Christmas 2004: How do you accidentally wrap your underwear?
For the third night in a row, I couldn't sleep. I woke up--again--at 3 o'clock on the dot. I finally rolled out of bed at seven, which is an hour later than a typical Christmas. My parents both get up early, and I'm like a little kid, so yeah, we're normally up at six. But seven, well, we're getting old. ;P~~~ Also, it seemed unusually dark for seven. It was cloudy outside...and, as I squinted out the window, did it seem like the world was unusually white? Sure enough, when I grabbed my glasses, I discovered it had snowed. And it was still snowing. Woo-hoo--white Christmas!
Once my parents were up, we began opening presents. I always start with my stocking, which despite getting downsized last year was still chock-full of stuff. We opened all of our stuff (I'll get to that later) and then bummed around for a bit. My grandparents called and we decided to have dinner at 2. We cleaned up the house (I got to vacuum and do the vanities and mirrors in all three bathrooms), and I also cleaned up the bird. He's been in need of a bath, so I tortured him with that today. At one point afterward, while he was still pretty wet, he tried to fly onto my bathroom's counter, but his wet feathers weighed him down. Not only did he go past the counter, he almost landed *in* the toilet. I freaked at that--damn, I don't want my birdie to drown on Christmas--but he landed on the spot between the toilet tank and the seat and promptly slid off onto the floor. Luckily he dried out not too long afterward.
My grandparents ended up carpooling and arrived at 1:30. I was still getting ready after my shower and didn't appear for a good five to ten minutes after, prompting my grandfather to ask something like, "So where is the fruit of your loins?" Gee, thanks. Dinner was done at two, but I didn't get to eat right away. I was in charge of making the rolls, and then I had to put in the pie to bake. Both came out beautifully. The food was good. We got a Heavenly Ham, and unfortunately for me, I sat with it in front of me, meaning I kept picking at it after I felt I was done eating. It was quite yummy.
Between dinner and dessert we opened gifts. Overall we enjoyed our gifts, but the cutest and funniest (on purpose) was this singing dog my grandfather got my grandmother. He got me a chicken that sang the Chicken Dance song--and it even danced, too; he got mom a singing snowman; and grandma got this dog that sang/barked two tunes. Oh, it was howl-arious. Seriously, it was quite entertaining. I had to play it one last time before grandma left. Mom said if she sees one, she's buying it. Then...possibly the funniest thing EVER occurred. Mom had one gift left, which ended up being a top from my grandmother. Grandma mentioned that the gift receipt was in there, and mom started looking for it. Amid the tissue paper in the box was something...pink. (The top was sort of leopard print.) Mom pulled it out, opened it, and held it up, asking, "What's this?" To my grandmother's horror, it was a pair of her underpants. That's right, somehow my grandmother's undies made it into my mother's gift. Now, grandma's been known to give underwear as a gift, but the look of surprise and embarrassment on her face told us that these were not meant to be a gift. Yeah, well, after that happened we almost all needed to change our underpants, we were laughing so hard. Seriously, we couldn't breathe. Oh, my poor grandma. I guess she was wrapping the gift on top of her dresser and there must have been a loose pair on there, and it found its way into the box. We're just thankful it ended up in one of our gifts, and not just a friend or coworker. Well, after that, naturally grandma became the, uh, butt of our jokes. (And, just to prove how evil her spawn is, mom grabbed the panties out of a bag when grandma wasn't looking and I got a picture of it. Yes, of course, proof.)
Dessert was a peach praline pie that came from the ham company. It was really good. Even grandma gobbled it up, and she kept saying, I would *never* have picked this pie! There was one lone slice left by the time they left. It is now resting comfortably in my tummy.
Overall Christmas went well. I think we'll keep most of the gifts. Now, all that's left is to consume the leftovers and finish cleaning up. And, for me, hopefully I'll get some sleep before I have to deal with the mountains of returns tomorrow morning. Bleah.
And now, the loot list. Complete as of today.
Laura (birthday/Christmas)
Heffalump doll
Mini-bowling game
Gnome & Garden set
3-D animal puzzle
Clay Modeling with Pooh (that's what, about five years old?) (inside joke)
Card
Gina from work
Card
Christmas mug
Candy cane
Mini Reese's cup
Snickers nutcracker
Notepad
Moose ornament
Glitter snowflake ornament
Stocking
Whitman's chocolate sampler
2 holiday cookies
4 candy lip glosses (Reese's, Cinnabon, Dairy Queen [2])
On XRT 7 CD (Dad got me #6 last year)
50 Classical Masterpieces (2 CD set) (Funny...despite being a music major and having classical CDs up the wazoo, I got this...and there's music on it I don't have anywhere else, so that's cool)
Mom
Snapple lip balm 6-pack (I asked for lip gloss...and I got it!)
Another cookie (in bag with above gloss)
Yahtzee scorecards (which she forgot about and I didn't get until we opened my grandparents' gifts...she neglects to label her packages and there was one left over)
Classic Pooh ornaments 4-pack
Simpsons Jeopardy! (in lieu of SNL Trivia Pursuit, I suppose, Laura)
Flannel sheet set (the one thing I'll be returning...I hate flannel sheets)
Dad
MP3 pocket player (he said, "I know it's not an iPod, but I hope that's okay." It's fine. It's so little, though...smaller than the palm of my hand!)
Moo juice glass from Cost Plus, which held...
...Sitting cow figure
...and cash
Grandma
Snail candle holder that would be great outside on a summer night
Book: Who Was Born This Special Day? (Um...am I seven or 27? Yes, it's a kids' book.)
Card and money
(But at least I didn't get gloves this year!)
Papa
What Good Music IS (a homemade ballroom dancing CD; mom and grandma got copies as well)
Chicken Dance chicken and batteries
Card and money
Alexis (goddaughter)
Target gift card (sweet!)
I was shocked to receive *no* clothes this year. And hardly any gift cards. I have no idea why grandma got me a kids' book; maybe she wants me to write something like that? Dunno. But I guess you can't be sure what you'll get from someone who'll give away her own underwear. ;) Seriously, I was worried that I'd get gloves for a third year in a row, so I was glad that didn't happen. The snail is really cool; it's good-sized, and its shell opens on the sides to access the candle. It's metal and has a pattern punched into the sides, so I bet it looks wicked awesome when the candle is lit. I can't believe I got all those CDs. Papa included a list of songs with all the ones he made. I'm curious to see if I recognize any of them. I know "The Girl from Ipanema" and that's about it. As for my dad's CD, he was surprised that I didn't know most of the songs. He listens to XRT, I listen to the Mix; they have different playlists, man. Mom picked up her CD for $5.99; she said, I couldn't pass it up. Even if you only like one song, it's worth it. (No...I could get six songs online for that price; I'd better like at least seven.) The little MP3 player is too cute! It's maybe one inch by two inches. Unlike an iPod, the music is kept on a little memory card, and I would just switch out the cards depending on what I want to hear. I could have a pop music card, a classical card, a show tunes card...oh, the possibilities.
Oh, the stuff I gave out. Mom got two tops (which she seemed to like...they're plain, which will work well with her work's new dress code), a regular-sized packing tape dispenser (for all those dolls she ships around the country), and a Gizmo can opener. We had a dog named Gizmo, we could use a new can opener, it was a no-brainer. Some other stuff she got that she was meant to get: Dad got her a new phone with Caller ID (she doesn't check the ID on the phone she has now, which causes the battery to die, which blanks out the display...the new phone will be okay if she never checks it. It's the same style as the ones in the family room and my bedroom), and also a digital camera. They are going to Florida next month for a doll show and dad figures she could use a real camera, not disposable ones like she usually has.
I got dad a jar of garlic salsa (yeah, I know, weird) and stuff from Circuit City: DVDs of A Christmas Story (which we really didn't watch this year! Ack! And we even had Chinese food last night!) and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and the computer game Myst IV, which he asked for. I know, not a lot, but I spent a pretty penny on it. Mom got him a sweater that he wore today. My grandfather got him some sort of tool set.
My grandparents each got a calendar and a Safeway (Dominick's) gift card--this after listening to my grandfather go on about how Dominick's is so expensive and blah blah blah immediately prior to gift time. Papa also got recordable DVDs to go along with the DVD recorder my dad got him; grandma got a tin of liquorice Altoids. She seemed to like the idea and had never seen them before.
Once my parents were up, we began opening presents. I always start with my stocking, which despite getting downsized last year was still chock-full of stuff. We opened all of our stuff (I'll get to that later) and then bummed around for a bit. My grandparents called and we decided to have dinner at 2. We cleaned up the house (I got to vacuum and do the vanities and mirrors in all three bathrooms), and I also cleaned up the bird. He's been in need of a bath, so I tortured him with that today. At one point afterward, while he was still pretty wet, he tried to fly onto my bathroom's counter, but his wet feathers weighed him down. Not only did he go past the counter, he almost landed *in* the toilet. I freaked at that--damn, I don't want my birdie to drown on Christmas--but he landed on the spot between the toilet tank and the seat and promptly slid off onto the floor. Luckily he dried out not too long afterward.
My grandparents ended up carpooling and arrived at 1:30. I was still getting ready after my shower and didn't appear for a good five to ten minutes after, prompting my grandfather to ask something like, "So where is the fruit of your loins?" Gee, thanks. Dinner was done at two, but I didn't get to eat right away. I was in charge of making the rolls, and then I had to put in the pie to bake. Both came out beautifully. The food was good. We got a Heavenly Ham, and unfortunately for me, I sat with it in front of me, meaning I kept picking at it after I felt I was done eating. It was quite yummy.
Between dinner and dessert we opened gifts. Overall we enjoyed our gifts, but the cutest and funniest (on purpose) was this singing dog my grandfather got my grandmother. He got me a chicken that sang the Chicken Dance song--and it even danced, too; he got mom a singing snowman; and grandma got this dog that sang/barked two tunes. Oh, it was howl-arious. Seriously, it was quite entertaining. I had to play it one last time before grandma left. Mom said if she sees one, she's buying it. Then...possibly the funniest thing EVER occurred. Mom had one gift left, which ended up being a top from my grandmother. Grandma mentioned that the gift receipt was in there, and mom started looking for it. Amid the tissue paper in the box was something...pink. (The top was sort of leopard print.) Mom pulled it out, opened it, and held it up, asking, "What's this?" To my grandmother's horror, it was a pair of her underpants. That's right, somehow my grandmother's undies made it into my mother's gift. Now, grandma's been known to give underwear as a gift, but the look of surprise and embarrassment on her face told us that these were not meant to be a gift. Yeah, well, after that happened we almost all needed to change our underpants, we were laughing so hard. Seriously, we couldn't breathe. Oh, my poor grandma. I guess she was wrapping the gift on top of her dresser and there must have been a loose pair on there, and it found its way into the box. We're just thankful it ended up in one of our gifts, and not just a friend or coworker. Well, after that, naturally grandma became the, uh, butt of our jokes. (And, just to prove how evil her spawn is, mom grabbed the panties out of a bag when grandma wasn't looking and I got a picture of it. Yes, of course, proof.)
Dessert was a peach praline pie that came from the ham company. It was really good. Even grandma gobbled it up, and she kept saying, I would *never* have picked this pie! There was one lone slice left by the time they left. It is now resting comfortably in my tummy.
Overall Christmas went well. I think we'll keep most of the gifts. Now, all that's left is to consume the leftovers and finish cleaning up. And, for me, hopefully I'll get some sleep before I have to deal with the mountains of returns tomorrow morning. Bleah.
And now, the loot list. Complete as of today.
Laura (birthday/Christmas)
Heffalump doll
Mini-bowling game
Gnome & Garden set
3-D animal puzzle
Clay Modeling with Pooh (that's what, about five years old?) (inside joke)
Card
Gina from work
Card
Christmas mug
Candy cane
Mini Reese's cup
Snickers nutcracker
Notepad
Moose ornament
Glitter snowflake ornament
Stocking
Whitman's chocolate sampler
2 holiday cookies
4 candy lip glosses (Reese's, Cinnabon, Dairy Queen [2])
On XRT 7 CD (Dad got me #6 last year)
50 Classical Masterpieces (2 CD set) (Funny...despite being a music major and having classical CDs up the wazoo, I got this...and there's music on it I don't have anywhere else, so that's cool)
Mom
Snapple lip balm 6-pack (I asked for lip gloss...and I got it!)
Another cookie (in bag with above gloss)
Yahtzee scorecards (which she forgot about and I didn't get until we opened my grandparents' gifts...she neglects to label her packages and there was one left over)
Classic Pooh ornaments 4-pack
Simpsons Jeopardy! (in lieu of SNL Trivia Pursuit, I suppose, Laura)
Flannel sheet set (the one thing I'll be returning...I hate flannel sheets)
Dad
MP3 pocket player (he said, "I know it's not an iPod, but I hope that's okay." It's fine. It's so little, though...smaller than the palm of my hand!)
Moo juice glass from Cost Plus, which held...
...Sitting cow figure
...and cash
Grandma
Snail candle holder that would be great outside on a summer night
Book: Who Was Born This Special Day? (Um...am I seven or 27? Yes, it's a kids' book.)
Card and money
(But at least I didn't get gloves this year!)
Papa
What Good Music IS (a homemade ballroom dancing CD; mom and grandma got copies as well)
Chicken Dance chicken and batteries
Card and money
Alexis (goddaughter)
Target gift card (sweet!)
I was shocked to receive *no* clothes this year. And hardly any gift cards. I have no idea why grandma got me a kids' book; maybe she wants me to write something like that? Dunno. But I guess you can't be sure what you'll get from someone who'll give away her own underwear. ;) Seriously, I was worried that I'd get gloves for a third year in a row, so I was glad that didn't happen. The snail is really cool; it's good-sized, and its shell opens on the sides to access the candle. It's metal and has a pattern punched into the sides, so I bet it looks wicked awesome when the candle is lit. I can't believe I got all those CDs. Papa included a list of songs with all the ones he made. I'm curious to see if I recognize any of them. I know "The Girl from Ipanema" and that's about it. As for my dad's CD, he was surprised that I didn't know most of the songs. He listens to XRT, I listen to the Mix; they have different playlists, man. Mom picked up her CD for $5.99; she said, I couldn't pass it up. Even if you only like one song, it's worth it. (No...I could get six songs online for that price; I'd better like at least seven.) The little MP3 player is too cute! It's maybe one inch by two inches. Unlike an iPod, the music is kept on a little memory card, and I would just switch out the cards depending on what I want to hear. I could have a pop music card, a classical card, a show tunes card...oh, the possibilities.
Oh, the stuff I gave out. Mom got two tops (which she seemed to like...they're plain, which will work well with her work's new dress code), a regular-sized packing tape dispenser (for all those dolls she ships around the country), and a Gizmo can opener. We had a dog named Gizmo, we could use a new can opener, it was a no-brainer. Some other stuff she got that she was meant to get: Dad got her a new phone with Caller ID (she doesn't check the ID on the phone she has now, which causes the battery to die, which blanks out the display...the new phone will be okay if she never checks it. It's the same style as the ones in the family room and my bedroom), and also a digital camera. They are going to Florida next month for a doll show and dad figures she could use a real camera, not disposable ones like she usually has.
I got dad a jar of garlic salsa (yeah, I know, weird) and stuff from Circuit City: DVDs of A Christmas Story (which we really didn't watch this year! Ack! And we even had Chinese food last night!) and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and the computer game Myst IV, which he asked for. I know, not a lot, but I spent a pretty penny on it. Mom got him a sweater that he wore today. My grandfather got him some sort of tool set.
My grandparents each got a calendar and a Safeway (Dominick's) gift card--this after listening to my grandfather go on about how Dominick's is so expensive and blah blah blah immediately prior to gift time. Papa also got recordable DVDs to go along with the DVD recorder my dad got him; grandma got a tin of liquorice Altoids. She seemed to like the idea and had never seen them before.