Choices.
//
Main:
Here are some actual conversations I had today while working at Commencement.
Woman #1: Why can't you just let us pass? There's no one coming right now.
Me: If it was up to me, you could, but I've gotta wait for clearance before I can let you through.
Woman #1: Y'know, the Nazis were "just following orders", too.
Me: Well, when you notice people suffering or dying instead of just being inconvenienced by a few minutes, I'll let you pass without getting clearance.
Woman #2: Let me through, I've got to go to the bathroom.
Me: There's a bathroom just behind you around the corner, ma'am.
Woman #2: I know, but there's one down the hall, too.
Me: ... Nice try, ma'am.
Man #1: Does this P.A. work?
Me: It worked the two times we used it earlier today when you were standing right over there, but it's possible that it doesn't now.
Man #1: Why wouldn't it work?
Me: Sometimes, we like to just swap out working P.A. systems with dummy P.A. systems as a practical joke.
Man #1: ... You're just yanking my chain, aren't you?
Me: Yes, sir, I am.
Boss: You really should have your hat turned around the other way.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Actually, you should probably just take it off.
Me: Okay.
Boss: ... Actually, put it back on ...
Coworker: There's not really a difference between bagels from Meijer and bagels from a bagel shop.
Me: ... Are you retarded?
Woman #3: I don't understand why it's so bad to let a flag touch the ground.
Man #2: It's a sign of disrespect. You're supposed to be patriotic enough to make sure it doesn't touch the ground.
Woman #3: But it's American soil.
Me: Yeah, but we still allow gays to walk on the soil, so the soil is unpatriotic.
Man #2: ...
Woman #3: ...
Me: ... What?
Man #2: Kyle, that's so inappropriate, I don't know why you even said it.
Me: Well I knew that I was joking.
Man #2: ... Still ...
And that's why I should never be given a job that involves dealing with people in a professional setting.
Quote:"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."-W. C. Fields
IchBinEinMuppet: A: Be stabbed to death
B: Be blown up in mid air
C: Crash into something and die
Indigo Goomba: I'll take my chances with one that has the POTENTIAL of survival ... but if my death is CERTAIN, then I'm gonna fight back out of spite.
Indigo Goomba: That's right.
Indigo Goomba: I don't give a shit about being a hero
Indigo Goomba: I'm just spiteful.
IchBinEinMuppet: I would like the feeling of being a hero
Indigo Goomba: Okay ...
Indigo Goomba: I'll hijack a plane
Indigo Goomba: and you can fight me off.
IchBinEinMuppet: Done and done
Indigo Goomba: Was it good for you, too?
IchBinEinMuppet: I've had better
Indigo Goomba: v_v
IchBinEinMuppet: But not many
Main:
Here are some actual conversations I had today while working at Commencement.
Woman #1: Why can't you just let us pass? There's no one coming right now.
Me: If it was up to me, you could, but I've gotta wait for clearance before I can let you through.
Woman #1: Y'know, the Nazis were "just following orders", too.
Me: Well, when you notice people suffering or dying instead of just being inconvenienced by a few minutes, I'll let you pass without getting clearance.
Woman #2: Let me through, I've got to go to the bathroom.
Me: There's a bathroom just behind you around the corner, ma'am.
Woman #2: I know, but there's one down the hall, too.
Me: ... Nice try, ma'am.
Man #1: Does this P.A. work?
Me: It worked the two times we used it earlier today when you were standing right over there, but it's possible that it doesn't now.
Man #1: Why wouldn't it work?
Me: Sometimes, we like to just swap out working P.A. systems with dummy P.A. systems as a practical joke.
Man #1: ... You're just yanking my chain, aren't you?
Me: Yes, sir, I am.
Boss: You really should have your hat turned around the other way.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Actually, you should probably just take it off.
Me: Okay.
Boss: ... Actually, put it back on ...
Coworker: There's not really a difference between bagels from Meijer and bagels from a bagel shop.
Me: ... Are you retarded?
Woman #3: I don't understand why it's so bad to let a flag touch the ground.
Man #2: It's a sign of disrespect. You're supposed to be patriotic enough to make sure it doesn't touch the ground.
Woman #3: But it's American soil.
Me: Yeah, but we still allow gays to walk on the soil, so the soil is unpatriotic.
Man #2: ...
Woman #3: ...
Me: ... What?
Man #2: Kyle, that's so inappropriate, I don't know why you even said it.
Me: Well I knew that I was joking.
Man #2: ... Still ...
And that's why I should never be given a job that involves dealing with people in a professional setting.
Quote:"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."-W. C. Fields
IchBinEinMuppet: A: Be stabbed to death
B: Be blown up in mid air
C: Crash into something and die
Indigo Goomba: I'll take my chances with one that has the POTENTIAL of survival ... but if my death is CERTAIN, then I'm gonna fight back out of spite.
Indigo Goomba: That's right.
Indigo Goomba: I don't give a shit about being a hero
Indigo Goomba: I'm just spiteful.
IchBinEinMuppet: I would like the feeling of being a hero
Indigo Goomba: Okay ...
Indigo Goomba: I'll hijack a plane
Indigo Goomba: and you can fight me off.
IchBinEinMuppet: Done and done
Indigo Goomba: Was it good for you, too?
IchBinEinMuppet: I've had better
Indigo Goomba: v_v
IchBinEinMuppet: But not many