(no subject)
there are lots of things id like to be doing right now
but im sitting here
struggling with myself
over wither or not
i should turn my own computer on
cuz i dont want to
struggling over what homework to start
struggling over when to leave and pay the bills and get my check and all sorts of things
waiting for pictures to load onto facebook
and just wanting to not have to do school work
but i want to complete school so theres conflicting agendas
i find it difficult to go through extremely thought provoking psychology classes
and not be able to talk about what im learning
i find it difficult to go on wildly mind opening trips through Gods vission
and then keep my mouth shut about it
i find it difficult to keep a positive attitude and not want to do damage
i find it hard not to cry
its hard not to laugh randomly, at society
its hard not to be ackward around new people
and its very difficult to convince people im serious
very serious
get a grant, buy land, teach people to grow and get past, their past
so hard not to be jealous and paranoid and afraid
its hard not to worry, and fret over life
its difficult to get motivated and moving even when i get up at 7 am
even when i have all day free and can finish things if i just did them.
when it feels like time is moving like molassas and also like fire all at once
like im sliping away from today into years from now and theres no stopping it.
no grasping onto the things i want because nothing is certain in this world
no holding onto what i need, i just have to trust
trust
faith
hope
love
i sound like star wars, or the bible, but its the only things there are to hold onto
so thats it then
i have to get up, and go, and get it done
a list, a to do:
1. retrieve paycheck
2. visit rob
3. deposit $ at bank
4. give check to NYSEG
5. send check to credit card
6. stop at 20 livingston and retrieve other school books
7. go to library/do homework -write 2 page AOP paper -post to both online classes -find articles for three article reviews -do case study for learning and behavior -count number of peircings people have -figure out the damn sniffy program!!! and im sure theres more im forgetting at the moment but 'to do' those too.
8. group grant meeting 2:00 -5 page grant paper
9. somewhere in there i have to throw in eating and showering. well, i dont have to but it would be a really good idea. here i go
but im sitting here
struggling with myself
over wither or not
i should turn my own computer on
cuz i dont want to
struggling over what homework to start
struggling over when to leave and pay the bills and get my check and all sorts of things
waiting for pictures to load onto facebook
and just wanting to not have to do school work
but i want to complete school so theres conflicting agendas
i find it difficult to go through extremely thought provoking psychology classes
and not be able to talk about what im learning
i find it difficult to go on wildly mind opening trips through Gods vission
and then keep my mouth shut about it
i find it difficult to keep a positive attitude and not want to do damage
i find it hard not to cry
its hard not to laugh randomly, at society
its hard not to be ackward around new people
and its very difficult to convince people im serious
very serious
get a grant, buy land, teach people to grow and get past, their past
so hard not to be jealous and paranoid and afraid
its hard not to worry, and fret over life
its difficult to get motivated and moving even when i get up at 7 am
even when i have all day free and can finish things if i just did them.
when it feels like time is moving like molassas and also like fire all at once
like im sliping away from today into years from now and theres no stopping it.
no grasping onto the things i want because nothing is certain in this world
no holding onto what i need, i just have to trust
trust
faith
hope
love
i sound like star wars, or the bible, but its the only things there are to hold onto
so thats it then
i have to get up, and go, and get it done
a list, a to do:
1. retrieve paycheck
2. visit rob
3. deposit $ at bank
4. give check to NYSEG
5. send check to credit card
6. stop at 20 livingston and retrieve other school books
7. go to library/do homework -write 2 page AOP paper -post to both online classes -find articles for three article reviews -do case study for learning and behavior -count number of peircings people have -figure out the damn sniffy program!!! and im sure theres more im forgetting at the moment but 'to do' those too.
8. group grant meeting 2:00 -5 page grant paper
9. somewhere in there i have to throw in eating and showering. well, i dont have to but it would be a really good idea. here i go