i listened to a couple of girls talking about jesus and i finally understood. prayed and invited and willed him to use my life.
i am as a lump of clay, being molded into place through experiences and choices and i see that now. as another year goes by i see all the distance i have gone in year 23 and i am realizing how the plan is taking effect through my life. through the lives of those in my family, through my friends, my boyfriend and everyone that i love.
in year 23 there has been termoil, but there has also been church, and school, and goals, and so much love i could explode. there has been sisters and brothers moving away, finding their places. in this year 23 i have come to be a mother and desire more than anything to be a wife as well. and in this year 23, i finally know where im headed. towards the actualization and releasing of the amazing power of love
i was blessed to be born into this family, to have been raised by my mother, so close to my grandma as well. that i grew up seeing the world for what it was, seeing both sides of history and having a loving web of family spread accross the country, and now the world. i was blessed to grow up down the street from loni, the one friend who i believe has enhanced every aspect of my life with hers. shared her friends with me, her activities because on my own i was never outgoing enough to fall in with any crowd that didnt communicate with lies. i was blessed to have a unique set of guidelines, thoughts and friends which allow me to reach beyond minds, into souls. blessed to have survived such loss and to find the one person in all this world who can reach into my inner self and make it smile again, and blessed that i have the opertunity to reach in and do the same for him.
all the circumstances of my life have led me to this place 24 years after my birth, where i am at such peace and mission and purpose yet there is so much more to go and sometimes im not sure where to begin. i think the truth is though, this began years ago. with a descision i made when i was still young and innocent, sitting on a tire swing in a park. i listened to a couple of girls talking about jesus and i finally understood. prayed and invited and willed him to use my life.
i am as a lump of clay, being molded into place through experiences and choices and i see that now. as another year goes by i see all the distance i have gone in year 23 and i am realizing how the plan is taking effect through my life. through the lives of those in my family, through my friends, my boyfriend and everyone that i love.
in year 23 there has been termoil, but there has also been church, and school, and goals, and so much love i could explode. there has been sisters and brothers moving away, finding their places. in this year 23 i have come to be a mother and desire more than anything to be a wife as well. and in this year 23, i finally know where im headed. towards the actualization and releasing of the amazing power of love