TV reaction and other random shit
I shall preface this rant by saying I am very srs bsns upset rn. I just found out they're remaking the Karate Kid. You do not remake the Karate Kid. It is everything that is wonderful and amazing and shiny and 80s about our world tied up in one cinematic package. You don't fuck with that people. Leave my childhood alone!
So I will take out my emotional trauma on an unrelated but highly deserving target, Make It or Break It.
So in preparation for tonight's failfest, I watched the My So-Called Life mother/daughter fashion show. I didn't particularly like that MSCL ep cos it seemed a bit ham-handed in its execution, but the writing is positively Pulitzer compared to this. This MIOBI show was like 80s Degrassi gangbanged MSCL and the OC and produced a retarded, nympho offspring.
I'm going to split this up because I just don't even know where to start.
Characters
-Lauren: I don't even know WTF was going on with her in this ep. I think they were like, "She's being too nice lately! Let's make her bitchy for no reason!" Don't get me wrong, I love me some sociopathic Lauren, but her bitchery wasn't awesome like in the pilot, it was just desperate--on her part and on the writers.' Carter has already made it clear he doesn't want her; why is she offering to be fuck buddies with him? The only reason for that is to lead to the tearful bonding scene with Summer at Kaylie's house. And stealing Emily's dress? First off, no way would anything of Emily's fit Lauren. Second off... why? Sabotaging Emily in the pilot made sense; here, not so much. Lauren was just being bitchy for the sake of being bitchy, and also to give Emily another shining Sue moment.
-Kaylie: She needed something to do so they tacked on Mommy issues and made her hot to give it up to Creepy Carter. And I hate that they made the only reason for Kaylie's decision not to do it because of gymnastics. There are many good reasons for Kaylie not to have taken that step--she obviously wasn't ready for it, Creepy Carter is a cheating sleaze--but this is the reason the show chooses? Great job, losers.
-Payson: She continues to be one-dimensional. I liked the idea of Payson dissing the fashion show because of insecurity (and using gymnastics as an excuse) but I never really got that sense. They made it all about her single defining personality trait again, being Super!gymnast. They really need to give her some other angle, because I find her the most likeable of the gymnasts.
-Emily Sue: Same shit, different episode. It's like the pilot but with her blazer-dress thing instead of her ~awesum~ tucked Tsuk or whatever. I do enjoy Damon and his interaction with her--she seems less annoying when she's with him--but then he'll say stupid crap like she'll get a gold mdal with her crappy double-back bar dismounts and whatnot and I stop liking him. I do, however, find her more palatable in my own personal canon, in which she was not only a lesbian pre-Rock but had a ~scandalous lesbian affair~ with a hot OC played by Olivia Wilde in her Alex days. Hey, maybe it was Alex! Alex has shown a propensity for annoying whiny biches... goddamn, fanfic idea is forming!
-Everyone else: Chloe Is the most enjoyable character on this whole thing. I feel like she was imported in from a better show or something. How ironic, since I really didn't like her very much at first. Payson's Mom is aight, too. I actually don't mind any of the adult characters too much, although their story arcs are extremely dull so far. But LOL forever, Summer as the class slut. Was she voted Best Global Assets or what?
Plot
Do I even have to go into the implausibility of this one? The Moms get an idea (specifically, Kaylie's Mom) to have a mother/daughter fashion show to raise money to send the girls to Nationals. I thought the event coordinators and USAG footed most of the bill for sending gymnasts to big competitions? Sasha gives the idea his blessing, because Payson needs to embrace her femininity in order to be a better gymnast. No, I did not make that up. Quit looking at me that way.
Misc WTF-eries
-Stunt work was better than usual. Lauren's stunt double actually busted out a front tuck mount on beam. Kaylie's stunt double was very obviously not Kaylie, unless she suddenly gained serious muscle mass and... just mass in general.
-Just as with last week, the "girl talk" bits were painful. This is way above and beyond Crusher and Troi's boob convo in Insurrection. In fact, Crusher and Troi's heart-to-hearts on TNG are positively realistic and emotionally resonant in comparison. I gave TNG a pass because if you've ever had a look at Berman and Braga, it should be clear these two probably have not seen many women up close. But this show is supposedly written by a woman! WTF? Just WTF? Fortunately, I have a copy of the episode on me (Heathus bless the sites that upload this stuff) and am going to quote verbatim, because I am convinced you guys will not believe me otherwise:
LAUREN: "I've had breaks mended in both elbows [I couldn't tell what she said and I listened like 3x]; I think I can survive losing my virginity."
...
LAUREN: "This wasn't about a guy, it was about me. Losing my virginity was the final hurdle. It's like it was holding me back and I didn't even know it."
KAYLIE: "Holding you back how?"
LAUREN: "In every way... watch!"
*does front tuck mount onto beam while peppy Radio Disney-esque music plays*
And on that note, I'm outta here. I think my brain's melted enough for one evening. I'm going to go watch Enterprise or something, and yes, it is truly sad that Enterprise is downright watchable compared to this. Give me Trip being knocked up any day over Lauren and Kaylie ruminating about sex--excuse me, losing one's virginity.
...
...
...
"Well, damn, Emily... what'd that pizza dough ever do to you?"
Damon peered quizzically at Emily, who looked up from the pizza dough spread in front of her sheepishly. She supposed she'd been kneading it with a bit more... vigor than was necessary. But it was better than committing matricide, which was what she really wanted to do right now. She couldn't believe her mother told Damon she'd never kissed a boy!
"It wasn't thawed properly. Really tough," she told him. It sounded lame even to her own ears.
Damon just gave that maddening smirk of his, the one that really got under her skin. She didn't like anything that got under her skin. Least of all Damon. "Ahh, I see," he remarked. "I'll leave you to that, then. Oh--and remind me never to get on your bad side."
She threw him a dirty look as he strolled off, twirling a notepad around on the tip of his middle finger. It drove her crazy wondering how he did that so easily. She tried it herself a couple times when no one was looking and nearly beaned a customer in the head. Face burning, she quickly retrieved the notepad, but was pissed-off all afternoon that she could tumble across a balance beam and not twirl a notepad around on her middle finger.
Emily was still ruminating over the notepad when a voice caught her attention.
"Hmmm... I think I'll have a veggie lover's lunch special. With extra hot pepper."
Emily's head snapped up, eyes widening. She'd know that voice anywhere. And besides which, she didn't know anyone else who'd ask for extra hot pepper.
Leaning against the counter, clad in a black V-neck t-shirt, frayed denim miniskirt, and battered Frye boots was a stunning woman of about eighteen. Her catlike blue eyes were heavily lined in black eye pencil, a streak of fire-engine red flashing amongst her platinum-blonde tresses.
Emily swallowed and found her throat had gone dry. "Alex?"
"Fancy meeting you here, Em." Alex twirled one of the silver bangles around her wrist, her glossy lips quirking in a lazy smile. She'd changed little since Emily last saw her--her hair was longer, and her streak was red instead of purple, but still the same Alex. Including the way her presence affected Emily.
"Wh...what are you doing here?" Emily sputtered.
Alex arched a pale eyebrow. "I might ask the same of you."
"I asked first."
"Fine." Alex leaned both elbows on the counter, narrowing the distance between herself and Emily. "I came to Boulder on a gig. What's your excuse? I seem to recall someone fleeing Fresno in a pretty big hurry... without bothering to tell anyone."
"There wasn't time," Emily muttered.
"Bullshit," Alex said. "You could've told me."
"And why would I do that?" Emily wanted to know. "You're half the reason I'm here in the first place!"
"Really?" Alex questioned. "I thought The Rock was! Or was that yet another thing you didn't see fit to tell me, Secret Agent Woman?"
"How do you know about the Rock?" Emily demanded.
"Contrary to what you seem to think, I'm not an idiot, Em," Alex answered "It's a smaller town that you think. And not to be rude, but you're no Sydney Bristow."
Emily just glared at her, fuming. Did everyone know she trained at the Rock? How? This time, she couldn't blame her mother. Chloe didn't want to see Alex any more than she did.
But it looked like she might not have any choice.
Emily narrowed her eyes. "I swear, Alex, if you ruin this for me...."
"You'll what?" Alex was unruffled. "Tell everyone about Fresno? Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but we're both in up to our armpits on this. If I go down, you go down with me."
"So why are you here, then?" Emily challenged. "Why did you even bother to come and see me?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Alex shot back. "Because you're here... and I missed you."
Emily drew in a breath to reply but for once found herself at a loss for words. She'd been ready to kill Alex (along with her mother) a few minutes ago. And yet with one sentence, Alex not only managed to utterly disarm her but to rattle her to the core.
Alex leaned closer, lowering her voice to a barely audible timbre above the top-40 music blasting from Pizza Shack's radio. "You can't say you didn't miss me, too."
Emily's tongue darted out to wet her lips nervously. The truth? Chloe wasn't the only one who wanted a fresh start here in Boulder. But in Emily's case, it wasn't as easy as she'd hoped. Damon had been a... very unpleasant distraction, but a distraction nonetheless. But now that Alex was here, distractions wouldn't be enough.
"So Em... you going to give my order, or am I going to stand here all night?" Alex asked. "There are some irate people behind me."
Emily glanced up, startled to see that a line had formed behind Alex and indeed, none of those customers looked very pleased.
"Veggie lover's lunch special with extra peppers, coming right up," Emily said crisply.
So I will take out my emotional trauma on an unrelated but highly deserving target, Make It or Break It.
So in preparation for tonight's failfest, I watched the My So-Called Life mother/daughter fashion show. I didn't particularly like that MSCL ep cos it seemed a bit ham-handed in its execution, but the writing is positively Pulitzer compared to this. This MIOBI show was like 80s Degrassi gangbanged MSCL and the OC and produced a retarded, nympho offspring.
I'm going to split this up because I just don't even know where to start.
Characters
-Lauren: I don't even know WTF was going on with her in this ep. I think they were like, "She's being too nice lately! Let's make her bitchy for no reason!" Don't get me wrong, I love me some sociopathic Lauren, but her bitchery wasn't awesome like in the pilot, it was just desperate--on her part and on the writers.' Carter has already made it clear he doesn't want her; why is she offering to be fuck buddies with him? The only reason for that is to lead to the tearful bonding scene with Summer at Kaylie's house. And stealing Emily's dress? First off, no way would anything of Emily's fit Lauren. Second off... why? Sabotaging Emily in the pilot made sense; here, not so much. Lauren was just being bitchy for the sake of being bitchy, and also to give Emily another shining Sue moment.
-Kaylie: She needed something to do so they tacked on Mommy issues and made her hot to give it up to Creepy Carter. And I hate that they made the only reason for Kaylie's decision not to do it because of gymnastics. There are many good reasons for Kaylie not to have taken that step--she obviously wasn't ready for it, Creepy Carter is a cheating sleaze--but this is the reason the show chooses? Great job, losers.
-Payson: She continues to be one-dimensional. I liked the idea of Payson dissing the fashion show because of insecurity (and using gymnastics as an excuse) but I never really got that sense. They made it all about her single defining personality trait again, being Super!gymnast. They really need to give her some other angle, because I find her the most likeable of the gymnasts.
-Emily Sue: Same shit, different episode. It's like the pilot but with her blazer-dress thing instead of her ~awesum~ tucked Tsuk or whatever. I do enjoy Damon and his interaction with her--she seems less annoying when she's with him--but then he'll say stupid crap like she'll get a gold mdal with her crappy double-back bar dismounts and whatnot and I stop liking him. I do, however, find her more palatable in my own personal canon, in which she was not only a lesbian pre-Rock but had a ~scandalous lesbian affair~ with a hot OC played by Olivia Wilde in her Alex days. Hey, maybe it was Alex! Alex has shown a propensity for annoying whiny biches... goddamn, fanfic idea is forming!
-Everyone else: Chloe Is the most enjoyable character on this whole thing. I feel like she was imported in from a better show or something. How ironic, since I really didn't like her very much at first. Payson's Mom is aight, too. I actually don't mind any of the adult characters too much, although their story arcs are extremely dull so far. But LOL forever, Summer as the class slut. Was she voted Best Global Assets or what?
Plot
Do I even have to go into the implausibility of this one? The Moms get an idea (specifically, Kaylie's Mom) to have a mother/daughter fashion show to raise money to send the girls to Nationals. I thought the event coordinators and USAG footed most of the bill for sending gymnasts to big competitions? Sasha gives the idea his blessing, because Payson needs to embrace her femininity in order to be a better gymnast. No, I did not make that up. Quit looking at me that way.
Misc WTF-eries
-Stunt work was better than usual. Lauren's stunt double actually busted out a front tuck mount on beam. Kaylie's stunt double was very obviously not Kaylie, unless she suddenly gained serious muscle mass and... just mass in general.
-Just as with last week, the "girl talk" bits were painful. This is way above and beyond Crusher and Troi's boob convo in Insurrection. In fact, Crusher and Troi's heart-to-hearts on TNG are positively realistic and emotionally resonant in comparison. I gave TNG a pass because if you've ever had a look at Berman and Braga, it should be clear these two probably have not seen many women up close. But this show is supposedly written by a woman! WTF? Just WTF? Fortunately, I have a copy of the episode on me (Heathus bless the sites that upload this stuff) and am going to quote verbatim, because I am convinced you guys will not believe me otherwise:
LAUREN: "I've had breaks mended in both elbows [I couldn't tell what she said and I listened like 3x]; I think I can survive losing my virginity."
...
LAUREN: "This wasn't about a guy, it was about me. Losing my virginity was the final hurdle. It's like it was holding me back and I didn't even know it."
KAYLIE: "Holding you back how?"
LAUREN: "In every way... watch!"
*does front tuck mount onto beam while peppy Radio Disney-esque music plays*
And on that note, I'm outta here. I think my brain's melted enough for one evening. I'm going to go watch Enterprise or something, and yes, it is truly sad that Enterprise is downright watchable compared to this. Give me Trip being knocked up any day over Lauren and Kaylie ruminating about sex--excuse me, losing one's virginity.
...
...
...
"Well, damn, Emily... what'd that pizza dough ever do to you?"
Damon peered quizzically at Emily, who looked up from the pizza dough spread in front of her sheepishly. She supposed she'd been kneading it with a bit more... vigor than was necessary. But it was better than committing matricide, which was what she really wanted to do right now. She couldn't believe her mother told Damon she'd never kissed a boy!
"It wasn't thawed properly. Really tough," she told him. It sounded lame even to her own ears.
Damon just gave that maddening smirk of his, the one that really got under her skin. She didn't like anything that got under her skin. Least of all Damon. "Ahh, I see," he remarked. "I'll leave you to that, then. Oh--and remind me never to get on your bad side."
She threw him a dirty look as he strolled off, twirling a notepad around on the tip of his middle finger. It drove her crazy wondering how he did that so easily. She tried it herself a couple times when no one was looking and nearly beaned a customer in the head. Face burning, she quickly retrieved the notepad, but was pissed-off all afternoon that she could tumble across a balance beam and not twirl a notepad around on her middle finger.
Emily was still ruminating over the notepad when a voice caught her attention.
"Hmmm... I think I'll have a veggie lover's lunch special. With extra hot pepper."
Emily's head snapped up, eyes widening. She'd know that voice anywhere. And besides which, she didn't know anyone else who'd ask for extra hot pepper.
Leaning against the counter, clad in a black V-neck t-shirt, frayed denim miniskirt, and battered Frye boots was a stunning woman of about eighteen. Her catlike blue eyes were heavily lined in black eye pencil, a streak of fire-engine red flashing amongst her platinum-blonde tresses.
Emily swallowed and found her throat had gone dry. "Alex?"
"Fancy meeting you here, Em." Alex twirled one of the silver bangles around her wrist, her glossy lips quirking in a lazy smile. She'd changed little since Emily last saw her--her hair was longer, and her streak was red instead of purple, but still the same Alex. Including the way her presence affected Emily.
"Wh...what are you doing here?" Emily sputtered.
Alex arched a pale eyebrow. "I might ask the same of you."
"I asked first."
"Fine." Alex leaned both elbows on the counter, narrowing the distance between herself and Emily. "I came to Boulder on a gig. What's your excuse? I seem to recall someone fleeing Fresno in a pretty big hurry... without bothering to tell anyone."
"There wasn't time," Emily muttered.
"Bullshit," Alex said. "You could've told me."
"And why would I do that?" Emily wanted to know. "You're half the reason I'm here in the first place!"
"Really?" Alex questioned. "I thought The Rock was! Or was that yet another thing you didn't see fit to tell me, Secret Agent Woman?"
"How do you know about the Rock?" Emily demanded.
"Contrary to what you seem to think, I'm not an idiot, Em," Alex answered "It's a smaller town that you think. And not to be rude, but you're no Sydney Bristow."
Emily just glared at her, fuming. Did everyone know she trained at the Rock? How? This time, she couldn't blame her mother. Chloe didn't want to see Alex any more than she did.
But it looked like she might not have any choice.
Emily narrowed her eyes. "I swear, Alex, if you ruin this for me...."
"You'll what?" Alex was unruffled. "Tell everyone about Fresno? Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but we're both in up to our armpits on this. If I go down, you go down with me."
"So why are you here, then?" Emily challenged. "Why did you even bother to come and see me?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Alex shot back. "Because you're here... and I missed you."
Emily drew in a breath to reply but for once found herself at a loss for words. She'd been ready to kill Alex (along with her mother) a few minutes ago. And yet with one sentence, Alex not only managed to utterly disarm her but to rattle her to the core.
Alex leaned closer, lowering her voice to a barely audible timbre above the top-40 music blasting from Pizza Shack's radio. "You can't say you didn't miss me, too."
Emily's tongue darted out to wet her lips nervously. The truth? Chloe wasn't the only one who wanted a fresh start here in Boulder. But in Emily's case, it wasn't as easy as she'd hoped. Damon had been a... very unpleasant distraction, but a distraction nonetheless. But now that Alex was here, distractions wouldn't be enough.
"So Em... you going to give my order, or am I going to stand here all night?" Alex asked. "There are some irate people behind me."
Emily glanced up, startled to see that a line had formed behind Alex and indeed, none of those customers looked very pleased.
"Veggie lover's lunch special with extra peppers, coming right up," Emily said crisply.