Goodbye, Grandma Joann
I already had a busy weekend planned, with a family thing today and a friend thing tomorrow. And then a wrench got thrown in on Tuesday, when I found out my cousin's mother-in-law passed away. Normally this would be no big thing; you express your condolences and move on. But this is the MIL who lived with my cousin's family ever since she was widowed in 2011, so I saw her a fair amount, especially in recent years.
Her name was Joann. She'd recently had some health issues, compounded by her dementia. That's the reason she moved in with my cousin in the first place; the situation was not great before her husband died, but after he was gone she couldn't live on her own, and the family likely didn't have the funds to place her in a care facility. Or perhaps they didn't want to. I'm guessing my cousin then became her primary caregiver, since she didn't work, and without going into it here, I know it took a lot of doing. And I only know part of the story. And, mind you, my cousin has five kids, numerous pets, and health challenges of her own.
Back before the holidays, Joann got really dehydrated, to the point where things coming out of her that should have been liquid, weren't. She was in the hospital for a bit, where at one point she had a heart attack, then went to a rehab place; that's where she was when we had Aunt T's party a few weeks ago. My cousin's husband left the party to go visit his mom and relieve his aunt, who had been there for a few hours. Apparently Joann was pretty feisty, ripping out IVs and ports and that sort of thing. I guess at breakfast time the nurses would come in and say something to her and she would reply in a spitfire sort of fashion. However, on Tuesday morning, when they came in to wake her, she said she wanted to rest a bit more, something along those lines, which was unusual for her. When they came in again at 6:15 AM, she was gone. My cousin posted about it on Facebook, and my parents saw it Tuesday night. The wake was yesterday, and the funeral was today--meaning that put the kibosh on them attending today's family party. Oh well. We all understood.
Since I was closer coming from work, I went straight there and got there around 4. The wake went from 3-9 and was in Countryside. As it turned out, within 30 minutes of finding out about Joann, mom found out a Red Hat friend had also passed away, and her memorial service was Friday morning, so she ended up calling in sick to attend both and run a few errands. She and dad got there about 6, I think, but I didn't see them for quite some time.
I got there and started undressing--it's still like five degrees outside, so it takes a few minutes--and when I went to hang up my coat, I spotted my goddaughter. She asked if I wanted to see Joann right away and I said sure, so this is when I found out some of what transpired Tuesday morning. Joann had been pretty frail for a while, but her face somehow looked fuller and she did look pretty good. My cousin had picked out the casket and it had some decorative detailing of flowers in places; it was a nice choice. There were also a number of photo boards set up along one side of the chapel, but I wouldn't see those for a bit. We soon saw CC, then went into the coffee room, where I got to see my cousin's son and Boyfriend (goddaughter's husband) sitting on a couch, and Aunt T and SJ sitting at a table in the official food area. My goddaughter was saying that, even though they lived together for a few years, she still didn't know Joann all that well, so while it was sad, it wasn't that bad, I guess. However, she said if she were to lose "that thing," meaning Aunt T, it would be bad. Uh, why are you calling her "that thing"? She said, so she doesn't know we're talking about her. Aunt T then came over to say hi, and at that point my goddaughter, like, pinched her cheeks and talked to her in this cute way. Aw. Yeah, I totally get you.
At this point I joined Aunt T and SJ at their table…and basically didn't leave for three hours, until the short memorial service happened. People would cycle in and out, including my cousin, my goddaughter, T, and CC. Aunt D would show up about an hour or so later and joined us, and my cousin's stepkids stopped by with some of their friends to talk to T. Now, I've never met their mom, but she came by for a little bit, and holy cow did I see the resemblance between her and her daughter. I also saw the resemblance between Joann and her sister. It's interesting to see certain family traits.
I didn't see my parents for quite some time. I had texted them about 3:30 to say I was letting my car warm up and would leave in a few minutes. They had texted me maybe around 5, but because (unlike my cousin's kids) I'm not attached to my phone, I didn't check it forever. (Plus, well, I kinda don't want my cousin's family to know I have a smartphone, because then they'll want my number, and I'm not looking for them to have it. Therefore, I wasn't about to pull it out in front of them, and I didn't have to go to the bathroom for a long time so I didn't have a reason to leave the room.) I guess my parents had been there for a bit talking with my cousin's husband and what have you before finally coming into the coffee room. It wasn't all that long later that people came in saying there'd be a short service at 7. Someone had gotten pizzas, so we were eating that, and it was maybe 10 'til so we were trying to eat quickly before heading in there. (There was plenty of food. Coffee cakes, cookies, this delicious brownie pizza, rolled sandwiches, croissant sandwiches, chips, pop. And then pizza. I was surprised I didn't gain a few pounds after that.)
The service didn't start for a good 15 minutes for whatever reason, and then it was maybe 15 minutes long. I will say that soon after we found our seats, my cousin's husband's motorcycle club friends showed up, formed one long line (there were about a dozen of them), expressed their condolences to him, then went up to the casket en masse and said something over the body. I'm not sure if it was a prayer per se or what, but I was honestly impressed by that. The minister then eventually did the small service, and invited anyone to say a few words, but only Joann's sister did. She'd written something down and had to get it from her purse, which was back by us on a sofa. The minister was like, anyone else? …No pressure, but I just want to give anyone the chance to say something. When nobody else volunteered, he moved on. Once it was over, I went and looked at all the pictures. Because they were put together by Joann's sister and possibly Joann's daughters, there weren't a ton of pictures of my cousin's family, but it was still interesting to see, say, my cousin's husband when he was much younger, or his kids by his first wife when they were just born. His son was 9 and his daughter was 5 when I first met them, I believe. And it was clear that a couple of the pictures were pretty recent, as Boyfriend and a new baby were in them, Joann's great-granddaughter. They were from her 80th birthday in October.
We stayed until close to the end, talking and visiting with everyone. I think my cousin's girls were glad I was there, because it turns out they don't really know their dad's family, especially the extended relatives. That's why they were perfectly happy to camp out in the coffee room talking and telling stories and what have you. Plus, I mean, most people come for food at some point, so you did get to see them eventually. But I didn't get home until close to 10, and I hadn't slept well so I was nearly falling asleep within a few miles of home, *and* I knew I had a busy weekend ahead of me. So, yeah, glad to get home and go to bed.
Her name was Joann. She'd recently had some health issues, compounded by her dementia. That's the reason she moved in with my cousin in the first place; the situation was not great before her husband died, but after he was gone she couldn't live on her own, and the family likely didn't have the funds to place her in a care facility. Or perhaps they didn't want to. I'm guessing my cousin then became her primary caregiver, since she didn't work, and without going into it here, I know it took a lot of doing. And I only know part of the story. And, mind you, my cousin has five kids, numerous pets, and health challenges of her own.
Back before the holidays, Joann got really dehydrated, to the point where things coming out of her that should have been liquid, weren't. She was in the hospital for a bit, where at one point she had a heart attack, then went to a rehab place; that's where she was when we had Aunt T's party a few weeks ago. My cousin's husband left the party to go visit his mom and relieve his aunt, who had been there for a few hours. Apparently Joann was pretty feisty, ripping out IVs and ports and that sort of thing. I guess at breakfast time the nurses would come in and say something to her and she would reply in a spitfire sort of fashion. However, on Tuesday morning, when they came in to wake her, she said she wanted to rest a bit more, something along those lines, which was unusual for her. When they came in again at 6:15 AM, she was gone. My cousin posted about it on Facebook, and my parents saw it Tuesday night. The wake was yesterday, and the funeral was today--meaning that put the kibosh on them attending today's family party. Oh well. We all understood.
Since I was closer coming from work, I went straight there and got there around 4. The wake went from 3-9 and was in Countryside. As it turned out, within 30 minutes of finding out about Joann, mom found out a Red Hat friend had also passed away, and her memorial service was Friday morning, so she ended up calling in sick to attend both and run a few errands. She and dad got there about 6, I think, but I didn't see them for quite some time.
I got there and started undressing--it's still like five degrees outside, so it takes a few minutes--and when I went to hang up my coat, I spotted my goddaughter. She asked if I wanted to see Joann right away and I said sure, so this is when I found out some of what transpired Tuesday morning. Joann had been pretty frail for a while, but her face somehow looked fuller and she did look pretty good. My cousin had picked out the casket and it had some decorative detailing of flowers in places; it was a nice choice. There were also a number of photo boards set up along one side of the chapel, but I wouldn't see those for a bit. We soon saw CC, then went into the coffee room, where I got to see my cousin's son and Boyfriend (goddaughter's husband) sitting on a couch, and Aunt T and SJ sitting at a table in the official food area. My goddaughter was saying that, even though they lived together for a few years, she still didn't know Joann all that well, so while it was sad, it wasn't that bad, I guess. However, she said if she were to lose "that thing," meaning Aunt T, it would be bad. Uh, why are you calling her "that thing"? She said, so she doesn't know we're talking about her. Aunt T then came over to say hi, and at that point my goddaughter, like, pinched her cheeks and talked to her in this cute way. Aw. Yeah, I totally get you.
At this point I joined Aunt T and SJ at their table…and basically didn't leave for three hours, until the short memorial service happened. People would cycle in and out, including my cousin, my goddaughter, T, and CC. Aunt D would show up about an hour or so later and joined us, and my cousin's stepkids stopped by with some of their friends to talk to T. Now, I've never met their mom, but she came by for a little bit, and holy cow did I see the resemblance between her and her daughter. I also saw the resemblance between Joann and her sister. It's interesting to see certain family traits.
I didn't see my parents for quite some time. I had texted them about 3:30 to say I was letting my car warm up and would leave in a few minutes. They had texted me maybe around 5, but because (unlike my cousin's kids) I'm not attached to my phone, I didn't check it forever. (Plus, well, I kinda don't want my cousin's family to know I have a smartphone, because then they'll want my number, and I'm not looking for them to have it. Therefore, I wasn't about to pull it out in front of them, and I didn't have to go to the bathroom for a long time so I didn't have a reason to leave the room.) I guess my parents had been there for a bit talking with my cousin's husband and what have you before finally coming into the coffee room. It wasn't all that long later that people came in saying there'd be a short service at 7. Someone had gotten pizzas, so we were eating that, and it was maybe 10 'til so we were trying to eat quickly before heading in there. (There was plenty of food. Coffee cakes, cookies, this delicious brownie pizza, rolled sandwiches, croissant sandwiches, chips, pop. And then pizza. I was surprised I didn't gain a few pounds after that.)
The service didn't start for a good 15 minutes for whatever reason, and then it was maybe 15 minutes long. I will say that soon after we found our seats, my cousin's husband's motorcycle club friends showed up, formed one long line (there were about a dozen of them), expressed their condolences to him, then went up to the casket en masse and said something over the body. I'm not sure if it was a prayer per se or what, but I was honestly impressed by that. The minister then eventually did the small service, and invited anyone to say a few words, but only Joann's sister did. She'd written something down and had to get it from her purse, which was back by us on a sofa. The minister was like, anyone else? …No pressure, but I just want to give anyone the chance to say something. When nobody else volunteered, he moved on. Once it was over, I went and looked at all the pictures. Because they were put together by Joann's sister and possibly Joann's daughters, there weren't a ton of pictures of my cousin's family, but it was still interesting to see, say, my cousin's husband when he was much younger, or his kids by his first wife when they were just born. His son was 9 and his daughter was 5 when I first met them, I believe. And it was clear that a couple of the pictures were pretty recent, as Boyfriend and a new baby were in them, Joann's great-granddaughter. They were from her 80th birthday in October.
We stayed until close to the end, talking and visiting with everyone. I think my cousin's girls were glad I was there, because it turns out they don't really know their dad's family, especially the extended relatives. That's why they were perfectly happy to camp out in the coffee room talking and telling stories and what have you. Plus, I mean, most people come for food at some point, so you did get to see them eventually. But I didn't get home until close to 10, and I hadn't slept well so I was nearly falling asleep within a few miles of home, *and* I knew I had a busy weekend ahead of me. So, yeah, glad to get home and go to bed.