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I -hate- the first few days of a depression. I know that the later days, after it's been dragging on for weeks, are hard. The thing is they are more tiring than painful. It drags on me, wears me down till I can't move, but there is also that apathy that makes it livable. The first days are the worst because while I'm slipping down the slope I know what lays at the bottom and the knowledge brings with it all that dread, anxiety, and fear. Will this one be too much? Can I ride it out again? My mind just runs and runs at the beginning, before the apathy slows it down. Sometimes I even get kind of optimistic and hope that maybe this depression isn't chemical. Maybe I'm just sad because of something concrete, something that is fixable. If I can just correct what's wrong I can just nip it in the bud! Almost never turns out to be true. So for a few days, I eat a lot of Tums and listen to cheery music (ie. sucky mainstream radio) and try my damnedest not to feed the darkness. With any luck, its like stray cats. If you don't feed it, it doesn't stick around.