i just want to scream!
Hey..
so my living situation has gone from bad to worse. incidents are an everyday occasion and i dont know how much more i can take. chris's work is being compromised, my sanity is as well. if we leave we lose the deposit, if we stay we lose our minds. im in the weirdest position i have ever found myself in and it just pisses me off.
i am so angry lately. this entry even sucks because i cant find the words to express my anger or dissatisfaction with my living situation. not to mention now it will leak into my work for other reasons. im fucking so tired, i couldnt sleep because i have too many scenarios playing in my head. things i should have said, things i need to still say, i need to also quit being so fucking nice. but i dont want to get back to the hella sassy steph...
"just tell us to shut the fuck up"-- well you know what, i cant. because if i do, your anger problem may result in you turning against me instead of her and then what will i have to do? beat your fucking ass is what ill have to do. so, i wont tell you to shut the fuck up, because as soon as i let that angry person out, you will wish you would have never told me to tell you to shut the fuck up.
sorry guys, im not making sense but geeze i can only take so much and be so nice and be so understanding and let things slide so much before i just want to fucking burst at the seams with frustration.
i dont know what to do..im unsettled and now there is a guest in our home that delays further conversation...perfect timing!
----
besides the fucking living situation chris and i are in, school has been going great. i received straight a's last semester! hells yeah bitches! also, im in summer school taking two classes. i know, im crazy. but hey, i was already told that i was crazy by a counselor that to take two classes in the summer is brutal but i have an A in one and a low C in math...fuck math. i hope i pass with a mid to high c because i think that is as good as Im going to get. Anthropology is so interesting, if i had more patience and wanted to stay in school for a couple more years, i may just look into becoming some sort of anthropologist, archaeologist, or something cool like that.
i have two kittens now, spencer and lily, but then lily turned out to be a dude, so we renamed him Benson. so it's now spencer and benson. they are a handful, they get into everything, and love to steal straws and chew on them, but i love them and they are adorable.
chris and i went to humboldt for out 5 year anniversary and it was absolutely gorgeous. it's a definite place to retire. we sat on the beach for hours just hanging out, smoking bowls, laughing, talking, and building sand castles, which then turned into building sand animals. i made a turle and chris made a spider. i really love it up there, the weather was awesome, the trees were amazing..we took this scenic drive through the avenue of the giants, which was like 30 miles of 350 ft. redwoods. we stopped and went into one of the redwood groves, found a fallen tree and sat and listened to the crickets and the wind and the leaves and the peaceful quiet sounds of the forest. it was so fucking awesome.
so anyways, midtown monthly can suck my dick..if i had one..
and..tori came to see me and it was so much fun! we went to s.f. and hung out.
what else..went to the river and went tubing with my roommates, which proved to be fun, but of course, i got fucked up by some rocks, no biggie though.
well, i think that is all for now..i feel like my head is an overstuffed box of thoughts...i cant get them organized and straightened to crank each one out properly.
since im awake early i thought i should go to the math lab at school and study with tutors before my test today..gotta bring that c up son..
later.
so my living situation has gone from bad to worse. incidents are an everyday occasion and i dont know how much more i can take. chris's work is being compromised, my sanity is as well. if we leave we lose the deposit, if we stay we lose our minds. im in the weirdest position i have ever found myself in and it just pisses me off.
i am so angry lately. this entry even sucks because i cant find the words to express my anger or dissatisfaction with my living situation. not to mention now it will leak into my work for other reasons. im fucking so tired, i couldnt sleep because i have too many scenarios playing in my head. things i should have said, things i need to still say, i need to also quit being so fucking nice. but i dont want to get back to the hella sassy steph...
"just tell us to shut the fuck up"-- well you know what, i cant. because if i do, your anger problem may result in you turning against me instead of her and then what will i have to do? beat your fucking ass is what ill have to do. so, i wont tell you to shut the fuck up, because as soon as i let that angry person out, you will wish you would have never told me to tell you to shut the fuck up.
sorry guys, im not making sense but geeze i can only take so much and be so nice and be so understanding and let things slide so much before i just want to fucking burst at the seams with frustration.
i dont know what to do..im unsettled and now there is a guest in our home that delays further conversation...perfect timing!
----
besides the fucking living situation chris and i are in, school has been going great. i received straight a's last semester! hells yeah bitches! also, im in summer school taking two classes. i know, im crazy. but hey, i was already told that i was crazy by a counselor that to take two classes in the summer is brutal but i have an A in one and a low C in math...fuck math. i hope i pass with a mid to high c because i think that is as good as Im going to get. Anthropology is so interesting, if i had more patience and wanted to stay in school for a couple more years, i may just look into becoming some sort of anthropologist, archaeologist, or something cool like that.
i have two kittens now, spencer and lily, but then lily turned out to be a dude, so we renamed him Benson. so it's now spencer and benson. they are a handful, they get into everything, and love to steal straws and chew on them, but i love them and they are adorable.
chris and i went to humboldt for out 5 year anniversary and it was absolutely gorgeous. it's a definite place to retire. we sat on the beach for hours just hanging out, smoking bowls, laughing, talking, and building sand castles, which then turned into building sand animals. i made a turle and chris made a spider. i really love it up there, the weather was awesome, the trees were amazing..we took this scenic drive through the avenue of the giants, which was like 30 miles of 350 ft. redwoods. we stopped and went into one of the redwood groves, found a fallen tree and sat and listened to the crickets and the wind and the leaves and the peaceful quiet sounds of the forest. it was so fucking awesome.
so anyways, midtown monthly can suck my dick..if i had one..
and..tori came to see me and it was so much fun! we went to s.f. and hung out.
what else..went to the river and went tubing with my roommates, which proved to be fun, but of course, i got fucked up by some rocks, no biggie though.
well, i think that is all for now..i feel like my head is an overstuffed box of thoughts...i cant get them organized and straightened to crank each one out properly.
since im awake early i thought i should go to the math lab at school and study with tutors before my test today..gotta bring that c up son..
later.